Thursday, July 14, 2005

   Because, I Really Am
"I've always sort of known that, no matter what they say, I'm still perfect, in that fucked up sort of way."

Yes. Aren't we all though? Really, aren't we all?

Sorry guys, going through a rough time today. My dad's been on the warpath all week, and I just can't seem to be doing anything right. *sigh* And mom is mom, no surprises there.

My birthday's in a week...a fucking week. I truly hate my birthday, nothing ever goes right. Y'know, all I really want this year is to have a GOOD birthday; not one where people are making fun of me, not one that pretty much everyone forgets, not one where people crush my hopes, and not another one I'm forced to block from my memory. For ONCE, in 8 years, I want to have a nice birthday, a birthday worth remembering. I don't even give a shit about presents or cash or what-fucking-ever. I just want to be able to enjoy myself.

But that's just one birthday wish to high to hope for.

Heh. I really do miss whatever childhood I once had, no matter how little I had, or how long ago it was. Because those were the days that I was really, truly, blissfully happy. And not just to make everyone around me the same.

But, we all must grow up sometime. Some sooner, and without a choice in the matter.

Really, I do wish everyone just forgot about my birthday, because I know nothing right will come of it this year.

-Sparx
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Sunday, July 10, 2005

   Owww...?
God, I need to learn how to work a stove right. XD Yup, burned myself again, was making muffins. LMAO, muffins (SHAddup...it's funny.). But YESH, anyway...

"I would have died for you! I would have killed for you! Fuck, I would have climbed the tallest building, stood at the very top, and screamed my love for you until I was hoarse! And I'll be damned if you take advantage of that again!"

FWEEEE, *angstangstangst*. No, I just had that line stuck in my head, and yeah, needed it out. It's kind of what I want to scream at my "so-called" friends...minus the love part, because ewww, sorry, none of them I'd go lesbian or bisexual for. (No offense to GBL. Seriously, none of you would do it either.)

((Yesh...I went to MySpace again. God, I'm such a sadistic maschocist at times...it's NOT even funny.))

*le SIGH* I need to stop letting them get to me...but FUCK, they lied to my MOM even, telling her they'd been trying to call me, when I have no missed calls or messages from them. They HURT me, and what's even WORSE is I know [i]how[/i] to hurt them, but I CAN'T. I try to be above that...

Even if I dream of taking over the world a ruling with an iron fist and all makes of man trembling at my feet...except for those select few who I deem worthy...accepting applications today! But no, really...

And I know I do it just for the hellovit...but it's still funny as fuck to pull my sister off them after she catches me crying or in a "mood". XDDDDD

Eh, oh well. No use crying over spilt milk...instead, feed it to the cat.

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME: -Sparky~chan

PS- "Don't fucking cuss, 'cause that shit ain't cool!" XD *giggle* SO my new motto...
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Sunday, July 3, 2005

   Back from vacation!
Yay! I got back in last night, and DUDE, I'm still tired. But yeah, just a little tiny update, 'cause I need to finish writing a few letters, and then I've got to start putting all my stuff away from unpacking, then I've got to decide what to do with myself this week. Yeah...long, LONG sentance there. Oh wells. But anyway, yesh, I gots to do that stuff I said I needed to do. More posts later, I promise!

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME: -Sparky~chan
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Friday, June 17, 2005

   Have I screamed at you today?
No, I wasn't running around being a bitch. Though, I feel like doing so now. Ugh, ever hate reality so much, that you wish there was a different one to escape to?

I'm depressed, again. What else is new, eh? Anyway, I made up with my mom about that "incident" (the snowglobe is now safely back in my room though XD), and it's been OK again. I have the unbridled URRRRRRRGGGGGGE to go shopping, GOD, do I want to! I need new/more clothes anyway. Call me materialistic, but I lurve clothes. And shoes. And random junk.

OH! Listen to this! *deep breath, as is now customary before revealing big news*

.......*also customary*

OMFG!!!!!one111!!!!elventy!!!111

We had gotten a new puppy Sunday night, but now he's living with my "sister" 'cause he pissed our other dog off. Oh, but the puppy was so damn adorable! He was 2 months old, and TINY! I don't really miss him though, and I can see him anytime I want. Yeah, I don't make for a good housetrainer...

Anyway, I need to go write my Chels-chan again. I'm having too much fun with my Gmail account, lemme tell ya. I would do more shameless promoting, but I'm not really in the mood. But yesh, I need to write my Chels.

Another update:

Days 'till I go on VACATION!: 9
Weeks until my birthday: 4.5 or something like that

Yeah...you can tell I'm not that excited about the latter. Oh well.

I finished another pixel doll! And this one's sooooo friggin' awesome to me, I swear! She's modled after a character in my new fic I'm starting, yet to be titled. It's an Ancient Egypt Yu-Gi-Oh! AU though, and the doll is of my only OC in the story. She's basically a slave, but one of the higher-end ones, so her costume is tres pretty. But yeah, I'm damn proud of myself.

...y'know, I realy do love Otaku. Getting all this shit off my chest really helps at times. At least, it's less self-destructive than my regular activities, even if it doesn't completely remove the pain.

And by "shit", I mean those damn bitches we all know and love by now.

But yes, that's all for tonight. I'm adding some more quiz results...but that's it really. Check 'em out though!

