Saturday, May 21, 2005

   One of my funniest fanfics
"Titanic and Tantei Don't Mix"

Kurama walked in the front door of the house he lived in with his mother, who was gone on a trip with her new husband. His stepbrother, Shuichi, was away at camp, so lucky Kurama had the whole house to himself… that is, until he heard the doorbell ring. In graceful movements, he went to the front door and opened it. Outside stood Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei. “Hi, everyone,” he said to them.

“Hey, Fox-boy!” Yusuke called him by his invented nickname. Kurama really didn’t mind it; it literally grew on him.

“Hey, Kurama!” Kuwabara said, giving Kurama a tight hug, which almost made the fox turn blue.

“Kuwabara, I can’t breathe…”

Kuwabara then let go of him, letting Kurama catch his breath.
Seeing Hiei look at Kurama and give him an “Hn” meant “Hello” anyway.

Kurama ushered them inside; while Kuwabara and Yusuke fought about who was sitting on the couch, Kurama put in a black videotape.

Hiei looked at the tape curiously but suddenly took out his sword when he heard music coming from it. “What happened?”

Kurama came back in with a popcorn bowl and saw Hiei take out his sword. “Hiei, it’s all right,” he said over Yusuke and Kuwabara’s banter. “Sometimes, the movie will come on by itself.”

“How can it do that?” Hiei asked him.

“Well, some videotapes do that automatically,” Kurama answered, setting the popcorn bowl down on the couch. When he saw Kuwabara and Yusuke still arguing, he kicked them both in the back.

“OW!!!!” came Kuwabara and Yusuke’s voices.

“Would you two cut it out?” Kurama said as Hiei took another seat on the couch. “The movie’s starting.”

A few minutes of silence until…

“Kurama, what’d you get, anyway?” Yusuke asked from the floor.

“Titanic,” Kurama answered him, reading the back of the movie case. “It’s one of the most popular movies ever made.”

Kuwabara looked at the screen closely. “Any pretty girls in it?” he asked. “Please, let there be some pretty girls in it.”

Kurama continued to read the back case of the movie. “Well, there’s Kate Winslet,” he answered,
pointing to a young woman on the screen with a white dress and hat.

Kuwabara looked at the screen. “Ooh, I bet Yukina would look great in that,” he said, hypnotized by the starlet.

Yusuke pointed to a guy with slicked back hair. “And who’s that loser?”

“That’s Billy Zane,” Kurama answered him. “He plays a man named Cal, who is her fiancé.”

Kuwabara blinked in heartfelt surprise. “She’s getting married?”

Yusuke patted his back in mock understanding. “Aww, don’t worry about that, Kuwabara.”

Kuwabara cheered up automatically. “That’s right; I still have my lovely Yukina to be with.”

Hiei looked at Kuwabara and growled.

“Hiei….” Kurama said to him, looking at the fire demon out of the corner of his green eyes.

While they watched the movie, Yusuke looked at Jack literally staring at Rose in the movie. “Why can’t he just run up there and ask her out?”

“She’s engaged to someone else,” Kurama answered.

“Think there’s a dress like that for Keiko?” Yusuke asked Kurama, who looked down at Yusuke with a sly grin.

“Oh, so you DO like Keiko in that sense,” Kurama said to him.

Yusuke laughed nervously. “No way,” he said to the fox, who knew that he was lying through his teeth. “Keiko and I aren’t like that.”

“Yes, you are, Urameshi,” Kuwabara argued. “Remember that time you went to the movies with her two weeks ago?”

“That was Kurama’s dare from ‘Truth or Dare’ two weeks ago!”

“So? You still went out with her.”

Kurama looked at Yusuke. “That was payback for making me kiss Hiei… on the lips, I’ll remind you,” he broke in.

Hiei looked at Kurama and Yusuke. “Don’t remind me,” he said to them before turning back to the movie.

Yusuke and Kurama went back to the movie. All was quiet until…

“Why’s she running…” Yusuke watched as Rose looked over the back of the ship. “What’s she doing?”

Kuwabara watched as the woman stepped over the railing and held onto it. “No! Don’t jump, pretty lady! The Great Kazuma Kuwabara will rescue you!”

Hiei hit Kuwabara upside his head with the hilt of his sword. “Baka! She’s not real!”

