Sunday, April 18, 2004

   whoo hoo!!!!
Whoa, ok, today was just plain crazy. I’m even happy for the fact that I couldn’t go swimming. In the beginning when I got there, there were more pplz there than I thought there would be...and that was really good. The bad thing was that my cousin couldn’t make it since she had to study for an exam. Also Ric3 couldn’t come, so it was just An1m3, me, and others. There were so many things that happened there, and we played some traditional Cambodian games.

The first one that I can remember, interrupted our volleyball game and most of the pplz headed out to the area it took place. It was almost like playing with a piñata, but instead we used these piggy banks. And when I say ‘piggy’ I mean piggy and cows. There were, I think 5 of them, and those who wanted to try were blind folded, spun, and got help from the pplz who were watching in what direction to go. The cool thing was that there was money inside of them, but I didn’t get anything when my brother got 50 cents without even trying. I played three times...and didn’t get anything since when I would hit it...it wouldn’t be strong enough. And then...there’s my brother who didn’t even play it at all...and he gets 50 cents! Oh well...

Then there was another game that included these big pebbles and everyone divided into two teams...one team for the guys and another for the ladies. It was weird, but I kind of got use to it. It was almost like bowling except each team would have three pebbles up and the other team would try to throw other pebbles to knock them down. And the team that would win got to go to the other team and did this one thing that I’m not sure of how to explain...but I just kept trying to run away from it and making excuses saying that I was only watching.

Another game was kind of like ‘duck, duck, goose’ and ‘musical chairs’ but Cambodian style. But the thing was that someone was ‘it’ and they had to walk around the circle with a towel and hide it behind someone’s back. We didn’t sit down cross legged, but we...I think the word is ‘squatted’ down. The person who was ‘it’ would walk around while the pplz who were squatted down in the circle clapped and those who knew the words to chant, chanted those words. And then who ever was it would hide the towel behind someone’s back without them knowing and just keep on walking. If they knew about it, they would have to get it and start smacking the person to their right with the towel. What that person is suppose to do is run around the circle once and sit down. Then, the person who had the towel would become it. But if the person who had the towel hid behind them didn’t know about it and the person who was currently it went around them a second time could pick up the towel and start chasing that person...also smacking them with it.

The thing with that game was that I was being chased the most. The person to my left would be picked a lot which sent me, the person on their right, running...a lot. I gad to do that 6 times, and I finally got the towel behind me once at the end of the game, and the person on my right was my friend Sona (long |o|) and I got to chase him around, hitting him with the towel. I guess the other turns paid off.

After that, I think it was tug of war. The first game, there were two captains and they chose the pplz they wanted on their teams. The second game was guys against ladies. Then there were a lot of other games after that. But the one that I remember the most was the one with me, An1m3, my brother gundam x, and KenSu (An1m3’s brother). It was funny since it was just two pplz on each side. Our brothers were both wearing red shirts and black shorts. I and An1m3 were wearing jeans, but she had on pants when I had on shorts. We both would have matched if SOMEONE called the other that they weren’t gonna wear pink. But anyways, for the first few seconds, we had the lead...then they gained strength, and they had the lead. We then got the lead again...and then...the boys let go of the rope...and we went down. It was so funny though, and I wasn’t one bit embarrassed! Yea I was really mad for the fact that they cheated, but it was only since they we about to lose. But I did end up getting my butt hurt...but yea...other than that, it was hilarious! The game continued with lots of other rounds, and other one-on-one matches and a few rematches with these two adults...that was also funny since they looked so funny pulling and laughing.

There were times in between where we played volleyball for just a bit, or went on the swings. But my favorite phrase that I said a couple of times was, “Let’s invade the baby swings!” it was only funny since it was stupid because I was the only one who would do that. I wasn’t able to fit all of the way, but I was able to sit down...but I just couldn’t put my legs through the little holes for the legs. But it was painful since my friends kept kicking my butt when they meant to kick the swing since they didn’t know how to push it correctly when it comes to pushing a teen on the swings.

