Wednesday, February 15, 2006

   Ignorance Is Not Bliss
OMG.. I heard that there is a Korean guy that goes to LC now... I am so mad!! I love asains and now I wish I still went to LC. Which reminds me I finished all of the Kill Me, Kiss Me books. They're extremely good. I am soooo tired... I don't know why... I think the wine made me sleepy.. I mean I did take it with my anti-depressants which also doubles as sleeping pills. ARGH! School is such a drag today.

David came over yesterday, I think I scared him because I was happy and a little hyper. He told me that he was talking to Tyler about me. suppoidly it went like this "You know Amber?" "Yeah... she's weird, she carves whore and bitch into her arm." When he told me that I almost felt like dying. He thinks I'm weird... he doesn't like me at all... So now I have nothing. All my hopes and dreams are down the fucking toilet. When we dropped David off at home I just couldn't get the image out of my head... him saying that I'm weird and he probably told David that he hates me and David just didn't want to tell me that.

When I go home I'm going to sleep... and I hope I don't wake up. Life is just such a bitch that sometimes I wish that I could just sleep until I'm eighteen and then move out and far away. Maybe I'll move to Japan or Korea where I'm probably wanted. And hopefully if I sleep the whole time then my body will eat me alive from the inside out... Then I could die happy in Asia.

Yesterday I took my finger nails and pushed them into my throat. I did it so hard that it was about to bleed, I could feel my pulse beating hard against my fingers. I liked it... I tried to cut my wrist with my nails but it didn't work.

You all probably think that I'm feeling suicidal because Tyler thinks I'm weird. No that's not it. I've just been feeling bad lately and that sort of pushed me over the edge. I just wish you guys would talk to me and ask me to go places with you beause I don't see you guys at school anymore. Do you guys really hate me that much? I thought so. People don't think I'm home when really I'm sitting by the phone and hoping that someone would care enough to call me and ask me if I'd like to do something. But no... No one likes to hang out with a depressed bitch. You all have probably replaced me anyway with someone much cooler and less depressing. For all I know Amanda Burg has taken my spot... because sure as hell she's taken everything else away from me. She didn't even like Tyler from what I could tell just by watching him. She's a fucking golddigger. Because when I was with her all she did was ask him to buy her this this and that. I hope she dies sucking Andrew's cock. Fucking whore bitch!

Now all I have are my books... I know it. I knew it would happen... because none of you liked me in the first place. I dragged all of you down. Yeah I was probably the reason you are all depressed because I am such a depressed fuck who needs to just fuck off and die. I should just stop updating at all its not like any of you even care away... Tyler hates me, I have a headache, none of my friends care that I'm alive, and because I haven't cut myself since before Christmas I'm getting a little bit testy. Why can't everyone just leave me alone with a razor. I'll be fine, I'll be just fucking fine. You know what I am going to try to get suspended... I already have Friday and Monday off thanks to conferences and Presidents day. Why not just beat the shit out of some stupid bitch and get a few extra days. Then I can get what I really want... TO FUCKING SLEEP!
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