Wednesday, April 27, 2005

   :\\My Evolution as a Human Being and That Extinguishing Fire Inside (Part 1)\\:

--Note: This is the moment in time when I start learning and experimenting with HTML in order to make this thing look awesome. . . .or at least stylish, so bear with me!-- [Music (or what I'm listening to right now)] "Down Without You" - by P.M. Dawn - Boomerang Soundtrack "River of Crystals" - Kimiko Itoh - Ghost In The Shell 2: Innoscence "There'll Never Be Goodbye" - Toshiyuki Honda - Metropolis Soundtrack [Snippet] "I still remember the ways that you touch me, now I know I don't mean anything to you." - Easy Breezy, Utada Hikaru [Self Evolution] I feel very proud to say that as an individual, I've come a very long way. From the child who wanted to become a scientist, to the teenager who wanted to become a fighter pilot, to the person who is writing this now, trekking across that vast threshold into the working world, where the cruelty of reality awaits to slash my childhood and teenage hopes and dreams. When it comes to goals, being older and wiser, I've focused my career goals into computers, something I hold a deep passion for, and something that's more realistically attainable. To be honest with you, I can only remember two people who are either in pursuit of their childhood dream, or is living their dream job. The rest are pursuing other dreams, for a number of reasons, whether it be a simple interest change, or because of a person they hold dear to them (I no longer have to worry about that LOL.) I wonder how things would turn out if we all followed our childish dreams. . . . .I guess there'd be a great abundance of doctors, astronauts and lawyers LOL, and positions opened all over for less desirable jobs. I mean, who actually DOES want to work retail, or work food service [whether fast or a restuarant, like I work,] or work civil service, where one works long hours and gets less money? There's nothing wrong with working these jobs, hell, I love my job working at Silks Restuarant (in the Evangeline Downs Racetrack and Casino,) but I'm trying to pursue something I'd enjoy more, and I really can't imagine anyone who's lifelong dream would to be to work beside me LOL! [Extinguishing Fire] One part of my evolution that's changed for the worse (and I mean WORSE) is what is probalbly that most easily maullable part of the proverbial human soul. I can remember first likes, not loves, because when I was younger I always considered myself too logical to indulge in something as stupid as love. But, like everyone, as I got older, I gave up those ideas in exchange for the belief that love was always true, and everyone, no matter their history or who they are, is trustworthy. Reality has to be either my worst enemy, or my bestest friend, because it sure has a bad habit of crushing whatever makes me happy, yet at the same time showing me the true ways of the world. Nowadays I believe in the verification of anything I'm told, especially if its told by a so-called "significant other." I think its truely a shameful thing that I cannot trust anyone, short of my friends (just the guys) because I've known all of them for such a long time. That fire inside that burns when you see that person you consider to be "the one" is near extinguished, and I find myself checking someone out, figuring out the many secrets they may keep, or how many ways they may hurt me if I let them inside. I wonder just exactly where is that "right person" I'm always hearing about, because my fire's almost out, and I'm becoming extremely impatient . . ..

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