Saturday, July 9, 2005

[\\:Christina:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [A Scripture] "on the 7th day, in the morning, God made watermelon, and black people found it to be good, so God took the afternoon off. . ." [Holy Crap] In all of the nice things I can say about, Christina, I couldn't be more dissappointed in her, much less more surprised that she'd do this to me. I got screwed big time because I thought I could trust her w/ some information, all in the name of being a good person. I guess its not necessarily her fault, but she made the mistake of telling Kristen. Now Darren doesn't want to talk to me. Well I hope that EVERYBODY ELSE IS HAPPY NOW.

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Friday, July 8, 2005

[\\:Macaroni and Dissappointment. . .again:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] If I fall along the way pick me up and dust me off. and if I get too tired to make it be my breath so I can walk If I need some other love give me more than I can stand and when my smile gets old and faded wait around I'll smile again shouldn't be so complicated just hold me and then just hold me again can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together you're breaking me in and this is how we will end with you and me bent - "Bent" - Matchbox Twenty - - [Darren] I love Darren to death, we all know that. He's the caucasian brother I never had. . . probably the only friend I can truly say I'd kill for. . . .but he didn't have to make such a stupid move as to break up w/ Christina. She told me some stuff, as if I had already knew last night, but I didn't find out until that morning. He, with Daniel, told me that he broke up w/ Christina, because even though she's sick, "there's this thing called 'attempt' and she didn't." Daniel wants to throw in his piece and tell me, "well he doesn't have alot of time left, and he needs to get some booty," or something like that. I was PISSED. I can't understand how could he be so stupid. I told him that he's making a stupid decision, because he had SUCH A GOOD GIRL, and I said that I'd NEVER do something so stupid if I were as lucky as he is. Darren POINTS TO THE MONITOR and says, "well theres one right there, Winn. She's not a virgin, but she's a good girl!" I couldn't effin believe that he'd be so cold blooded like that, and Daniel's company didn't help. So we goto Taco Hell and eat, and we goto his house. . . .and sure enough when we go inside his room, there's a girl in his bed, plain as day, and everyones cool about it. Before Daniel came around, nothing was like this. [Christina] I think I'll post on you later on. . . [Thuy and Macaroni] Well I went to the store, and lo and behold, Thuy was there! I probably stayed at that store for about 45 minutes, talking to her. We had an awesome conversation w/ no problems, and she looked pretty as usual. Today was different because we were talking about cooking, and she said that she'd make some really good ramen noodles. I said that I'd like to try it one day and she'd asked me if I would like some now. I said yes, and she went in the kitchen and COOKED ME SOME! I watched her do it, and at first I was wondering what in christ's name was she doing to it, because I saw her grab a head of lettuce, crack an egg into it, and put some red sauce LOL. She put the mixture in this really cool looking bowl. It was REALLY GOOD, but also spicy. Not too spicy, but she noticed that I started to sweat LOL and that my face was red. I really couldn't explain why I was sweating but I know (or don't think) that my face was red because of the food but for other reasons. . .all in all, it was awesome, and I'm glad that I decided to go home early otherwise I would have missed the opportunity to go and see her.

