Sunday, September 10, 2006

I have moved
I have moved for a fresh start, I didn't get to say goodbye to all my friends, but only to the ones that matter the most to me. Not like they even really care or anything. Anyways, I'll talk more later. I'm learning more about my computer^_^ Love yaz all. Mostly Damion. Lol jk^_^ jk I'm tired from the loooong drive. Cya!
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Friday, September 8, 2006

I'm moving tomorrow
I'm moving tomorrow well like Saturday late night/sunday morning sort of thing. But I'm working late night tonight, yet i'm up around around 12:23pm, when I should be sleeping in as much as i can. But oh well my boyfriend and I are over. well it's a break but I'm going to tell him it's over. my heart does belong to another, but that won't work, So I'm moving on. I'm getting a new fresh start out in Alberta...But that's all I wanted to say, I'll write more later. Byebye
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Thursday, September 7, 2006

How Can I?
How can I tell my boyfriend, that I cheated on him, with a guy that I love more than him? How this guy, loves me more than anything. I know how sappy and stupid that sounds but I know it's true. I stopped doing drugs, but drinking. I do a little still. I'm moving to Lethbridge Alberta Canada to live with my brother out there, And get a new start on life. My boyfriend is like my brother to me now. I don't know what to do. The guy I cheated with him on, lives in Alberta, I love him deeply. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. I feel love for him(boyfriend) But not the love that he wants. I love the other person more...God I'm messed up arin't I? I don't know what to do anymore...Please tell me what to do?! my brother and sister in law are probably gonna yell at me once I get there. And tell me how stupid and shit like that I am. That will only cause me to shut down even more. Or maybe even run away. I will run to where my "guy" lives, I won't care if I have to live outside. I would never live with someone who tells me that I'm a slut or shit like that. I know i'm a slut. I cheated once. i'm sorry. but i didn't know what i was doing. well i did. but whatever there is no point explaining it when I can't even think. Well I'll talk to you all later. i'll pm some people. And everything. Well have a good day now. byebye.
"Life can mean anything you want it to mean
To me it means love. To everyone it can mean
Sex, Drugs, Drinking, Killing, Love.
But what it means can be anything"
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Saturday, September 2, 2006

I'm not
I'm not pregnant. Which is good. Cause i'm still messed up. I'm stop doing drugs, but I am doing some tonight...again. Maybe drinking too. I still don't know what to do about my boyfriend now. I want to go and be alone but yeah. I'm all confused on what to do. And why i'm doing drugs again...what is wrong with me? i'm moving in a week or so. my last day of work is september 10th. I'm gonna miss a while of school. I'm just blah! I'm crazy! I've been staying up all night. sleeping like half an hour. staying up all night again. and all. Well I better go. i'm messed up. I'll answer any pm's or comments when I can. Well Have a good day.
Take Care
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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

   I am deeply sorry
I am deeply sorry everyone that I haven't posted in a such a long time, I've been going through a lot in my life. That I haven't had time for the computer. And Posting. Please do forgive me. It's just I'm moving soon. I'm probably pregnant. I've been doing drugs. Drinking. All that kind of stuff. And I don't even know if the father of the child will do anything. And I'm back together with my ex...and I really don't know if I want to. Sure I'm happy. But I'd rather be alone right now. Then be with someone. And If i'm pregnant what do I tell him? I gotta tell the father frist...I need to know what he will do. Anyways. I'll post more. I am truely sorry everyone. Please do forgive me. I shall answer all the comments and pm's from now on. I am truely sorry. Well have a good day now. Byebye
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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

   Just got back from a concert.
The WarChild Concert was awesome. That was my first concert:) anyways, I think I should move on with my life...I don't know what else to say right now. I like Keith, I'm confused about my ex...I don't know what to do. You know what. I'm going to just shut up, and go..I'll talk more later about the concert and what not.
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Monday, May 29, 2006

I give up..
I want to give up on Keith. He doesn't want to talk to me. Jen is telling me to not give up. I don't know if I should listen to her. I hate guys. Yet some I don't. I really want to go out with Keith. But it seems like he doesn't. I was crying, and still am a little. Everything going on in my life is taking a toal on me. Ashley is living here cause CFS told her to. Alex still live's here. My brother's girlfriend is always here...I have no one...I feel so alone...Like I used to. I don't know what to do anymore...I want to give up people. But that's not me. Cherisse is being a bitch. She keeps calling me a fat hoe. First off, I'm not fat, and not a hoe. I don't sleep around for money or drugs like she does...and I'd rather be fat then be a hoe...But whatever. I give up on her. Anyways, I'm going...bye
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Sunday, May 28, 2006

I want to talk to him, but he keeps moving away. I want to talk to him about everything, but he won't. That is the first for me, for I don't like talking. I am willing to talk to him, but he doesn't want it. I want everything over with. I want to move on. If he doesn't want me then fine, I want to move on. I just want to hear it from him. I don't want to love anymore. I want to move on. I want to give up on feelings, I can. I have before. It won't be that hard. I am working today 4-7. I am supposed to hang out with friends after. I want Keith to come, so we can talk and get it over with. I am going to a concert on the 30th with friends. It's a benefit concert. It's WarChild. It's gonna be my first concert, but oh well. Anyways, I better get going. Since I don't want to say to much anymore right now. Take care..
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Saturday, May 27, 2006

   sad?
I'm sad. But I act happy. I'm tired, but I act happy. I want to be alone, But I act as if I don't. I don't know what to do. Everything is taking a toal(sp?) on me. I'm not sure what I should do anymore. Why? You seem to like me, but at the same time not. I don't know weather to feel sad, happy or what...I wish I could be with you, For you truely do make me happy...Or maybe I should just give up and not go out with anyone or anything anymore... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want people to know of how I feel. I want to be alone, but at the same time, I want to be with you. Why does this have to happen? I like you, don't you get it? I will repect the time that you need, but with everything going on, I don't know if I can wait. I don't know if I should live anymore. I'm not strong. I've lost all hope...I just want to die...I am sad. I won't lie about that. I want to hide all my feelings. I can. It's not that hard...I thought I was truely happy one day...but I wasn't. I was sad. I am only happy with you, Keith...Or do you think that's a lie? Why do I write when I don't want to? Sad? happy? mad? ect. All the feelings that I don't want. I want to feel numb again. I want to die. I want to love you...I want to be with you...I don't know what to say. I am lost. I am lost in my mind. I am lost in my body. I am lost in my soul. I am lost in my heart. You have my heart. I got it back finally, then you took it...Which I knew was going to happen...But why can't you see that? Do I not care? Am I not important to you? Do you hate me keith? or what? I need to know...I'm just scared to find out the answer...I want to feel numb. Everything going on in my life, has taking a toal(sp?) on me...why? I am not strong. I am weak. I can not do anything...I must die...I have no hope. Nothing...I like you alot Keith...Why don't you get it?
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

why should i be happy
when I'm not?
Whats the point?
I want to make him happy
but being without him hurts
What the hell am I doing?
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