Sunday, November 20, 2005

Church, Deja Vu, Bad Weather

[Playlist and Snippet] - "" - - - [Ok, Winn, let's get this over with. .] More church again today. . .if going to this church every Sunday is like a television show, today was the two hour friggin special. So this. . .erm. . .evangelist(??) comes to the church today, and this guy is GOOD. He just lights shit up (figuratively speaking,) and gets everyone hype and all that goodness. He gave a pretty good talk too, except one part that I'll get to in a subtopic in this post. Both he and his wife are amazingly good singers too. Overall, it was pretty awesome, not awesome enough to make me wanna participate; I still didn't sing along, or "raise my arms to the Lord (which brings me to another subtopic later)" or all go up to the alter like everyone else did (except Laurens dad, who sat w/ me lol) and pray and do the arms to the sky thing. . .but it was still very good. [Deja Vu] Well its yet another freakishly weird feeling of deja-vu today. . this time in the church, because I had a dream that I was there, in that place, standing next to someone (I didnt know who it was at the time,) feeling out of place because the singing and stuff just isnt my thing. Now I know that the people to my left and right were Lauren and her father Art. This makes me even more worried about that stupid dream about the tornado, especially for its accuracy since I've never seen a tornado form before, much less seen a tornado in real life period. [What I Didn't Like About the Sermon] Ok, so the sermon was good, but he got to this part (and he didn't spend long talking about it,) about being "saved," and thats when my bullshit alarm went off. I don't like the "saved" concept, where if youre not in church, hell if youre not Pentecostal, youre going to hell. This takes me back to one day when I was talking to Scott, and he said, "Winn, youre one of the best people around, and you live your life just as a good person should, but if you were to ask me if I think you're still going to hell, I'd have to say yeah," all because I don't goto church or believe in religion, and I think thats a load of bullshit. If there's a divine being out there like the one everyone believing talks about, I'm sure he's (generalizing of course) forgiving enough to be ok with the fact that I don't believe that you need a membership card to worship him. I believe that everyone has a different relationship with Jehovah (I feel better using one of his many names, than to capitalize a friggin "g" cause its pertaining to him, because I think its incredibly stupid,) or you just don't have one at all, and thats ok too, because if we were created by a divine being (but I'm STILL open to evolution, dont worry,) then we were created with the free will to do whatever we want; If Atheism wasn't optional, I'm sure we wouldn't have been created with the ability to humor that idealism. . .that or we truly are evolved from Apes, and this is all some big lie made up centuries ago to explain unexplainable things, or to give man (as a whole) something to believe in so he'd stay on the "straight and narrow." That leads back to one of the primary reasons why I don't believe in religion in the first fucking place. . . .anyways. . . [All Of The Women At Church. .] "dress their husbands, and I'm going to dress mine too," is what Lauren told me while we were looking at a sales paper. She pointed to a mans sweater, with this UGLY-ASS-PREP design on it (I forced it out of my mind as to not contaminate my individuality,) and exclaimed happily at the thought of buying it for me. I said hell no, not happening, I wouldn't wear it, and she got upset and told me that. I don't know how the pushovers at her church work, but I'm not someones doll, nor am I their slave. I'm sure she'd have solid ground if I ran around telling her what to do and what to wear, but I don't. All I ask is that she always wears underware lol (its an inside joke,) and she can wear all the long skirts and shirts and blouses she wants in order to back up her religion. I haven't complained about anything she's worn so far, and I hope I never do, unless she wears some trampy blouse like something one of my slutty ex's would wear. Much like dealing with my mother and style, I'll gladly accept gifts of clothing, but if I don't like it, I'm not going to wear it. . I'll just give it to someone else, but she's not going to just buy me shit that she likes, and expect me to wear it like I'm some puppy dog. It's enough that I'm such a nice guy and fold her laundry, cook for her (she RARELY cooks. . I can remember her cooking maybe 3 times since I've been here, and either myself or her dad's cooked every other time,) clean up things she may have left behind or do chores that she should have done. . .hell no she's not going to dress me lol. I may be militant and all that jazz, but on my time I treasure my individuality, not being like everyone else. . . . don't get me wrong, though, there are SOME things that may look preppy that I may wear for certain occasions, or on days when I just feel like looking stupid, but there are just SOME THINGS I won't wear. . .SOME SWEATERS I won't wear, because its just not me. [On A Lighter Note. . ] I took notice to the fact that the church DOES resemble the inside of an ark, as I read. . .somewhere. .

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