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME: Sparky-chan
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Sunday, June 12, 2005

   My mother...
I can't believe her at times. I seriously just can't. And at times, I seriously just want to scream at her until my lungs are on fire and I'm blue in the face. Why? Well, here's the most recent example:

We were in my brother's room, commenting on how clean it was (since my mom cleaned it). I looked up on the shelves above his headboard, and notice that one of MY snowglobes is up there. (Background note: I collect snowglobes; my collection is one of the most presious things I own. The snowglobe in question is one that my great-aunt gave my mom, for me, when i was born; my first one. My great-aunt has been dead for almost six years, and I was close to her. So, there was reason for me to freak out.) But anyway, I start asking why MY snowglobe was in HIS room, and my mom claims it's his! I keep pressing that NO, it's my snowglobe. She says she bought him one just like mine (that snowglobe was made in the late 80's/early 90's. I got it in '90. My brother is only 8. Do the math.) She says mine is in my room, with the others. She goes into my room, looks around, and LO AND BEHOLD, the snowglobe she claims is in there, isn't. She continues to look anyway (the thing holds almost a gallon of water; it's not hard to miss), but, of course, doesn't find it. I was right.

But instead of admitting she put MY snowglobe in my brother's room, she just says, "Jeeze, you're getting so worked up over this. At least it's in the house." I'm still angry. "Do you want me to move it in here?" Ahhh, bargaining, eh? Well sorry mom, it's the silent treatment for you, and I don't CARE if you get pissed off this time! "No, it's fine." Snarl, snarl, I'm going to move it anyway, when you're not here! "Ok." She leaves the room.

Not an "I was wrong" or, "It's yours". Not even a "sorry". My precious snowglobe, 15 or more years old, one of my most prised possessions, and she claims it's the "miracle child's". (My brother was born after she was told she couldn't have anymore kids. Now, it doesn't matter what I do, she still treats him like her baby, and it's very obvious, and not just to me, that he's the favorite.) I just can't believe it. I just want to break something, or to cry, or just anything.

Maybe I'm over-reaccting. But I don't give a shit.

So much love I make Cupid cry in shame:

-Sparky~chan
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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

   My "friends" are...so...fucked...
Okay, not all of them. But the three I actually considered to be my close(est? maybe? at one time?) ones (they were the only one's, besides Chels~chan and my sister, who knew I have depression, and can be suicidal. Yeah, the same ones who have made me feel worthless more than just once or twice.

Well, anyway, I quit MySpace last night (yay! No more mindless chatter from the cult followers! Though some users are actually really cool.). I sent messages to everyone on my friends list, letting 'em know. I can understand most of them not caring, but those three? Well, I don't know if they've read the message yet, but when this get it, it'll be a stream of: "YOU RETARD! FIRST YOU SAY IT SUCKS, THEN YOU QUIT AFTER LIKE, FOUR DAYS! GOD, YOU'RE SO STUPID!" and so on.

Yeah, as it's been said, I need new "friends". At least, I need to get rid of these ones. Any idea how hard it'll be though?!
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Sunday, June 5, 2005

   Doom, doom, DOOM DOOM, doom doom doom...
Ah yes, the forever love of the Doom Song. Can ya tell I'm BORED AS FUCK?! Yeah.

Anyway...you can all hit me now. *winces* I joined MySpace. I KNOW, I KNOW! *whimper* I'll probably end up leaving it within two weeks. It's already showing how...suckish...it can, and will forever, be. So yeah, if it weren't for my friends bitching me out, I would never have joined. But, yeah. I'm bored with it, no matter how much of a "cult" it's claimed to be. 'Sides, I MUCH prefer this place. *huggles Otaku*

I did another creation today; another pixel doll. This one isn't really mine, which is why I could never put it up. It's one of those generic, found on a bazillion sites, so shreeded it's lost it's base/artist credits. I redid the hair, clothes, and pillow the girl's holding, as well as making it a little more than PG-13, and not in the fun, sexual type way. Let's just say, it involves a lot of blood. 0_o;; I just KNOW Chels~chan would kill me if she saw it (it looks somewhat like me). Yeah...it even kinda disturbs me.

It's also kinda freaky 'cause of thw words I encorporated into it: "And so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows." Yeah, copyright those to mister Billy Joel himself. And the MOST FUCKIN' GREATEST LOVE SONG EVAR!!!one!1

Well, night guys, I'm gonna head to bed. And yes; it rhymed.

So much love i make Cupid cry in SHAME!:

-Sparky~chan
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Thursday, June 2, 2005

   Just another day
Eh, boring day, as usual lately. Except for the fact that I got locked out of my house earlier, and had to have my "sister's" dad climb through a window to unlock the door. But yeah, just a normal day.

My birthday's coming up in a little over a month. I'm not really excited though. I don't really care for my birthday; almost every year, since I've been about...7, or so, nothing good happens. Seriously, my birthday usually gets me so down, I block the day from my memory. I mean, the few birthdays I can remember aren't even all that great. But really, birthdays suck.

Anyway, more on that later, as the big day draws closer. I'm going to get something to eat, then continue working on my boringness.

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME:

-Sparky~chan

PS- I won't be on at all tonight, from around 9pm 'till probably 10am tomorrow. My computer's getting upgraded! (Well, it's been getting upgraded since last night; I'm on a family computer right now.) So yay!
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Friday, May 27, 2005

   I've gots a new avvie!
Yay, me made a new avatar! Since it's kinda funky lookin' (you can't see it yet, I hope it's up soon), let me explain what it is, exactly.

It's an inverted-colored picture of a burning rose. And the words say: "A burning rose still smells as sweet".

How ya like it? I'm in luffs with it, seriously, I am.

So much love I make Cupid cry in SHAME:

-Sparky~chan
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   As a final note
I'm gonna be out of town this weekend, so drop me a line, but don't expect a response until Monday night. Happy Memorial Day folks!
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