Tuesday, September 13, 2005

   With the way i am...
It's gotaa be hard to believe that I'm a girl. I mean, when I'm talking/chatting with someone. 'Cause in person, I'm so obviously a girl that it makes your eyes bleed. But I have probably the filthiest mouth EVAR. I'm worse than a sailor on shore leave.

Which'll make it fun to write out my will. OK, it's not my will, but I might as well be signing over my life, as I'll be signing over my heart.

Yeppers kiddies, Sparky-chan's gonna be writing the damn most awesome love letter in the history of evernessage. It'll be sweet, romantic, sappy, violent, cuss-heavy, and probably a bit warped and psychotic. But I'll be damned if I don't do it.

Or if I do, but WHATEVER. I'll probably write two of 'em, one for THE GUY, and one for my ex-almost-lover (who is bisexual and wore EGL for Crossdressing Day today. Damn, he was hot. FUCK. YEAH.) One extending my heart, the other extending friendship. Meybe.

Or meybe I'll just sit back and continue to do whatever-the-fuck I've been doing. Like Chelsers did say, I've got my whole life to find my One. With a capital O.

Yush. But anywhosers, I got all the finishing touches for Homecoming, including new shoes. Argh, they're so smexy! 3 3/4 inch heels, and I'm STILL short in 'em. Ha, I'm such a midget.

Well lufferlys, meesa gotta go. Muahs!

-Sparky~chan
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Saturday, September 10, 2005

   Caffine is my lover
Ha, i'm so freaked out on caffine and sugar. So bad.

I'm jittery. Yeah. All i really wanted to blog, for the moment. ^__________^

-Sparx
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Friday, September 9, 2005

   WARNING: Content not suitable for anyone
I'm in a cuss-happy mood. Seriously, I was cussing at my videogame. Calling the characters "fucking biznitches" and other things.

Argh, i'm turning so Emo, it hurts. But then I'm making fun of Emos by listening to the EMO SONG. Ha! Yush, I lurve it. 'Tis funneh.

But yeah, I'm in a depressed mood, again. I'm not gonna bitch about it, there's to much to say. But hey, I'll get over it eventually. Yush.

Nergh, I'm sweepy. Didn't do my homework. Oh-fucking-well, neh? I'll do it in the morning. 'Night all, luffers much.

-Sparx
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Thursday, September 8, 2005

   Can you hear me now?
I'm on the phone. Right now. Oh yeah bishes.

But my sister's being stupid. She's not getting what I'm trying to say. Yes, it's about my love-life. Yes, it's about Homecoming. And SHE'S NOT FUCKING GETTING IT! I love her, dearly, but it's getting to the point that I'm tuning her out.

I'm trying to explain my trust issues with guys, and people in general, but she's just like, "Oh, it's cause you're still hurt. You'll be ok, you'll get over it." But that's not it. I'm like, terrified of people now. Seriously, i'm down-right terrified of people, of letting people into my life, into my heart, just of even letting them know anything about me. And i know that that is SERIOUSLY not right.

*sigh* And then the whole thing with my "guy" situation. Ok, so yeah, I'm pretty pathetic. 15 and never had a guy or been kissed. And yeah, that's also a big problem for me. I don't feel liked, or loved, in an intimate sense. I crave someone that will care about and for me. I just want to feel loved, to be that one special person in someone's life. I mean, I even have these gorgeous dreams of love, that make me cry when I wake up 'cause I know it's not real.

I used to love guys. I used to trust them. But now...it's just bad. She says that one will come along when it's right. That I just have to quit being stupid and just go up and ask a guy out. But I don't believe in that, I don't want that. I want to feel desired, sought after. I mean, I have so many fantasies of THE GUY and me, or even of other guys, just being with them, in something akin to love.




Damn, this SUCKS MONKEY BALLS.

Neh, rantrantrantbitchrant, I know. I know, I need a therapist.