I can’t remember the other things that we did, but it was really fun and crazy there. I stayed there for about 4 hours and the ride was about an hour to get there and about 45 minutes to get back. Also, an old friend, Minh, was there...one of Ric3’s cousins. Minh and I use to be really good friends, back when I was in the 6th grade and he was in the 7th, and we’ve known each other since I was in the 4th. But this year he’s changed and we barely talk to each other. And I finally asked him why he never talks to me much. His answer, “It’s because you’re a 7th grader”. I told him, “Ok, so when I was a 6th grader and you were a 7th grader...it was ok? And now that I’m a 7th grader and you’re an 8th grader...it’s not ok?” and he just said, “Yeah.” I came back to him with, “Hey...I didn’t even understand that...so you shouldn’t either!” but we kind of talked a bit more there. It was ok, but still we didn’t talk as much as we use to...and right before I left, I went on the swings and he asked me if I wanted to have a contest on who could go higher. But the bad thing was that right when it went good...I had to leave. I waited until my parents drove the car in front of the swings and I would just jump off and say my ‘good bye’ and get inside the car. And that’s what I did.

But yea...there was a lot of fun there and a lot that happened, and I know I a lot out since I can’t remember everything...but it’s still ok. I’m pooped now, so I’m gonna go. Tomorrow is a Monday, and it’s gonna be the beginning of the work week. So I’m gonna get ready for bed and I’ll catch you guys later. There better not be any homework that was suppose to be done over the weekend too, because that’ll be B/S! Hehe...I’m really gonna go now. Buh bye pplz and I’ll ttyl when I get the chance ^_^!!! Also, thanks for reading everyone!!!

*and sorry if there are any errors!*

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   beach party yay!!!!!
yup that's it....buh bye for now pplz!!! weeee!!!!!

An1m3....i'll see u there!bye!
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Saturday, April 17, 2004

   HI!!!!!!
well, plans changed, and we ended up going to Staples. but anywayz, we got an all in one printer, scanner, copier, and fax. now that it's up i think i'm having a bit too much fun with it. haha, i found a picture of Amenda, and i'm gonna let it end there...hehe no i'm not 'that' evil.

but yea, it's a good printer thingy and it'll be usefull for school. my brother is keeping the old printer and seperate scanner, since it matches his computer. but for this one...i learned how to use to scanner...but i tried sending the pics over aim...but it wouldn't work...i'll see what i can do about that. but hey...i'm getting along better with technology...so iss all good. haha...

my parents left me and my brother to go to a lil party over a friend's house. they've been gone since 6pm. and left me and my brother with the installing work. we were suppose to get pizza and rent a movie and spend time together with my dad, my brother, and me...and maybe my mom if she was feeling any bettter...but no...*sighs* it's already 9:50pm...hopefully there will be other times.

well i'll leave for now, and i'll catch u guys later. bye ^_^

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   hey Pplz!
me and my dad are planning to get a new printer for my computer, and we're going to Best Buy soon. but what i wanted to say was that i might not be on for a while since i'm getting paranoid about my grades, and for my homework that was due on Friday (yesterday) i did them all before that class where it was due. yea, lucky me. well anywayz i'll sneak on whenever i can, to check up on things.

An1m3, we got a call last night about the picnic thing, and yea i'm going. but i think my parents are coming with me so that sux.

and the bad thing about it is because of my health i won't be able to go swimming T_T. poo...well i'll get my chance later. oh, and it's nothing serious...it's just i got a bit sick.

i'll leave u guys with a few poems since i would like to know what u guys think of them before i submit it. well for now, buh bye and i'll catch u later. i doubt that i'll be able to stop by anyones page for at least today, but i'll see what i can do.

you've shatter and torn apart-
kicked and stepped over this heart.
then you threw the remainings into the sea-
turned back and walked off...hating me.
a smirk to top off the night,
thinking now that i'm gone things will be right.

this tired soul suffers along the crashes-
against the rocks and only receives gashes.
not knowing of any hate...
but believing i can start on a new slate.
the waves come down in all directions-
Pummling my body with rejection.
no hope left for this weak spirit...
but to continue to cry hoping you hear it.

after you break there seems to be no way to heal...
but you shouldn't give up cuz there are many who feel-
feel the same way and are able to just walk through...
your not alone and there's many who care for you too.

my soul comes to see the fact that there is pain no more,
and finaly finds my way back to shore.
i hold my head up high for another tomorrow...
that will be spent with happiness and will be anti-sorrow.
all my life i've been asking for rescue...
to find that special someone and i thought he was you.
but now i find myself needing help more than ever…
I thought that you would put away the nightmares forever.

