Thursday, June 23, 2005

   PRIMAL URGE
The name of the band that I apparently am supposed to sing for, despite the fact that I have no means to aquire an amp or mic. (sounds like this is going) I'm going to draw up their logo today, at least get the font on paper.

Forever and Always
-e-
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   Sooooo....
I'm not doing too badly today, despite the fact that I can't even get a job at Toxic Hell. I really need to get a job. I wonder what I'm doing wrong, but it just doesn't come to me through magical thouhgts that pop into my head.
I have some thinking to do.

I really miss not living with my Thomas, I hope to see him today. Or if nothing else talk to him. though the latter would make me slightly more sad.
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

   Gaming for Gore or Plot? Why not both?
I want to suggest a Game called "Torment" by Plane Scape. Its an RPG and hass all the gore that PC RPGs entail. Your character never really dies and his history is as lost to him as my feelings about life are to me right now. He is somehow cursed and I found it really easy to get into the plot. The graphics aren't anything special but the actual objects and the designs are fun. Besides, haven't you all ways wanted your buddy to be a floating shull with eyes?
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Monday, June 20, 2005

   Paranoia thrives in the mind of the Lost
So now the fog has come again, why can't I stand being away from him?

I didn't ever feel like this much of a drama Queen over the course of my entire life.

I sat and thought, pondering over some things and finding that agony is becoming too much. Have I gone mad or is this all just a conscious dream that I can never wake from? Why all these doubts and worries? Why contemplate only lacerations to come? does everything have to feel this painful? An idifferent glace never hurt so much when these smiles are forced and listless, angered for no reason. How does one go insane when you were never quite sane to begin with? I hope I die when I'm 126!! HA!
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Sunday, June 19, 2005

   The Little Devil Face Rocks
As a side not only, that little devil face is awesome.

I honestly cannot say that I've fallen in love so deeply as I have with a man that we will call "t".

There's that period in everyone's life when someone completely obnoxius, ridiculous, and/or egocenntric comes along and for some strange reason you fall head over heels for this noisome turd that is constipating your life. They either lie, cheat, steal or use you in some form or another and on top of all that they inhibit you from going on with life's emotional compassion. They make you feel as though you can never trust anyone to have their hands even remotely anywhere near your heart, let alone stitching it back up for you. (LET ME BLEED, I DIDN'T NEED THAT BLOOD ANYWAY!) And then there is the period of life that I am refering to, the Emotional Mess Undefinable (but for humor's sake, my gods, I will call it EMU).

It took me from over three years ago to just six months ago to get over my EMU. Those damnable things peck at you the entire way, leaves brusies and gouges. And they looked so fluffy and feathery too. : (

Now I believe I have found a love true to the marrow, with a sincerity like I've never seen. I was so cautious for so long and finally I've leared to trust again. I am absolutly happy, this is so new to me.

I love you -t-

-e-
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Sunday, June 20, 2004

   A severe LOATHING
well, now that all my hopes and dreams are now crushed it think its time to start ripping things apart, ONE LIMB AT A TIME. i WANT TO FEEL THE MEAT RUPTURING... I want to scream obsinities out the window of a moving vehicle at old ladies and police officers alike. GAAAAAAAAAAAAA! cd burners that don't burn anything onto them are pointless!!!

Alright I'm a little better now. maybe. My life has been kinda floaty lately, lost in emotional overload. how far can one trod into the doom that they can see is inevitablly coming toward them?

Regret is such a strange thing, that I so dumbly believe should not exist. It is a thing that excentuates the bad in life, that is highlighted too much anyhow; why do it more? When you regret something that you do, you regret something that makes your life what it is right now. Any other choice and you may be dead or ill or 5 million times more happy with yourself. Every little thing you do is important to the growth of your being, your self. If you had never learned that lesson would you have made it later in life anyhow?

I'm so dumb...
Forever and Always Your Loving
-e-
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Saturday, March 13, 2004

   nonsubjected
today has been a crazy day, ug! hope yours is as great as mine is going to get.
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Sunday, February 15, 2004

   happenings
The other day I saw The Butterfly Effect. Awesome movie. I am partial to the Chaos Theory and thence loved the movie. If you've never heard of or don't know what the Chaos Theory is here's an exetremely basic run-down on the idea: it is possible to get random results from what appears to be completely orderly and vice-versa. It states that the flapping of a butterfly's wings could cause a diturbace in the atmosphere and a tornado that would have occured didn't, hence, the "butterfly effect". Something unmeasureable by reasonable conditions could drastically change the long term behavior of a system.
This has such a huge appeal me. It suits the way I think so completely that I was supprized that they even thought of making a movie about it. I AM HAPPY.
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   A Poem, I guess.
Silken shadows linger in a sunless grove like the frozen shade consuming my mind. The moonlight that frays its edges whispers into my consciousness. Eternally caressing warm skin with cool hands, running its fingers over dusty wings. The somberliquid mercury light splashes over the delicate pallor of an out reached hand, dripping into every crease and pour, ambrosia of the sun's reflection. Softly corrupting my thoughts as the breath of parallel universes speaks lightly into my mouth, sliding its rough tongue over my lips; kissing me deep and hard. I sink my teeth into the flesh of this unseen love of mine, this lost image of a universe unknown to the physical eye. I love you.
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Tuesday, December 30, 2003

   sudden mood change
I suddenly feel very mischevious, odd. I do believe I will wander out and about to today and reek some havok... te he he he he.
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