Yusuke fell over laughing while Kurama tried not to laugh at all. Hiei wasn’t even laughing, and as he looked at both Kurama and Yusuke, they shut up. That is, until the Jack and Rose part with the necklace.

“’Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this.’”

“’All right.’”

“’Wearing ONLY this.’”

“WHOA!” Yusuke and Kuwabara said at the same time, watching the movie more intently.

Hiei was not even amused. “What is the point of her taking her clothes off and letting him draw her?”

“I’m not even sure there was a point at all,” Kurama said to him.

“Wow! I hope Keiko lets me do that to her once,” Yusuke said to no one in particular.

“So, I assume you like Keiko like that, hmm?” Kurama said, looking down at him again.

“No! Not in that way!” Yusuke was panicky with the pressure.

“Give it up, Detective,” Hiei said to him. “You know you can’t lie about that to Kurama.”

Yusuke looked at Hiei. “You’re about to get your ass kicked!”

Kurama kept Hiei and Yusuke apart. “Guys, let’s just watch the movie.”

“’I couldn't stop shaking. It was the most erotic moment of my life. Up until then, at least.’”

“’So, what happened next?’”

“Yeah, what happened next?” Yusuke asked, which gave him a well-deserved kick from Kurama, who was sitting behind him.

“’You mean, did we "do it"? Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Bodine, but Jack was a complete gentleman.’”

“Not like the Detective,” Hiei said, watching the movie.

“All right, Hiei, come on!” Another kick in the back. “Damn it, Kurama!”

“Would you be quiet, Yusuke?” Kurama said to him.

After muttering a curse about Kurama under his breath, he received another kick on his back.

“I heard that.”

Kuwabara laughed in his hand…that is until Yusuke and Kuwabara started delivering punches at each other. “You think that’s funny, Kuwabara?!” Yusuke shouted at him, punching him in the gut.

“Yeah, that was hilarious!” Kuwabara answered him, clocking Yusuke in the face. This went on for about fifteen minutes.

“Yusuke! Kuwabara!” It was Kurama and he wasn’t very happy. The popcorn had fallen off the couch and spilled onto the otherwise clean carpet.

Yusuke and Kuwabara stopped fighting and looked up at Kurama. “I think we’re in a lot of trouble,” Yusuke said.

“WE?!” Kuwabara argued. “YOU were the one who started it!”

Hiei was about to pull out his katana when Kurama continued to look down at them. “Enough already!” Kurama said to them. “You two are cleaning the entire living room right now!”

Still grumbling about who started the argument, they headed to the closet and pulled out the vacuum cleaner. With vacuuming under Kurama’s eye, they vacuumed up the mess in less than a minute. After putting the vacuum back in its place, they went back to their spaces and continued to watch the movie.

Everything was quiet again… for a little while, anyway.

“Oh, man! Did you see that? She spit in that guy’s face!” Yusuke said.

Kuwabara nodded his head. “He deserved it, though. No man should treat their woman like a trophy!”

“Yeah! What’s up with that, anyway?”

“Back then, the men could do as they wished to their women,” Kurama explained. “This was during the earlier 20th Century. Thank Enma things are somewhat different.”

Kuwabara stood up. “I’ll never treat my lovely Yukina like that!”

Hiei’s hilt on his katana hit Kuwabara on the head again. “Shut up and watch the movie.”

Kuwabara rubbed the back of his head and continued watching the movie.

“What the hell?” Yusuke said, looking at an ice-haired Rose singing something. “Hey, turn that up!”

Kurama turned up the volume.

“’Come, Josephine, my flying machine… and it’s up she goes. Up she goes.’”

“What’s wrong with her?” Kuwabara asked.

“Baka. She’s in shock,” he answered. “Her human body can’t handle much more of that water.”

“Is it really that cold?”

“Try floating on a piece of board in the North Atlantic,” Kurama said to him. “That’s cold water.”

When the movie was finally over, Yusuke had one final question. “Kurama, how long was that movie?”

“Actually, it was three and a half hours.”

Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei all face-faulted. “THREE AND A HALF HOURS?!”

Kurama laughed nervously while a sweatdrop rolled down his head. “Um, sorry?”

Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at each other. “Get him!” And off started the chase of a red-haired fox demon. Yes, it was an interesting day at the Minamino house….

A crash sounded from the hallway.

“YUSUKE!!!”

… Yep, interesting day, all right.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This actually took about three days to write on my own. Hope you all enjoy it.
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