Thursday, August 18, 2005

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im sorta depressed.. i miss my other teachers, the ones that i like better. i hate the fact that today, besides mr.stephen who i dont talk to much, all the good teachers werent there.. atleast the ones that can make me smile. the only person there that made any difference was mary.. i wonder why i used to talk to mr.stephen and wave goodbye and everything and now i dont. well.. anyway.. i havent seen mr.peyton all week, and mr.evans out of town to fight in the match down at orlando. i havent seen mrs.kim in a while either. and mr.T wasnt here today. other than meetings.. i never talk to mrs.T really.. shes always seemed to be looking at someone else or looking down at some paper shes working on. seems like.. well, you know if no one really says hey to you, your sorta depressed.. some guy in my class said good work when i was the last one in the dodgeball thing, but.. i dunno, it'd mean more to me if it was mr.peyton or mr.T saying it.. and this parts stupid, but it feels like its been forever since ive seen mr.peyton and when i felt like there was a lump in my throat i tried to force it back because i remembered what kev said about girls crying.. and its what they do. and i wanted to prove him wrong.. you know how stubborn i can be. maybe its just a depressing day.. but the last two days have been discouraging.. i expected a nunchakus lesson yesterday but we didnt have one and my cousin didnt go to his karate class cuz he didnt "feel like it".. and it was a quiet day when i walked out of there.. maybe its because not many people are paying me attention? besides my friends. sure, some guys will always pay attention, if your a girl.. but that doesnt help raise my spirits. especially with the fact mr.peyton and mrs.kim are gone. because mr.peyton.. i dunno it seems like hes been there for me ever since the beggining. he shows it all the time, that he sees something in me. he'll always high five me or give me a pat on the back. upstate karate isnt the same thing without him, he always has a warm smile, its true on the page about him. and mrs.kim.. she cares about me. maybe even like a mom would. when i got the breath knocked out of me in sparring, some guy just smiled when i walked by and i would've gave him a glare but i didnt really care then. but a lady came back i didnt even know, and she asked if i was ok.. and mrs.kim was back there trying to figure out how bad it was and had me wash my arms off and my face. she had a warm smile that showed she was proud of me when i got my blue belt. and when i held a horse stance longer than the adults and black belts in kata class. so those two, especially, i can tell care about me. and they'd wave back if i waved at them. they just make me smile.. mr.stephen makes me laugh. and sometimes he'll hug all the girls. sometimes.. it gets annoying. how this one teacher, mr.jhon, always seems to have 5 or 6 girls around him listening to stories or whatever. and alot of the people that dont pay him attention, he doesnt pay attention to. its one thing, i dont like playing the hearty-eyed stupid pet dog role i HATE that. any girl that comes in its like shes just another pet dog to surround him. ok.. had to get that out.. i just hate it when theres some stupid guy that always seems to have girls flocking to him just cuz hes either cute or something and he can just do whatever he wants with them.

ok i went to far with that..
anyway.

i really really need some person to talk to.. someone that can say things i can take to heart or take as something meaningful. and another thing, i hate it when people just say stuff that doesnt even help or give you comfort in the least bit "im sorry but i dont know.." first of all, the sorry and.. *growls* sorry. s-o-r-r-y. im gonna go crazy if i hear it one more time. and!! if someones always depressed!! i mean, cant they realize that their depression all the time, brings other people down. and they might not really need to be braught down, they might have karate and school and things to have a determined attitude about!!! *fumes* ok.. im better now.. but i still miss my teachers. i need them now, and they arent here. and now.. ive got a four day time without them. and whats up with this thing? my friends, both the ones i knew online, it was so great *laughs* they were gonna come to s.c. first, amber was coming on sunday. then kev was coming monday. and first kev canceled cuz he couldnt come and then amber did cuz of the weather. i mean, geez.. its like, "well there goes any good news of school starting".............. IM SICK OF HEARING SORRY!!sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!!! man im gonna lose my head!! *fumes again* if i hear sory one more time--!!!!!!!! *takes a deep breath* i need some sleep...
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