Sunday, October 2, 2005

Wow. Life has taken a turn for the worse. And another one. So it like made a U-turn for the worse. XDDDDDD When I'm traumatized by stuff I make stupid allegories, sorry.

So anyway.

FUN NIGHT was yesterday.

[RANDOM QUOTATION INSERT]

Nishiyama-sensei: "Fun Night" wa nani?
Kent: "Tanoshii Yoru"... wait. That sounds wrong.

[/RANDOM QUOTATION INSERT]

Well anyway, I got lectured again for being upset over my grades. Haha. And this time it wasn't from my parents! [It was longer, though.] Well the reason for the lecture basically was that I was having trouble enjoying myself at Fun Night since my bad grades in Psychology were bothering me. And everyone kept trying to tell me that it would be okay and stuff and I wouldn't listen to them [me = stubborn person] So then Mike finally got fed up with me and sort of lectured me for an entire half hour. I didn't realize we had talked that long until after, and I felt kind of bad since he wasted a half hour just talking to me [with Sergio helping, too, you know, but like he was a little more gentle about it in my opinion]

So anyway the main points of his lecture:

-He thinks my grade-obsession is too much [I already knew he thought that... and that basically everyone else thinks that]

-According to him, it was "cute" before, but now it's just "ridiculous" [CUTE?? omg... I never thought about panicking over my bad grades as cute.... o___O I was like "What the heck? cute?" but he just kind of kept talking, you know? Never exactly answered, just "Yeah, cute" xD]

-I'm trying to set my expectations for myself too high so that is why I'm disappointing myself constantly. [Eheheh is that true? xOx;]

-He wants me to be happy and he can tell that the way I am now, I'm not because my standards are too high. [I'm... not... happy? ;O; haha.]

-I need to figure out who I am and what I want from myself and stuff. [I couldn't answer him that one time that he asked me]
+If I don't, I'm as dead as those 6-feet-under. o_O; Haha. [Did he just say I'm better off dead?? xDDD]

There was other stuff too but I'm too lazy to type it all out and I'm still rather traumatized by... everything.

So the second part of it was Charles. He IMed me and was acting really weird.. My comments are in Italics...

Him: sorry about yesterday
Me: eh?
Him (9:12:06 AM): i guess its not you
Me (9:12:39 AM): huh? ^^' what do you mean it's not me? XD;
Him (9:13:11 AM): its not alina here isnt it?
Him (9:13:48 AM): ok bye then
Me (9:13:57 AM): wha? it's me
Me (9:14:03 AM): why would'nt it be me... >>;
Me (9:14:08 AM): i don't let other people use my sn. >>;
Me (9:14:32 AM): *wouldn't
Him (9:14:37 AM): i dont know cause if you are her then you would remember yesterday
Me (9:14:47 AM): of course i remember yesterday xD;
Him (9:15:25 AM): yeah i couldn't help you out of that lecture from mike so sorry
Me (9:15:38 AM): haha it's ok. i was being an idiot anyway ^^;
Him (9:16:01 AM): your doing it again -_-
Me (9:16:10 AM): eh??? but mike even said that i was

Really, he did.

Him (9:16:30 AM): attacking your self esteem
Him (9:16:43 AM): why do you do that seriously?
Me (9:16:58 AM): i don't know? wakaranai~~~ xox;
Him (9:17:10 AM): ?
Me (9:17:21 AM): wakaranai basically means i don't know XD;
Him (9:17:22 AM): baka desuka?
Me (9:17:38 AM): e..to... watashi?
Him (9:17:47 AM): hey!
Me (9:17:50 AM): eh?
Him (9:17:59 AM): not nice
Me (9:18:04 AM): how is that not nice?
Me (9:18:15 AM): i just asked "um... i am?" or something like that
Him (9:18:24 AM): just kidding i dont know anything
Me (9:18:27 AM): haha ^^;
Him (9:18:38 AM): but see that serves that point again
Him (9:18:53 AM): attacking yourself

I wasn't attacking myself. I was asking if he was calling me stupid.