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Thursday, July 7, 2005

[\\:Positives, WORK Yesterday, Thuy TODAY!:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] I've must have died and gone to heaven Cos it was a quarter past eleven On a Saturday in 1999 Right across on where I'm standing On a dance floor she was landing It was clear that she was from another time Like some Baby Barbarella with the stars as her umbrella She asked me if I liked to magnetise Do I have to go star-trekking Cos it's you I should be checking So she laser beamed me with her cosmic eyes She's just a cosmic girl from another galaxy My heart's at zero gravity She's from a cosmic world Putting me in ectasy Transmitting on my frequency She's cosmic I'm scanning all my radars Well she said she's from a quasar Forty thousand million light years away It's a distant solar system I tried to phone but they don't list em So I asked her for a number all the same She said, step in my transporter so I can teleport ya All around my heavenly body This could be a close encounter I should take care not to flounder Sends me into hyperspace when I see her pretty face - "Cosmic Girl" - Jamiroquai - Traveling Without Moving - Yes, this is a REAL song. . .all of Jamiroquai's songs are pretty much like this one. . . Yesterday was an awesome workday. My manager and supervisor didn't fight, and I received truckloads of compliments today (POSITIVE ENERGY LOL!) I trained a certain Chris Green, who just so happens to be with Joni, the first girl I ever loved (and one of the girls whom I want nothing to do with.) I told Chris(tine, my manager) the entire story as to why Chris, Broderick, and myself are all connected because of the same girl, and she was like, "Oh. . . My. . .God. . ." LOL, but I assured her that we wouldn't have any problems, and we didn't. Actually, we got along more than well. . I even took him to the racing director Mr. Yount, who in turned pumped my head up w/ compliments: "This is a great guy here, Chris, you stick with Winn and you'll go far. He's the greatest!" He always does that every time I train someone (because everyone trains on MY, yes MY, floor, because of the same reasons why I work the bosses, plural, floor, and because my usuals are the nicest around and don't mind of n00b's spill water onto them LOL.) Christine told me that she'd hate to give me bad news, but Mr. Yount has started evalutating everyone, so that means that I can't work my floor everyday, because he needs to evaulate other bussers :(. ON THE PLUS SIDE, those bottom floors are where bussers make MO-NAYE (alot more tips than I make in a given night,) so its not all that bad. Idk what my betting tellers will do w/o my stupid and nasty jokes. . . .or what Fred's gonna do w/o me around to boss, or poor Jennifer (the bartender) w/o someone to talk to and encourage her, or even Mr. Yount (racing director), Mike Howard (general manager of all of Evangeline Downs,) or Mr. Perry (head of food and beverage of all of Evangeline Downs), **catches breath** OR Victoria (Mr. Younts secretary, el-pluggo at times of intelligence, but oh is she hot!) w/o my special treatment. I know we will all make it for a couple of weeks. LOL! Thuy's at the store today FINALLY! I was wondering what happened to her Tuesday (when she said she'd be there LOL.) She's looking nice as usual today, and we had a short conversation today. Hopefully, we'll have another one before I goto work. Truc got online this morning and was quick to tell me that she was there LOL. Also, Sallie told me that she went to the store, and one of the sisters (she doesn't know who) asked her if she knew me. When she said that she did, they said that they think that I'm sweet. I wonder who said it. . it couldn't possibly be Truc. . all she is (is) mean to me LOL!

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Tuesday, July 5, 2005

[\\:Positives, Off Today:\\]

Well, today was loaded w/ "positive energy (Milli Vanilli joke)" I woke up at 7:35am, dead tired, and drove to Carencro, LA (20-30 minutes away from Opelousas, based on speed) to pay the electric bill. I had to have fallen asleep at least 7 times to and from. . .thank heavens they have those grooves cut into the sides of the interstate just for things like that. I got home and tried to get some sleep, but NOOOOOOOO Darren had to call me and tell me that I needed to get up so he can pick me up, and we can get some strobe lights put into his car (well above tires.) After that, we went back to his house where I passed out for another 2 hours until I was woken up AGAIN to goto Sue's (great cook) to eat! After we ate, Sue told me that I'm practically adopted into the family, and that I can visit anytime, so I got the phone number there. . . she also gave me enough liters of Coca-Cola to last us for the rest of our lives!!!!! I also got to talk to Thuy on AIM, that's pretty awesome. Speaking of talking to people, Sang called me and asked me if he had to wear his uniform to get his liquor license. I laughed, but its good that he called me, instead of showing up looking foolish in his uniform. I would have done the exact same thing if I were him. As usual, I called Sita. . .and Con. . . calling Canada's more fun than it looks LOL.

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Monday, July 4, 2005

[\\:Still Lingering:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] Never thought that we would ever be more than friends Now I'm all confused cause for you I have deeper feelings We both thought it was cool to cross the line And I was convinced it would be alright Now things are strange, nothings the same And really I just want my friend back And my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on Said my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on I'd hate walk away from you as if this never existed Cause when we kissed the moment after I looked at you different Lately I gotta watch what I say Cause you take things personally nowadays You used to laugh now you get mad Damn I just want my friend back - "Half Crazy" - Musiq Soulchild - Ahjuswannaseng - GOOD Song. . .related before. . [Used for Sex] [12:28] Dustin: i just thought of something [12:28] Dustin: I USED YOU FOR SEX [12:28] Genocidic187: wow [12:28] Genocidic187: awesome [12:28] Genocidic187: lol [12:28] Genocidic187: you bast*rd [12:28] Dustin: i used you to eventually one day get sex [12:28] Dustin: lmao [Vocabulary] Lucas and Darren have coined two new terms: Nacho: To possess desirable features to the point that it would be impossible if not in a relationship, hench "Not yo's." Stacked: To possess more than desirable physical features, particularly in the higher chest region and/or the lower rear region of a person's body. Best used when the "stacked individual" possesses both. [4th of July] Well happy July 4th to all who celebrate it! I hope you all enjoy your day off w/ lots of Barbeques and fireworks. . . . .because I have to work. Yes, the racino is jumping on the opportunity to have a massive flood of customers by hosting live racing like they usually do. OMFG it sucks, because I could be hanging out w/ friends for this holiday, instead of getting my uniform set up for work.

