Thursday, February 9, 2006

Sorry...
I know I haven't posted in forever, but it's because of these damn doctors...I'm on depression pills now, just cause I wrote another suicide poem, very cool peom by the way. Then they have stuffed me away in this damn solitary confindment, worse than before. No alone time, ever...I can't write or draw anymore...No more expressions of my inner feelings...I've got to tell how I feel to these damn fuck jobs who know nothing about what I've been through and what I'm going through now! Ugh...Drawimg and writing were what kept me slightly sane! Those damn quacks don't know what they have done to me! I can't sleep at night anymore, slightly because of these damn pills and also because I can't let out my feelings! I lie awake at night thinking about how I feel and wishing there was someone sane to talk to about it!!! I hate being here, I hate living, sometimes death looks like fun, but then I remember how much I matter...They think they can bring me down and keep me down in this Hell Hold, they've got another thing coming! I'll get out of here yet, even if I've got to escape, I'm not going to live my life here!!! Sorry, just the first time I've been with friends...Really miss you guys...Laters...

_~Savannah~_
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Monday, January 23, 2006

   They said to release my emotions in art...
This is going to be a poem. Yes, I know, it's another one of my freakish poems of darkness. The ones that push everyone away from me cause they scare the shit outta 'em. Anywho, the reason why, is cause the quacks told me to let out my emotions in a non-violent way. Like I ever needed Anger Management. Oh well...This is going to be written raw, so yea, laugh or tell me what ya think of it, 'specially if it sucks! Oh well, here it is...

Welcome To The Heart Ache
This is my life.
My life that no one can take.
I pray and I beg.
Someone take my fate.
I don't want to live.
I don't want to die.
My life fills with heart ache.
My life is such a lie.
So many tears I've cried.
So many love ones I've lost.
I can't stand to wake up in the morning.
Every breathe comes at a cost.
People fall all around me.
Foolish in their minds of innocence.
Silent cries rip from within me.
Death is my only contempt.
The friendly faces die away.
Slowly but surely I'm left alone.
I hear screams, I hear voices.
I feel the blade tug at my throat.
She walked in.
She saw the blood.
She saw my face.
Buried beneath the flood.
She gripped the knife and looked to me.
Sighed and released her greif.
She slit her wrists and laid with me.
Together we vanished in pure misery.

I kinda like that poem...At least in this one I didn't die alone! Well, tell me what ya think of it, kay?

_~Savannah~_
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Sunday, January 22, 2006

   Fucking Quacks...
Damn doctors wanna keep me here till March 3rd. That's fucked up. They think I'm a danger to others, did I try to kill someone else? NO! I tried to kill myself! Big ass difference if ya ask me. Oh well, this place is freaky at night. You can hear the girls, who are actually crazy, screaming in their sleep. I even made a 'friend' with someone here. She is just like me, tall, gothic, got in here for slitting her wrists, but let's not forget, no one is just like me! She tried to play human hangman, she tried to drown herself in gasoline then burn herself alive, she also has 20 scars from where she had been a cutter (Note: She still is, unknown to the nurses), Oh! Best part, half of her face has been burned off, but, on the other hand, she has a nearly beautiful face. So yea, isn't that just fun? I have a phsyco for a friend! Hahaha! DAMNIT!!! GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!! These people scare me...I'm not even allowed outside...Got solitary confindment...Sounds interesting, hm? Oh, let me tell you! It's soooo much fun! I have a tiny ass room with one bed (If you could call it that), dresser and a computer. That's it. Then, I'm not allowed from the room without a nurse, in other words, how would you like some old fat ass lady looking over your shoulder when your trying to piss? It ain't as funny as you think. Oh oh oh!!! Oh then, when I go to my sessions and shit, I have an IV put in me, that pumps me full of some shit that is supposed to 'calm my nerves' (Doesn't work, I blow up constantly at my doctors!). Oh well, here is my damn phsycatrist bitching at me to take my bloody pills. Bitch, I outta shove them down her throat! See how she likes being the damn crazy one! Laters...

