Sunday, June 5, 2005

birthday party
hello.
Yesterday was my friends tom and john's birthday party. there twins(but they dont look alike) so there birthday is on the same day. there both 17 now. Yesterday before i went to the party i was talking to my friend kirstan, and she asked if i wanted to go to get a $5 pizza with her. so i did, but i forgot to bring a belt, and my pants were falling down the whole time. they never actually came all the way down, but i kept on having to stop and pick them up, lol. after i walked up to the pizza place with her i went back home, got a belt and went to the b day party. when i got there there was only 2 other people there. but later more people showed up. we tried to play hacky sac, but since only 1 of us was good it only lasted about 15 min before we were bored, lol. Then we walked around for a while. john and a few of his friends stayed at the house and played magic the gathering, so it was just me, tom, ben, adam, brian, and somebody else that i forgot his name, he was a little annoying to everybody, lol.We were walking around for a while when we went up to the elementary school and found that they had new play equiptment. it was cool looking but the cement wasnt dry yet so we couldnt play with it. lol, that sounds funny, a bunch of 16 and 17 year old boys wanting to play on the playground. later on they wanted to play dance dance revoulution, so i said we could play it in my basement, so we went to my house to play. well my friend randy, who happens to be a "big" kid, was walking down the steps to the basement, and he broke the step!! it was so funny, everybody was laughing for like 15 minuites, even my mom was laughing. He was fine so it was all in good fun. later on (like 10pm) everybody was gone except me and brian. me, tom, john, and brian sat outside and talked for hours. it was midnight before we went in, but then inside we stayed up untill 4 am talking. i really like having deep conversations becuase it shows me who my real friends are. it helps me with my problems too. With all of our talking i got to express alot of my emotions in a way that i never was able to do really. It made me realise alot of things, things about girls, things about friends, and things about life. the scary thing is that as we talked, and i talked about my past, i realised that i have had one seriously fucked up childhood, and that im extremely lucky that i came out normal. When i was little there were all these things going on that i didnt really understand, and i sorta put them out of my mind. but now that i went back and thought about them, i see the scary truth. i realised what my mom might have used to do with guys. i realised that for a night i was homeless. another time i saw a drunk man beat my pregnant mom. do u have any idea how traumatising it is to be 5 years old and see that? i had a teacher that stabbed me once. and i realised what some experences i had with girls were. my parents divorced when i was around 3 years old. i had such a messed up child hood. but im so glad that i came out like i did. well if any of u wanna talk or anything, feel free to im me, or pm me if you dont got aim.
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