Thursday, October 30, 2008

Wow....
i think since people stopped comming here, now would be a great time to get some stuff off my chest... I'M IN LOVE!!! I'm so in live that i don't even know that i'm in love!!! *sigh* it's an amazing feeling.... being in LOVE.... love kills slowly, though. everyday as i continue to get closer and closer to him, i think it pains me to know that deep down inside, i know that our time together will soon be up. the closer and closer he pulls me in, the harder it is to escape his grasp. when he holds me, he does it in a way that he hugs no other, almost like he's been saving it for me all day. when i look into his eyes, they're filled with such innocence that no matter how badly you want to protect those innocent eyes from any danger, you know that there's an unspoken secret that may take away the innocence completely. even knowing so, you want to dig deeper and find what makes him tick. he's the only straight guy i'll let get close to me (phillip doesn't count. lol) we don't even have to speak to each other. just being in the same room and knowing that he's safe is enough to satisfy me. even when i'm in the midst of a very deep conversation with someone else, i'm still always aware that he is near me. i think he has some type of sensor to know when i'm sad, and when i need him by me. almost in the same way the clayton has that sensor... i've never kissed him before, but just from touching him, i feel sparks. when we touch, it's a collision of the same emotions that run through my mind: happiness, pain, pleasure, regret.... happiness, because he gives me those feelings; pain, because our time is almost up; pleasure, for even his hand touching my own is nearly orgasmic; and regret for not fully seizing our ime before... i truly do love him, and i don't want to hurt him. i feel such an intense passion when we're together, and i love every second we spend together. there's no way that this is an infatuation. this probably started out as one, but escalated into something much stronger. i love everything about him: his pale skin, his deep green eyes, the dull blond of his hair, his tender touch, the tickle of is beard as he holds me tightly... as i think about the sad year that we have left together, i realize that even though i've run out of time, i'm still going o make light of this situation. he's just that worth it. we recently went on a choir feild trip, and i had to choose between being on a bus with my soul sista, or him. i easily chose him. we didn't even speak. just being near him was enough for me. i love him so much..... i honestly don't know what to do....

I'm Spade, i feel a little bit better, and this is goodbye...

p.s.
Ramen, you said previously that you love his anatomy... if that helps any. your 1st block club president.... -.-
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