Sunday, December 17, 2006

All I Want For Christmas Is You
This Christmas is sucking. I have no family, and my boyfriends moving away, so we'll HAVE to break up. My mom doesn't love me. I hate my life. Ill go die now.
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Monday, December 11, 2006

200 visits
w/e fuck you.
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Monday, November 27, 2006

honestly
I love my boyfriend to death.
he's one of the main reasons I'm not dead.
I hate myself.
I cut, but not alot.
I smoke.
I drink.
I've done drugs.
I think I'm a chubby loser, and I'm UGLY!!!!
Everyone tells me I'm uber pretty.
My mom wastes money on therapy for me, but it's not helping, and I think we might need the money, not to spend it on me, but the things we need to live.
I've had to many therapists.
I worry we'll be poor soon.
I sometimes wish I could just kill myself.
I wish my dad would have loved me.
I wish I was pretty.
I wish I had more friends.
I HATE my school with a deep passion.
I'm popular, it's ok.
I'm sorry, but the kids who go to my school who dress like me are fakes. You've never had a bad life, and you should be thankful you aren't me.
Why envy me?
I hate West Virginia.
I always feel alone, even with people, but not my boyfriend.
He makes me feel so alive, it's hard to explain.
I wish I was skinney as a rod.
I think my boobs are too big.
I constantly seek approval.
I don't know weather or not to love my mom.
I want to be in an asylum.
I pour my medication down the sink.
I have a low self-esteem.
I wish I would have had a childhood.
I wish I could get my childhood back.
I think getting my dad out of my house didn't even help my depression.
I have severe depression.
also...
Asthma
ADHA
Bi Polar
and
Teenager.
I'm scared of going to Hell.
I love Jesus, but why does He let all these bad things happen to me.
I think my name is sorta gay.
Bi sexual emo guys are hott.
I think this site is stupid and pointless.
I have a Myspace obsession.
I tell people I'm NOT a virgin.
Technically I am.
I lie ALL THE TIME!!!!
I'm from New York City.
That's the truth.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I want to be in a famous band.
I'm a rockin guitarist.
A good singer.
I'm a champion at Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution.
I'm obsessed with The Lion King.
I'm told the music I listen to will get me to Hell. But I can't give it up.
I want my dad to apoligize.
He never has, never will.
I can't put my past behind me.

I'm just fucked up..........
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Monday, November 20, 2006

The Death and Afterlife of Gage Adams Chapter 1-The Final Nail In My Coffin-October17
It's a terrible thing, witnessing a loved one's funeral. Seeing them dead, then seeing them lowered into the ground in a box. Then again, I didn't even like this person. It was me, Gage Adams, and I hate, or should I say hated myself. I sat on the coffin, and listened to the sermen. I was wearing a black suit, my hair, as usual, draped across my left eye, and my two lip ring in tact. I looked good, but pail. My wrists were hidden, which was probobly a good thing I had slit them. I did not die from accident. I killed myself. A teenage failure, I didn't really consider myself that. We'll get to why, but after the funeral. As the preacher spoke of my life, I looked out into the crowd. My mother cried and my father held her close, trying to stay strong for her. I spotted my girlfrinend, Mindy. I turned, I couldn't stand the sight of her. Everyone bowed their heads. Mindy stared at the coffin. It was eerie, she couldn't see me could she? Her eyes ran with the tears of guilt no doubt. This was her fault. I don't care, I was basicly worthless, and so was she. As "amen" echoed throughout the chapel, six men picked up the coffin. I stood up, and tried my hardest to fly. I wasn't very good at it yet. Im my failure, I just stood there and enjoyed my ride. as the doors opened, a brisk, hard, fall wind blew. I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything. All that happened was my hair blew off my eyes and my shirt waved a bit. I was wearing what I died in, a Chiodos shirt with a studded belt and tight jeans. I also had on black Adio ankle socks with gray and black checkered Vans and my lip rings in. I looked at my wrists, scars across both of them. I felt a bump and reliezed I was set on one of those little elevators that lower coffins into the hole. I jumped off the coffin, and onto the ground. I admired my headstone.



Gage Matthew Adams
Born August 8, 1990
Died October 4, 2006
Rest In Peace,
Beloved Son



I didn't think anything of it. I popped my head into the coffin and sighed. They began to lower my body into the grave. Mindy cried, as most everyone did. You couldn't hear anything over my mom. The preacher said a few words, then everyone started talking and hugging. Not Mindy, she stood there, the wind blowing her blonde bangs around in her black suit with white pinstripes. As the crowd began to stick flowers around my grave and began to leave, Mindy still stood there. I walked behind her like a preying lion. It was seductive in a way. If I were alive, and she could see me, we would have started making out. "No..." she said quietly. "no, no, no, No, NO, NO, NO!!" she cried and started screaming as she watched the grave diggers pat the dirt down on my grave and walk off. She hit my gravestone. I stood where I was as she was ten feet away from me now. Her eyes ran with tears. "Dammit Gage, this is my fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have done what I did. I love you Gage, please come back to me!!" she screamed. "Mindy..." I whispered, "If you loved me, I wouldn't be dead. You fucked up, now this is your guilt! It's your fault I'm dead!" I started screaming. She got up, "Gage..." she whispered. There was no use.
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Sunday, November 19, 2006

I AM A BANANA
watch the video above this post, its the most halarious cartoon you will ever see
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Saturday, November 18, 2006

nipple nopple nepple napple nupple nypple
cho! i had a time yesterday. the parade went ok, but like i twisted my ankle when i was marching. my flute we so cold, my fingers were numb, even tho i had gloves on :\ there was a ton of drama on the 7th grade bus, i had to ride the 8th grade one, i wish i was there, drama is my middle name, haha. i suppose im going to sit around and play guitar hero 2 all weekend, then my break is all next week, chay! ive lost my voice, i had a fever, and i STILL marched, talk bout dedication =^.^= i have shit ive gotta do, love chu kids xo
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Thursday, November 16, 2006

blek achoo
im sick! i have a damn parade to tomarrow, blah blah, and such, like the 30th im going on ANOTHER date, God I'm always so excited to see him. lol, well i g2g, sorry i posted so late. =]]
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I could be ur Punk Rock Princess =]
hey kids, im bored, i think i have a fever maybe. oh well, im like so not in a bad mood for once. I think ever since me and Chris have gotten together I've been really happy. I listen to songs bout love, and I don't cry or feel suicidal, I think bout us, and what we share. I'm dumb huh? nah. k im gonna go, i have mucho stuff i wanna do byez!
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

a poem =]
All dead!
So swing down towards my misery!
Comming of age!
And fall down into misery!
I used to be the game, but now I am the master!
Screaming and bleed and curse, though your heart's beating faster!
Feel the black flame!
Cause it's nothing short of misery!
Stand close to your heart!
You'll need to retrieve it once it falls apart!
Deep crimson!
And scream the cheers of misery!


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