I was idiotic and in denial…
I didn’t think that it was only a trial.
A game that turned to be a waste.
My heart and soul was only being chased.

Lies to cover my wounds and cuts-
You start to apologize with a “but…”
You didn’t think I would be so hurt-
But think about it…you threw my heart into the dirt.

You had the easy part,
You pretty much just said sorry for breaking my heart.
I cried and you didn’t know,
I loved you…but it didn’t show.

But I can’t help it…
And these words no longer seem to fit…
But I just want you to know…
That I once loved you…and that feeling will never go.

I’ll start this new life…but I won’t end the other.
I can’t replace my tears and memories so this life won’t count as another…
But it’ll be a new look on things,
And my heart will change the tune that it sings…
My eyes left unclosed and I won’t let you out of my sight,
It’s a new feeling of happiness that appeared as a light-
It leads the way and tells me that my ‘someone’ will be here soon.
And by then I would have already hatched out of this depressing cocoon.
~*~
There are days when my emotions full with my head.
Nights when I can’t sleep when lying in bed.
Some days I’m happy, some days I’m mad.
Some days I feel lonely, and some days I feel sad.

I try to cheer up, I honestly do.
But sometimes I can’t help but to be in the blue.
And when I get back to feeling good,
My life will get back to normal for a while- like it should

Your love provides an endless light.
Your friendship guides me with what’s right.
When I look for the answer to what’s wrong,
The voice of your answer sings like a song.

I hope you know you mean the world to me.
You are my everything and you always will be.
I’ll look to you if I need a smile…
And we will never be separated no matter the mile.

You will always be in what ever I dream,
You will be the one I’ll be cheering for-like a favorite team.
I want you to know I will never stop caring for you my friend…
And I will always hold on to you…even after the end.
~*~
promises broken-
and left unkept.
dreams to be awaken-
when you could've slept.

staring at the sky-
with not even a cloud,
no sun or moon-
not even a star aloud.

a day without serenity-
and then a day without sound.
would be like a day without breathing-
and how will you get around?

your lips are moving-
but i don't hear anything.
lies are all i seem to hear-
the truth is just an unfamiliar ring.

you show me your love-
but then i go blind.
the truth in everyone-
is something i can't find.

i've gotten lost-
because of my past.
i've grown confused-
and i don't want this to last.

i need someone to rescue me-
i'm a damsel in destress.
all that i've gotten from this life-
is a life that turned out to be a mess.
~*~
I would do what I can to see you,
I would even cry to see your eyes,
Scream to hear your comforting voice,
And give up hope for all the other guys.

But will this make any difference?
How can it bring you to me?
When can you hold me tight and whisper,
“This is how things should be…”?

It’s hard to forget you,
Even if I try.
Are you my dear Romeo?
Because you don’t seem like any other guy.
~*~
Why couldn’t I just be?
All quiet and locked up for eternity?
If I lose myself in this rhyme,
No one will be able to notice me in time.
You’ve stepped too close without knowing,
I’ve tried to get back to you but the wind won’t stop blowing.
Will you ever come back to my rescue?
And when will I get to tell you?
I love you too much to see u like this,
I want to be the one and only that u miss
You've left me here I think for too long,
Everything’s messed up and has gone wrong.
Please come back and I will say,
“I still love you, if it’s ok.”
~*~
My life has changed,
Ever since we first met.
I just can’t get you off my mind,
My feelings are left unset.

I’ve become so fragile,
And only can trust some.
I can’t move on or I’ll break,
So I’ll just wait for you to come.

I knew this would be big,
And I thought I could handle it.
I really need to talk to you now,
So listen to me a bit.

