Wednesday, March 29, 2006

   ZOMG...I feel soooooooooooooo good.....
Mmmmm, yay for dancing 'till you hurt. *purrs8 At school we had dance class for the musical in 4th, then rehersal (just singing though), and then after that, while everyone was waiting for other people, I put on my Moulin Rouge CD and we danced some more. My sides are killing me, and my calves hurt like a bitch, but I'm just like, ahhhhh, happily exhausted.

Eww. I just sneezed all over my boobs. 0_ou And periods suck, but we already knew that one. xD

DUDES! Ha, I've been forgetting about all the drama in Drama! Guh, all this stuffus between BITCH and Draco and Darlin'. Basically hell manifested on earth. *shrug* 'S ok though, since I'm not a part of it, except for hearing about it all from Darlin'. Y'see, basically, Darlin' and BITCH were supposed to be sharing Draco, but BITCH stole him away from her. They've smoothed things out, but yeah.

*sighs* Poor lil' guy though, something's been wrong with him lately, he's been really depressed seeming. I asked him about it today, but he told me nothing was wrong. He still hadn't been himself though all week, which is why I was so happy after rehersal, 'cause he got up and was dancing with us, and when he was leaving, he came up and gave me this HUGE hug, like he always used to. (Yeah, as I've told Lolly, it's utterly hilarious with me and guys: I don't have boyfriends, I have a billion cuddle buddies. =3) That made me happy, 'specially since he was like, "I luv you," so I was like, "*snuggle* I luv you too!"

xD I luv all my guy friends. And dancing.

Yeah, and the stuff over my grades were settled. To help though, yesterday was a good day:
1. I got a rose from my friend Amber (a yellow rose! Almost my absolute favorite kind! Which are yellow with red tips, but ANYWAY!)
2. I have a B in Spanish II, and got a 94 on my midterm.
3.I didn't fight ONCE with Travis, this guy I always fight with at LEAST once a day (we actually had a really good conversation, and walked each other out of the room!)
4. I had no homework!
5. We had a good class in 4th and got so much covered.

Yay! =333333333 It made me really happy to have a day like that.

Yeah, well, I'mma go get some food, 'cause I ish HUNGRY. *tummy grumbles*

Luv ya'll,
-Megums
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Monday, March 27, 2006

   Ha, Lolly-chan, you ARE SO good at cheering people up!
And YUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH, one day we'll all live together in some big ass apartment/house and be the people everyone loves to come and visit, yet are skurred of at the same time. *grins* It'll be fun! Gah, I'm so expecting this too! I'll make it work somehow!

OHMIGAWD we could live by Disneyland! And Chiru could work for Disney as an artist, I'd be a performer at the park, and you...dunno, what would be your ideal job luff?

BUT YUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! That's what we could do!

Luff,
-Megums

PS- LOL@Chelsea in a flowerpot coming down to rescue me. And yay for not being alone with sucky grades!
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   Not exactly back to normal...
but I'm better. I've got a ways to go though, but shit, Chelsea....you did make me feel a lot better. I'm so glad to have you (and muh Luffly Lolly-chan) as one of my closest, most trusted, best friends. <3

*ish not a lesbian, just comes across as one* 0.o Guess we can't have non-lesbian-sounding moments.

And yesh, the lyrics did help, strangely enough. ^^


I've talked to my daddy, and he's pretty damn understanding, even when I blantly told him, "Yeah, it's MY FAULT. All my fault, i know it." And he was just like, "See? You're already beating yourself up about this, you don't need a sever punishment. Yeah, we'll have to talk about it, but you're already too hard on yourself."

I luff muh daddy. ^^ My momma's pretty pissed, but...ok, really, i know it's weird, and kinda sado-mascho, but I like to piss her off. it's like...the one thing I can really do with my life that's "bad", 'cause it hurts both of us, but it's like, something we have to do. Like, a weird mother-daughter thing.

0__________oUUU Yeah, my family is absolutely bonkers. But it's ok. We know.


