Sunday, June 5, 2005

birthday party
hello.
Yesterday was my friends tom and john's birthday party. there twins(but they dont look alike) so there birthday is on the same day. there both 17 now. Yesterday before i went to the party i was talking to my friend kirstan, and she asked if i wanted to go to get a $5 pizza with her. so i did, but i forgot to bring a belt, and my pants were falling down the whole time. they never actually came all the way down, but i kept on having to stop and pick them up, lol. after i walked up to the pizza place with her i went back home, got a belt and went to the b day party. when i got there there was only 2 other people there. but later more people showed up. we tried to play hacky sac, but since only 1 of us was good it only lasted about 15 min before we were bored, lol. Then we walked around for a while. john and a few of his friends stayed at the house and played magic the gathering, so it was just me, tom, ben, adam, brian, and somebody else that i forgot his name, he was a little annoying to everybody, lol.We were walking around for a while when we went up to the elementary school and found that they had new play equiptment. it was cool looking but the cement wasnt dry yet so we couldnt play with it. lol, that sounds funny, a bunch of 16 and 17 year old boys wanting to play on the playground. later on they wanted to play dance dance revoulution, so i said we could play it in my basement, so we went to my house to play. well my friend randy, who happens to be a "big" kid, was walking down the steps to the basement, and he broke the step!! it was so funny, everybody was laughing for like 15 minuites, even my mom was laughing. He was fine so it was all in good fun. later on (like 10pm) everybody was gone except me and brian. me, tom, john, and brian sat outside and talked for hours. it was midnight before we went in, but then inside we stayed up untill 4 am talking. i really like having deep conversations becuase it shows me who my real friends are. it helps me with my problems too. With all of our talking i got to express alot of my emotions in a way that i never was able to do really. It made me realise alot of things, things about girls, things about friends, and things about life. the scary thing is that as we talked, and i talked about my past, i realised that i have had one seriously fucked up childhood, and that im extremely lucky that i came out normal. When i was little there were all these things going on that i didnt really understand, and i sorta put them out of my mind. but now that i went back and thought about them, i see the scary truth. i realised what my mom might have used to do with guys. i realised that for a night i was homeless. another time i saw a drunk man beat my pregnant mom. do u have any idea how traumatising it is to be 5 years old and see that? i had a teacher that stabbed me once. and i realised what some experences i had with girls were. my parents divorced when i was around 3 years old. i had such a messed up child hood. but im so glad that i came out like i did. well if any of u wanna talk or anything, feel free to im me, or pm me if you dont got aim.
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Saturday, June 4, 2005

   Concert!!
hey everybody
Today was alot of fun. Not much happend at school. in french class my friend margo drew this awesome looking emo heart thing on my arm. its blue but shaded black and it looks really sweet. if i ever get a tatoo i think thats what il get. but after school was when it got really fun. I went to my friend joe's house then around 7:30 we went to the wired frog( aka roseville theater) wich is a concert hall. the first person that i knew there that i saw was TJ. his nickname is gimpy noodles, lol. but anyway he ran up and humped my leg! i pushed him off me and i went into the main hall part. this is the first time iv ever been there. it was really cool. i saw my friend josh, who is the lead singer in one of the bands. i just said hi and he kept moving cuz he was busy setting up and stuff. there was a bunch of people there that i knew. There was this girl there that i know through joe.her name is tiffany. i ended up hanging out with her alot of the time. The first band played, and they were ok. they wernt bad, but they wernt all that great. then the next band came on, and they were awesome. i know two of the guys in it. one of them i havent seen in a while. his name is seth and hes really frikin sweet! his band was called adora. they really rocked. only problem was that they blew out one of the speakers on there first song. but u couldnt really notice so it was all cool. then after that i was sorta walking around in the place, and i found TJ making out with his girlfreind, lol. the weirdest part was that he has a twin brother, and his brother was making out with his gf most of the time too. and there gfs look kinda similar, so it was like watching people in a mirror, lol. like a third of the guys there had there shirts off. so i figured id take mine off too, lol. it was so sexy. lol. then my friend lances band played. there called steady hands for heart removal. they were really good too but i liked adora more. it was sweet how alot of people were hardcore dancing. its like fighting, but its dancing. with the strobe lights and the screemo bands it looked awesome. i dont really like listening to screemo bands on cds or recordings, but there awesome live. halfway through adora playing jamie and oleks showed up, wich supreised me cuz they said they wernt gonna come. i herd from tiffiny that jamie was here, so i snuck up on him and jumped on his back. it scared the crap out of him. later on my friend gary came up and hit him in the back with a pool stick. it was so funny cuz he wasnt wearing a shirt and it left a huge red welt. After adora played, steady hands played, then adora did like 3 more songs. After that it was around 11:30 and it was over. so me and tiffany went outside to wait for her mom to come get her. like 10 min later joe finnaly comes out and calles his dad to get us. well tiffanys mom came and picked her up, then joes friend billy came. then joe decided that he was gonna spend the night at billys house, and i ended up getting a ride home from joes dad. The whole experence was just awesome, and i want to do it again. maybe il go again in a few weeks ^_^.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