I know things can only get better,
But all I need is hope and inspiration.
Everything will get back to normal,
And I we can have our vacation.

I went against my other poems,
I know that I did now.
If I only listened,
I wouldn’t be asking myself, “How?”


i dunno if i have put up the last couple of poems on my page yet, but they're poems from about a month ago so i can't remember. well anywayz...ttyl. bye^_^thanx for reading!

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Friday, April 16, 2004

   Nooooo...!!!!!
ok...well i didn't pre-type my post so it's gonna take a while, and there might be a lot of typos. anywayz, the thing is...i think i ruined my love life T_T. today was suppose to be the day that i talk to 'Twix' and tell him that i like him...but i chickened out! i had my time during lunch, but then me and my lil group asked our lang. arts teacher if we can eat lunch with her in her room. we were jus playing and we didn't think she would say yea, but she did. so i kind of left him there. then when it was about 5 minutes before lunch was gonna be released, we went out to go to the cafeteria to return the trays. i didn't have a tray since i jus bought this cup of fries, but i wanted to see if i could bump into him while i'm outside. the thing was...i did. but what happened was i kind of got nervous and i kind of walked away jus so he wouldn't be able to see me biting my lip to death. then one of his friends come over to me and tells me that Kr wanted to tell me something and that he wanted me to come over, or he would have to 'escort' me to him. then i told him i can walk myself over there. i was about to go, but then...i got nervous, really nervous. i should have gone...but no...i got too shy and scared..and all of the above...and i didn't go. i jus left to go to spanish T_T.

i was really mad the whole 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th period since i didn't get to talk to him about it. i saw him a few times in the hallway and outside when he would go to his locker...but i didn't really talk to him. we made eye contact, but...i was too shy to even wave to him!

then after i got released from 8th period...i was hoping to see him by his locker like he usually is, and yay! he was there. i had a plan of jus going up to him and give him a quick hug and tell him i like him and jus leave. but right when i got up to him...and i mean at the same time i got up to him...my plan changed! i jus ended up asking him if there was something that he wanted to tell me. because...u know...his friends have been telling me that he wanted to talk to me and all. but...it took about 10 seconds for him to answer, and he jus shook his head no. but the thing was i was looking at his eyes and they were sooo cute! he's got really cute hazel eyes...and it was like...i was trying not to stare but i couldn't help. and then when i got my answer..i had no other reason to stay, and i was to shy to tell him i like him. then i regrouped with Ric3 and Chieu, and they were asking me what he said and it took me only 3 seconds to tell it, and i got a bit sad.

i feel so stupid at the moment...and he probably hates me now. i left him a bit too much...and that's not like the usual me. i thought i got over the nervousness around guys...but no..i guess not -_-.

well thanx for reading, and aren't u happy the post isn't so long? haha. well yea...that was the BIG thing that happened today. and it made me feel all happy in the beginning and i couldn't stop laughing thinking of him...and then...i turned out crappy at the end. but i did wait a minute at this one spot in the bus area waiting for him so i can have jus a second and tell him that i meant to tell him that i liked him but i jus chickened out over by his locker. but...he didn't come. then...it only took about 10 seconds to walk from that spot to my bus...and when i sat down i looked out the window and he was jus passing that spot i was at!!! i mean!!! GRRRrrr!!! and this all started two weeks ago, when i came up to him to ask for his s/n. and then...things between us changed...and then on last friday when chieu left me, things got bad since i the secret kind of got out big time that day. and now...this friday. *sighs*...i ruined my love life all the way now. if onli i stayed with that 'single for life pride' thing...i would be in a better mood. it's all An1m3's fault! when she slept over she kept interupting what i was saying with ' i want a boyfriend!' and then she got me to saying that...and....being single is the way to be...man...i shoulda known better T_T!!!!

