Thursday, September 29, 2005

   in the school library...
How is it, that over 60 ppls have downloaded my wallpapers, but NOT ONE of them has left a comment? grrr...you ppl frustrate me! Miriam is gone and i am sad. I randomly started having an allergic reaction the other day...we still don't kno what caused it. I need to get out of my house, and go someplace other than school (where i am now) i'm not supposed to be typing this, so, buh bye ppls!
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Monday, September 26, 2005

   I'M AN AUNTIE!!!!
My sis had her baby!(7lbs, 19 inches) she's so CUTE!!! I would tell her name, but i don't kno how they spelled it and i'm short on sleep and really don't feel like trying. XD i'm so happy!!! shes such a pretty baby. *grins* ok, done gushing about my niece. wow this weekend was so great. The Jam kinda sucked this year. we had too many ppls and it got too complicated. Went fri and saw the end of Theory of a Dead man, all of Alterbridge, and Shinedown. it was kewl. Can you say Funnel cakes and chicken-on-a-stick? (Becca and i always share one) It got rained out on Sunday, but that was actually the best day of the weekend. Instead we went to CeCe's pizza (jacob paid) and the bookstore and talked to college guys (LONG story. we dialed the wrong number. my new name is Sweetness, Becca is Boston, and Miriam is Lo Mein.) then we back to my house and goofed around and yea. it was lots of fun. i wish i could go into detail, but i'm REALLY short on sleep after this weekend and i'm in ROTC right now, so i really don't have much time, and it irritates me not to be able to finish my posts. chockulatemilc will prolly go into more detail than me.
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Thursday, September 22, 2005

   Nothing and everything
I'm sitting in ROTC right now. It seems like i have alot of free time on my hands today. I did almost nothing last block, and now i'm bored in here too. -_-. They are gonna try to induce my sister's labor today (she's pregnant) so i may be an aunt sometime today or tomorrow. =D its about darn time. I have 8 sibs, and 3 are married. I should have had nieces/nephews a long time ago. -_- but its ok now! I <3 babies and kids. *does random dance just because*

Only 1 day until the Big Spring Jam *yaynessness!*

miriam, are you gonna pick me up from school tomorrow? call me and let me know.

TODAY'S QUOTE UNTIL I GET A BETTER ONE IS...

"a book is like a garden carried in a pocket"
~Chinses proverb


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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

   SEVERLY PISSED OFF
THEY ARE SENDING MY MIRIAM AWAY!!! to chicago. i will kill them. there is no reason for this. I am not kidding. I am honstly ANGRY about this. They pull so much shit on her, and then they just up and decide to ship her off for a week like a piece of baggage. DAMN i'm mad. *EVIL GLARE OF INSTANT DEATH* If she was all excited to be going,than it wouldn't be an issue. If she WANTS to go, well, i'm not gonna get all angry about it...but to just send her off like that for no reason other than to get rid of her...*blood boils* grrrrr....

*attempts to calmself*

today was pretty good other than that (and an ugly little episode on the bus that almost ended in me killing a sophmore) I got to hang w/ Alena a bit during break @school, and guy-i-like was flirting w/ me some more (tho as far as i kno he still has a gf...) My WONDERFUl big bro Jacob burned me the Eisley Cd last night (listening to it now) i love their music. My mommy (whom i <3) made me a hat like the one i saw in Hot Topic. I'm wearing it now. its black. she's gonna teach me how to make them. The Big Spring Jam is this weekend! YAY!!! (its a big thing in our city where they invite lots of bands and stuff. its great. it costs $35 for the whole weekend) Theory of a Dead Man, Alterbridge and a bunch of others are coming this year. Last year they had Switchfoot, Breaking Benjamin,and Lynard Skynard. its a pretty big thing. And its this weekend. *yay!* i get to see lots of ppls i haven't seen in a longtime too... its gonna be great! =D . la la la..

TODAY's QUOTE UNITL I GET A BETTER ONE....

"This I will remember,
when the rest of my life is through;
the finest thing i've ever done
is simply loving you."