_~Savannah~_
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Thursday, January 19, 2006

   Monday...
Monday night...I slit my wrists because I was stressed out...That post that I put up was supposed to be my suicide post...But, as you can see, I'm still alive. Yes, I did slit my wrists, and yes, I did get some help. I'm in a mental hospital in New Mexico and according to my doctors and my phsycatrist, I'm going to be here awhile. I have Cronic Depression or something like that...But, I did manange to talk my phsycatrist to letting me get online every night to work things out. But, I can only get on if I'm corropitive during our sessions. I'm getting help, and...It's scarey...I never thought I was 'crazy' like my mom...My counslers always told me that I had choices, choices to be not like my mother. If anything, that scared me the most, being like her, going through therapy...I'm scared...And, I need my friends to be here for me...Thanks for being here in the past, guys, It has helped me through alot...Thanks...

_~Savannah~_
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Monday, January 16, 2006

   Fuck The World...
Life has lost it's fun, I'm tired of it's fucking games. What I wouldn't give to end my life, what I wouldn't do to end my pain. This world is fucked up. So mnay times I wanna just give up. Why are we made? Why are we here? Can't God just shed a tear?! Show us that he really cares?! What's this life gonna be like when time itself stops? What would happen if I killed myself? Would anyone care? Would my father be there? Would life after death be just like it is here? Why the Hell do I have to put up with this world? Every morning I wake up and just hurl! I have no meaning, no point, why can't I just die? Every breathe I take, every moment I live, it's nothing but a lie! Death would be welcomed, anything over this eternal hate. Why must I go on? Is it all planned? Is this my fate? This world is filled with lost souls, dead and alive. Sorrow builds up till we can't see through our clouded eyes. Choke us to death, maybe it'll be better. Damnit mom!Just let me write this letter! I know you are scared for me, but I'm not even scared for myself. This is the end and I can't hold back, just let my fucking neck snap! Let me fall, let me break, let me slit my wrists before I wake! I don't want this world and it doesn't want me! Some one end this, end this please...

_~Savannah~_
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   This A VERY Random Post...
Man, I'm so sick and tired of couples, dating, anything!!! I can't stand Demetria anymore, she fucking acted like we never kissed! Basically, she is bi only in private, she isn't ready to tell anyone what she is really like, god, I hate people like that! Oh well...Another case of Depression...God, my life sucks...Anywho, OMG! I forgot! Okay people, this is going to sound majorly weird...Okay, ever since me and Jordan broke up, I've been having weird ass dreams about a guy named Michael, P.S. He is GORGEOUS!!! Anyhow, I've dream about him ALL the time, I can't get him out of my head. So, I went to this one site for Witches, and I looked up what was going on with me. I'm having something called Preminitions. I'm seeing into the future, but only a little ways. Apparently, when Witches reach a certain age, they start to have these Preminitions. It's freaky!!! Yea, turns out, I now know the guy's full name, it's Michael Charmet, and he is in his junior year at Manzano High School in Albuquerque, NM. Isn't that just, I dunno, WEIRD!!! God, what's worse is I know I'm going to meet him soon, and for the strangest reason, I think he might be my, Muirn beatha dan. If you don't know what that is, I'm not telling you, it's VERY personal Witch stuff...But, anywho, yea...This post is weird...Well, peace ya'll...ROT IN PIECES!!!

_~Savannah~_
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Thursday, January 12, 2006

   Yea, Having Some Trouble...
Yea, I've had some trouble going on at home...No one knows about it...I've been depressed mentaly and physically for the past 5 years since my mom disapeared. Yea, and this year makes it 5 years since I last saw her. My dad has no clue that I still can't get over her, and I can't bring myself to tell my brother...I ended up going into super depressed mode since December and all my friends have been worried since then. Today they completely blamed my gay friend, Aaron, for me acting weird. Which, of course, wasn't true. The only friend I had that didn't think it weas Aaron was my ex-gf Demetria. I couldn't believe it! She called when I got home cause I had completely flipped out at school, crying all over the place and all. She called anyhow and asked if we could meet up at the park, I went not knowing why she was doing this. I ended up pouring my story out to her, she was supposed to leave in 20 minutes, but we talked for an hour. I was happy again, it was weird. Then when her mom finally called for her to go home, we hugged...And kissed. I was surprised and all the way home, I couldn't stop blushing. I had the biggest smile on my face when I got home. My brother couldn't believe after all this time she did that. I have been so happy all night! I can't stop thinking about her and me in the park...AH! Okay enough about that...Thanks for listening, peace. ROT IN PIECES!!!