Me (9:18:56 AM): well i was just asking what the subject of the sentence was
Me (9:19:07 AM): ____ wa baka desuka would make more sense, you know?
Me (9:19:08 AM): XD
Him (9:19:20 AM): k.....
Me (9:19:33 AM): XDDDDD
Him (9:19:34 AM): nan desuka?
Me (9:19:45 AM): ____wa identifies the subject of the sentence
Him (9:20:01 AM): oh....
Me (9:20:01 AM): you can still say "baka desuka" but then no one knows who you're asking who is stupid
Me (9:20:02 AM): xD
Me (9:20:13 AM): unless it's in context
Him (9:20:24 AM): i don't know ok!!!

I know he didn't know. That's why I was trying to explain it.

Him (9:20:36 AM): just trying
Me (9:20:37 AM): haha ok ^^;
Him (9:20:59 AM): what is it?
Him (9:21:12 AM): your attacking me just
Him (9:21:21 AM): a second ago
Me (9:21:29 AM): eh?
Me (9:21:35 AM): i wasn't >>;

Really, I wasn't trying to "attack" anyone. I was just confused like I always am. (=A=)

Him (9:21:55 AM): correcting me with that tone
Me (9:22:05 AM): what tone?
Me (9:22:10 AM): it's an online conversation xDDDDDDDD
Him (9:22:26 AM): there is tone in words....
Me (9:22:36 AM): true
Him (9:22:41 AM): like carle said
Him (9:22:54 AM): with that b of yours

Okay I don't do well in writing so I have no idea I can use tone when I talk online.

Me (9:23:07 AM): haha ^^;
Him (9:23:31 AM): don't kick yourself k?
Him (9:24:02 AM): grades dont help unless you learn in that class that is all that matters
Me (9:24:19 AM): but grades are a measure of how much you learned xox;
Him (9:24:47 AM): but when people learn and have fun they are more motivated to get good grades
Him (9:24:52 AM): = not you
Him (9:25:14 AM): pressure to get good grades = bad grades
Me (9:25:20 AM): eh? i'm already motivated to get good grades
Him (9:25:22 AM): + unhappy person
Him (9:25:42 AM): not motivated your PRESSURED
Me (9:25:53 AM): eh?? and i'm not unhappy
Him (9:26:12 AM): you can get ulcers and tumor in your brain like that

Is he threatening me with a brain tumor? o_O;

Him (9:26:31 AM): don't lie you know that is the truth

I'm not lying. I really didn't realize I was unhappy until everyone else told me that I was. o_O;

Me (9:26:42 AM): you can get a tumor? o_O;
Me (9:26:46 AM): i'm not lying though xD;
Him (9:26:50 AM): yes seriously
Me (9:27:23 AM): really? o___O; fiedler never told us that o.o;
Him (9:27:40 AM): well the brain is more complicated
Him (9:27:51 AM): so she didnt teach that to us yet

But we just learned about the nervous system!

Him (9:27:59 AM): but believe that is true
Him (9:28:20 AM): some anime music isn't bad....
Him (9:28:26 AM): it horrible!!!!!!!
Him (9:28:41 AM): *its
Me (9:29:00 AM): haha ^^;;
Me (9:29:06 AM): depends on which anime
Him (9:29:14 AM): any
Him (9:29:24 AM): all in general

Then why did you say some? And anime music isn't horrible... Kindaichi has a Plastic Tree song!

Me (9:29:43 AM): i like the l'arc~en~ciel covers, and the one for kindaichi case files
Me (9:29:45 AM): but that's all i really listen to a lot.
Him (9:29:56 AM): practically all the the japanesse ake is horrible
Him (9:30:02 AM): m

Wait. I'm Japanese so what is he saying about me?? And how is everything they make horrible since they have the newest technology and stuff?

Me (9:30:14 AM): haha not all of it. they have virus protection on their cell phone xD
Me (9:31:36 AM): :] and purikura. and hot jrockers <3
Him (9:32:07 AM): what?
Him (9:32:13 AM): why?
Me (9:32:27 AM): the virus protection?
Him (9:32:45 AM): its stupid
Me (9:32:55 AM): because when people buy download free ringtones people put viruses in it xD
Him (9:33:04 AM): it doesnt have enough memory
Him (9:33:14 AM): to get a virus working
Me (9:33:17 AM): it does. because they make phones with more memory xD;
Him (9:33:35 AM): 500 kb isnt enough

I seriously know people with virus protected cell phones. And I read it in the newspaper that people are making cell phone viruses.

