Saturday, August 15, 2009

   Love is like a knife, it cuts the heart deep
I'm really hurt right now, I feel like my heart's been stabbed a thousand times and then ripped right out. Its painful to think about it and I don't know what to do.
I walked in the front door today after taking Ru to the dentist (note: I'm back at my mum's place in Virginia) and guess what I see? Josh and my friend Karen kissing on the couch. I didn't know what to say or what to do, I just took off running, I didn't want to listen to anything either of them had to say. Not right now at least. They've both called thousands of times, but I haven't answered, I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I don't understand, Karen's my friend and Josh is my boyfriend, why would they do that?
I'm at my best friend Matt's house right now, he's the only one I really trust. He says tomorrow he's going over there and kicking the shit out of Josh, and knowing Matt he will. Man, I never have ever felt this shitty about anyone, nor I have ever felt this wimpy and pathetic. I knew it, I just fucking knew it, I'm not meant to be loved.

Other than that, I'm at home, my mum's house, I was having a good time until now... things were getting so much better in life and bam! I'm a wreck again.
I dunno, its just hurting me real bad to even think. Everytime I try to think about anything but what happened, it always comes right back. I'm not sure what to do, my mum called like eighty times asking me what was wrong, I haven't told her yet, why make her worry? I just lied, said I was fine and waz gonna stay at Matt's for the night. Even after she keeps calling to check on me. I guess mum really does care.

Matt rented the Dark Knight so I'munna go watch it with him.
Later.

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Friday, August 7, 2009

   Its cold
So I'm sitting at the bus stop waiting for my bus, its cold and windy out. Josh is sitting there going on and on about something, I'm not entirely sure what it is, cuz I'm not really paying attention. Its strange how cold it can get in the summer, huh? The weather is bipolar, I know it is.

About ten minutes ago I got another phone call from Emily, I told her if she didn't leave me alone I'd call the cops on her. Cuz why? I'm sick of her shit, she chose to leave me for some other guy, I chose to forget her completely, and she's making that very difficult for me.

I'm bored and cold, I figured I'd update for you guys. Though really only one of you guys still come by.

Reply to alphone13: lol how can it be stalking if you'd enjoy it though? XD I just want her to leave me alone, i don't like her no more. >_<
Yeah, Hot Topic rocks! She's the coolest baby ever!!! Though I think my dad nearly had a heart attack when he saw her, oh well! XD Yup, they all thought she was our daughter, yeah Sao's been saying the same thing, its nice to hear people say things like that though. ^^
He's really happy to be outta that hell hole, I'm glad he is too, I like having him around all the time.
I know how you feel, I gotta get a job soon too, i might not get back in my school this year, so if not I need something to keep me outta trouble. I hate being busy, but there's not much I can do about it.
Yeah seriously, murderers and rapist get less crap than gays and bi's, I don't get it, we're not hurting anyone by being us. People like that are retarded. Meh.
So am I, its been awhile since my life stayed on track, I'm glad its going this way. I actually think my life's taking the right turn for a change.

Well, lookie there, my bus is here, gotta go.

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

What life would be like...
So I'm tired and bored out of my mind, figured I'd update for the day. Not much is going on except... my rotten ex refuses to leave me alone. For the last month or so Emily keeps e-mailing me, IMing me, calling, begging me to come back. I don't even know how she got my e-mail or anything else! I changed everything once we broke up, I swear she's stalking me.

Yesterday was fun, Josh and I took Elena out shopping, took her to Hot Topic and bought her sum new clothes. =3 She will now be the coolest baby ever! XD
A lot of women kept asking me and Josh if Elena was our daughter, I swear we were as red as my Grandmother's hair! And one twelve year old girl asked me I gave birth. O_o Weirdest thing I've ever been asked. Josh couldn't stop laughing, I was about to slap him or something. But other than all the weird things that happened, it was pretty fun. =]

Josh is gonna be stayin at my house for awhile cuz his brother's gone, his mum ran off, and his dad's been dead. So my Dad told him to stay with us instead of working his ass off to pay for his brother's rent. It'll be nice having him around, though I might beat Yatsu up if he keeps teasing us.
Now I'm waiting to hear back from Kira, I just kinda broke the news to her that I'm bi and dating her ex boyfriend. I'm not sure she's mad at me or not. But I've been panicking about this all week long, I don't think she's mad at me, just in shock.

Reply to alphone13: Being busy sucks, but what can we do about it?
Yeah, kicked me out cuz of it, they have sumin against bi's and gays, they're not even related to me and kicked me out. It irritates me to, but at least they got what they deserved.
I'm doin better, just really tired. ^^ Yup, she's a happy girl right now.

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I'm back to stay!!
Damn, I've been off for awhile, sorry, but I've been through a lot of shit lately, and updating seems a bit impossible. Though I'll try to get on at least three times a week, kay?

