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Birthday
• 1984-08-31
Gender
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Female
Location
• Oxford
Member Since
• 2005-08-17
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• Nikki
Personal
Achievements
• I'm still Alive and Well!
Anime Fan Since
• Y2K (Introduced to Berserk)
Favorite Anime
• Vampire Hunter D, Last Exile, Wolfs Rain, Naruto, Berserk, Full Metal Alchemist, Chrono Crusaide, Bleach! Angel Sanctuary!!!
Goals
• Speak Japanese before I'm 25
Hobbies
• Reading, Watching Anime, Palying Computer games, going out with my mates
Talents
• I asked my friends, they said talking...haha...oh well
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Thursday, September 15, 2005
The Change
I look out of the window at the rain, the sky is the colour of nothingness,
The dullness that I feel spreads trough my whole body. It is Autumn, harsh and beautiful, soft and piercing, the colours of the leaves bring up warm memories. The steely sky releases a monotonous glow that weighs heavily on me. It won’t be long until darkness will dominate most of the day, not the deep darkness, but the soft cold darkness of winter. The storms will come, and then the piercing winds. Another year is almost gone…
It has always amazed me how this season brings out such divers emotions in me, I feel sad that the summer is gone, I feel happy and inspired when I see the bright colours of the leaves, I feel depressed because of the dull light, the chilly mornings, and the rain. It is a very peculiar time of year, when the seasons change from summer to autumn, it’s almost shocking. I am finding this autumn a lot more difficult that any other before, there is so much on my mind. For once in my life I feel truly scared about the future, both immediate and long term. Everything around me is changing, yet it is staying the same, hard to explain really. I am supposed to be moving, starting a new job, almost starting all over, I have anticipated that since January when I first found out, and here I am 9 months later, and nothing has really changed, and everything has changed. I am trying very hard to control the panic slowly rising in me, and to just keep going, but I can’t help and worry about what happens next. I can tell that I am not the only one, my husband is finding this as difficult as I am if not more so, I don’t know if he likes such drastic changes, not the ones that take this long anyway. He is trying to be strong and supportive and not show just how worried he is, I think he knows that it will throw me into a real panic if I see just how anxious he is, but I know him so well, I can read it in his body language, the fact that he is distracted, I worry, I want him to be happy, relaxed, to enjoy our time together like we used to before this was hanging over us and before the waiting turned us into these twitching creatures!
And not to see Autumn come, it just makes it all that much harder.
Why is it that talking to strangers is always easier than talking to the ones you love?
Ciao!
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