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• rainbowSTARlsd
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• goddess_of_leopards
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Birthday
• 1986-01-01
Gender
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Female
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• I have 2 words for you 'Thumb Crotch', figure it out.
Member Since
• 2003-10-11
Occupation
• I believe they are called "Starving Artists"
Real Name
• **Sparkles**
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Achievements
• I am alive! Confusing everyone in the general area
Anime Fan Since
• I was a weee little me
Favorite Anime
• Trigun, Riding Bean, Ninja Scroll, Spirited Away, Vampire Hunter D, Fullmetal Alchemist, Cowboy Bebop, Wolf's Rain, Reign the Conqueror, Akira, the Bubblegum Crisis, Escaflowne, Golgo 13, Hellsing
Goals
• to get this voice out of my head, to be a graphic artist
Hobbies
• Drawing, painting, reading, writing, sleeping, being in The Forest of Unicorns
Talents
• Being 96% feline, 3% unknown hallucinogenic substance and 1% human
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Friday, September 9, 2005
Psychosis and My Multiple Personas
I can't distinguish what it is that I feel. Sometimes I'm extraordinarily joyful and in a split second I'm raging. Do these lapsing moments where one thought, one emotion, coincides with only one piece of me and one fragment of time mean I am completely mad? I cannot accept this fate. I, so torn by this barrage of things and thoughts, cannot resign but there is so little that I grasp. Letting go would be easier however, nothing easy is worth doing for the rewards of strain are great, if you're not broken by it. I tend to think that perhaps I've already failed, and there are so many ways to do so, that even after I've fixed it I can never change that failure in my heart.
Change? What change? Will I ever change? Can I allot myself the unrepressed success that I so desire though it is not what I am used to?
I have the memory of failure, that seems a strong enough detourent to stifle my entire existance. These thing that stagnate in my mind are the loathsome excuse that I have to conjure for my troubles. I have no one to blame but myself, and that I do. A little too harshly, all the time. I have no respect for myself and when I seem to aquire even the smallest bit, I find some way to take it from myself. I am a Loser.
How can I plan to help even myself with this lowly opinion of me. I am not worth the power to blow me apart and that's probally why I'm not dead yet. I need something to make me feel worthy of the world, I have my drawing and painting but, there is little appreciation for it because there are few who know me.
Break the restraints that bind me to this Earth? How is that possible? Am I not the one who says that the way you jump to parallel Universe is by aligning yourself with a different vibration?
Ah, yes almost forgot about those. That wich keeps me in the sane realm. All that beautiful philosophical dream that I have that replaces what religion has become to so many others. The thing that twists reality just enough to make it tollerable for my askew thought pattern.
Where has it all gone? Should this be my focus?
I leave now with little more to say than "I hope I'm not right about myself."
-Sparkles***
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