First off, I'm back in the states, I dunno, not so yay for that. But I got back the day before my boyfriend's birthday, and I went to see him. It was cool, we had fun. Till the next morning when I went home, my stepmom Candy's brother Scott and his wife Janet were there, it was fine till they found out I was dating a guy then kicked me out of the house for being bi.
So I spent a week at Josh's house, crying, sulking, having slight heart attacks. But then I got sick of it and went back to the house and got in a fight with Scott, my mum shows up and now I'm her son.
But I'm okay now, had a fatal heart attack, survived and I'm home happy.

I've been babysitting Elena, my baby sis, all week, Dad and Candy need to get out and have time to themselves, I have no life, so I figured I'd babysit. Josh is coming over in a bit and we're taking Elena out, we're gonna spoil her. =3
I'm going to visit my mum this weekend, and I'll get to see my cute little brother and sister, Ai and Suki. They're almost a year old! It'll be cool, I kinda miss living with mum.

Reply to alponse13: Aw, I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you, I've just been so forgetful lately...
Its okay, she was suffering for the last three years, she's in a better place, right?
Yup! She's awesome, I'm gonna make sure she don't turn out like her older sister, that would be bad....
lol that's what he said! XD
His name's Josh. Aw that sucks. No its not wrong for not having moved on, it took me awhile to cope with Emily leaving me. It just shows you really cared about her.
Heheh, everyone's been telling me that lately.
I know, my car's broken down fifty times this year, I'm running out of money! DX

So yeah, that be all!!

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Saturday, July 11, 2009

   I am back!!!
I haven't really been on lately, and I'm sorry bout that. But I've been busy, my aunt just died last week and we had to fly out to Japan for the funeral.

My dad's wife Candy had the baby last month, so I have a new little sister, Elena, she's awesome. ^^

And Jake's doing well, my cousin Yuki figured out a stress relief for him, taking him all across Tokyo for a shopping spree. I swear that boy loves to shop.

I got in a fight with my boyfriend, yes I said boyfriend, I'm bi, deal with it. And well... he got all pissed off at me for no reason, but we worked it out, thankfully. Now I can't wait to go home, I miss him really bad. I hate being away from him... :( But at least I'll get to see him soon, right?

Next month is Saora's birthday, and sadly I won't be able to visit her for it.... all money I had saved to go visit her with, I spent getting my car fixed, it broke down on my way to visit her and I had to pay for it to get fixed.

But that's bout it, so yeah.

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Things just got worse
To put everyone up to date, my little brother Jake moved in with us, which is awesome, cuz I haven't seen him in a year. But he's been totally out of sorts, he's been freaking out at everyone for everything. So I took to him to talk to my psychiatrist... the poor kid's a mess, he's crying all the time becasue of what happened.... Man, hell I dunno what to do for him, i've been in his shoes before... but fuck it I'm in a damn hospital again!!!

Reason for that is, I had to have a bone marrow test done, and now I have a fuckin infection in the spot... it sucks cuz right now my baby bro needs me!!

Awd, I was right, things got worse.

--Strawberry frickin Miyavi--

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

100 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me (part 1)
lol I don't wanna do this, but Saora insisted that I did XD damn her und her persuasive skills XD

1. The first concert I ever went to was a Johnny Cash concert

2. the first relationship I was ever in was with my best friend Seth

3. I'm scared shitless of needles, yet I did herion

4. I loose more pants to my dog Shasta then I do on vacation

5. Writing just my full name takes up five pieces of paper (Yes my name is that f*ckin long!!)

6. I was raised in Chicago

7. I have had 79 surgeries just this month...

8. Because I got cut by a butcher knife I had to have 9,785 stitches to close the wound up

9. I'm actually scared to make friends...

10. I basically live in the attic

11. I'm a genophobic, if you don't know what it is, dun't ask, i'm too embarrassed! -///-

12. My best friend is my worst enemy, my little sister Kira...

13. I have issues, people can cuss me out and all that shit, but I just shoot them with smart mouthy remarks (I actually got in a fight wtih a guy on one site, and I made the dude leave the site with my remarks ^-^')

14. I once managed to get myself in a full body cast when I went to a concert...

15. I don't sleep at night, I go for long walks...

16. I cry everytime I go visit my friend Saora

17. Occassionally, on special days, I fall asleep in the gaveyard

18. I saved up my money and bought a coffin, that I sleep in, sometimes

19. I currently work at comic book store

20. My mum makes me do modeling... -//_//-

(I'll finish later, I feel sick and might pass out)

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Call me when the world gives a damn.
My weekend was shit. Do you know why? Saturday night I get a call, I answer my cell to hear a crying, paniced Saora begging for my help. You don't know how bad my heart broke hearing the woman I love crying hysterically.
Her twin sister Shadow and her baby brother are being taken out of the home, they're being forced to go live with their older sister who abuses them, but no one gives a shit and the poor kids might end up dead.

