Thursday, September 1, 2005

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school for the last two weeks, blah blah blah, homework, blah blah blah. i need to talk to my friend about a certain message she left on my cellphone.
man.. too many people have got this depressment problem. and y'know, it doesnt get to some people, but i used to be depressed all the time too, k? and my problem wasnt my fault, like some other people. just one night at my friends house, all the sudden, i got stuck with that and the first time it was so overwhelming, i mean, i had to go home. if you've never really had a depressment problem and it didnt kick in on you all at once one time, then you couldnt imagine it.its like everythings caving in on you, like nothing alive that can help you is there, your alone and the person next to you isnt really there, and theres no one there, all you want is to be alone to stop the pain, when your alone it feels like the only time your ok. but ive been getting over it for the past.. what, three years? gradually. and im about rid of it, but when someone else is depressed ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time then y'know, its gonna kick back in. i hate that, i wish some people could see the good side of stuff, y'know? it'd sure help other people. well anyway, my friend robyn, ive got this problem ive been worried about her lately cuz she likes karate but her mom is too LAZEY to take her. in fact, i got so mad when jenny told me robyns mom didnt take her to school that morning cuz she didnt feel like it. im like "she didnt take her to school because.. she didnt.. FEEL like it?????" i kept saying that, i mean, geez, cuz she didnt FEEL like it?! some people are so stupid..
Today, for the first time, my mom actually gave me a real smile. people give you fake smiles all the time, but you can tell when its real. because.. i was talking about robyn and her mom and my mom said "and what gives you the right to say that when you dont want to go to school either?" and i said "because, well, atleast ive got parents that care enough to take me to school, even if its against my will, which you HAVE been doing for the past 8 years, but i think parents have to take their kids to school against their will until they realize going to school is the right thing to do, but its kinda weird even though i know its the right thing to do, i still dont wanna go, so..i guess you'll just have to keep taking me, because you love me and thats why you do it." and she smiled, because i finally got it.. its kinda a moment you look back and smile too.
But im so sore and my throats sore and the guy i was grappling he put a big bruise and scar on my arm!!!! >< *whines* i dont wanna go to school tomorow. oh!! the grappling match!! lemme tell you guys!!
ok we started off in the arm lock or whatever and then mrs.kim shouted... "go!" and he went to the side and i went fast into the other. then i thought.. id try to use his weight against him lol. and i slammed him onto the floor, he wasnt expecting it ^^ and i thought hm.. that worked. lets try it again. he wasnt expecting it the second time, he was pushing on one side, i let him, and slammed him into the floor again. and i got off him once, and he was behind me, but just hanging there, and somehow i ended up getting him in the side mount, and the headlock or something. i won.. but atleast he tried, y'know? so i didnt ever pick on him. ON THE OTHER HAND.. god.. this one kid was so annoying, hes got a crush on me, and he tries to show off. he was talking the whole time about "aw man, he bent my leg this way and its like *makes a crack sound* man.. that hurt" he kept trying to act "manly" it was so stupid lol especially coming from a guy that looked like him and talked too much. its so obvious.. im like "uh-huh.." and sorta ignored him. if a guy gets hurt, yeah, ill be concerned, but if they're showin' off, its obvious they arent that hurt. but that kid was just annoying, why do all the annoying guys like me at karate class? and they always try to get me to pay attention to them in such a stupid way, thats why i dont like them. its probably just cuz im so good at grappling.. ^^ ok im bragging maybe. i just like to try stuff out if the guys not that strong. just so happens, it looks good. lol well im heading to bed, night ya guys
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