Him (9:34:05 AM): can ipods get viruses?
Me (9:34:31 AM): i don't think so... can they?? o.o;
Him (9:34:44 AM): send yours one
Him (9:34:59 AM): see if it can execute it
Me (9:35:12 AM): i don't want to give my ipod a virus~ ( ; A ; )
Him (9:35:39 AM): ask someone
Me (9:36:02 AM): why?
Him (9:36:20 AM): to see

Let's try to give your iPod a virus? I know you're just trying to prove a point here, but iPods are expensive, you know...

Him (9:36:43 AM): ok wait i know someone that you wanna know!
Him (9:37:12 AM): someone likes you from joe's cohort
Him (9:37:24 AM): its so suprising
Me (9:37:33 AM): wha???
Me (9:37:38 AM): from my cohort? o_O;
Me (9:37:50 AM): *we're in the same cohort
Him (9:37:52 AM): yep
Me (9:38:03 AM): whaa? that can't be right
Him (9:38:10 AM): yep
Me (9:38:14 AM): ........
Him (9:38:17 AM): it so uprising
Me (9:38:26 AM): ..............who is it? o_O;
Him (9:38:36 AM): ill tell you this
Him (9:38:40 AM): it isnt a guy
Me (9:38:49 AM): wha??
Me (9:38:54 AM): dare??
Me (9:39:02 AM): *dare = who
Him (9:39:19 AM): nah
Me (9:39:31 AM): nah as in what?
Me (9:39:43 AM): as in there actually isn't someone who likes me? o_o;
Him (9:39:44 AM): how do you feel?
Him (9:39:46 AM): no
Him (9:40:00 AM): your parents like you dont they?
Him (9:40:11 AM): that is someone
Me (9:40:24 AM): *someone in my cohort
Me (9:40:25 AM): xD
Him (9:40:37 AM): well its fun
Me (9:40:53 AM): it's fun to what? o.o;
Him (9:41:02 AM): guess..

My guess - It's fun to watch me suffer?

Me (9:41:10 AM): eh?
Him (9:41:44 AM): noone
Me (9:42:00 AM): totemo... confused? o_o;
Him (9:42:26 AM): jk
Him (9:42:32 AM): im sorry no one likes you

Hahaha what a nice thing to say. "No one likes you"~ xOx;

Me (9:42:38 AM): yay~ xD;
Him (9:42:52 AM): the someone is no one
Him (9:43:13 AM): why?
Me (9:43:19 AM): why what?
Him (9:43:28 AM): your happy that people hate you?
Him (9:43:28 AM): ...
Me (9:43:42 AM): hahaha ^^;

No, I'm not happy that people hate me. And that part never said that everyone hated me, jsut that no one liked me. And I meant yay because I find it stressful if someone likes me in that way, you know...?

Him (9:43:52 AM): your happy that people hate you?
Me (9:44:19 AM): no but i can't change their opinion so whatever xD
Him (9:49:12 AM): ok what is it?
Him (9:49:29 AM): your being hipocritical
Him (9:49:56 AM): you dont care about people but care how they think about what you wear

Whoaaaa that part didn't really make sense to me at all...

Me (9:50:17 AM): what?
Me (9:50:19 AM): o_O;
Him (9:50:21 AM): which one is it?
Me (9:50:28 AM): ehh?
Him (9:51:37 AM): yesterday you also said that you want to be pale for the guys you like but care how they think of you(morning)

The whole "They'd ask us why are we so ugly" thing. But I *do* want to be pale, not for them but for me! Because to ME that look is really pretty and I would like that type of appearance!

Me (9:51:45 AM): oh
Me (9:51:50 AM): well they're them.
Me (9:51:52 AM): <3

Yes, I forgot to mention. I like them just for their JROCK-ness too.

Me (9:52:03 AM): and i was just joking about that too

The "Why are you so ugly?" thing.