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Sunday, July 3, 2005

[\\:THUY, her name is Thuy:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] Looking back at me I see that I Never really got it right I never stopped to think of you I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win You are the antidote that gets me by Somethin' strong like a drug that gets me High I never really wanted you to see The screwed up side of me that I keep Locked inside of me so deep It always seems to get to me I never really wanted you to go So many things you should have known I guess for me there's just no hope I never meant to be so cold - "Cold" - Crossfade - - Reminds me of myself. . . [It's Pronounced Twee, and she comes to the store to see me and others] The oldest sister at Backstop's name is Thuy (pronounced 'Twee',) NOW I know that lol. [Yesterday, abridged] Well work was long. . . very long, espeically to say that it was busy night. Boy, did I get screwed over, too: I had to work with Yolanda, who was working for the first time on my floor and was nervous because all of the bosses (FROM ALL OVER THE RACINO) dine on that floor. She works hard, don't get me wrong, but she was stressed out the entire night. I had the new bartender/waitress, Jennifer, in effect working the bar AND some tables. . .and she's very inexperienced. She's such a sweetheart, though, and she REALLY TRIES HARD to understand things. . .but frankly. . .she's a blonde. . BAD. She may be able to put some of my ex's to shame. She does try, though, and she's really appreciative of what I do for her during the night. Lastly, and with NO EXCUSES, is that I had to work with Ladaisha. Ladaisha made it hard for both myself AND Yolanda. She forgot to process orders for certain tables, and she screwed up orders for TWO TABLES SIDE BY SIDE. They were trading food from one table to another trying to figure out what went where. This girl was banned from working in the buffet because she'd sit in the back while her tables sat and complained that their server wasn't bringing out drinks or checking on them. All I hear are excuses after excuses, and now they're just a waste of breath. No matter how many times Rae tells me that "its her first job, Winn" or "she's A.D.D. Winn, work with her please," I can't work with her, especially not on the most important floor in the restuarant (my floor.) When I got back home, I used my Vonage phone line to call Sita. . .Con wasn't online . . .and we talked for over an hour. She sounds pretty cool, and I can tell why she and Con are friends. . . [Today] Today we were supposed to goto New Orleans today, but that didn't work out because of the bad weather early in the morning. I was very disappointed (and still am.)

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[\\:The Sweetest Thing:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - So it was the end of the night, and right before we started cleaning tables, Yolanda (a server I was working w/) said to me, "well i dont have to cash out my credit card tips to tip you out. . I can do it right now, and she gave me 5 bucks in tips. Well, Jennifer (a new server/bartender to replace Nicole) split her tips in half, and I ended up with 3 dollars. So Rae and Sharhonda came down and asked me what I made, and I told them. They got really upset, because they know how hard I worked. . .so Sharhonda, Brooke, Danielle, and Rae put in money together and tipped me out about 10 bucks. . . .it touched my heart, and it was awesome!

