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AIM
• whiterose539
E-mail
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Birthday
• 1990-07-21
Gender
•
Female
Location
• USA, babeh!
Member Since
• 2005-02-10
Occupation
• Student/Artist/Musician
Real Name
• Chels and Lolly call me Megumi, ^o^
Personal
Achievements
• Nothing much yet, just some stuff for my writing projects.
Anime Fan Since
• Sailor Moon and DBZ first came out on Cartoon Network...I didn't even know what the hell I was watching, just that I loved it.
Favorite Anime
• Yuugiou, InuYasha (DON'T JUDGE ME!), DNAngel, Gravitation, and...stuff. 0__o
Goals
• Nothing ATM o__o
Hobbies
• Writing fanfiction, reading, acting, singing, doodling, DANCING, talking with people, videogames, and other crud.
Talents
• I'm a good writer from what people say, and I'm damn good at stage stuff (including some tech, ^o^).
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Friday, September 30, 2005
Am I a bad person?
God, I'm so fucking angry with myself...
Today we had a few auditions in Advanced for this benefit show next week. Well, two of these ex-friends of mine were auditioing, and I was expecting them to suck pretty hard-XXX-core.
Well surprise FUCKING surprise. Everyone was blown away by them, including myself. i just couldn't believe it. So then i started beating myself up, because there's no way in Hell I'd ever think i was that awesome, then i got pissed at myself for wanting them to suck, and yeah...
Damn me and my no self-esteem. And then my mom was all talking to me about it, and inside my head i was just screaming at her to stop lying to me, and I was like, "Face it mom, there's no use of me being in Advanced, I don't even deserve it, and freakin' A, it doesn't matter if i had the best voice ever, there's no use in being an alto, there's never a lead or good part for altos." And yeah, i feel really fucked up right now.
I don't even want to go to competition anymore, because I swear, I'm utterly terrible at acting. like, I guess it's because of how my parents pushed me to be "perfect" when I was little, and just having people constantly throw and put me down, but I have no faith in myself with anything I do. Absolutely nothing, I just feel like quitting that class, because I shouldn't burden others by keeping my no-talent-ass around, right? I just can't see or hear what others do when I get compliments, and I just don't feel like I deserve them.
Does all that make me a bad person? Really, does it? 'Cause I feel pretty fucked up on the inside with everything I think about myself, and how I know it's not right, but it's all I can remember feeling about myself, so yeah. I'm a goddamn freakin' therapist's wet dream, with the way I'm fucked up in the head. Shit shit fucking shit, I really do hate myself at times.
Damn it ma, you better get me a therapist soon, or I'm freaking just quitting school and leaving you to pick up the pieces of myself when I go all delinquient on your ass...
-Sparx
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