Him (9:52:13 AM): ...
Him (9:52:17 AM): o_0?
Me (9:52:28 AM): because they wouldn't actually meet me.
Him (9:52:32 AM): yeah.....
Me (9:52:42 AM): and i don't think they'd actually say that and even if they did i wouldn't understand them (=A=);;
Me (9:52:48 AM): so when they would ask
Me (9:52:52 AM): "why are you so ugly"
Me (9:53:02 AM): i wouldn't be able to know that they were actually saying that xD

Unless I learn fluent Japanese by then....or have a translator with me xD

Him (9:53:31 AM): .....why do you care? or not care?
Me (9:53:41 AM): why do i care or not care about what?
Me (9:53:45 AM): if i could meet them?
Me (9:54:03 AM): because :DDDD they're so... <3

The only way I can describe them...

Him (9:54:24 AM): the word is cute?
Him (9:54:34 AM): is it?
Me (9:54:40 AM): umm kind of and kind of not
Him (9:54:47 AM): ugly?
Me (9:54:51 AM): noooo

What? Why would I ever call them ugly? ;O;

Him (9:54:55 AM): handsome?
Him (9:54:58 AM): cool?
Me (9:55:08 AM): i think it was closer when you said cute
Him (9:55:09 AM): dark?
Me (9:55:09 AM): xD;
Him (9:55:22 AM): im guessing here
Him (9:55:37 AM): me barfing
Me (9:55:45 AM): ehhh? xox;
Me (9:56:01 AM): the best way i can describe them is <3
Me (9:56:02 AM): XD
Him (9:56:05 AM): theyre so gay

NO THEY AREN'T! Please don't ever say that to me again...

Him (9:56:10 AM): you know that
Me (9:56:14 AM): no they aren't~~
Me (9:56:20 AM): the fangirls just make it look that way

Doujinshi, you know.

Him (9:56:28 AM): dressing up like girl is the first sign
Me (9:56:33 AM): umm for one thing
Me (9:56:38 AM): that's mostly only mana and aya
Me (9:56:43 AM): and sometimes bou
Me (9:56:45 AM): the rest of them don't

Well, not a lot of them do.

Him (9:56:55 AM): sure so yu are actually attracted to girls

I'm NOT!! They're all GUYS.

Me (9:57:21 AM): nooo
Me (9:57:25 AM): i hate mana
Me (9:57:30 AM): and aya isn't really as pretty

As some... Ryuu-chan... *cough*

Me (9:57:42 AM): and bou is ok but i don't like him like that
Him (9:57:45 AM): interesting.........
Me (9:57:55 AM): aya is ok but lately he's been kind of eh
Me (9:58:03 AM): i think he's concerned for the band
Him (9:58:04 AM): physical appearance
Him (9:58:09 AM): i dont know tham...
Him (9:58:19 AM): pretty?

Yes, pretty. What's wrong with them being pretty??

Me (9:58:22 AM): mana is too self absorbed so i hate him
Him (9:58:23 AM): you dont call guys pretty that is why theyre gay
Me (9:58:29 AM): he's thin though

[Referring back to Mana]

Me (9:58:56 AM): and you can call a guy pretty when they're not gay

Okay so I don't really HATE him. I just don't like him all that much. And just because you call them pretty doesn't mean that they're gay. I know that Takashi was like in love with that one girl from SPEED, and he's extremely pretty, you know... ;O;

Me (9:58:56 AM): xox;
Him (9:59:19 AM): you know that much
Me (9:59:47 AM): eh?
Him (10:00:28 AM): nope.........never
Him (10:00:28 AM): japanesse "rock" guys
Him (10:00:28 AM): eve
Him (10:00:28 AM): *even
Me (10:00:58 AM): haha why not?
Him (10:01:54 AM): you dont call them that
Him (10:01:54 AM): are you sure they arent gay?
Him (10:01:54 AM): why yes?
Me (10:02:23 AM): yes i'm sure they aren't gay
Me (10:02:33 AM): except for gackt. xox;
Me (10:02:37 AM): but i hate gackt too and he's not that pretty

He really isn't, compared to *cough*MYV*cough*, and he's also too absorbed with attention

Him (10:02:40 AM): theyre so happy
Me (10:02:52 AM): they aren't exactly all happy >>;

Really, some of them are quite sad sometimes... I feel bad for them ;A;

Him (10:02:56 AM): you like a gay guy?
Me (10:02:59 AM): daishi wants to kill himself.
Me (10:03:18 AM): no. i like ryuu-chan. ;A;

And MYV.