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Friday, July 1, 2005

[\\:I forgot to close my last post. . .:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] Love So many things I've got to tell you But I'm afraid I don't know how Cause there's a possibility You'll look at me differently Love Ever since the first moment I spoke your name From then on I knew that by you being in my life Things were destined to change cause...... Love So many people use your name in vain Love Those who faith in you sometimes go astray Love Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt Love For better or worse I still will choose you first Many days I've longed for you Wanting you Hoping for the chance to get to know you Longing for your kiss For your kiss, for your touch, for your essence (your beautiful essence) Many nights I've cried from the things you do Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you I know that you're real With no doubt or no fears Or no questions - "Love" - Musiq Soulchild - Aijuswanaseing - LISTEN TO IT! [War My A$$. . .] . . .Rae's pissed at me because I went out of my way to help Chris. It makes me so mad, and I think she knows it, but one of the coworkers had to say ". . .traitor. . ." I wanted to slap the taste out of that girls mouth (but thank whatever that I don't hit women.) These FOOLS dont understand that its not a favorites game for me. . . .Rae had the nerve to tell me, "well this is war, Winn." If it's war, then I don't want to be a part of it. . . . [Memories that only make me sad. . .] I was listening to the song, "We Go On." Most of you, if not all of you, are probably not familiar with the song unless you've been to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. It's a song that accompanies a spectacular fireworks show called "Illuminations" in the EPCOT center. It's got to be the most beautiful synchronized fireworks display I've ever seen. For some odd reason, hearing the song made me a little down, probably because it made me remember the way I felt when I was watching the show, and now I want to go on vacation there. . . [Pay-Deezay] Well it was double pay day today, thats the RARE day of the year where I'm paid by the VA AND by Evangeline Downs at the same time. Doing like I told myself I would, I bought a new cell phone, a Motorola C155 prepaid phone, and I'm dropping the bulky T-Mobile Sidekick. The girls at work LOVE my phone; they all say its "cute" because its so small. . . .oh well, I guess its the curves that doesn't make it look manly. I ALSO purchased an optical mouse (finally) for the computer. Mouse cursor performance shot up like something around 1 million percent efficiency!!!! Its WAY better than a lameo balled house. [Vonage Works. . .] So I hooked up my Vonage broadband router. Picking up the receiver, its JUST like using a regular phone line. Calling Canada is just like calling outside of your local calling zone, requiring only the 1 and the area code. I called Con w/ ease, and her voice on the line was clear and crisp, and it SOUNDED like it was in real time.

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Thursday, June 30, 2005

[\\:Second Opening Day (Third, technically):\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to Lost all faith in the things I have achieved And I I've woken now to find myself In the shadows of all I have created I'm longing to be lost in you (away from this place I have made) Won't you take me away from me Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed I can't go on like this I loathe all I've become - "Away From Me" - Evanescence - Origin - Amy Lee has one of the most beautiful voices, I'd recommend that youi listen to EVERY ONE of their songs. [From The Cover] Well, last night went pretty well, I mean from the service perspective. As for getting along/teamwork/crap like that, we're doing horribly. My supervisor is talking about leaving. She was crying yesterday, at the end of the night, because Chris is being mean to her (yet again.) I went to her and did the comforting thing, w/ Sharhonda backing me up and Sang giving her a shoulder massage. . . .she was back in the game in no time flat. **STILL WRITING AS YOU READ THIS**

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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

   [\\:What the. . . and unhappiness?:\\]

