Monday, August 15, 2005

   latest news again
i miss my boyfriend.. whoa.. sounds weird saying that lol i guess hes my boyfriend. i havent had a boyfriend in over a year, guess i didnt want anything to do with it since the last one i had. but i wont get into discussion with that, anyway, since hes not reading this.. i miss him >< you know its the weirdest thing when you have mixed up dreams about your boyfriend, and things to do with karate. remember that one dream i had with karate camp? mr.peyton was there helping out with the kids and mr.stephen was making all the kids shout to make him jump in the pool, shouting "jump! jump!" and a weird part of the dream like i said before in a previous post.. and the dreams about my.. boyfriend im not going to say anything about some but there were ones where once he had run away from home and he had somehow cut his arm and i braught him up to my room and put a bandage over it and.. that was something i sort of liked, him being there in my room and we could be together. but anyway- i guess this is a journal but i keep reminding myself its an online journal that anyone can read. but.. i guess i can say one thing that ment alot to me.. y'know, ive never kissed a guy before. the guy i liked was either too shy or we never got to it, like my last boyfriend, i dumped him before we even went out cuz of reasons.. im still mad at him. but im glad his sister told me, cuz who knows what might have happened, going over to his house.. i remember having nightmares when i thought about what might have happened, if i spent the night at her house and he was there. anyway- ive got a lot nicer boyfriend now and i trust him way more. but about the never having kissed a guy.. i think.. maybe he would.. when he comes over.. - nevermind. but see, this is what its been like for me, i always have a dream either about worrying with something to do with school, or some kind of dream with karate, or a dream about kevin. (yes his name) im so screwed up about this love stuff, and i know he is too, when we talk about stuff he shows it, but he does love me i can tell that too. i try not to show i am.. but i have a few problems that i know are bugging me. my mom and sister have asked what i wanna do with my life, if im gonna get married and have kids and everything, but i definitly have problems with having kids. me? me having kids? i just dont see it. i like karate so much, and.. for some reason, having a family.. i just dont like the idea. that might mean i have to give it up. my whole dream that has me dedicated to it. of course.. i want kevin too. but later on.. i just dont know. and marriage.. for some reason, i think marrying would too.. i just dont know, i told you im screwed up with this love stuff. but im only 13, gotta keep that in mind. almost 14.. in two months about. but anyway.. i dont need to be worrying about that stuff, when theres nothing i can do about it right now. thats a long ways away. ill cross that bridge when i come to it. - anyway, this week is nunchaku's lessons. its every week right after pre-test. we practice with mr.T with nunchaku's it'll be so cool! anyway, buh-bye cya whenever ^^ tomorow im going with my grandma and 5-year old cousin and hes got karate too. 6:15. mines at 5:30. cya
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