Monday, December 5, 2005

   Current News.. ..nothing interesting, though

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [Nothing New.. .. ..] Well, nothing really interesting to report. I took my measly Navy monthly payment and purchased a cheap 40.00 router, so now I can do things from my own computer (like write this blog,) and play COUNTERSTRIKE AGAIN, and leave their computer free for them to use. I also went w/ Lauren's dad, Arthur(Art), and went to Goody's where I bought 2 shirts for 5 bucks a piece, and a pair of 75.00 duckhead shoes for about 35.00. I also got a pair of khakis to match the shoes for about 12.00. So now I'm almost broke again but I have the things I need. I only hope I can work soon. [Another Victory For Me!!] Once again, God shines upon me w/ an ex's misery! I know its really cold blooded of me to rejoice at the misery of Bridgette, but it never misses that when a girlfriend fucks me over and/or breaks up with me, they always get fucked themselves, and normally ends up regretting doing me wrong, and boy, IS SHE SORRY MUAHAHAHAH! She's married to this guy named Kelly, and he's the worst to her, and I feel nothing towards her. In case you just started reading this and you don't know who she is, Bridgette is the one who broke up with me because I wasn't black enough for her, and AS IT TURNS OUT, an informant of mine found out that she really didn't break up with me for those reasons, but she did because she really wanted to be with Kelly, and now she's married and miserable. THAT makes me and Bridgette even, go ahead and make a tally mark under my name on the board! [Additional Good News!] Lauren's been sick these past few days, which really suxxors, but she's getting better. That's great news to me. More good news is that I've seen the most recent Battlestar Galactica episode available on a P2P network, and its killing me that I can't see anymore. You guys gotta watch this series, even if you hate anything sci-fi, the soap opera-esque drama is worth it.

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Friday, December 2, 2005

Sita hit it right on the head.. .. ..

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - Well, Sita's comment hit it right on the head, "we know all realtionships are usually picture perfect from the outside... its just that we see the inside because this is your venting place." It's really hard to put positive things on here because I do rely on here to vent when I'm angry. Of course, everyone else always posts good comments and/or advice, but hers really made me think. On the POSITIVE side, I purchased a domain name and some web space, so I now have my own web site, "http://jookiejenkins.net" The website's name was totally my idea, and I couldn't think of anything more interesting. I DO need ideas on what to do w/ it now, since I only have two lameo pages just to say that I have it up and running. Any ideas you want to contribute to me as to what I can make the site about, or maybe some interesting feature, please let me know. My current idea is to make up crazy conspiracies, for example: My buddy Dustin asked me "man I just thought of something. there are no black elves!" Now why arent there any black elves? BECAUSE SANTAS RACIST! It's perfect! If I can make one up like that every week, I'll be set lol! P.S. I can use all the ideas I can get, I don't even know enough HTML to create the web site!

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

   Not Much Of A Title

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [NEW BACKGROUND!] Well, as you can well see, I've changed the background of this blog to a beautiful shot of the BSG-75 Battlestar Galatica, and I changed my avitar to the seal hanging in the CIC onboard the ship. Don't get me wrong, I really liked my old background/matching avitar, but change is good, so I changed it lol. [Changes?] Not really much to say.. ..I'm still looking for work but there just hasn't been time to go over to city hall and try to work for the city/county here in Panama City/Bay County (it makes me uneasy to say 'county' since I've been saying 'parish' for all of my life in Louisiana.) Best Buy was outta the question since they've done all of their holiday hiring and won't be firing anyone until January. I did fill out and submit both an electronic and paper application for office depot and I heard about a local sign shop that's hiring too. Besides that, I don't have really much to say about Lauren or how things are here since she gets pissed off that I put things about her family on here, and when I do talk about her, "its never anything positive," so there isn't much to say that I haven't said before. Same of shit, just another roll of paper. I'm not looking forward to Christmas, nor do I wish to celebrate it until next year, but Lauren wants it, so her dad and I set up the tree. Fuck I hate Christmas this year.. ..there is just too much going on right now to be happy yknow?

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Saturday, November 26, 2005

   Wow, weird dream again. . .