But yeah...I do feel a little better. It helps to have people like Chelsea who can just take things up and make 'em seem a little easier. plus, now that I've actually got food in me (missed breakfast, didn't have money for lunch, and was too busy dancing on top of the castle, acting out the "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge), I'm starting to feel more like myself. Which is good.


But i won't even start on the rest of the drama that's going on around me, no way. Except for the fact that BITCH just totally burnt a black hole on my "Black List" (y'know, a list where you put down people who piss you off? I'm speaking metaphorically, but yeah...) for hurting my Darlin'. And using DRACO MALFOY to do it. *grrrrrs* Stupid, stupid girl....ah, well. *huggles Darlin'* Gah, she made me squeal t'day, 'cause she gave me a hug and picked me up OFF THE FLOOR, really high up. 0_o It was cool, but it made me squeal. xD

Ahhh, old Megumi is coming back. Yay!

Luff,
-Megumi~chansansamakun (I hafta revive that every now and then. *grin*)
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   Probably my longest post to date...
And DON'T for a MINUTE think I'm about to do something stupid. 'Cause FUCK THAT, I'm NOT.

I don't know how to begin this. Or even how to end it. Hell, I'm not even sure where I'm going with it. All i really know is everything is suddenly falling apart, and i blame myself. i just hope someday people can forgive me. I hope someday that I can forgive myself.


I'm failing my Pre-AP World History class. To some, it may not sound big. To me...it shouldn't be big. But all my life, I've been raised to believe that nothing but an a is acceptable. Even B's are like a sin to get. Blame my mother, blame me for believing her, it doesn't matter. It just goes to show how worthless I can seem. Thanks to that, I'll probably do myself a favor and do a combination of three things: 1) unplug my computer and move it out of my room; 2) remove my television and stereo; and 3) quit the musical. I just don't care anymore. If I have to punish myself, so be it. I already do it enough mentally, why not start with the physical?

Next. My drama teacher, the damn bastard I can't stand, is quitting at the end of this year. Abandoning us. Just...leaving. To another, richer, private school uptown, in the good part of town. Even though I hate the man...I don't want to work with anyone else. So be it if I quit drama, the only thing I have as my salvation. I've lived before it happened, I'll live again, I guess.


These things may come across as so insignificant, and they may be, but it's just the icing on the cake of six brutal years of my life. And I'm tired of it, sick and fucking tired.


I don't know anymore guys. Just remember, I'm not going to do anything stupid. In fact, I can't do anything like that. I can't bring myself to physically harm my body, because I know you guys are out there. That someone, indeed, loves me, in some way. And that's the best thing in the world to me. But I just don't know what the hell to do. I have such a tiny grasp on reality, and what life holds...I've seriously considered running away. I've considered running away from here, dropping out of school to pick up two or three jobs, pretending I'm 18 or so, and waiting to see how long it takes before something else comes along. I don't think I'd even get that far, but who cares.

I'm sorry guys. I know I shouldn't have let this all out. But I just couldn't take it anymore. I love you all, so much, and I'm sorry for sounding so crazy right now. I really am. I'm just...I don't even know anymore. I'm just done. Done with this part of my life. I can't stand it. And maybe it is time to move on. To just up and leave, even just metaphorically. I just don't know anymore.

I love you guys, so much. You really are the thing that keeps me going at times.


-Megumi~Sparx
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Sunday, March 26, 2006

   LOL@THE GUY (continued from last night)
He's silly. xD

No, really he is. We went out to dinner last night, to the resturant where he works. AND EVERY FIVE MINUTES HE KEPT COMING OVER TO TALK TO MY PARENTS. xDDDDDDDD Even when he was supposed to be working.

