Thursday, August 4, 2005

   I have a blister on the roof of my mouth, and a friend addicted to heroin. today is just sick.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, July 31, 2005

   Jibberish
I just have a lot to do so that I may be sane again.

I beat down Greg, hahhahahahahaha. It fucken ruled, he's such a little bitch. I threw him to the ground, it may be funnier to you if you knew how little I am.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

   Being positive ... yes I can ... hahahaha (just some analytical bullsh*t about myself from myself)
So I have this slight problem of not being able to be confident in myself, more often than not. I doubt everthing I try, have tried or thought about someday trying. This must be some sort of complexity that comes from many years of not believeing that you can do anyhting that is a challenge. Afraid of failure? probally. Afraid of doing absolutely fabulous and being hated for it? maybe a little. Confused? more than anything. Lost? not for long.
I will over come all of these issues because I'm stronger than I know. Or would like to adimt. I need to be more goal oreinted and break this habit of putting myself down, need to be open minded and consider nothing that makes me happy to have a bad relapse for it. Just do it, damnit. get over this pansy bullshit and do it there is nothing that can hurt you with words that you can't ignore; there is nothing better than being happy. You like being happy, so do the things that aquire this for you, IT'S NOT AS HARD AS YOU THINK.
LOL
-e-
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, July 15, 2005

   Incredible Side Notes
So the reason I'm even logged in is because I'm looking for shirtless anime guy references for the Viking like portrait I'm drawing. I really dig the Warhammer he has but it could use a reference if I could find one at the right kind of angle. Damn me, not being able to shift things in my head, Uhg. *grumble*

I'm feeling somewhat unmotivated to draw but I really have some good ideas, I refuse to let them go to waste. ((James LaBrie + Frilly Pirate Shirt = Many nights of giggles)) I loath forcing these kind of things but ever since I started singing in The Primal Urge I've wanted to force a lot of things out of myself, emotionally and physical exertion.

As for the singing, it's definitly different and I am absolutely terrified, stage fright is still fairly regnant in this picture we are trying to paint as a whole. They like it though, silly boys. They know I have a lot of potential I just need to find the flow and get a little more confident in my abilities. I spoke to my mother about it and she said verbatim "You finally get the chance to do some thing you love and you're scared." I laughed out my agreement. It's so true. It took me a solid 45 minutes to even start screaming, Im holding on tho the small fringe of comfort I have for it and I just want to see if it will all work out. I sure hope it does. Wish me luck.

I hope James wants to go swimming soon, last time I did my lungs felt great. I need that for all the metal growling i'm going to be doing. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm damn eccentric. : )
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, July 14, 2005

   I HOPE I GO TO GIGANTOUR!
Going tommorow or the next day to find out if its all sold out or not. I hope they aren't I'm so excited to see Dream Theater and Symphony X especially! Give good Karma...
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, July 11, 2005

   I'm bloody angry
yeah, explained.
Comments (0) | Permalink

   I'm bloody angry
yeah, explained.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, July 8, 2005

   Silent chaos, Noisome mind
What kind of silence is this? My skull cracking open in slow motion on this dank wrought iron nothingness. Does light and shade obscure something lethal where their edges bleed together? Leaking unto a plain of transcending limbo; retrospective jungle tangling itself into the meat in my skull throught its' wounded exterior. Into the city built on a foundation of dreams, into a hillside of pulsing flesh; steeping from the soft permeable layers a brilliant crimson. Draining this essence through the grey fray that within it hides the melded halves of an extistance known only as oblivion. Lunacy takes hold with its long spiraling grey roots, strangling the nerve endings deep beneath the city of Introspection. An aching earthquake ensues by means of the grey pouring through the rough aperture in the city's exosphere, that which contains all cognition and keeps it safe, lending the city an oppressive hue. A tempest of insanity, the venerable malignance of chaos opening wide the hole in my sanity. I whorl about in a paranoid panic, losing my breath in a place without air and breathing in the colour of the forgotten prospectives. Taking me far from reality and littering me over a trillion planes of being. From which I fall on into boiling self hatred. My eyes open and I realize that this was very real. Dreams are just another facet to ones own reality, a piece that gives you different eyes to look through. It is all very much a part of you, making it as real as you are. Good-night.

-Sparkles-

P.S. You should note the extremely happy smiley. His acuracy is impecable.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, July 2, 2005

   Life has a way
Listening to: Metallica - Enter Sandman

So, The fireworks here in the Thumb Crotch of Michigan go on as planned, like every year. City full of drunks, loud noises and hellish traffic of both the automotive and pedestrian kind. I really dislike this time of year. Don't get me wrong fireworks look sweet and I'm always down for shit burning but this is just absurd, where did all of these people come from to invade my city? (GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!) They take over the one place that is inner city that I don't mind walking around in and litter all over in it and scortch the ground. Fine see if I care if you pollute my city, c*******s!

Oh, yeah, I was supposed to be happy. I forgot. hahahaha. I think I was happier when there wasn't fireworks going off all over the city.

I was happy got to cheer up a friend last night, Skivvy. Poor kid loses his job, his girlfriend and the 600 dollars he spent on her birthday all in the same week. The way a 5th of vodka brightens someones day is amazing when paired with an infinite number of drunk stories.

I got to spend the entire day with Thomas but that's the first day in a few weeks that this has happened. He's moving into a new house and I understand that I am not going to see him as much until he's done. However he seems to find plenty of time for other things. I'm stuck, I know I love him but now that I live so far away its harder to tell him how I'm feeling because I see him so little. This cycle never ends.

I think that it's this computer, I look at it and I get depressed.

Gey

-e-
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, June 27, 2005

   Not as Bad as Worse has Become
I talked with my beloved about my predicament and come to find out he had felt the same way he just didn't want to say anything. (wow, I actually took initiative on something important) =^.^= We were at our friend Jake's place and we sat by his pond while he was starting a bonfire way to close to the Peacock/Peahen shed.
After that I noticed that the people at the party that where somewhat flirty with me held not a single inch of my interest beyond friendly aquaintence. I have never once expirenced that before, my aversion to comitment seems to be waning. There was always that one person that I would be at least a little curious about; would he be a nice boyfriend, I wonder if he's really sexual, I hope he thinks I'm hot, Maybe he's a really good kisser. Dumb thoughts like that would just pop into my head and I'd feel ok wih it, now it just doesn't happen. I don't even look at people the same way, I don't feel quite so carinvorous. I used to stalk men, remain mysterious, and then pick and choose what looked more delectible; mmmmmmmmmmm prey. I feel so different... wierd, yet, good weird. =*.*=
(Yay, Jake wasn't lonely! Yay, Lana wasn't anywhere near Steve! Yay, Jake and Lana getting along so well! **cuteness**)
(Awe, sorry, Simmons wasn't there for long Gina. **sniffle**)
(Huzah, Me being A Kitty =^.^=)

-e-
Comments (0) | Permalink