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [Wow.. .. ..WEIRD] Well, I had yet another interesting dream this morning (it wasnt last night because I was lying awake for most of the morning.) Ok, it was like living a movie. Now, this movie is starring Lil Bow Wow (yeap, its funny lol,) and at certain times I'm him, and at others I'm someone who is next to him. The movie/dream starts out showing this older man and his grand child playing in front of his house. I'm (this time BEING Bow Wow) walking down the street with someone. I see this man and I'm filled with rage and grab my gun and shoot at him, and at the time I don't understand why. So then, after he's all good and shot, it goes back in time to when we were all younger and I learn more about him. It seems that he was this bad crime (boss? I'm still not really sure) but he killed so many people including mine/Bow Wow's own family. It goes through almost everything aspect of his/my life, right down to when I shot him the first time in right outside of a supermarket. We were planning to get him back when he went inside so we acted like we were shopping and crap. When he got out, he wasn't surrounded by too many of his people so someone (I wasn't Bow Wow then so I think it was him) shot him in the legs to disable him and took out one of his buddies, who was taking out his gun. I run up to him, and at the same time the authorities arrive, and they want to take him in because they have enough evidence to lock him away for a time (obviously not forever.. .. ..) and I point my gun to his temple and decide that I'll let them handle it (not to mention that someone riddled him with bullets already, and banged his face up while he was on the ground. I wasn't JUST with Lil Bow Wow, but I never really got good looks at any of the other guys.) After that part, I see him about to get out of wherever he was (prison, rehab, idk?) and with his face still beaten and disfigured, someone's suggesting to him that he gets reconstructive surgery.. .. ..and suddenly I'm back to the beginning of the dream, and it hits me hard that this man playing with his grand child on that beautiful afternoon is the same horrible man that got locked away (though he DID have the reconstructive surgery, he still has features that help me realize who he is,) that I didn't kill even though I really wanted to. For some reason, when coming to that realization, I cried. I don't know if its because of the horrible things he's done, or the fact that he's changed and has a new life that I cant take away from him, but I cry, and unlike the beginning of my dream, I decide not to shoot him. Upon making that decision, everything fades white until I'm surrounded by white light.. .. ..and I wake up.

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Friday, November 25, 2005

   I Remember What Love Feels Like

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [After so long.. .. ..] Lauren and I got in a slight argument tonight. I went with them (as in her and her cousins) to play tennis, but well.. .. .. I don't play tennis so I used the time I had to talk on the phone with friends and family. I also sat in the truck pissed because we argued about me standing alone instead of joining everyone else. On the trip back, I tried to explain to her why I don't like hanging out with her friends/cousins, which is because they're all really religious and like to talk about God, and the bible, and I don't. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and like and like an outsider because not only am I the only non-religious person in the group, but I'm also the only person who isn't Pentecostal, and I still have the mentality that I get from being around Scott and his friends (as you well know, they're the bad breed of Pentecostal.) So we didn't speak pretty much all of the night, and then suddenly she asked me what I was doing (which was listening to music for its sentimental magic,) and why I was in there (for its sentimental magic,) while I was putting something away and going to the bathroom. Well, when I got out, she was in the kitchen (where I pass through to get to the den thats connected to this-here computer room,) and she pulled me to her while I was passing by and gave me a hug.. .. ..a real, from the heart genuine hug. That minute, after so many sluts and so many heartbreaks and thinking that I'd never know how to feel what love was again, I felt it towards her, in addition to feeling really sorry for arguing. It's the only thing I have to show for my day.. .. ..its the only thing I have to talk about my day, but its also the height of my day, maybe even the best thing to happen since I've been in Florida.. .. .. P.S.: As you well noticed, I'm trying to leave the habit of putting single space single dots for pauses, and using better looking single spaced double dots. Doesn't it look cooler than single dots????

