Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Help me


I have become so afraid to live,
that all I see is my death.
Life is so difficult,
but I see death as a way out.

So confused and tired,
death the only solution,
that I can see,
somebody help me.

Sitting here in the dark,
I contemplate everything,
and I understand so little,
and I bend my mind, so brittle.

Bend, bend, then it brakes,
shatters, pieces everywhere.
I pick them up one by one,
this is no fun.

What?
Where?
Why?
Who am I?

I found rest from my distress,
but it lies far away.
I need to be there,
I need that special care.

My life is fine to the observer,
but all is tattered and torn in my mind.
I need you.
I love you.
Be with me.
Save me.
Stop me.

What?
Where?
Why?
Who am I?

This is all so horrible.
I feel so terrible.
I sit and I cry,
but I don't know why!

What is wrong?
What is life?
All of this,
I simply wish,
to understand.

Blood drips from my wrist,
cut for no reason.
I didn't even want to do it,
something made me go through it.

Emotionally unstable,
physically unable,
to do anything,
fix my broken wing.

All is lost,
never to be found.
What am I hiding?
I must stop abiding,
all these rules,
all these laws.
Nothing makes sense to me,
don't you see?
I need you,
be with me.

So damn lost.
So damn confused.
So damn cold.
So damn bruised.

What?
Where?
Why?
Who am I?

You are my solution,
my total retribution.
But dying I stay,
with you away.

I don't feel right all,
sitting I fall.
I fall right inside
myself
but I don't go anywhere.
I stay here.

I feel trapped,
stuck, shackled, confined.
This physical body preventing,
preventing something more.

I feel like I am going to explode.
All these things trapped inside.
They want out.
They can no longer hide.

Help me.
Help me.
Help me.
Help me.

I need you.

I'm shaking.
None of this makes sense.
I don't understand.
I don't understand.

Life?
Why?
Life?
Why?

Why?

Help me.
Help me.

What's going on?

I am so lost in myself.
There is no way out.
I run but I go nowhere.
I look and I stare.

Sleep, I should sleep,
but I can't,
too much on my find,
so much to seek, to find.

I need you.
I need love.
I need help.
I need you.

I feel something I can't describe.
It is something different.
I feel it inside.
What is it?
I don't know how to put it in words.
But I can't deal with it alone.
I need the help of your love.
It can save me.
It can save me.
I can't save myself.
I've tried.
I've tried.
I've lived.
I've died.

Still I sit.
All alone.
Nothing gets better.
I am alone.
Why?
Why?
Help me.
Help me.

There are things I need to do.
I have lied.
I must get them done.
But do they even matter?
I mean what does?
I don't understand.
Help me.
Please.
Please.
I need you.

This is all too much for me alone.
I need help.
I need your love.
I need... I need...
I am so damn selfish.
But I don't understand anything.
Why?
Help me?
Am I crazy?
What?
Help me.

Crazy?
Am I?
Maybe.
Help me.

So close to suicide.
But I have more things to do in life.
I can't end it now.
But what should I do?
I am so confused.
I need you.
Help me.

Life is a long journey,
and I can't see the road.
I am so lost.
I am so cold.

I am shaking.
I am confused.
I am...
Help me.

What am I doing?
And why?
Is there a purpose?
A reason?
Why?
Tell me.
Help me.
Love me.
See me.

I sit in the dark.
I am writing.
I am writing these thoughts.
These thoughts of mine,
in hopes of an answer to find.
I hope I can help myself,
with these words.
I am so confused.
Help me.

I am going to lay down.
I will see what happens.
I fear the future.
Help me.


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