   i found an old cd ^_^
hey everybody. i found one of my old cds ^_^ im sure u guys find old cds all the time, but this one is kinda special to me. this is from way back in the day, when i first started getting into riding scooters, about 4 years ago. at the time i wasnt into music at all really, you could say a really popular band, and id be like "who?". but this cd is what i used to call my "skating music" lol. its mostly songs from tony hawk. but it brings back alot of memories. i always thought this cd was lost. it was my first cd. i know it sounds corny, but its a cool thing for me ^_^. im in a great mood now just listening to it. i think soon im gonna go ride my scooter too. right after this cd is over. maybe il find my friend justin and we can go skate. that would be just awesome. c you guys later
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Sunday, May 29, 2005

   Star wars
hey everybody. i saw star wars 3 today. It was pretty good. i havent seen the other ones yet, so last night i borrowed 1 and 2 from my neighbor. i wasnt done watching them untill 1 am, lol. then this morning at 10, i went to toms house and we went with his mom and brother to see the movie. we met his dads friend bruce up there. Bruce was with his japenese wife, and her friend whos visiting from japan. she barley spoke english so through parts of the movie i could hear bruces wife telling her whats going on, lol. it was fun to go to the movies ^_^. now im at anna's house and heather is here too. so i decided id update from her house, lol. anna keeps throwing stuff at me, lol. il talk to u guys later, bye.
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Thursday, May 26, 2005

   i did it!
yes!!!!! i finnaly did it! do you know what i did??? i got somebody out in hackey sac! i never get anyone out in that! i have only gotten one person out before! im so bad at it, even though i play almost every day for like the last 8 months, and i still can never hit it more then 3 times in a row, lol. my high scoore is 8 times, but that only happend once, and it was in church too, lol. guess what else i found out. Chris was a really good friend of mine. when all of my other friends made fun of me for a certian thing that i did, or a choice i guess u could say(if you really wanna know the choice, just pm me), he stood by me and defended me. back then i was pretty shy. but about 6 months ago he moved. he moved really far away. he was so far that he was in a diffrent time zone! but anyway, this morning my friend heather called me and told me that he was back!! i knew that he was coming back here for a week, but i thought it was gonna be later in the year. so i think this weekend im gonna go visit him! i wonder what he will think of me? im alot diffrent then i was. like i said, he moved about 6 months ago, but i havent really seen him much since 9th grade, about a year ago. now im not shy at all and im pretty popular, not to mention how much longer my hair is ^_^. i cant wait to see him, its gonna be so cool. well im gonna go listen to some music now. talk to you all later
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

   im sorry kelley
hi guys. this one is especially to kelley. i know that you read my post yesterday. i dont know if you will read this one, but i hope so becuase its to you. when i wrote that post yesterday, i was feeling really hurt and emotional, wich is understandable. i was so confused that all i had to go on was what i came up with in my mind, and i shouldnt have. it was wrong of me to assume that you and tim had plans. i talked to tim last night and now i think i understand a little better whats going on. i wish that you would talk to me kelley. do you hate me? i feel like you hate me now. can we still just be friends and at least talk every now and then? im really sorry that i said that you and tim had plans, i didnt mean it, i was just hurt and i said it without thinking. i like tim and im happy that your with him. i hope that you two can be as happy as i was with you. please talk to me, and please dont hate me kelley. goodbye.
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Monday, May 23, 2005