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Turkey Dizzle Fo Shizzle, and Should I Be Worried

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [Gnawing on the turkey leg. . ] Well, its the day after turkey day, and I meant to write this last night, but I was dead sleepy. Turkey day wasn't bad at all here. We all went to Mary's house, who is Lauren's aunt and Diana's sister. Diana decided not to attend. The food was great and I'm glad that I had time to sit and talk to everyone. . well I didn't get to talk to EVERYONE, but I'd spoken to enough that the day was beneficial to me, y'know? When we got back, I called mom, dad, Darrin, and my grandfather and spoke to all of them. Its reassuring that mom went out and did stuff (visited and ate at relatives, etc) instead of staying home and being miserable (not that she's prone to it, but I don't like having a good time then worrying that they didn't.) She went to my aunt Paula's house and had thanksgiving with them. . Paula also had her bridal shower the same day and mom told me that she'd won two prizes playing games, so that really makes me happy. She said that everyone there wanted her to date Mark's (Aunt Paula's bald boyfriend) brother, but mom said that they just didn't have anything in common, and her mother (Barbara) got pissed and left because she wouldn't date him. In my humble opinion, Barbara can blow that steam outta her ass.. .. ..she's made enough trouble over the years for mom already. [Wait. . .WHAT?!] So I was talking to mom about some heart pains I've been having, different ones from the usual pains I get when things get stressful (and not really only when things get stressful.) She didn't know what the new pains are, but she also didn't know about the old ones, so I told her about it. She told me that I needed to get that immediately checked out because its the same thing that killed 3 of my relatives, and is hereditary. There's some word for it that I can't remember, but when it happens its like having a mini heart attack (a co-worker told me one day.) Lucky for my siblings they didn't inherit it, but I guess I'm not so lucky.. .. ..

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Church, Deja Vu, Bad Weather

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [Ok, Winn, let's get this over with. .] More church again today. . .if going to this church every Sunday is like a television show, today was the two hour friggin special. So this. . .erm. . .evangelist(??) comes to the church today, and this guy is GOOD. He just lights shit up (figuratively speaking,) and gets everyone hype and all that goodness. He gave a pretty good talk too, except one part that I'll get to in a subtopic in this post. Both he and his wife are amazingly good singers too. Overall, it was pretty awesome, not awesome enough to make me wanna participate; I still didn't sing along, or "raise my arms to the Lord (which brings me to another subtopic later)" or all go up to the alter like everyone else did (except Laurens dad, who sat w/ me lol) and pray and do the arms to the sky thing. . .but it was still very good. [Deja Vu] Well its yet another freakishly weird feeling of deja-vu today. . this time in the church, because I had a dream that I was there, in that place, standing next to someone (I didnt know who it was at the time,) feeling out of place because the singing and stuff just isnt my thing. Now I know that the people to my left and right were Lauren and her father Art. This makes me even more worried about that stupid dream about the tornado, especially for its accuracy since I've never seen a tornado form before, much less seen a tornado in real life period. [What I Didn't Like About the Sermon] Ok, so the sermon was good, but he got to this part (and he didn't spend long talking about it,) about being "saved," and thats when my bullshit alarm went off. I don't like the "saved" concept, where if youre not in church, hell if youre not Pentecostal, youre going to hell. This takes me back to one day when I was talking to Scott, and he said, "Winn, youre one of the best people around, and you live your life just as a good person should, but if you were to ask me if I think you're still going to hell, I'd have to say yeah," all because I don't goto church or believe in religion, and I think thats a load of bullshit. If there's a divine being out there like the one everyone believing talks about, I'm sure he's (generalizing of course) forgiving enough to be ok with the fact that I don't believe that you need a membership card to worship him. I believe that everyone has a different relationship with Jehovah (I feel better using one of his many names, than to capitalize a friggin "g" cause its pertaining to him, because I think its incredibly stupid,) or you just don't have one at all, and thats ok too, because if we were created by a divine being (but I'm STILL open to evolution, dont worry,) then we were created with the free will to do whatever we want; If Atheism wasn't optional, I'm sure we wouldn't have been created with the ability to humor that idealism. . .that or we truly are evolved from Apes, and this is all some big lie made up centuries ago to explain unexplainable things, or to give man (as a whole) something to believe in so he'd stay on the "straight and narrow." That leads back to one of the primary reasons why I don't believe in religion in the first fucking place. . . .anyways. . . [All Of The Women At Church. .] "dress their husbands, and I'm going to dress mine too," is what Lauren told me while we were looking at a sales paper. She pointed to a mans sweater, with this UGLY-ASS-PREP design on it (I forced it out of my mind as to not contaminate my individuality,) and exclaimed happily at the thought of buying it for me. I said hell no, not happening, I wouldn't wear it, and she got upset and told me that. I don't know how the pushovers at her church work, but I'm not someones doll, nor am I their slave. I'm sure she'd have solid ground if I ran around telling her what to do and what to wear, but I don't. All I ask is that she always wears underware lol (its an inside joke,) and she can wear all the long skirts and shirts and blouses she wants in order to back up her religion. I haven't complained about anything she's worn so far, and I hope I never do, unless she wears some trampy blouse like something one of my slutty ex's would wear. Much like dealing with my mother and style, I'll gladly accept gifts of clothing, but if I don't like it, I'm not going to wear it. . I'll just give it to someone else, but she's not going to just buy me shit that she likes, and expect me to wear it like I'm some puppy dog. It's enough that I'm such a nice guy and fold her laundry, cook for her (she RARELY cooks. . I can remember her cooking maybe 3 times since I've been here, and either myself or her dad's cooked every other time,) clean up things she may have left behind or do chores that she should have done. . .hell no she's not going to dress me lol. I may be militant and all that jazz, but on my time I treasure my individuality, not being like everyone else. . . . don't get me wrong, though, there are SOME things that may look preppy that I may wear for certain occasions, or on days when I just feel like looking stupid, but there are just SOME THINGS I won't wear. . .SOME SWEATERS I won't wear, because its just not me. [On A Lighter Note. . ] I took notice to the fact that the church DOES resemble the inside of an ark, as I read. . .somewhere. .