Him (10:03:45 AM): lets kill him

Kill who??? Daishi?? Ryuu-chan?? Nooooo you can't kill them!! ;A;

Him (10:03:45 AM): ill help
Him (10:03:45 AM): kill
Him (10:04:00 AM): .
Him (10:04:00 AM): ..
Him (10:04:00 AM): ...
Him (10:04:00 AM): ....
Him (10:04:17 AM): just had to do that but ere gato

Ere gato?

Me (10:04:40 AM): nooooo
Him (10:04:57 AM): can itchy wa\

can itchy wa\???

Me (10:04:59 AM): but ere gato? totemo confused

I need more vocabulary... confused sounds weird. XD

Him (10:05:17 AM): ca ni chii wa?

ca ni chii wa..? is that linked with "can itchy wa"?

Me (10:05:23 AM): ehhh??
Him (10:06:20 AM): i love you

WTH?? Was that the meaning of one of those words or something??

Him (10:06:51 AM): ....
Him (10:07:04 AM): i feel rejected bye
Charles signed off at 10:07:39 AM.

Okay you only gave me 30 seconds to respond and I wasn't even really paying that much attention because I had to do homework for Almeida while we were chatting. >>;

Him (1:27:50 PM): hey ......
Me (1:27:55 PM): hey
Him (1:28:19 PM): aww i feel bad again
Me (1:28:25 PM): eh? nande..?
Him (1:28:41 PM): you didnt say it
Me (1:28:50 PM): i didn't say what? xox;
Him (1:29:07 PM): i love you

So he expected me to say "I love you" back to him? But... I'm not like that. I don't say things like that so lightly...

Him (1:29:19 PM): so you know that you arent hated
Him (1:29:40 PM): =

? That didn't make sense to me...

Me (1:30:06 PM): ehh? i thought that that was like the thing with nobody in my cohort or something... o_o;

I really did think he was lying because he was about "there's someone who likes you in Joe's cohort"

Him (1:30:29 PM): i love you...

.......he's saying it again.... At this point I started to feel really awkward...

Him (1:30:50 PM): your still making me feel bad
Me (1:31:03 PM): ....gomen ne~~ xox;

...I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do in situations like this! ;A;

Him (1:31:19 PM): how come you cant just say that?
Him (1:31:34 PM): its just an expression
Me (1:31:47 PM): ?
Him (1:32:09 PM): say i love you?
Him (1:32:12 PM): is it that hard?

Yes, it is because I don't take it lightly, you know?? It's not like an everyday phrase [outside of family members] for me..

Him (1:32:25 PM): that says i dont hate you
Him (1:32:58 PM): .......
Him (1:33:06 PM): wow you're cold.....

Once again, I'm given only 30 seconds to react??

Me (1:33:22 PM): ehh?
Me (1:33:25 PM): i love you = i don't hate you?
Him (1:33:31 PM): yes exactly

Okay... even though if you love someone, then it's more than likely that you don't hate them, I don't think the two phrases are exactly equivilant...

Me (1:33:37 PM): it does??
Me (1:33:38 PM): but then
Me (1:33:55 PM): so if someone says "i don't hate you" does that mean "i love you"?? o_O;

What about aquaintances? You don't hate aquaintances usually... but that doesn't mean you love them!!

Him (1:33:57 PM): your saying tht you hate me right noe

No I'm NOT!! I never wanted to seem like that~ I just don't understand why I have to say "I love you" in order to let people know "I don't hate you"!! It's confusing!

Him (1:34:02 PM): yes
Him (1:34:29 PM): do you seriously hate me?
Me (1:34:32 PM): no i don't
Him (1:34:45 PM): why cant you say it then
Me (1:35:01 PM): because
Me (1:35:02 PM): like
Me (1:35:17 PM): "i don't hate you" doesn't necessarily mean "i love you"
Him (1:35:27 PM): just an expression

It's an expression with meaning behind it! Just like how money is just paper, but there's a meaning behind it. If you went by that, you don't just go around giving money away because it's JUST paper.

Him (1:35:58 PM): ao why not?
Me (1:36:23 PM): eh? but still..
Him (1:36:45 PM): thats a slap at my face -_-...
Me (1:36:54 PM): eh? but it's not really

Really, I don't mean it like that at all!! xOx;

Me (1:37:05 PM): maybe i'm just being stereotypically asian again
Him (1:37:16 PM): im asian...
Him (1:37:30 PM): o_0;;;;
Me (1:37:34 PM): *stereotypically* (=A=);;
Him (1:37:48 PM): im stereotypically...

