Sunday, May 27, 2007

   So you want a musical post?
Then you can have one. These songs are mostly aimed to Rinoa, but everyone else is free to watch as always. Watch the videos first, then read my comments about them below the videos.




Never did a strained friendship put to music sound so good. No, this one's not at Rin, it's to tina. So now I proceed to voice my frustrations. At Rin's insistence, and my own judgement I kept a laisez-faire policy, hands off. Did I try and hurt you? It's been months now since this all started, and I question whether you were ever a friend at all sometimes. I have no reason for this, you care not to explain. Rin may be cowardly on this, but you, you dare not even speak to me, much less look at me. If you decide this it how it's going to be, then so be it, this is goodbye. Rin, I'll have you know that I'm frustrated here, just thinking of it all, but I'm not quite so ready to end things immediately. Still, things must be said.



The whole situation makes me dizzy
To quote the song: Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
And again:Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
Lastly: What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
It hurts me now, more than before I cannot ignore it.



Not much message here really. I love you dearly rin,the thought of it hurts me, but hey, I trust you. I fear not. So it's muppet time!


This one's by feist, she seems to be pretty unique as far as singers go, and this particular song is fun. It deals with growth and renewal, perhaps your heart changes as time goes on and you learn more, so even those times when you hurt are beneficial in the long run, as they'll help you grow. Every experience, when taken this way, can be treasured, and even laughed at.



The above video is a love song, not quite what I want to be our song, but rather, a song from me to you rin. I know sometimes it seems hard, but I feel somewhat destined. Yeah, I'm rational in all things, save this, what could potentially be the most important thing in my existence. But I feel you've stolen my heart, and I can't quite see myself getting it back. I may be leaving, but I feel destined to be with you and only you.
This was the only version of the song I could find with a video that had us in it, but embedding has been disabled: http://youtube.com/watch?v=KQ37DXDF40c




I thought humor would be a bit nice to finish things off with. You don't much see this dance, but I figure, I've learned a thing or two about life, and dancing, from chocobos, and muppets. Thusly I end my post.
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Monday, May 21, 2007

   Rinoa
We're watching the movie this song came from.


What do you all think of the video? Sorry, but I've been busy as of late. I'll be posting more frequently later on in june, but I won't forget about Myotaku. Goodbye for now.
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

   Happy Birthday
I found this silly video, made me laugh.


Now seriously.


I love you.
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Monday, May 14, 2007

Philos Sophia
the root words which form the word philosophy.

Here's a quiz I took, with some details on my own.

You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life. “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” “It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” --Jean-Paul Sartre “It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.” --Blaise Pascal More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Existentialism 85% Justice (Fairness) 80% Divine Command 75% Utilitarianism 75% Strong Egoism 55% Hedonism 50% Kantianism 50% Apathy 25% Nihilism 5% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

Existentialism is first. I hold that even though there is destiny, and forces out there pushing us, we can make our own destinies, if we try hard enough. If I want something bad enough I should be able to get it, if I put in the effort, even if it's not really in the cards for me. This is my hope, my dream.

I also have a strong faith in justice. You get what you deserve, so those forces I mentioned earlier, they'll keep you from being able to do anything without consequences. If you're good you'll be rewarded, if you cause harm, you will be harmed. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday it will come to pass. If you reach beyond what's in your destiny, this probably will try and stop you, so it would be a herculean feat to change your own destiny, but it would be possible nonetheless.

Spirituality, religion, I rely on these as a compass, though not absolute, the further I've strayed from the direction this compass points, the more confused and strange my life has become. I always seem to find that going to church will give me some sort of drive to get things moving again.

Utilitarianism is something of a check for me. I use it to gauge my actions and life in general. This means that if I do something, it should have some sort of generally positive outcome, and if not, I wonder why it doesn't and how I can change that. However, I'm not for changing things radically to meet this criteria, rather, gradual change is best. To do something, not for its own sake, but for the sake of providing a benefit to someone or something, that is my belief. Even if that someone is me. There are some exceptions, such as principled matters, but I generally try to follow this.

I suppose strong egoism would be doing things for one's own benefit, as opposed to the benefit of others. I see it as, if I have good intentions, then doing things to empower me to carry out these good intentions is a rather good thing.

Pleasure, it is not my main goal, and I've suffered plenty in the past. Given this past, it's assured that I will suffer in the future, and in all likelihood, I'll suffer greatly. But if that means advancing the greater good, then bring on the suffering. If I can avoid this pain, let it pass, if I cannot, then give it to me, spare me not.

Kantianism, as I've seen it defined, would mean that I have one goal and everything is directed towards this goal. I do have a tendency to do this, but I doubt it fully agrees with everything this philosophy embodies, as my goal is rather general and open to change.

