Saturday, June 18, 2005

busy day today, tomorow france.
hey, i just wanna say this one is kinda long, but it would mean alot if you went and read it.

yep, today was a busy, hectic, chaotic, and fun day. well today i woke up and anna, heather, and brooke called me, cuz we were supposed to hang out with ivan, but they never met him so they wanted me to call him. im leaving for france tommorow, so i had lots of packing to do. so i went and did the luandry and packed my clothes, but then we had to go to the store to get some last minuite stuff. then came home and did more laundry to get all my clothes packed, then i sat down with my mom and we talked about using the calling card in france, and how to use the visa and travelers checks(or is it spelled cheques?) by that time it was about 4 pm and i finnaly got to calling ivan. then ivan said he would meet us up at this place, so i went to anna's house to go get anna heather and brooke, and we started walking to the place were we were gonna meet. that took about a half hour to walk there, then we met ivan up there, and he only hung out for a half hour cuz his mom called him. so then me and anna and brooke and heather were walkin back to annas house. when we got to anna's heather had to leave, cuz she had to be home by 6 and she lives kinda far away. i only stayed like 10 minuites after heather left, cuz i needed to be home at 6 too, cuz im goin out to eat with my dad, since i wont be here for fathers day. so i went home and after a little bit my dad came and picked me up and we went to this steak house (wich was odd becuase all they had was ribs and hamburgers, no steak, lol) then i went back and now im typing this up. so in all i had a really busy but fun day.Im leaving for france and england tommorow. its gonna be an awesome trip. im gonna miss you guys alot tho, i wont be back untill the 28th. a few days ago i met this really awesome girl, her name is crystal and she plays guitar and is good lookin and likes all the same music as me. but shes from tennesee and was just visiting michigan, and shes leaving to go back to tennesee tommorow. im kinda sad cuz i might not ever see her again. maybe she will come back sometime. i found out that she likes me, and i think that we would have been a great couple, but im choosing not to try to go out with her becuase long distance relationships never work out. oh well i guess il just have to move on. Theres a few girls that like me, and i really care alot about all of them, wich makes it an increadibly hard decision. if i choose to go out with one of them, then i know that il hurt the other ones, and i cant stand to think about that. now im hearing all these rumors about another person that i still care about, and the bad decisions that this person is making. its like there ruining there life, and i wish i could talk to them about it, but i havent had the chance. i wish i could at least talk to this person so that i could find out if the rumors are just rumors, or if there true. I feel like my life has been so screwd up and upside down latley. i have so many things goin on in my head. im happy alot of the times, but im always hurting inside. im depressed even if i dont seem like it. i really am trying my best to be happy and get over this, but its so hard for me. there is just so much shit going on in my head right now. Im goin to europe tomorow, and it will be a memorie and experence that i will never forget, but right now all i can think about is everythign going on in my life, and i dont even feel excited. just confused and depressed. and kelley, if you read this, i want you to know that your not the only reason im depressed, but you are a big part of it. I know that everything will be better in time, one of my favorite songs, modest mouse, float on.. now it takes an important meaning to me. we'll all float on... everything will be better. but right now im listening to emo music and thinking. the used... my chemical romance.. underoath... and a bunch of other bands. i dont want any of u guys to get the wrong idea here, im not gonna do anything stupid, i promise. im just dealing with this as best as i can, and talking about this to you guys is really a huge help, you have no idea how much i appreacieat you listening. before i go i just wanna say il miss you guys. but especially a few close friends in real life. il miss you anna, heather, brooke, crystal, kirsten, dallas, derrick, valerie, and kelley...
well il talk to everybody later, probbably when i get back. maybe when i get back i wont be so dam depressed, at least i hope so, cuz this isnt who i am. i love you all.
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