I hope that one day i will meet a guy i could say that about. I'd probably end up marrying him!
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Monday, September 19, 2005

   this weekend & Eisley
this weekend had its ups and downs...but overall i think it was pretty good. Myx, Becca & I went to a dance for Myx's church....it was sad...there were 2 13 yr old boys, one other girl our age, and lots of adults...the music was so bad even some of the adults were complaining. We proceeded to take over. It was great. We taught them the Macarena and Electric slide and stuff. we were crazy. I sang karaoke (sp?) for the first time in public (i have horrible stage fright) and i wasn't nervous after the 1st song...much. We got Becca to dance too. I've known her for over 9 years, and i have never seen her dance. She just doesn't dance in public. but we got her to. I used to be the same way, until my friend Alena broke me of that. it was so much fun. we danced in the back seat all the way home. One of the 13 yr olds got a crush on me..it was kinda cute (i'm 17 ppl). On sunday we went to Becca's play. we got her flowers, even tho she didn't think she deserved them. she did. she was supposed to do costume design and they so screwed her over...but i'm not about to get all upset again. Miriam, Jacob (my big bro) Senola (myx's sis) and I all went bowling. Becca couldn't go because her mom decided atthe last min that she couldn't go. even tho she had already said she could...it was retarded. it was pretty fun.

I left a comment on they guy who i like's myspace page that basically told him that i like him. unless he's a complete idiot and he doesn't realize what it means. (and in that case, he's not worth it for real. Its the closest i have ever come to out-right telling a guy i like him. I am very boy-shy (if i like them) so this is an accomplishment for me. =D I'm listening to Eisley right now. My friend Becca got me hooked on them. My bro is gonna burn me a cd. the fight for favorite song is between 'Marvleous things' and 'Trolley Wood'. I really like their music. I don't kno why they are not more popular. They appeal to the inner artist/child in me. and my sense of the absurd. la la la...i need to go to bed. so hasta manana!

Here is a pic of Becca and me...


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Saturday, September 17, 2005

Life Lines
You kno its amazing how your relationships w/ ppl affect you. as you ppl kno (if you read my other posts) i've been really down for a long time. and i still am for part of the time. but i have a 3 line long IM convo. w/ my friend Becca, and suddenly, all is right w/ the world (well, almost) i don't feel like i've lost part of myself now. Between her,Miriam *waves and blows kisses at her* and Alena,i manage to stay sane. We all keep each other together. they are all priceless to me. They are my life line. they bring me back to who i am when i get lost and forget. My soul sisters. (ugh, this is kinda sappy, but its sincere, so shutup)yea. i need my friends. and i just wanted to give a shout out to y'all to say i <3 you and appreciate everything you do for me...even if miriam is the only one of them who will read this (so myx, this is special for you. Sometimes i just feel better knowing that i can just call you up and talk to you. it makes me feel less alone.)
ok,enough of the sickly sweet stuff..on to real life..sort of

i was so shot down today. it sucked. I was basically told (by one of his friends) that even if the guy i liked didn't have a gf, he could never see him going out w/ me. -_- even tho we have both noticed that guy-I-like has been flirting w/ me alot lately. But he has a gf and has shown no signs of wanting to break up w/ her. sooo..WTF?!?! its so special. I'm NOT a poacher tho, so until he breaks up w/ her, i'm not gonna do more than express mild interest. if they break up, i don't want it to be because of me, ya kno?...*sigh* why do i have to be such a moral, nice person? ok, enough pining over yet another guy i will never go out w/...ttyl ppls, i'm gone...
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Thursday, September 15, 2005

   I feel like i almost get my world together,only to have it fall apart again. My friend is sick, and i have the feeling that she's candy coating everything she tells me so i won't worry. and that just makes me worry more. One of my other friends is going thru some stuff,and feel helpless. Like i can only watch while she slowly dies a little every day. She's one of my best friends. we're talkin, 10 years and one of the VERY few who has never betrayed me. She's going thru so much and i can only sit by and watch. She can't get away from it. it follows her home and to school. I'm gonna try and help, but what can i do? i can't give her a different family. I can't give her friends at her new school so she's not lonely. I'm gonna try to be w/ her as much as i can, to help her forget for a while i guess. its the only thing i can think of to do. I feel helpless, and I hate that. I hate the way i feel every day. i hate going to school with only one real friend, and having no classes w/ her. I hate being that girl who never talks, who no one knows. I'm the Senior Class Artist. but no one knows who i am. you'd think that they would at least vaugely kno me. but they don't. because they don't care. I am depressed i guess you would call it. Is that when you feel like part of you is gone,and all that is there is this heavy lump of numbness there? almost like a weight that makes it hard to breathe? its almost tangible. I don't feel like me ne more. only when i'm w/ my old friends, or at home do i feel like ME. Now all i'm doing is making it worse. I wish that i could just make it go away. I want my friends. I want them to be ok too.