well...thanx again for reading, and listening to me whine. that's the best way to put it too^^. if i'm lucky he might go over his friend's house to use his friend's AIM since he has yahoo instead, and i might get to talk to him. or...i'll jus have to suffer till monday. buh bye for now pplz. and i'll ttyl.
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Thursday, April 15, 2004

   oh gosh...haha!!
Omg!!! Before I get into the ‘story’, I and Chieu wore our white Capri and so did Amenda, and I wore a shirt that was mostly pink, and Chieu had a pink and white striped shirt. But…Amenda wore a red shirt, but the ‘ok’ thing was that the letters on it were pink…but still…you could barely see it. I had a pink jacket around my waste, and the other two had white. Tara had her pink ‘GAP’ sweater and the letters ‘g’ ‘a’ and ‘p’ were in white, so that was ok, and the rest didn’t dress up. There were a few other girls who were told about it and joined in, but overall…it was ok. Also I got over the problem with Amenda, and things went ok…well the rest is down there…

Ok, the thing is, my day went really good today, but I feel REALLY bad! The main thing…‘Twix’ asked me out to the Spring Fling Dance! Well he didn’t ‘ask me’…he talked to a friend who talked to me, that kind of stuff. But…I feel bad because he bought an extra ticket to the dance for me…and I COULDN’T go!!! It was so funny when it happened though. Ok, the bell to dismiss 2nd period rang, and I went right to my next class which is just a door away on the right. He’s skipping his 3rd period class, well at least the beginning of it, and I’m already in my social studies class and I was already seated, and Isabel wasn’t yet, and like I said, I went straight into class. Well…her seat is right next to the door-where I use to sit before I had to switch seats with someone-well anyways, he caught Isabel before she was about to step into the class and he asked her if I was going to the dance. So she had to come inside the room, next to the door and asked me if I was going to the dance, and I told her no and that I didn’t have a ride home. She went back outside and the whole thing kept repeating for a few times, and I was really mad at myself for not even asking if I could go to the dance since I thought that I wouldn’t have any reason to go…and now…*sighs* It’s just that I’m mad at myself for that…and I felt really bad since we didn’t even talk to each other after that, until the end of the day.

I spent the whole day feeling guilty and bad that I did that, and by the end of 8th period…as I was walking out with Chieu and Isabel, Isabel came with the idea that I should have a small talk with him and give him a hug. Dustin and I have hugged each other a few times, and he’s even gotten me a soda after school, but I was so shy around ‘Twix’ he was at his locker, and he was with a couple friends. And then I change my mind and say that I didn’t want to do it and I’ll talk to him later. Then…they start dragging me!!! I was able to hold my ground enough for them not to get me too close to him. I felt really bad, and I was REALLY embarrassed! Then Isabel had to leave just a bit later and I start dragging Chieu the other way since she wasn’t able to pull me much anymore. And when I finally get free, Ric3 comes in and she starts helping Chieu. I told them that I would do it and that they had to let go of me, and when they let go I cooled down, took a deep breath, and I walked the other way to my locker. Stupid me, they were able to get me back and it all started over. And after a while they finally let me go, but I felt REALLY, REALLY bad for doing that. But it was funny since he was just standing at his locker watching me be dragged around. Oh no, I can picture that now…I’m gonna kill them!!!

Well I got to my locker and got what I needed. Chieu and Ric3 were with me, and I told them that I was gonna go back and at least say good bye to him and apologize for not being able to go to the dance with him…but we were able to take a little glance to where his locker was, and we didn’t see him. So we just left…and went on our way to our busses. Then…Chieu sees him and calls him over. I was ok with that…for only 5 seconds! Then I got all panicky and I turned around so he wouldn’t know what I was saying, and I mumbled to her, “Is he coming? Please don’t tell me he’s coming…is he?” she nodded her head and at the point…it was the worst that I’ve felt that whole day…or should I say…in a long time. He was walking to me…then Chieu said that she was gonna go and she just ran off…I ONLY ran to her to get her to stay so I wouldn’t be alone…and then when I caught up with her, I turned around and he was already going the other way. He was going in the direction to the cafeteria for the dance.

