myOtaku.com: Sparx539

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-07-21
Gender
• Female
Location
• USA, babeh!
Member Since
• 2005-02-10
Occupation
• Student/Artist/Musician
Real Name
• Chels and Lolly call me Megumi, ^o^

Personal

Achievements
• Nothing much yet, just some stuff for my writing projects.
Anime Fan Since
• Sailor Moon and DBZ first came out on Cartoon Network...I didn't even know what the hell I was watching, just that I loved it.
Favorite Anime
• Yuugiou, InuYasha (DON'T JUDGE ME!), DNAngel, Gravitation, and...stuff. 0__o
Goals
• Nothing ATM o__o
Hobbies
• Writing fanfiction, reading, acting, singing, doodling, DANCING, talking with people, videogames, and other crud.
Talents
• I'm a good writer from what people say, and I'm damn good at stage stuff (including some tech, ^o^).

myOtaku.com: Sparx539

Thursday, September 8, 2005

Can you hear me now?
I'm on the phone. Right now. Oh yeah bishes.

But my sister's being stupid. She's not getting what I'm trying to say. Yes, it's about my love-life. Yes, it's about Homecoming. And SHE'S NOT FUCKING GETTING IT! I love her, dearly, but it's getting to the point that I'm tuning her out.

I'm trying to explain my trust issues with guys, and people in general, but she's just like, "Oh, it's cause you're still hurt. You'll be ok, you'll get over it." But that's not it. I'm like, terrified of people now. Seriously, i'm down-right terrified of people, of letting people into my life, into my heart, just of even letting them know anything about me. And i know that that is SERIOUSLY not right.

*sigh* And then the whole thing with my "guy" situation. Ok, so yeah, I'm pretty pathetic. 15 and never had a guy or been kissed. And yeah, that's also a big problem for me. I don't feel liked, or loved, in an intimate sense. I crave someone that will care about and for me. I just want to feel loved, to be that one special person in someone's life. I mean, I even have these gorgeous dreams of love, that make me cry when I wake up 'cause I know it's not real.

I used to love guys. I used to trust them. But now...it's just bad. She says that one will come along when it's right. That I just have to quit being stupid and just go up and ask a guy out. But I don't believe in that, I don't want that. I want to feel desired, sought after. I mean, I have so many fantasies of THE GUY and me, or even of other guys, just being with them, in something akin to love.

Damn, this SUCKS MONKEY BALLS.

Neh, rantrantrantbitchrant, I know. I know, I need a therapist.

"Can I cry? Over dreams yet to be felt? Can I cry, because I love you, though i know you'll never love me back? When night falls, and I dream of being happy, can I instead wish upon a star to really be it? Can i cry, and have you whisper to me that it's ok, that you love me? Can I cry, and someday, have you wipe away my tears? Can I cry?"

Can I?

Luff,

-Sparx
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