Monday, June 8, 2009

   ...good-bye...

It's official. I've reached the commencement of the crumbling of my kingdom. Well, it's not exactly a kingdom, but in a way it is to me.....
I thought things were going to be somewhat okay...hopefully things will still somehow be. How come things don't last forever? Why do we have to say good-bye? Why can't there be change for JUST the better? First off, summer. YaY! No more school. I find that fun and all, but I like school because I get to see my friends everyday. Now that we're on break, I don't get to see them that often...and I miss them all already. Today, one of our dear priests at our church was retiring, and today was his last day. I'm going to miss him tremendously and I don't know how the church and some activities will go on. It's just not going to be the same without him. Next, the parish festival. It is one of the things that I absolutely love and look forward to every summer. There's games, all kinds of food, music, occasional dancing, yada yada, just absolute fun. But then, I found out that we're not going to have a Fillipino booth this year...because nobody wants to take responsibility for it. My mom told me that if she would've volunteered, but my dad would flip because of all the work and stress that would be put into it. I am so disappointed and I feel even worse because I know how disappointed everyone else is going to be. Everyone loves our food, for some of my friends, that's practically what they live for and sometimes why they even show up! I dislike complications. I guess that's one thing that makes me still so much like a kid(I honestly still consider myself as one though...I don't want to grow up quite yet haha)...because what my dad says, "you can't just get a thought in your head and run with it, you have to think of the many other things that would happen if you pursue it" and so on. On top of that, later on, another dear priest is going to be leaving soon. And then, yesterday, I found out that one of our friends died. She was always so sweet and kind, isn't it sometimes scary how one minute, they can be there, thriving and alive, and the next minute, gone.
So, lately, what I've been reflecting on to keep my conscience away from total depression and lonliness is that "it's not 'good-bye', it's 'until I see you again'. I guess I could also say that atleast I was able to wish them farewell. Some people believe that it's better if they just leave without saying good-bye, because I guess they think it's easier and less painful that way. Well, I guess it may be, but in all honesty, I would want to say good-bye. To be surrounded by the people that I know and love and who I know and even don't know who love, know, and care about me back is a treasured thing to me. I know that I'd be missed and that I would miss them terribly, so I'd want to spend every possible moment with them before I go. To the people whom I would be leaving, or to the people whom I would be sending off, I would want to wish them happiness and give a hug and a smile, to reassure them that no matter what happens, wherever life will take us, we'll still be in each other's hearts and things will be okay.
I'd try to be strong for that person or for those people, and then, if I have to, I'll wait until I'm home behind the locked doors of my room to cry my eyes out haha

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