And OMGhe'ssoooooooooooocyute. xD 'Cause my brother collects bottle caps, and my dad asked if he could find him two specific caps. So he came back with one, and was like, "I'll try to find another, I promise." And like, 15mins. later he came back with one, and was like, "I know it's not the right kind, but it's almost right!" And then, even later, he comes back with another one! I was just like....

xDDDDDD

And he was just being too cute. He wouldn't talk to me though, except about our Spanish class. *frown* It was enough that he was constantly around though. =D

Love,
-Megumi

PS- Oh. And he has to play my brother at Halo now; he got challenged. I hope he's serious about it too.

xDDDDDDDDDD
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Saturday, March 25, 2006

   Megumi is A) an insomniac, B) entertained, & C) hyperactive
Again.

xD

I spent way too much money, but hey, it was mine to spend. *shrug* Three cds, and 5 manga. A lot of crap, but I'm happy.

1) Original Cast Recording of RENT
2) Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
3) High School Musical Soundtrack (don't fucking ask, xD. It's become a cult following in my drama class.)
4) Inuyasha manga 4-8. Now I just need #9, and I'll have 1-11.

xD

The rest I'll explain in the morning.

Lubb
-Megumi
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Thursday, March 23, 2006

   Awww.....she's actually pretty damn sweet.....
Darlin' is actually really awesome. For going after my DRACO MALFOY, at least he's protected and cared for. *shrug* She's like my new big sister; she actually really cares about me! Chelsea, she kinda like you, except...you're still you, and that's better. But yeah, she's very sweet. She's totally behind me for THE GUY.

YEAH!

I'm happy for that.

=D

-Megumi
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

   OLOLOLZ, TOLD YA I WUZ SICK!!!
Muh mama doesn't believe me when I say I'm sick. *giggle* But...I've got two ear infections, a sinus infection, and strep. Good thing it's Spring break, neh?

I really shouldn't be so giggly...but...I get hyperactive very easily when I'm out of it. Which I am. xD

Oh. And I guess I should write about that whole thing involving those peoples down there. *points* Ho'kays then.

OK, so, we've already cleared that I go to school with all of them. They're all also in the same advanced drama class as me, and in the musical. (And yush, Lolly-chan, that girl IS the one who's like that Courtney girl.) Ok, yeah, anyway:

I like both THE GUY and Mike-bishie, we know this. But I also kindasortanotreallylike DRACO MALFOY. *giggle* I really just like getting attention from the guy; he's really cuddly, and just like OMGSOCYUTE=^o^=*glomp* Very affectionate (aka he's humped my leg in public once, as a joke. This was also after a show, and a big slice of raspberry cheesecake. xD). Well yeah.

(THE GUY and Mike-bishie have actually nothing to do with the story...except for the fact that I like them. *shrug* What...? OH! And that Mike-bishie's trying to win me over by winning my dad over. But yeah, off subject.)

HO'KAYS. SO.

Slut 1&2 just have been pissing me off lately, BUT, agree that DRACO MALFOY is adorable, and kinda like our kid brother. So does Mel, who's known him the longest. So, we all kinda try and keep him to ourselves. HOWEVER! BITCH has been worming her way in, flirting with him, throwing herself all over him, laying claim to him, etc. Pisses me the fuck off. He's just kinda like, "OK whatever", about it, which I'm kindabutnotreally happy about.

Now, for Darlin'. She's been very friendly with him too lately. (Keep in mind that he's a freshman, who's barely an inch taller than ME (I'm 5'2"), and these girls are seniors. Who are basically in it for the physical, 'cause I know both of them wouldn't date him. *grrrs*) Well, on Friday, she bounces over and says, "Guess what?"
"Hmmm?"
"I'm having a 'friends-with-benefits'thing with DRACO MALFOY! (obviously not his name, but yeah, you get the point)"
"Oh...really now...?"
"Yeah! *cute giggle*"

I love the girl, I really do. And I feel for her, as she's basically using DRACO MALFOY to fill the void left by her boyfriend (who left her about two weeks ago). But damnit...HE'S MINE BITCHES. YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE. DDDDDDDDDDDDD=<

Yes, I'm possessive. But it makes me mad!