"Can I cry? Over dreams yet to be felt? Can I cry, because I love you, though i know you'll never love me back? When night falls, and I dream of being happy, can I instead wish upon a star to really be it? Can i cry, and have you whisper to me that it's ok, that you love me? Can I cry, and someday, have you wipe away my tears? Can I cry?"

Can I?

Luff,

-Sparx
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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

   Neh?
Owwie...I swear, this is the last fucking time I'm getting that sugaring done. I'm in a world of pain...wah, it hurts so bad! T____T

Yeah, but otherwise, today was okay/meh. My scene for drama turned out to be awesome; it captured everyone's attention, and i think they liked the concept and characters. I like it, and my partner liked it too, so that's all good.

But otherwise...


Ok, so maybe i DO feel territorial about THE GUY. Seriously. Meh, but why? Because I really do like him? Or what? Because i was finding myself to get jealous today when Mal (that chick who likes him too) was all "OHEMGEE, he is like, soooooooo hot!!!11!" today. And calling him her future boyfriend. i didn't say anything, but yeah, i felt...I dunno, hurt? i mean, i did tell her to go for it...

But even when i do that, i screw myself over...because I tend to really, really like that one person. and, i dunno, I'm saying that i'm cool with it...

But since my friends that i thought really cared about me, showed that they didn't, I lost my ability to trust anyone new. Like, i still trust my sister and my Chels-chan with my LIFE, and i trust a lot of my other, older friends. But i just can't seem to trust anyone else nowadays. Which is really, really bad.

Eh, I'll sort my thoughts out later. Anyway!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA, CHELSEA!!!!! I THINK I GOT THE FIRST REVIEW FOR "CHOKE"! w00t! Go me! Ha, I lurved it, love. Positivly awesome! *flopping glompnessage* 0___o It made sense to meeeeee....in a weird sort of way. But my over-active imagination was like, going haywire, sosososo yeah. But YUSH, I loveded it.

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME:

-Sparky~chan <3
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Monday, August 29, 2005

   My uberly purdy dress of DA-HOOOOOM
Yes, it is my uberly purdy dress of da-hooom. This bitch makes me feel like a gothic fairy princess, AWWWW SHIT! XDDDDDD

I have found love at last. In black satin, netting, and ribbon. It's worthy of that goddess Amy Lee herself, biznitches. Oh, how it is so worthy... <3333333

But yeah, just had to gloat about my dress. Which i love. So very, very, fucking much.

<3-

Sparx
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   A worthy adversary
Ha, I so fucked that word up. I cannot spell for SHIZNAT at times.

But yeah, another blog that's kinda about THE GUY. Miracles of miracles, I'm actually cool with someone else liking him, and wanting to ask him to Homecoming. I mean yeah, it's like WHOA, for me, ne? I guess it's 'cause I'm not threatened by her. We good friends, and she's been checking with me like, every 5 minutes, making sure I'm cool with it.

And I am. I really am. No denial, I swear.

I think it's because he's starting to annoy me. I mean, every time I've liked him, it's been where there's enough distance for mystery and longing to blossom. But now, since he's in D4 with me, it's like...

"God, SHOT ME NOW" with half the things he does/says. Don't get me wrong, I still like him, but not as much, y'know?

Yeah. But hey, THE DUDE is as available as ever. Maybe he'll be my date?

Or hey, you never know, I still may have a chance with THE GUY. Another reason my friend doesn't threaten me: IU can honestly say that I don't think there's much of a mutual attraction from both parties.

Meh, you never do know. <3

So much love I make Cupid cry in shame:

-Sparky~chan
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Sunday, August 28, 2005

   Feeling better
Yeah, I think that rant helped a bit. And sleeping. I felt so much better this morning, after a good 10 hours of sleep.

Thinking about Homecoming helped too. Mine is on the 17th, well, the dance is. And OMG, I finally have enough cash for the uberly-sexiful dress of my dreams. 'tis THIS ONE!:

http://www.debshops.com/fashion/ViewDetail.asp?page=1&CatID=51&ContentID=1042

Ain't it hot? I'm getting the one in black. I saw it at the mall yesterday, and kind of went 0____0V ^________^. And now i have 65$, and my mom says she'll pay the rest.