[Playlist and Snippet] do you wanna get out, do you wanna give in, do you wanna be contained, do you wanna be restrained, do you wanna be enforced by the laws that are made, do you wanna be deprived, do you wanna be advised, do you wanna be controlled, wanna be patrolled, do you wanna be designed to accept all the time, do you wanna be bored, or do you wanna be broke, do you wanna be conned, do you wanna be robbed, do you wanna have to beg for the price of a smoke. do you wanna go round and around, and around and around, do you wanna go round and around and around, until you can't get out of the ground. stop are you ready or not, are you ready to drop, are you ready or not, are you ready, stop are you ready or not, are you ready to drop are you ready or not are you ready do you wanna get ill, do you wanna get old, do you wanna be insane, do you wanna live in pain, do you wanna have to save for your funeral coat, do you want a quiet life, do you want to pretend, do you wanna get by, do you wanna be blind, do you want to have removed from your view what offends. - "Ready or Not" - Manbreak - Mortal Kombat: Deception OST - Lameo movie, but awesome song (at least the Ben Grosse mix is) [One subtitle today, guys. . . .] Well, this isn't good at all. Today, after a pretty good day/night hanging out with my best friend (and older caucasian brother I never had LOL. . .but only by 8 months,) I come back this morning, at 8:30am, only to find that Con's account isn't on my buddy list. At FIRST, I thought she took me off for one reason or another (I'll get to that in a second,) so I was going to PM her and try to talk about it. I tried going to her profile manually, but it says that its not available. . . .NOW I'm worried as all h*ll. Now. . . . . . . . . . . I have a feeling that it has to do with my removing, editing of some posts. From what I've gathered, she made a comment (not to me, though) at 7:40pm yesterday, which tells me that she'd had to have logged on and looked at my posts, THEN have some sort of reaction to it, because she'd have still left me a message or something if it were otherwise. I did remove one post, and edit a couple of other previous ones for two reasons: ONE. I really don't care what Con told me about her reasons for freaking out at my idea about visiting her, it seemed more to being a negative response and not exactly what she made it seem to be, so I removed more obvious traces about me going to meet her (or other obvious comments that would probably bother her) so she wouldn't have to see them when she'd read my posts, and be so bothered by them. TWO. I cherish most things that trigger my neurons to fire and remember positive things, and I'm a sucker for sentimental value over monetary value. Combine that with a good memory, and at (some of my) worst times reading good things can be the biggest morale booster, while reading bad things can cause me to remember the negative situations, and push me further down the spiral of depression. At the moment, I am at a point in my life (which is slowly improving, but you know what they say, one step forward, two steps back) where any negativity is the worst negativity, and I don't really need to scroll down and see those posts myself, so in hand w/ the fact that I don't want it on Con's mind while we talk, and ruin an otherwise good conversation, I removed/edit some posts that contained similar information. (I told Con that I would never do that, but the temptation's way too great.) So there's my reasons as to why I did it. Do you blame me? Darren's noticed that I haven't been the happiest person in the universe, so he asked me why. I told him pretty much everything that's been going on, but not in great detail, because I don't want to ruin his stay here, and I know when he comes home for good in a few months, things will be better, so I'll talk about it then. . . . .so about yesterday. . . .wasn't very cool. I left work pissed, and I think I arrived agitated. EVERYONE knew it; Danielle stayed with me most of the workday, saying positive things, Sallie gave me a hug and a kiss in the middle of the day, and Sharhonda told me that she was glad that we were friends again, and overjoyed that this time, she's not the reason for my agitation, which in the midst of all of this negativity, I think's REALLY FUNNY LOL!! I usually goto work and expect to be happy, or at least leave happy, like I normally do. Because we work so hard there (at the racetrack that is, not casino, speaking of which, I saw the manager of the buffet behind me in her vehicle on my way here this morning. . . .she recognized me quick and honked her horn which I think is amazing because she was behind me the whole time. .,) I feel accomplished at the end of every workday, like I have a purpose, like I did something in life, and I get to do it again the next day. Yesterday, was different. Rae and Chris have been at each other's throats since idk when . . . . , but I'M CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE! Sometimes (SOMETIMES) I wish people would understand just how hard it is to be me. I know the people at work, for example, think its just peachy, because everyone likes me, never EVER scolds me, and gives me my own set of perks and privilages. What they don't understand is that I work to please three (sometimes four if the director of racing is around) people directly. They have it pretty freakin easy: Listen to Rae, but if Chris says to do something, do that instead. If Mr. Fred says to do something, just laugh at him and ask Rae if its ok to do it. If Mr. Yount says to do something, do it and do it quickly and the best way it can be done LOL. I, on the other hand, do what I can to make ALL OF THEM happy. I try to fuse their ideas together, and try to come up w/ a compromise, and if that doesn't work, I follow the instructions of the person who gave me some last (like in the military.) But I'm getting off topic here. . . . with Rae and Chris mad at each other (why are disputes between women always worse than disputes between men?,) I can't do anything w/ one w/o the other one asking me what they said or getting mad at me. . . .well now that I think about it, only RAE gets mad at me. Christine doesn't get upset (at least she doesn't show it) when I eat w/ Rae, and she's alot more understanding about the situation. Also, when Rae talks to me about Christine, she makes her seem like some mad crazy tyrant, while Chris makes Rae out to be someone who's carefree, happy go lucky, and is prone to making bad decisions. (Not to be off topic again, but if you ask Mr. Fred about ANYONE who works with us, he'll just say, "piece a' sh*t. . ." lol) I guess its more Rae than Chris. . . .and both sides doesn't tell me everything. For example, Rae told me about how Christine threw her out of her office, and is making her work upstairs, and wants her to remove her desk BUT. . . .Rae never told me that she snuck that desk into her office while she was on vacation w/o her knowing about it. She and her husband even had dinner at Christine's house, and never mentioned the desk. I don't think that was very nice, because I believed that she knew about it, and just out of the fact that theyre mad at each other, threw her desk out. . .just to be ugly . . . This is all too much, and I'm not saying that I'd believe Chris over Rae, but Chris had a really believeable story THIS TIME. . . .I'm not really happy w/ the both of them (or that Rae called me a traitor when I went to meet Chris because she was sitting all alone, while Rae had 4 other people besides myself. . . and I KNOW she meant it. . .) If they keep being negative, I just may move back into the buffet. It's like I left the heat, and jump into the frying pan in that clubhouse. . .and right now is a terrible time to deal w/ that sh*t. . . . **NOTE: The only person who works w/ us who reads my blogs is Rae's daughter, so its not like anyone who works w/ us can spread mess**

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