These last two are my great banes.

Apathy, to not care, to not feel, I must fight this feeling all the time. In my interactions with others, I sometimes feel compelled, even when it is a person of such meaning as Rin to me, to say "I quit, I give up, I don't care anymore, do what you will." I probably have said similar things, to friends, to Rin, but I really don't want to. The feeling that I don't want to care is there, but giving in to it would set me back.

Nihilism is me when I've been depressed for far too long, and moved beyond apathy. It means there is no meaning to anything, not your life, not mine, not the earth or religion or the heavens, not a single thing has meaning. Was I suicidal at one point in my life? Yes. But the Nihilistic feelings I had were overpowered by my goal, my desire and ultimate wish to have a mass positive impact upon this world.


Rin's Ball
What can I say, I tried. But apparently the Universe saw fit to give me retribution for something. Not much went right, and roses taste nothing like they smell.

Here have a video or two.


such a sad song... feels rather troubled...



Rin and I share a liking of this song, and this video. Enjoy.

3:40 AM.
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Thursday, May 10, 2007

   Do you wish to laugh?
If so, here. Have this.



For my rin, a song to tell people how I feel, it's mostly accurate, except neither of us has gone anywhere.



Not going to do well in English, yet another year of having a teacher who loathes me. I don't get it, they all tell me I'm a good writer with talent, but they seem to grade me lower than that. Lateness is not accepted, and the workload is immense. But it's my own fault for not having tried harder. Still, I really dislike this American Idol style of teaching, where the actual learning is minimal, but instead relies on thinning out the crowd by giving harder and harder assignments until everyone either drops or fails.

A class was cancelled, and I've lost a morning class (can you picture me as a morning person?) because I've consistently arrived late.

Here's a quiz, and then after that another video for my rin and everyone else.





What Sparda Male Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.



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Tuesday, May 8, 2007

   How I really feel
Watch the videos before you read on.

same song


you know, talking about the future is one thing. I really had been having second thoughts about that 5 year promise. But I'll take the plunge, I'm feeling something real, a fear here. We're approaching uncharted territory, beyond what I'd glimpsed before, beyond what I had conceived of. As you leave school, and get a year older, things will change. I commit myself to face this fear, and stare it down, I won't run from the inevitable conclusion, it's the best outcome. Here's to 2 and 1/2 more years, we're halfway to the goal now, and I'm thinking we're going to make it.

This is the song that was stuck in my head, a day or two ago, I forgot the name, but I didn't feel like singing it.
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Friday, May 4, 2007

   Bang


Today stunk worse than any day in recent memory. No rin, no happiness, nothing much else. Blisters on my hands as of late, school work is getting tougher physically now.
Tomorrow I'll be working, then going to work for school, resulting in no rin that day either... probably not saturday. I really want to see her...

You guys can watch all that stuff from the last post, just because its for rin doesn't mean its exclusively for her. I'd like some feedback on it, especially the first one, which I wasn't able to embed.
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Thursday, May 3, 2007

   For Rin
I'm sorry, so the following is all for you.

First off, this is a cinematic masterpiece, whatever your feelings towards the singer, the cast, and choreography are exceptional. I can't embed it, but here's the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3wShd_bX8A

This one is a far cheesier, far more boy band song. It will make you smile at least, then you'll call me out for being a hopeless romantic. The video quality sucks at some points, but it gets the point across.


Here's a duet, which I think we could do sometime, it's funner, slightly less cheesy. With Michael Buble and Laura Pasini. While it may seem like a breakup song, it sounds to me like people would be more inclined to stay together after all that.


Everyone could use more cheese in their lives. Here's some from Michael Buble, I like it, it seems to capture what you mean to me somewhat. With cheese.


Lastly, the downer, for all the pain, when your tears come, you can run to me, I'll comfort you. You don't need to hide yourself from me, or worry about anything with me. Come, I'll be waiting.


After all the tears, here, have a laugh, if you believe in santa clause, the easter bunny, or happiness, then don't watch this.

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Monday, April 30, 2007

   Work
In 1 hour. It's about 11:00, and I'll be working by midnight. Thought I had a chat for an online class, so I missed work earlier, and they were pretty upset, then I found out the chat is next week, and I was pretty upset. My information has not come, and my paper is due thursday. Working for a theatre production at school now, that would be interesting, if it didn't add to my problems. Why does this all have to suck so much?
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Saturday, April 28, 2007

work in 8 hours
it's 4 am. Going to bed now. Sorry for the lack of posts in a while, haven't really logged in to MyOtaku. I'll improve post quality later, but for now you're all stuck with this.
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