Saturday, October 1, 2005

Dont tell me you love me when you dont love me with your heart...Dont tell me you want me when you really dont...
If you ever tell me that it will make me even more sad then I am right now. The cut is getting deeper, the blood is coming out faster...soon I shall be a corps...soon I shall be dead...who I once was is now gone, I am just a body with no soul...I know I should fight yet I cant. Some ppl say that I am strong, yet I'm not. I'm really just weak. I may seem strong, yet I'm not. I'm nothing. I"m just a body without a soul.I am nothing that soon shall be dead...

I wish I could go out today, yet I have no where to go. I have no friends that want to do something with me. I dont even know why I even have them as friends if they never do anything with me...I should be alone in this world. I should have never talked to anyone. I should have just killed myself long ago...I so damn want to go out today...I really want..but i highly doubt i will...

I'm kinda single cause I told my "bf" that I wanted a break...yet I know i shall always be alone cause I cant get a bf or whatever, no one likes me and I am to scared to talk to anyone cause of my past...evil wants someone that I know in person to set me up with someone...i doubt that will even happen. oh well...

I got to go now ppl. I need to get some sleep before the big thing or whatever, I really dont care. I just wish someone would be there for me...I wish someone would ask me to hang out with them just so i dont have to go there...well I have to go. I should be back online by 1pm or so. but if you ever need me before then, just phone me if you got my number...or if you want to hang out or whatever just phone me...i got to go...bye..
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

   Sup??
Hi ppl. How are all you? I'm alright but I kinda feel really sick right now. OH! I'm so happy cause he wont bug me anymore...well I hope...I gotta wait till the end of this month then he wont bug me.^^ I'm so happy for that^^ well I'm going to go now. just thought I would say hi and all. havent been here in a while well cya later.
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Thursday, September 8, 2005

   Scares are one thing that you can never get rid of.
That's something that i seem to be saying alot now. i got 10 cuts on my leg...that i did myself to get rid of the pain that he does to me. 10 cuts for 10 months that i have to go thru this...well he said 10 months...i hope so...i really got nothing to say right now. i havent talked to anyone in a while...oh greg...i dont care if you are grounded. i know you cant help me then but i dont care. i never wanted your help from the start...well i gotta go ppl...talk to you later...maybe...bye
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Tuesday, September 6, 2005

   post about anything...
Ok, some people know Rachael. I read her post on her site...the one that everyone knows, well i really didnt read her post but there is one part where it says "everyone just says they like me but they really dont and they only my friends to get soemthing from me." wtf? I should fucking be saying that! she was only my fucking friend to get to my fucking damn ass loser brother! God! I fuckign should be saying that not some damn ass whore slut like her!

Anyways...now that's said i feel better now^^. Well as beter as i can get. hmm I sat infront of someones house at 7:30am and probably scared the hell outta his next door person. Oh well. dont care^^. I can kinda walk again! I couldnt walk really for 2 days! Well tomorrow is a school day. Yay! meh. I hope I'm not hurting to much tomorrow...I couldnt phone you greg...sorry....Well I need to get going...well not really I'm just to tired to do anymore typing. Well see you later byebye^^
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Thursday, September 1, 2005

   dont worry
hmm...hi people. how are you today? good i hope. i really got nothing to type. I'm going for another walk later on. dont know when tho. lol. Evil, dont be all worried. I'm fine. I wont let anything happen to you. That's all I care about. I dont care if i get hurt. I want you to live with the twins when they are born. I dont care if I die when I'm only 15. I dont care as long as you are safe. I'm going to now. I shall talk to you all later maybe...goodbye...
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

   scred? shitty? worried? song?
Hey people? What's up? How are ya'll? I'm bored, shitty and yeah. OHHH!! also worried cause Evil hasnt phoned me back yet...and she hasnt talked to me in a while...I want to know how she is and the lil ones...if you havent guessed yet. she's gonna have twin's. And yeah, I'm worried...

I'm also shitty cause my arm hurts from Rachael's son of a bitch friend punching me cuase i swore! Now I got a bruise cause of her! I'm fucking happy that i aint her friend anymore! But fuck! she thinks I'm still her friend! I just wanna get my shit back from her! Like hell am I gonna let her wear my stuff..she says shes gonna wear my stuff no matter what I say! I'm like what the fucking hell? Hell no! and she wants me to wear fucking none baggy shit! same with my mom! fuck! I can wear what I'm happy with. Dont like it then go fuck yourself's! Like I'm probably gonna wear baggy shit even if my mom gives me shit that aint. unless its black cause I'm gonna wear black all year and no one is gonna stop me. dont like it then dont look at me. I really dont give a fuck anymore.