What the hell is wrong with this world!? Honestly... I'm really getting sick of shit like this. My best friend Dagger was beaten and molested but no one did shit for him. When I was a little kid I was beaten senseless... No one did shit for me and my siblings either.

This world is filled with a bunch of asshole people who aren't worth shit. When the world and every asshole in it, gives a shit, let me know, till then I shall forever hold a f*ckin grudge against this damn world.


--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

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Friday, April 17, 2009

   Does anyone care?
I really don't think so... last week was the hardest day on earth for me to deal with, if anyone is reading this go read my last post and you'll understand why. That post was about my life after my brother commited suicide. But really does anyone care? No one really cares at all...
No, I'm not going to do anything stupid, like try to kill myself. Its just that I can't stand it... my friend Dagger went to visit his dad after four years without seeing him, his dad is a sick pedophile who pimped him out, and Dagger still has the heart to visit him and he ends up beaten and molested again and no one did a damn thing about it... just like when I was a child. The world cares when a 'normal' boy or a 'normal' girl gets hurt, but when an 'emo' or 'goth' or 'punk' get hurts it doesn't matter. Its like we don't exist....
When my dad (i haven't seen my birth dad since a month ago.... so my dad the one who loves me and raised me) found out what happened to Dagger he went straight to Buck and punched him to the ground.

I just really don't understand how kids like me can get treated so horribely... What are we? The world's punching bag? I got to school and get made fun of, when the jocks get mad, i'm the one they take it out on... Why doesn't this world stand up for the kids that are different? We're not bad, we're just different.

Well whatever...

--Strawberry (frickin) Miyavi--

-- The rebellion shall never die! We'll scream and we'll cry! You can't change us!! --

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Friday, April 10, 2009

   Every Day
In life we all suffer, we all laugh, and we all cry. But I knew a boy who knew no such thing as pain and he never cried, he lived a nasty life but that didn't stop him from smiling. This was how everyone saw him, even his older brother who was his best friend in the world. No one really saw how hurt and broken he really was, until it was too late. Five years ago on April 10th he hung himself in his bedroom. His older brother worried that he had fallen and gotten hurt went to check on him and found his body hanging.
The funeral was held two days later, his older brother walked up to the podium and he spoke, saying these words "Every day is a good day to live for, even if something bad happens, because you can learn from what happen, and life gets better and you will be able to understand it more clearly. This my brother taught me."
His older brother vowed he would live those words, but he wasn't able to. He lost himself in his depression and eventually saught comfort in herion, which nearly took his life. He also saught comfort in cutting his wrist each night and downing a bottle of alcohal. It was a tragic thing, he was only 12 years old and the only life he knew was the herion and alcohal that took him from reality. He didn't care when his mother beat him or when her friend Buck molested him each night, because he thought he deserved it for letting his brother die.
By the age of 14 he was a junkie and an alcoholic. But he didn't care what happened. In his mind he deserved all that pain. One night he overdosed, and he followed that bright blue light that was calling him, but half way down the tunnel he heard someone calling him and he knew he needed to go to it.
He woke up to find himself in the hospital, his friend by his side, with tears streaming down his face. He begged him to stop and with a smile on his face he promised he would never go anywhere near drugs or alcohol, he even threw away his pocket knife.
Years passed, though he had changed his ways, he couldn't let go of that pain he held in his heart for not noticing his brother's pain. Every day he is haunted by the tragic memory of his baby brother.
He had a heart attack one night and the doctors passed it off as his heart condition, but he was really dying of a broken heart, every day a little more of his heart broke off and every day more of his mind slipped away.
He eventually tried to jump and end it all, but his older brother and triplet convinced him otherwise. After his attempted suicide he was placed into the local asylum for the mentally insane where he was locked in a tiny white room, that caused him to loose more of his mind and more of his heart broke.
But no one there cared. He didn't mind. He didn't want to be cared for. He wanted to be left alone for the rest of his life. He wanted it to end. He begged and cried each night and prayed that his life wouldn't be any longer.
After two months of nothing but maddening whiteness, he was released and sent back home.
He lived with his brothers, the only thread that held his sanity together was his little sister, the only person in the world to ever see him cry, but she was gone. And he was hurting. She didn't care.
Eventually the only one he could lean on was his best friend, but then they came down with cancer, and were slowly leaving. Then his heart broke completely and he was given a new one by his triplet. Somehow he knew this was God's doing and that God gave him a second chance to make his life better before it was over.

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Can any of you figure out what this is about?

--Strawberry Miyavi--
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