Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!
Randomness:
Musica: Pink Killer-Diru
Me MOOD: Upset and tired
Thought: What it would be like driving a tiny car on the celing and i was the size of a ant. Would i meet anybody? XD
Foodige: I think i smell steak. O_O
Person of the day: Kaoru!! in honor of forgetting his birthday. I didn't honor kyo, though. o_O opse.
The normal pics of them make me laugh, because im not use to finding normal pics of them. But i gusse this pic is werid and the pics that most people would agree was werid are normal. You know what i mean? Either way is fine with me. XD
Im sinking lower into a rut then i thought i was. Not only have my grades sliped (Thier not failing grades and im thankful just to have them, thier in the 80's, i usually get high 80's, XDDD) but my soical life as well. *sigh* Now it feels like i have only have 2 good friends left at my school, that actually talk to me or listen to me. Everyone else seems to be pushing me away, and i feel distant like im fading from existance. They never have anything to say to me, they just don't seem to talk to me anymore. If anyone of my friends dose talk to me, which is rare, it feels like fluff and my response is mechanical. When i try to talk to them i don't feel like myslef because im putting this mask on, and if i take it off to talk about one my intersts im speaking to thin air. I try to listen to them and ask them about thier intersts or about other things, but they never seem to care to share. Now when i hear thier voices they sound far off and shallow, and when i respond my voice sounds hollow and it feels strange in my throat. Im tired of putting on a mask and being someone i use to be, so i don't fell alone. Im not that person anymore and the mask that use to be me is smothering who i am now. But no matter how much i tug at this mask im to afraid to take it off. No matter how much i want to. Maybe im creating the distance, but now that im on the one side looking threw a clouded window to people i use to know, im starting to see the truth. I want to be on the other side, but not with them anymore, but with people who actually care to listen to me. Someone i can really talk to and relate to, not just talking about the weather and such just so i can be heard. Im not trying to hard and im not trying to little, as to why i have given up. Now im just happy to have what friends i have left in school and the friends i have here.
So ive become slient, confused, and trying to bulid a bridge on my own and all it dose is fall apart anyways. Im tired of smiling and laughing about nothing, i hate being hidden behind this shadow of who i use to be.
The more i feel this way the more i contridict myself, and start to miss my brother even more.
Its so complicated that i don't even think ive explained it the right way. *sigh*
On a brighter note, my book im writing seems to be coming along well, and i'll be getting my braces off in march! ^-^
Not to mention im looking foreward to starting to read another series by Garth Nix. Found another song by Diru i love, and hoping to add some Mozart to my ipod. (I love shuffling my songs and have a JRock song come on like gazettE or Diru and then have Classical, and then gose to An Cafe and Ayabie, to techno, to Asian Kung Fu Generation, ect. XDDD)
Watched Van Hellsing with Hugh Jackmon (did i spell his name right?) Justin has been talking to me about the Van Hellsing anime, and so i couldn't watch the anime i thought watching the movie might be close enough. But how would i know i never saw the anime? Watched Underworld with Chels, and actually got her to watch Moon Child. (i don't know if she liked it or not)
I wish i could go see a Sabers game. -__-
~see ya space samurais!~
Comments
(1)
«
Home 