Saturday, June 9, 2007

Finished Fanfic tion: "A Crazy YuYu Kind of Life"
After a year of procrastination, I have finished just in time Sumomogirl's birthday.

Happy Birthday Brianna!

This is for you.

*************************************************
I found myself balancing on a rather large tree branch approximately one-hundred-twenty-five feet above the floor of a thick forest. A quick survey of the area surrounding me showed forest to the south, west, and east. To the north, directly forty feet ahead and 20 feet above my branch was the top of a wall made of beige colored stones.

"Hmm...Intresting," I think.

Having had dreams like this several times before, and being wise to the types of surprises (or at least I thought I was) around every corner, I decided, "What the heck?" And I leapt toward the wall.

In my dream form, I am as silent and as invisible as a cat. It is so unlike my clumsy and solid every day form. If I don't want to be seen, I will not be seen. I land on the wall with a grace that would make any ordinary house cat green with envy.

I balanced myself on the palms of my hands and the heels of my feet. I stretched my neck a bit in order to be able to see into the compound the wall had been concealing.

"Very interestink..." I whispered in my best fake Russian accent. "Vat do ve have here?"

"Ah ha! Many funky colored men vith horns und clipboards.." Oops. I had accidentally switched to a German accent. "Dey are all in animal skins. Vhy ist dis?"

All this time, I was also memorizing the layout of the compound. The compound itself was more like a small city with several smaller buildings surrounding one large center castle in rings. I took it to be a military base of some sort. After all, it was walled, built in concentric rings, and it had a huge castle/palace in the center.

"I bet that's where the Wizard lives, and I'd bet my last dime he's short and dumpy." I thought.

Never being someone who suffered from a long attention span, even at my age (33, but if you tell anyone, I'll swear you are lying) I turned my attention back to the funny men in animal skins. Some had hair. Some didn't. Then again, some had hair, but never in the right places. One had three eyes, while another had one or two. A few had pencils in tucked behind their ears. They came in every color. It was like when God created them; he looked at a 1970's disco shirt and said, "Nice idea." They were all unique. Unique and weird.

But...ALL OF THEM HAD ONE THING IN COMMON, ONE SOLID BOND OF UNIVERSAL BROTHERHOOD BINDING THEM TO EACH OTHER FOR ALL ETERNITY...

AND THIS RARE...

THIS PRECIOUS AND MOST SACRED THING WAS...

FRED FLINSTONE WAS THEIR FASHION DESIGNER.

(You didn't know? Why else do you think he spent all that time with Barney? Come on! You can't be that naive.)

As I finished that thought, a purple one and a green one ran smack into each other. Being opposite colors on the color wheel and considering Purple Dude lost his only good eye in the pile-up, they naturally began to kick the stuffing out of each other.

I burst out laughing.
And lost my invisibility.

I mean really. I couldn't help myself.

Could you?

I was about to pee my pants from laughing so hard when a heard a man's voice to my right...

"What are you doing here?"

I looked straight at him, pointed to the fighting Technicolor dudes, and burst out laughing again.


"What are you doing here?"

I turned and sighed. It was so said my new friend had no sense of humor. Speaking of new friend, I had no idea who he was until I took a good long look at him. He looked familiar...

"You have three seconds to answer my question." He said flatly.

"Oh do be quiet!" I said. "I'm thinking."

I narrowed my gaze and thought, "Let's see. He's short that's for sure. Black boots, black coat that makes him look like that priest from the Exorcist, disaffected scowl, and it looks like he and that kid from the Yu Gi Oh cartoon perhaps share the same barber. Who do I know that looks like a midget Catholic priest?"

It finally sank in. "Holy ****! I know you! You're Hiei!" I broke out laughing again. "I'm dream walking with my daughter!"

I guess the second outburst shocked him because he didn't immediately slice me to pieces like I'd seen him do to intruders on the anime many times.

Didn't take him long to shake it off though. I saw him step toward me and I began to walk backwards toward the edge of the wall.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd give me the pleasure of telling me how you know who I am before I destroy you."

Man that boy takes himself way to seriously.

I glanced over my shoulder to find a safe place to fall. "Now, where's the fun in that?" I fell backward off the wall and landed feet first on the forest floor.

I knew he was fast from watching the show with my daughter. I just never had had the chance to figure out how he did it. I suspected he didn't really run that fast. I suspected he teleported as he moved. I knew I was in for a workout.


The chase was on, but he was so fast it was more like hide and seek rather than a game of tag. So that's how I played the game. I wanted to satisfy a debate I'd been having with my daughter in the waking world. Did Hiei shimmer (which is just a fancy demon word for teleport) or did he actually run? I could avoid him almost indefinitely if I needed to. It wasn't my intention to battle. But Short Stack wouldn't have it any other way.

He drew his weapon.

