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myOtaku.com: spectre-01


Friday, January 20, 2006

The Meaning of life
For my english class i wrote an essay that i had entitled one is the loneliest number. this essay was all about why i specifically feel alone and how i got their. i wont repeat the entire essay but the main point i was trying to make was that all people need someone to care and love them. cia and i have talked about this essay and she was afraid that her self-destructiveness would end up hurting me. i told her it was too late for that because i know she cares for me that just ending the relation would cause more pain then any self explosions of hers might inflict on me. i have come to realize that everyone around her tries to protect her from percieved dangers including those found in a relationship. the problem with this is u cannot protect someone forever and the amount of protection she has now wether real or imagined could end up causing her more pain.

you may be wondering why anyone would want to be in a relationship like this but most of u know cia at least what she puts on her site. the time has come in my life when i need someone too. being alone is not just a state of being but an attitude too and causes more self pain than the loss of love ever could. i believe that cia and i need each not an a physical sense but in an emotional one. that is my meaning of life...
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