Now, for shoes, a purse, jewelery...you get the idea. But YUSH, I'mma gonna feel so purdy. And I'm gonna do my hair and makeup all almost-EGL style, and then I'm gonna shake my ass off all night, 'cause I freakin' love to dance!

Screw having a date, I'll be to busy having funners! EEEEEIIIIII! *squeal of uber DEEE-light*

I love dances. And OMGWTFBBQ, I'll get to go to prom this year too! Ha!

I'm such a nerd. Neeeeeeeeeeeh.

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME:

-Sparky~chan
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   I could just fucking kill you...
...and have no fucking regrets.

DAMN YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCHES, TO HELL AND BACK. I HATE YOU, I'LL ALWAYS HATE YOU, AND NOTHING YOU DO CAN STOP ME. I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR LUNGS, RIP OUT YOUR HEART, LEAVE YOU IN YOUR OWN COLD BLOOD, AND LAUGH AS YOU DIE. AND I'D NEVER REGRET IT, EVEN IF I WENT TO HELL, BECAUSE IT'D SERVE YOU FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!

Over-usage of Capslock, ohemgee, lmao. But yes. We all know them by now; those girls who i once considered to be my close friends. Those who decieved me, those who ran down my life to the point that the only thing holding me back from the edge were my Chelsea, my "sister", and my family. I refused to break, and I thought I was finally free. I shouldn't be so damn angry over such a little thing as a quiz result posted on MySpace...

But the damn tramp used my fucking name, and my guy friend's, to get the fucking result! The result to sexual position, with a visual aid! I swear, to any God or higher power, if it was in my hands to decide, the bitch would die.

I feel sick to my stomach. I want to break down and cry. I feel betrayed, slandered, raped of my own name and dignity. Was that I was to you? Some joke? Was that why you never took me seriously, when I told you I had depression? Was that why you didn't care when I explained why I felt no fear towards taking my own life?

TELL ME WHY!

I want to hear it. I want the truth from you. I want a reason before I hurt you, like how you've hurt me. I refuse to crumble; instead, I'll merely repay the favor. Beg, bitches. Such a sweet music for my ears to hear...


OH. MY. GOD. I'm such a fucking sadist. Seriously, don't freak. I just express my emotions through my words, and I guess, well, it's strong stuff. I do feel hurt though; I mean, it hurts so bad, it's not even funny. I really, really, just want to cry. And a hug. T__________T

Wah, I'mma go read some fluffy, smutty, fanfics now. Yummers, smutt 'n' fluff. YAOI, w00t! Don't we know it?

Still doesn't ease the pain. *le sigh* -_______-

Too much love, but Cupid never minded anyway (regular salute on VACATION, in Disneyland, 'cause I dreamed about it last night)-

Sparky-chan <3
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Friday, August 26, 2005

   Dedicated to one sexy piece of ass
Yup, this blog is dedicated to a few sexy pieces of ass at my school with me. Yummers, they're both so... *rawr*.

^___________^

Yeah, one of them would be THE GUY. Yeah, him, that sexy piece of ass in Drama with me. Y'know though, he's actually very annoying at times. Hence, the need to dominate and release his sexual frustration, 'cause we all know that's what male immaturity is. Of course, this would be after we date/d for a while, but whatever. Just hope he doesn't mind the S&M... 0____o IT WOULDN'T BE A LOT!!! Just some light bondage, little bit of pain...

Second sexy piece of ass? OMFG, this dude in my Spanish class. He's a HOTT dude, fo' REALZ. Ha, I'm a dork. But yes, THE DUDE, as his name shall be, is impossible good-lloking. And I barely know him. T___T But YESH, he's teh yummers. But, y'know, I'd have to get to know him before I ravage him senseless.

I'm such a girl, talking about guys like that. I'm also feral. 0____________0

Not good, neh?

-Sparx
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