I rolled my eyes. "Men..."

And so it went. He was there, and I wasn't. Down went a tree. Over and over again until we'd cleared a fairly wide circle of woodland. Neither of us had landed a blow. We paused.

"Exactly what are you?" Demanded my diminutive opponent.

"Don't you mean 'who'?" I corrected.

"We passed formal introduction on the wall. You're obviously not from this realm. So what are you?"

(This guy was really single-minded.)

"Did you pause because you were tired, or just to exchange witty banter," I asked, once again failing to reach anything resembling his sense of humor.

His glare intensified and he charged me, without the shimmer. I chose to meet him head-on. Maybe it'd make him feel better.

One way or another, he'd help me find my daughter and find out exactly why I ended up in this crazy dream walk.


***********************************

(Meanwhile on a blanket in a meadow just below the forest...as reported to me by sources.)

"Did you feel that?"

"Feel what, Kuwabara?"

"Yusuke, man, you must be still dead if you can't feel it."

The rest of the party looked at the gawky redhead as he looked toward the forest and shivered. "I don't know what it is, but it is strong and it's comin' from in there."

Kurama, in his usual calm manner, took his eyes off the girl who was resting her head on a pillow in his lap to seek the elder woman's opinion. "Genkai, what is your sense of Kuwabara's discovery."

Just then six trees fell down in a circular domino effect.

"I suspect we won't have much of a forest by the time we finally discover if Kuwabara's onto something."

"So doofus," Yusuke teased, "is the aura good or evil."

"I don't know okay! It's just powerful."

"Oh, by the way, Hiei is in there too," he added.

"Well that should be interesting," Boton chimed in. "Want me to go get an aerial view?"

Another tree, this time, a great oak, fell.

Before a vote could be taken, she took off on her oar.
And immediately returned, scorched and aggravated.

"OOOH! That Hiei!"

"What's going on in there, Boton?" Yusuke laughed.

"Hiei and a woman, fighting. He keeps missing her and she keeps laughing at him."

"And?"

"What? The ashes? The ashes were blown onto me when that last tree fell.
If you want to know anything else, go look for yourself. I'm getting a cup of tea."

Another three trees fell in the background.

Then the air became completely still and quiet.

Kuwabara paled. "This is gonna be bad."

The girl rose up from her pillow.
"Oh no."

She jumped up and ran off toward the battle scene.

"Brianna! Come back!"
Kurama caught the girl before his words did.
The world exploded in darkness and light.

**************************************************

Meanwhile, the battle, which had been 'til now a light-hearted affair on
My part, turned. The girl on the flying oar distracted me long enough for
the angry runt on my right to actually make contact.

"Ow." I said, grabbing my forearm. "You scratched me."

"Hmpf." Said he.

"Oh look. I'm bleeding." I wiped my hand on my shirt. "Feel better about yourself now."


He started "glowing" black.
And as usual, his shirt flew off.

"DON'T YOU DARE, HIEI!"

He sneered.
"Afraid?"

"I MEAN IT, DAMMIT! DO NOT DO IT!"

"It's good to see you're fearful and have come
to your senses before you die."

I looked up to the sky, already gathering my energies.
My shirt, however, did not fly off.

"What? Praying?"

"You're just a bit overconfident son. This isn't going to end well for either of us."

The sky turned black. The dragon appeared in all its hellish glory. It lunged
at its prey. All went quiet and dark.

I was told the flash could be seen all throughout the realm. I was told the
thunder broke windows within the city's walls.

Kurama later told me my daughter's screams broke his heart.

I wouldn't know.

Hiei and I were unconscious.

I woke up first. Not out but senseless for a moment.

Hiei was lying face down in the ash. He looked so small against the field.
And I could see he wasn't moving.


"Oh God. Hiei! Wake up!" I turned him over and checked for a pulse.

He didn't have one.

I immediately administered CPR.

The first round of CPR was unsuccessful.

I ran my hands over my head and accidentally shocked myself.
There was still enough static electricity in the air to cause shock!

Partially the idea was borne out of desperation. Partially the idea was
a factor pertaining to the watching of too many hospital shows. But if
it worked, who cared? If they could do it with metal paddles, I could do
it with my hands.

I gathered a small amount of energy, put them over his chest, and I shocked him.
I waited. One faint heartbeat.

"Damn!" I swore under my breath. It wasn't strong enough. Only one thing left to do.

"I've already killed him. What's the worst that could happen?"

"LIVE DAMMIT!" I sent everything I had left through his small body.

Success! His heartbeat was faint but growing stronger.

I rested for a few minutes, then picked him up. I looked down at him and said, "I used to hold my child the same way."

I began to make my way out of the war zone with the boy in my arms.

************************************************************


As the smoke cleared, I could see a group of teenagers running toward me.
I immediately recognized my daughter, but because I was so tired, I was kind of hazy on the rest.