She left me
hello everyone. yesterday the worst thing happend to me. kelley left me. she says that she doesnt love me anymore. this is really hard for me. i thought everything was going good, up untill a few days ago when she started acting difrent. i think she was acting difrent becuase she was thinking of when to break up. but before that everything seemd just wonderful. I still love her. she means the world to me and she always has. but if she doesnt love me then im afraid i will have to move on. i think it will be a long time before i can get over her. i love her so much and i thought that she loved me. i guess that she doesnt though. i think that it might have something to do with her friend tim. but i dont know for sure. i know that he likes her, and that she said that she was "confused" and she wouldnt talk to me about it, and she was talking to him about it. but like i said, i really dont know if it he has anything to do with it. who knows, maybe she just stopped loving me. Tim, i dont know if you had anything to do with it, and i know that if you did i probbably have the right to be pissed at you, but im not. getting mad wouldnt make her want me back. I dont know quite how, but i had a feeling that it was going to happen. i dont mean like, yea we might break up, i mean on sunday afternoon i kept thinking about all the ways that she could break up with me. then sunday evening, she did. I always thought that when she left me id start to cry uncontrollably, but i didnt. my mouth got really dry and my whole body started shaking. soon the shaking was so bad that i could barley type. i went to bed, or at least i tried. when i layed down i started to cry then. but i didnt sob, but tears ran down my face. then i started shaking again. I felt really thirsty becuase my mouth was so dry, so i got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I was shaking so bad that i had to prop myself up on the wall. after that i went back to bed, but i couldnt go to sleep. i stayed up all night. in the morning i got up around 5, cuz i never went to sleep, i was up all night thinking sad thoughts. in the shower i cried the hardest, probbably becuase i couldnt hear myself and get embarrased. in school i was really depressed, but i kept it under controll. i tried to eat lunch but i just couldnt. i couldnt eat breakfast either. today me and my mom went to coney island, and i orded soup and a hot dog, and i ate the soup, but i felt sick after a bite of the hotdog. im sure that il have my appetite back soon though. This is a really big deal for me becuase for over a year she has been all that i thought about or cared about, and i think that she cared about me, and now its like she really doesnt care. hey everybody! guess what i just found out!?! kelley is already going out with tim. that hurts. i mean you could have waited even a day for gods sake. kelley i thought that you at least cared about me, but maybe i was wrong. so kelley, how long have you and tim been going out? i bet that you two made plans long ago. as soon as you came back from toronto with his nicklase and hat, i knew that it would end up being the end of us. i always thought that me and you had something special, and you know what? im sure that we did have something special for a long time. i loved you more then anything, and im pretty sure that you loved me too. everything was good untill you went to toronto and met tim. i know that its becuase of him that were apart. oh well i dont care anymore. the sadness that filled me only hours ago is now gone and replaced with a horrible cold emptiness. i hope you are happy with him, i really do. we cant be together anymore, but i still care about you and im not so sure about loving you. Tim, you had dam well better take good care of her. i think i can move on now maybe. no hard feelings to either of you. have a fucking happy wonderfull life
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Sunday, May 22, 2005

   new quiz ^_^
hi
i did a quiz. its been so long since i did a quiz, but i saw this one and i just had to do it ^_^. its the comic one. you guys should try it, its good for hours of fun! lol. its around 10 am now so maybe il update later. im goin to my dads house today, just like every sunday. have fun with the quiz, talk to u later
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Saturday, May 21, 2005

saturday...
hi everybody
not much goin on right now. im sitting home alone playing runescape. yesterday i was bored so i decided id take a ride on my scooter ^_^ after about 20 minuites of riding around doin tricks and stuff i ran into kelley (witchchick2000) and tim (bloodyfangs) we hung out for a while and then tim went away kinda unexpectedly. then today anna(xosweetpunkox) and heather came over. heather asked my mom if she had any sunscreen so she wouldnt get a sunburn, and my mom got her some. a little while later anna decided to through the bottle of sunscreen at me, and it broke on the cement. i hope my mom wont be mad (she doesnt know yet) they left and i played resident evil 4 for a while, i beat it again and i bought the infinite ammo rocket launcher and the infinite ammo tommy gun. now everbody is gone from my house and its just me. its lonley and quiet here. i think il turn on the radio, that will help. hey, greenday holiday is on ^_^. i feel a little better now ^_^ lol. still a little lonley though, nobody to hang out with and not even my brother is here. but at least its not quiet anymore. well thats all thats happening so far. its only 9pm and its saturday, so more stuff could happen ^_^. on monday im goin to the eye doctor. i wonder if i will get glasses? i know that i need them. it will be weird to have them. maybe il just wear them sometimes. or maybe il like them and wear them alot, who knows? im gonna go now, talk to u later
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Thursday, May 19, 2005

wats up
hey everybody
not much going on, i beat resident evil 4 ^_^. Yesterday at church we had this guy talking about his experences with drugs, like cocain and herroin. it was really interesting. iv been hangin out with kelley alot latley, its fun ^_^ but im not hangin with her today, cuz shes at cedar point, its a roller coaster park. so today im gonna go play resident evil 4 and try to unlock some of the seceret guns, talk to u later ^_^
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