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Friday, November 18, 2005

Ok, so I lied About Yesterday. . .

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [I am big fat liar] I was really annoyed and irritated shitless. I'm not placing the blame solely on anyone else, I feel that somethings wrong w/ me too. I think I'm getting irritated sitting here doing nothing every day, waiting for someone to call me in for an interview. I won't lie, though, Lauren was unusually silly. . too silly, and it was just pissing me off, in addition to the fact that she managed to piss me off twice yesterday (telling her mom about some adventures in shaving that I didn't really appreciate) and I can't remember the other one, only the anger (lol?) Today she's not being as silly, and I'm not irritated with her. I also blame that "I feel like shit" post I made a few days ago. . .cause I feel alot worse than I did when I made that post. I cant even breathe in w/o drying the back of my throat. . [You Gotta Get Into This] Well, I accidentally caught this show on CNBC, while browsing the news channels here in Panama City (they use a service called Knology, and unlike Charter Communications' cable service, they group all of their news channels together. . ingenius for me,) called "Mad Money." The host, Jim Cramer, will MAKE you wanna invest your money. It's like a friggin goldmine watching him tell you what companies make good long term investments, and which companies will make you a good quick buck. It's amazing. [As Previously Mentioned] Yeap, so I still feel like shit. Lauren's dad looks worse than I feel though, and went out and bought some flu medication. I took a couple of pills and put myself on an orange juice diet for the day, and tomorrow I'll see how I feel to determine what I'll do next.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Nothing New To Report

. . .

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Resume! View it now!

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [Gettin Ready Fer Job Huntin. . ] Well, after spending all day yesterday and today working on it, Winn's Resume is finally complete! Click the link and tell me what you think! (Requires Microsoft Word or a compatible word proc app) I put alot of my dorkiness into it to try to score some tech cool points and I looked at a few templates for design ideas. It's not super fancy, but I did a few things to try to make it look. . . erm . . .not ugly lol. [Just Not Enough Time. . ] Well, not really much to talk about lately, besides the fact that I've completed my second resume (I made a first one a long time ago, but I scrapped it when I went into the Navy.) Lauren and I are doing well, kind of. . .she's not really here alot of the evenings lately, there are so many church activities going on, just like the one tonight. I'm a little upset with her because I always thought that when your loved one comes home and says that they miss you, they spend time with you, not spend the rest of the night on the computer. Now she's wondering why I want to be on the computer instead of spending time with her, but right now it doesn't matter to me since she missed her music and her everyonesconnected.com buddies more than she missed me (anyone tried that site.) I have the worst feeling that if things continue like this, we won't be seeing each other very often when I start working, and it doesn't help that she will be taking night classes two nights out of the week too. . . I guess like every other problem I run into in this relationship, its something I need to overcome. I've overcame (rhetoric?) everything else so far, so I'd better don my climbing equipment and start getting over this one too.

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