“Mommy!”

Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at each other and said at the same time,
“Did Brianna just say ‘mommy’?”

“Mom! What happened?”

By this time she was in front of me.

“Isn’t it obvious, Sweetheart?”

“Is my brother alright?”
It was then I noticed a blue haired maiden standing next to my daughter.

“You would be Yukina. Correct?”

“Yes ma’am. Hiei is my brother.”

“I know. You’re a healer aren’t you?”

She stammered. “Yes.”

“Good,” that was the answer I wanted. “I’ll need your help.”
“Brianna, I have to put him down. I can’t carry him anymore. Someone might have to carry me.” I laughed a little.

“No problem.” She then yelled for the boys. “Kurama, you and the guys get over here. My mom needs help.”

“Hey Kurama,” Yusuke whispered, “if she’s really Brianna’s mother, you’re gonna need the help.”

(I have Mommy Powers. I hear everything. Anyway what he said was written on his face.)

“Hello again, Madam. It’s good to see you again, despite the circumstances.” Kurama bowed to one knee.

“Butt kisser,” Yusuke commented.

“Kurama, for god’s sake get up.” He had seen me before, in a different dream realm, on my territory, without me cloaking myself.

“I’ll take him,” Yusuke offered. “It’s not like I haven’t carried his sorry ass around before.”

“There’s a blanket down the hill,” Yukina explained. “We’ll be able to take care of him there.”

“I’m going to need some herbs,” I said. “I’ll need white willow bark, red poppy’s root, aloe, leaves of wild garlic, and chamomile.”

“What’s all that stuff for?” Kuwabara asked.

I went down the list. “Poppies for pain. Willow bark for inflammation. Aloe heals burns, garlic is antiviral and antibiotic. The chamomile is for me.”

“We’re on it.” Brianna said. “Come on Kurama.”

We made it to the blanket and laid him down, propping his head up on Brianna’s pillow.

“Heh. They’ll never be back.”

There was a loud smack.

Yusuke rubbed the back of his head. “Ow! What the hell was that?”

Two more smacks.

“Keep talking.” I glared at him. “I dare you.”

Kuwabara burst out laughing. For good measure, I smacked him too.

Yukina cleaned the soot off her brother the best she could. It was then
I saw the full extent of the damage. The arm where the dragon rested was charred.
An angry burn ran up the extent of the dragon.

Yusuke noticed and commented. “Boy, is Hiei going to be pissed. But don’t worry. It usually takes him days to recover. By the time he wakes up, you’ll be gone.”

“If that’s all the damage he’s received, he’s lucky.” There was an older woman sitting on the corner of the blanket. It was their mentor, Genkai. “There are going to be consequences at any rate.”

“It could have been much, much worse. I thought I killed him at first because he didn’t have a heartbeat.” I explained. “Luckily, I was able to get it started again.”

“Come again?” Everyone was talking in unison today.

“His heart stopped. That second flash you saw was the jolt that restarted it.” I explained.

Yusuke laughed. “Holy crap! I can’t believe you did that!”

“Why do you find your friend’s pain and suffering so funny, Yusuke?”

He shielded the back of his head from an invisible hand. “Don’t hit me again. I’ll explain.”

“Hiei never had a heartbeat.”

“Hence the consequences I spoke of,” Genkai added.

“Wait, he didn’t have a heartbeat? Is he vampiric?”

“No,” Yusuke answered. “He’s a demon.”

I was a bit confused. “So he’s a vampiric demon?”

“No.”

“Then he’s a demonic vampire?”

“No. What is it with you and vampires?” He chuckled.

“Listen, kid. In my dream realm only two creatures have no heartbeat, vampires and zombies. And Hiei looks way too fresh to be a zombie.” I was getting all flustered.

Genkai interjected. “Laurie, here demons really do not need hearts or heartbeats. If a demon has a heart, it beats only once every hundred years or so. Things may change for Hiei now.”

“More than you know, ma’am.” I added. “My power, if you will, purifies whatever it touches. If Hiei had been completely evil, he would have burned up like all the other dark creatures I’ve fought on the astral plane.”

“The black dragon he called was dark, parasitic. That’s why the light energy traveled so far up his arm. God only knows what that did to him. It may disappear all together or it may be modified.”

“How would it be modified?” She asked.

I explained further. “Brianna’s told me a bit about this world, that demons are classified by strength and ability.”

“The parasitic nature of the black dragon was keeping Hiei from reaching his full potential.”

Yusuke scoffed a bit. “What? No way! I’ve seen how powerful that dragon is, and Hiei has full control of it.”

“Does he?” I raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think he sleeps for so long after a battle?”

“Yeah, Yusuke,” Kuwabara chimed in, “when that cyborg chick beat the dragon, Hiei almost died.”

