Thursday, September 8, 2005

   I NEED A HUG!!!
Sitting in the library...again. this is the second time today! and 4th time this week! i think its a conspiracy. I mean, i <3 reading, but this is crazy. and i'm starving. only had time to grab a rice crispy treat for breakfast. slept in late. I'm so hungy. SKINNY GURL GOTS TO EAT!!! i'm gonna pass out next class, i swear. i can feel my bloodsugar dropping. this is not kewl. sometimes fast metabolisims really suck. if you don't eat you pass out. i've almost done it a couple of times. getting the shakes REALLY sucks. luckily, i'm not quite to that point. ok, enough of my bitching about hunger. ugh. ROTC next class. i think i hate that class the most. It used to be my favorite. This evil school ruined it for me. I miss my J.O. Johnson H.S. JROTC family. 'cause thats what we were. I miss my friends. I miss getting hugs from guys. I used to get lots of hugs every day. now i feel lucky if i get one a week. All the guys are idiots except for a select few. at this rate, i'm gonna die an old maid. not that i ever had ne romantic interests at my old school. no one was interested, and frankly, neither was I. But i miss the tactile contact. I need Chief and Terrence, and Jamill, and all the other guys. I don't want a bf. I just want a hug. is that so much to ask? but instead i get idiots who make retarded jokes and sexual innuendos and think that i'm the spawn of the devil, just because when they harass me i retaliate...often violtenly. They don't touch me ne more. I can't help who i am and i refuse to change...especially for THEM. I don't liked to be poked constantly. I don't like you putting you hands on me and touching my hair w/out permission. I didn't used to be like this. but then i got stuck in a class of teenaged boys who act 5 years younger who can't keep their hands to themselves. I get twitchy when i walk in the class now. last year i accidentally bitch-slapped a guy when he put his hand on my shoulder. Thats how parinod i got. I'm not so bad ne more, because they learned not to mess w/ me. ugh. I'm so frustrated. just had to vent there a bit. thnks to all the ppls who actually read this whole thing. <3 and smoochies!

~Ellen~

"weep not, weep not, she is not dead...she's only just gone home."
~James W. Johnson~
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