_~Savannah~_
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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Crushes And Getting Crushed...
Yea, today was kinda awesomes and kinda not. Yesterday, my gay friend tried to hook up with me, I like the guy, and I told him that, but that was before I knew he was like that. When I found out, I lost my crush, then turns out, he has been crushing on me ever since we met! Ugh...Yea, it was horriable. I had to tell him that I respect that he was gay and he didn't need to push himslef on me to make me like him. I couldn't believe it...Yea, today though...I confessed to a friend of mine, completely gorgeous and British which makes it better, that I had been crushing on him. Turns out he liked me too, but...He is going through some tough times and right now doesn't want to rush into another relationship at the moment. Shame, but understandable. Yea, kinda heart broken and shot down, but I'm good! My only hope is someone else doesn't snag him before I get to...That would just suck. Well, that's about it besides the fact that I'm not speaking to my ex-gf Demetria anymore...So laters friends! ROT IN PIECES!!!

_~Savannah~_
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Alice The Game (Sorry, don't know the actual name)
Okay people, I went to this one site where they had awesomes info on the new Alice game...I kinda stole their casebook files, thinking it would be awesomes to post on my site, so...Here it is!

4 November 1864
Received confirmation from the Superintendent that I will be given of the opportunity to treat a very troubled and difficult patient. Dubious honor! Her name is Alice, and her prognosis is not promising. After looking at her file, I’m astonished she has survived this long. She has been nearly comatose for a year.
-Would I have admitted her had I known then what I know now? 13/10/73

11 November 1864
Mute on a stretcher, with her head curiously bandaged, Alice seems to cling precariously to life. Her burns have healed remarkably in the year since the fire, but she languishes in a deep trance-like dementia. It’s as if the blaze consumed her senses. Deaf, dumb, and blind to all stimulation, she’s a fair match for the infirmary’s gloom.
In a forward instant, a cankered feline pounced on Alice while she was about to be carried inside. Startled by the cat’s yowl, the bearers lost their grip and dropped the wretched girl to the ground. Most curious to behold, the cat stood atop Alice as if claming territorial rights, or as If defending a rodent captured in the day’s hunt from other hungry predators. Only when an orderly threatened it with a stick did the creature scamper into a nearby hedge. Even then the cat crouched beneath the shrubbery. With eyes agape, it fixed on Alice as if it had some vital interest in our proceedings.
-It pays to heed the feline – something I’ve learned over the years. –21/10/73

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Monday, January 9, 2006

   Back, In Good Health And A Somewhat Sound Mind!
Okay, this is the funniest, dirtiest joke ever! Oh, and that's right, I IS BACK!!! Anywho, here ya go...Nice and dirty...
I really shouldn't be asking you, I feel shy, but I want it so bad, don't get me wrong its just that I haven't had it for a long time. I could already feel it going in so hard and coming out so soft and wet. No one has to know about this. I need it. I am desperate, but your help can be very grateful you must think I have a lot of nerve asking you for this, but I can feel my tongue around it sucking the juice out until there no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and I hope I am not being forward, I am usually not like this, but can I have a peice of gum?
AND...
The sky was dark the moon was high, all alone just she and I,
Her hair was soft her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine,
I don't know how but I tried my best, I began by placing my hands on her breasts,
And when I did it, I felt no shame,
All at once the white stuff came, at last it's finished,
Its over now - my first time ever at.... milking a cow!!!
Isn't that the FUNNIEST?! -Rolls on floor laughing- Sorry...-Straightens up- Okay..I'm good...Yea, anywho, I have finally decided that Jordan wasn't the one and I shouldn't wallow over him...Yea, I think I'm going to stay single for awhile though...I kinda am at that point where relationships suck. Yea, been there more than a couple of times, but no matter...Single is awesomes, I get to go back to looking scarey and freaky out little kids with my frightful black make-up! ^^ Well, see you guys later, hope you loved my slightly dirty humoruos post!

_~Savannah~_

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