Realization spread across Yusuke’s face. “Oh….”

Just then daughter and Kurama returned with the herbs.

“Here. It took a while to find what you needed.” They explained.

“Genkai, can we make another pot of tea? I’ll need the hot water, first to clean the
wounds and second to steep the herbs.”

“I’m on it!” Kuwabara really wanted to help. “I’ll use my spirit sword to heat it!”

“You’re not putting the aloe and garlic in there are you, Mom?” Brianna asked.

“No. Come here and I’ll show you and Yukina what to do.”

They obeyed.

“Take the aloe leaves and break them. The gel that comes has to be applied to all his wounds. Secondly, take the garlic leaves and tear them in half, broadways. Place them directly on the worst of the burns.”

Soon the tea was ready. Genkai took it and poured a cup then handed it to me.

“Thank you.” I said. “Yukina please try to get him to swallow a spoonful of this tea.”
I looked around and asked if anyone had a bottle to store the rest of the potion in.

Once we stabilized Hiei, Boton and Yukina transported him home.


“Now how on earth did you get to this place?” Genkai asked.

“I’m going to try to find out.” I replied.

I turned to Brianna. “Brianna, did you at any time think about me.”

She shook her head.

“Did you at any time say the words, ‘I wish Mom was here’ or ‘Mom would love to see this.”

She shook her head again.

“Even subconsciously?”

“No, Mom. I didn’t. I’m sure of it.”
“I come here to get away from you.” She teased.

I turned to Genkai. “If I got in here completely by accident, we have serious problems.”

“Agreed.” She replied.

“It’s time to go see the little fat man in the tower.” I got up.

“How did she know what Koenma looks like?” Kuwabara asked.

“You’re so stupid.” Yusuke shot back.

“Now you sound like Hiei.” Kuwabara pouted.


We made it to the city. Going through the remains of the forest depressed me. Hiei had been doing his job and I hurt him.

“Hey, there’s a hole in the wall.” Yusuke pointed out. “Didn’t notice that before.”

“That’s because it wasn’t there before, Idiot.” Kuwabara snapped. “Who’s stupid now?”

“Both of you,” Brianna shot back. “Now shut up. Mom’s tired.”

“There’s a large black cat over there,” Kurama pointed out.”

“She would be my cat.” I said. “She must have noticed I was missing and come looking for me.”

“Come on Velvet.”

When we entered the tower, someone was having a lecture. He was indeed short and fat. And after doing a double take, I realized he was sucking on a pacifier. The great leader was an infant, one that talked and never shut up.

We slipped in. The kids took seats in the back of the room while Genkai and I took seats right in front of the podium.

“….and so, due to a change in policy, those of you who are late for work, will be written up. After three write ups, you’ll be banished to the human world for a period of one week.”

Certain members of the audience perked up.

“Without any powers.” The infant added.

There was a collective “Ah man!” from the group.

I spoke up.
“I wouldn’t do that right now if I were you.”

“Who is this?” he pointed at me. “How did she get in here?”

“How indeed. Your wards are weak. I accidentally ended up here.
Just imagine if someone was summoned.” I replied.

“Again, who are you?” He inquired.

“I’m Brianna’s mom.” That seemed to be the only name people understood.
“I’m no threat, but you’d need a dozen Hieis to guard your borders.”

“You’re the one responsible for all this damage.” He pointed to the windows.

“Yes, but forget about that.”

“You’re responsible for the cost of the repairs.” He said.

“Koenma,” I struggled with the pronunciation of the name, “in the end, you are responsible for the damages. Your barriers are weak.”

“Everyone is excused,” Koenma said, “except for Genkai’s group.”



"You know, I'd take this much more seriously if I wasn't talking to an infant."
Really, the prince's appearence was ridiculous. "No disrespect, but my niece is six months old and she's bigger than you."

He ignored the comment and asked me to recount the story of my first trip to Spirit World. He listened intently, only asking a few questions and laughing only once (the part where I was trying to figure out the heartbeat issue). Genkai explained the event more clearly.

I summed up, "So, in a nutshell, your borders might as well be unguarded. It was far too easy for me to get to your world. You could have a thousand Hieis and not prevent intrusions from the outside."

"I'll take care of it right away." He said. "You have to go home."

"Fine with me." I said, too tired to care.

"Genkai, watch over things here for a bit."

He turned to me as she said "I will."

He nodded and said "I have to escort you out of Spirit World."

We left.

He took me to Yusuke's neighborhood. "I think here is far enough."

Koenma seemed so proud of himself that I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't live there.

*******************************************************
And here ends my adventure with the gang from Yu Yu Hakusho.
Though it was a dream, it was very real and I treasure the experience.

I guess Koenma did repair the shields at the borders of Spirit World.

Because I have never been able to go back.


The end.













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