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   Bored out of my mind
-_- sitting in ROTC right now. i'm so bored. All the Juniors are gone to a college day thing (I'm a senior, we already went) so all of our class is gone except for about 5 ppl. I'm supposed to be working on a wall mural, but i have not the materials i need. All the juniors are coming back now. la la la. still nothing to do. Had an emotional moment last night, and i REEELY needed to talk to Miraim or Becca, But Myx had already gone to bed, and Becca was at work. So i had to be all emotional by myself. I'm not usually a very emotional person (like crying and whatnot) but i started lookin through some pics of my friends from my old school and, well...*shrugs* i miss them. What more can i say? Haven't gotten a call from Hot Topic (where i applied) so i prolly didn't get the job i guess. But its still 2 days until the week is over!!! =D *is trying to be cheerful* Alena is coming over today and we're gonna go to the mall and eyeball dresses. Both of us are gonna end up going to a LOT of military balls this year. so we have to be prepared. *sigh* i guess I'll end this. miriam, leave me some comments, will ya? its lonely here!!!

~*~ the Shadow~*~
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

   Courage
ick this so sucks...i shall start a list of everything goin on...

1) my friend is really sick. we're talkin, huge lump on her throat-and-they-don't-kno-what-it-is sick. I'm really worried about her.
2) I am beginning to have a huge crush on a guy from school, which is not good, because he has a gf. I always pick the worst guys to like. and guys NEVER Like me...(unless they are old sacry nasty dirty men.) UGRH!!! but he's soo soo...HIM!!! GoSH this sucks. we're talkin Strawberry blone and dimples here girls. and he's NICE to me, unlike so many of the guys at my school. I don't want to like him, but it seems like its only getting worse.
3) goin to the mall w/ Alena tomorrow! got to look for military ball/prom dresses. (i like to start early!)
4)major need to call Becca and *gush* about guy-i-like-against-my-will (hey! like from Pride and Prejudice! for all you ppl who have seen that movie..the old one w/ Colin Firth, not the new one) but i am trying to resist.

thats about it.<3 you miriam! will see you Sat...CALL ME! what am i supposed to wear to that dance thingy?!?!
<3 and smoochies!

Ellen

TODAYS QUOTE UNTIL I GET A BETTER ONE Is....

"Sometimes the hardest thing is just finding the courage to cry."

~*~ me ~*~


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Monday, September 12, 2005

   Ghandi
Does no one leave comments ne more!?! i miss them! or maybe its just that no one is coming to my site, because i'm a loser. that could be it *major ego drop* oh well. I so had a really good quote, and i forgot it. it was by Ghandi. smthn about "if everyone did 'an eye for an eye' the whole world would be blind" or smthnlike that. It was kewl. My Priest said it during mass. He's Indian (as in, from India) so he likes to quote Ghandi. (yes, i'm Catholic, don't hate!) but i got another one for you guys. so its all gravy. lots happend this weekend. too much to type. I'll give you the overview.
FRIDAY: Went to the movies w/ big bro and Becca. was fun. saw charlie & and chocolate factory. was, uh, "interesting"
SATURDAY: Got up at 5:00 am and went white water rafting, came home brought Alena w/ me, showered, Grabbed Becca and my bro and we all went to 'Tha Loft' and saw Lampwick and Amongst the best Company and acouple of other highschool bands. they were all pretty good. Big bro bought me a CD and i got to touch some hot guys' hair.(I so have a hair fetish!) Danced w/ Alena and scared ppl and got Becca to headbang. went to sonic, Jacob paid. dropped everyone off. got home about 1:00ish. exhausted
SUNDAY: woke up about 8:00 to go to church. tried real hard not to doze during mass. succeeded. went home and crashed. woke up, cleaned room. My dad's friends from work arrived to see our not-so-new house. was social. went down to the Pit (thats what we call the basement) and did HW. Talked to my ppls online. went to bed.

that was my weekend. woohoo..-_-

TODAY'S QUOTE UNTIL I GET A BETTER ONE....

"Who was the fool, who was the wise man, beggar or king? Whether poor or rich, all's the same in death."

don't kno who said it. was in the cover of the new papa roach cd.

<3 and smoochies to ya'll!!!
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