But isn't it true that stereotypical [or traditional I guess] Asians dont' really share their feelings or anything like that?

Me (1:38:09 PM): ermmm... ok xox;
Him (1:38:33 PM): im being insulted mentally huh
Him (1:38:38 PM): with your psychology
Me (1:39:06 PM): ehh? but i'm like failing psychology so how would i be able to actually use it? o_o;

We don't actually learn how to USE psychology, you know... So far we're just doing history, scientific method, and biology...

Him (1:39:23 PM): your using it
Him (1:39:41 PM): failing isnt a b im glad if i have a b in e class
Me (1:39:41 PM): how?
Me (1:39:57 PM): and also it's probably not even a b anymore
Him (1:40:13 PM): ok than a a- is great

d00d if I got a D on my last quiz, why would my grade go UP?

Me (1:40:20 PM): nooo i mean it went down by now
Him (1:40:25 PM): c is still hanging in there
Me (1:40:29 PM): maybe it's a d.
Him (1:40:35 PM): nah.........
Me (1:40:44 PM): it could be.
Him (1:40:52 PM): mentally you can beat jonah
Me (1:41:04 PM): no i couldn't.
Him (1:41:06 PM): its JONAH
Him (1:41:09 PM): come on

Why are you being so mean to Jonah all of a sudden? XD; And I don't understand what "mentally beating" someone is...

Me (1:41:19 PM): eh? xox;
Him (1:41:55 PM): your so negative
Him (1:42:04 PM): be normal
Him (1:42:11 PM): your a teenager
Him (1:42:15 PM): REBEL

Ehhh??? I'm so confused. He's telling me to rebel? I know I'm a teenager. And he hasn't defined what normal means.

Me (1:42:27 PM): ehh??
Me (1:42:36 PM): so you're calling me not normal now? o.o;
Him (1:43:02 PM): yes

He wants me to tell him "I love you" so he calls me not normal??

Him (1:43:33 PM): you should deserve an ipod
Him (1:43:41 PM): or to be at cams
Me (1:43:53 PM): deserve an ipod?
Me (1:43:56 PM): wha?
Him (1:44:16 PM): or get anything with that attitude
Him (1:44:34 PM): LIVE

Totemo confused. I dont' really understand why I should deserve an iPod... or maybe he meant shouldn't. O_o; And when he says LIVE I think of a concert. But mayb it was supposed to be a command.

Me (1:44:43 PM): huh? i'm confused~~ xox;
Him (1:45:13 PM): with that negative attitude you should be
Me (1:45:36 PM): i should be what?
Him (1:45:53 PM): what you think of yourself
Him (1:45:55 PM): dead

Did he just say that I should be dead??? Wow, way to get to a girl's heart, you know? Because I'm *sure* that that's what every girl wants to hear *cough*

Him (1:46:30 PM): that is the truth even though it may be hard to hear
Me (1:46:54 PM): mike already told me xD
Him (1:47:22 PM): ok ill help
Him (1:47:45 PM): well take you to the sylum
Him (1:47:50 PM): theyll help
Me (1:48:09 PM): ehh? i don't want to go to the asylum!
Him (1:48:13 PM): asylum i mean
Him (1:48:22 PM): say why not?
Him (1:48:36 PM): what is your goal in life?
Me (1:48:54 PM): i don't know but i know it's *not* to end up in an asylum ;A;
Him (1:49:27 PM): ill say what it is...
Him (1:49:51 PM): sanitation worker
Me (1:50:00 PM): eh??
Me (1:50:03 PM): ..............
Him (1:50:12 PM): trashman........
Me (1:50:31 PM): xox ;
Him (1:50:46 PM): wow i can believe you dont know that

Of course I know what a sanitation worker is. I'm not THAT stupid

Me (1:51:04 PM): don't know that i want to be a sanitation worker?
Me (1:51:08 PM): why would i want that? o_o;
Him (1:52:13 PM): you dont
Him (1:52:22 PM): that why
Him (1:53:50 PM): people who dont know end up there
Him signed off at 1:54:39 PM.

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