I'm also scared outta my mind...why ya'll are asking...is cause he is back...no one knows who I am talking about probably. But since this is my site where I just type anything that's on my mind...I'm scared for my life and for other's if they found out...wait shit greg reads this...oh well dont give a fuck. he probably woulda found out anyways...I...I...I'm scared and yeah...fuck my chest hurts...I got more then just one bruise from that bitch...I got others...from him...Fuck why cant I just stop typing?? I'm trying to but I cant seem to stop...Im thinking about what he said...he said soemting like...him or adam...he said I better pick him cause if I dont....I wont ever see adam again...and no one will ever see me again!...he said soemthng like that...all i know is if greg trys to help me...i'm gonna get it worse...so dont help me greg....as much as you want to...dont..

here is a song....then I am going to go...hopefully get some sleep tonight without pain...good-bye....

Artist: Seether
Album: Karma And Effect
Title: Diseased




Leave your mark under my skin
Oh my how strong you are
And feast your eyes on my disdain
And hope this one won't scar

I will never belong to you, again
I will never belong to you,
Push if you still need my pain
Cause I will never tell
So scream if you still hate my name
Cause I'll be where I fell

Come sit close to me,
Let me feel your neck
Come sit close to me
Hands around my neck
Come sit close to me,
Let me feel your neck
Come sit close to me, close to me, yeah

I will never belong to you, again
I will never belong to you

If I decide that I am alive

Than I've diseased and ungrateful
And if I confide that I am a liar
Than I am alive and I'm diseased and ungrateful
Push in 'til it breaks, if it bleeds then I'll be okay

If I decide that I am alive
Than I've diseased and ungrateful
And if I confide that I am a liar
Than I am alive and I'm diseased and ungrateful
If I decide that I am alive
Than I've diseased and ungrateful
If I confide that I am a liar
Than I am alive and I'm diseased and ungrateful

Come sit close to me
Come sit close to me
Come sit close to me
Come sit close to me
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Sunday, August 28, 2005

   Sup ppl? Sup Evil? how's you and the lil ones?
Sup ppl? I'm here at my cousin's and it's now 12:12am. I have nothing to do cause I have sent my lil cousin to bed. So now I am online, talking to evil and danille. I'm also watching some anime music video's on the computer. Also I have a cam where I am at. I'm just waiting for anyone to get online other then evil and danille. I'm so bored I got nothing to do but sit here eat popcorn, have a slurppee for a while. No idea when they are coming back so yeah. I really got nothing to say. oh yeah. Evil since you are gone how are you and the lil ones? I'll talk to ya all later. byebye.
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Friday, August 26, 2005

   Love? what's that??
Love is nothing to me now. I shall never love again. Whats the point in love? Fuck I'm messed up. Fucked up poem too.

Yuo say I love you,
I say I love you too
You say it with all
your heart and soul.
I used to say it the
same way, but now
I'm not so sure I love
you the same way
I did before. I'm sure
I love you just maybe
Not in the same way as
before. I dont know
Anymore! Why does my
Heart have to be this way?!
There is no way to know how
I love you anymore. I love
You like a family member I think.
Damn. I thought you were
The one who I could live
My Life with...I guess not.
I still love you...just not the same
I think...

I'm soo fucked up right now! I really do wish I could find a way to not be soo fucked up. I...I really dont know what I am going to do!...First! I am still not Rachael's friend! Fuck, I hate her guts! I wish I could just kill her. Sorry but I hate her soooo much! Fuck! Damn...I am soo fucked up right now! I wish I could kill myself but I can't do that cause as people say it will only make thing's worse. Not really cause you'd be died and you'd won't have to worry about anything. So meh, if I die, no one would care as much. Sure they will be sad and shit but I bet that's all. Whatever. I don't feel like writing anything anymore. I'll catch ya later. bye.
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

   helo ppl. im back.
helo ppl. I'm back. I mean I made this site long ago and then i deleted it cause it was messing up. So I'm glad I'm back. OH Evil! its alright. I dont mind your going thru alotta shit right now. as long as i can help i will. oh here is a poem that i just did. hope ya'll like it. oh and my friend wants to know about this site should i tell him? cause this site is like my site to were i can write whats really wrong. well anways, just let me know what ya think. poem now and then i'll go. cya!

poem?-Soul?

Soul, everyone has one.
But yet do everyone know what
Their soul is like? Does
Anyone know if they real
Have a soul? What is it
To life without a soul?
Can you live without one?
Can you survive without one?
I think not. I think everyone
Needs to have in order to live.
If you dont have a soul then why
Are you still alive? I think if
You dont got one then your not alive
You are just a walking zombie.
A soul can be in everyone but sometimes
There are some people who dont have one.
I just hope you do, its better to live with
One then without a soul.
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