Lmao, ok, that's all out. And a fun little story it was too. xD I think I need my medicine, any agree? lol

Luv ya'll,
-Megums

PS- Oh yeah Lolly-chan. He got served. *insane giggles*
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Monday, March 20, 2006

   Sparxy does some random shit at night
My GOD, I'm hyper. Note: Cherry Coke + 11PM = HYPERACTIVITY. xDDDDD

I always seem to blog when I'm hyper, has anyone else noticed? Or I'm all emo...*shrugs*

I was gonna post this huge blog on Friday, before we left to go camping, but I couldn't get around to it. Ah well, I'll post what I can remember now, though it'll require some introductions. HEre's a list of all the people I'll include in the blog I post when I'm more...er...sober (ANd by sober, I mean off caffine, not alcohol). xDDD


THE GUY- Ya'll know him. Teh SEXYFULNESSAGE love-of-my-life, the boy I've crushed on since I was 9.
Mike-bishie- Same as before; guy I've known a while (he hit on me for 3 days when I was 12-not-quite-13 and he was 15-going-on-16). Adorable guy, very awesome too.
DRACO MALFOY- I call him this because he's a damn-near lookalike of Tom Felton from the 1st HP MOvie. This kid's effin' adorable as all hell, and I can't help but love getting attention from him. He's a Freshman in the Drama program, and Chip in the show.
Slut 1&2- No REAL explanation...I just like calling them that. Two of the bitchiest, most annoying girls on the planet. Though i do refer to them as friend...you know what they say. *grin* "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
Mel- Love the girl. She's a Leo, so we get along pretty well (when my Leonine side comes out to play). Hangs around with Sluts 1&2, though is very little like them.
Darlin'- So named for her sweet attitude. A little pushy, annoying, and clingy, but overall one of the nicest people to know. She's a senior this year.
BITCH- OK, this girl seriously ticks me off. I act like her friend just to humor her. She's the biggest reason I don't have Creepystalkerboy anymore. (Oh yeah...gotta write about that, don't I? xD *gigglesnort*) She's basically a attention-craving whore. I could go on and on, but yeah



I'm pretty sure that's everyone...y'see, I needed the introduction 'cause I nickname EVERYONE. And otherwise, even I'd be lost. So yeah. <3 xD

-Megums



PS- About Creepystalkerboy: HO'KAYS. See, for awhile, he's been having a thing with BITCH behind my back (they're ex's). So i finally came out and asked him about it. (I've already known everything from BITCH, I just wanted his "side". And an excuse to turn things on him.) Well, he feeds me all these shit lines, and basically, I tore into him like a hungry wolf. Totally blew his cover, admitted everything, and told him, "Fuck you, I'm done". He basically gives in right away, no fight, nothing, and says he's done too. (I had to laugh at this; everything I though from almost the begining was true. I never needed this one; baby, if he can't put up with that mild shit I gave him this go around, there's no way in hell he could've survived the rest of me. Nope, I need a stronger guy than that. =D)

Well, next day, he sends a final note, saying all this stupid crap, and telling me to look up the word "okonomiyaki", because at one point, he really felt that for me, but he never will again. By now, I'm already giggling, as I know the "-yaki" suffix means "fried", usually meaning some kind of fried food. So, i look up the full word and BAM!


It means "fried pizza"

xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Oh fuck YES.

That earned him a nice swift kick in the "olololz DUMBASS" department. I basically corrected him, told him he was a dumbass (but thanks for the laugh! xD) and told him to stop the guilt trips, as I was getting bored.


Haven't heard from him since.
xDDDDDDD

-Luv, Megumi
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

   Mostly for Chelsea and Lolly, but enjoy nonetheless!
Friends vs. Best Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves, and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.
BEST FRIENDS: Calls your parents DAD and MOM.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying,
"We fucked up...but that was fun!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried, just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days, then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you, stumbling all over the place, and say, "Drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.


Luff you two. And Chelsea...do I have something to cheer you up with...*giggles hysterically*. xD

Luv,
-Megumi
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