Yeah, I felt horrible for doing that and…hopefully I can talk to him without being bothered by anyone I don’t want around me. But here’s the thing. after I got to Chieu, and at the end of that thing…I saw one of his friends at one of the soda machines close to the bus area, and I told him that if he sees ‘Twix’ to tell him I’m sorry I couldn’t go to the dance, and that I said bye. I was walking a bit slow as I shouted that, and then I was about…I would say, about 10/15 feet away from him, and after I finished saying what needed to be said, he came back with, “Uh…ok, but wait. Aren’t you the girl that Kr likes?” and then I turned around real fast so I wasn’t facing him anymore, and I was talking to Chieu in a really high pitched voice and I was kind of happy. But I’m trying not to let it get to me, because it could just be a guess of what he thinks or just a joke…but still. He ‘kind of’ asked me to the dance!!! And when my chance actually comes…I turned him down!!! I hate myself…-_-…

Well…that was the high light of my day, I’m gonna try to get something from Isabel, since she was the message sender-person, so…yea…I’ll ttyl though, and bye for now. I’m gonna see if some good tea can cool me down…but I really need to talk to him!!! So far…that’s three pplz…not including Amenda…who told me that ‘Twix’ likes me. And I don’t know if it’s true. Oh yea, just to let you guys know, his full name is Karrar, but pplz call him Kr…since it sounds like it, and his ‘code name’ is ‘Twix’. ^_^ thanks for reading, and bye.

~ok, I kind of got tired after typing that, and I took a nap that ended up lasting a couple of hours. But anyways, I really feel like a lazy sloth after that. I have a few things that I should have done before a nap…and I didn’t do them. Well I’m gonna make myself some instant noodles, and also I would like to add in that the dance would’ve been over at 6pm, and it’s about 7:50pm here, and my mommy hasn’t gotten home yet…I could’ve gone and had one of my other friends to take me home!!!! T_T…oh well…it’s ok…I wouldn’t have done anything there anyways. Thanks for reading, bye!!!~

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

   OMG!!!
Well first of all i'd like to thank everyone for visiting, commenting, and helping me through tough times, the last that i've checked i had 700 visits!!! and i jus wanted to thank you guys!!!^_^...moving on...

I should’ve known yesterday was too good to be true. I thought today would be as good, or better…but no…the total opposite! Things were really good from the morning, I didn’t get to make breakfast for him since I thought that I’d rather not set the house on fire for him, but there was only enough milk for one bowl of cereal…and I was kind enough to eat something else…so yea. *I’m right here with him and I just asked him if he’s excited at all about being 15…and he just said no* oh well…but a good thing was that I tried not to bug him or *dude he just got $50* T_T…all I got was a party…and then I got $80…small party though…but mommy didn’t give ME money!!! Well…yea...my mom just handed that over to him a minute ago. But anyways…I tried my best not to nag at him to hurry up and I just did what I could NOT to bother him. And for me and him…that’s a big thing. So the best that I can do for him is to not bother him…and give him his 15 punches. Of course I’m gonna end up hurting myself, like the saying “I hope you know that it hurts me more than it hurts you” or something like that…yea that’s how it is with me. *hehe*

Well the bad part came right at the end of school. Right after I was dismissed from 8th period and walked out of the double doors of the building I was in. ‘Twix’ was standing at his locker and I was about to go over to smack him for trying to stick a ‘Kick Me’ sign on my back on my way to 7th period. But right when I was about to call out his name…Amenda jumps out and she’s all talking to him and if this one guy Michael wasn’t in her way, she probably be up in his face. But yea, when I saw that…I just said to myself, ‘AGAIN???’ if some of you remember Dustin, I had a crush on him first…and then when she found out...she introduced herself to him and started talking to him, looking for him, and just hanging out with him more. And then when I told her that I had a problem with it she started acting mean to him trying to avoid him. Then after I stopped liking him…she ends up not talking to him as much as she use to and she just stopped messing with him. And now…it got out that I like ‘Twix’ and she’s bothering him. And also…there were only three other pplz at the school who knew about this. Chieu, Tara, and Monica. And for some reason…Linna found out, and Linna has a big mouth and even though she says she won’t tell, she’ll end up telling anyway. So Amenda found out, Janna found out, an 8th grader-Nikki found out *the bad thing is that she’s one of my brother’s friends* and next thing you know it my whole academic classes will know! Janna came up to me while I was walking to ‘Twix’ and while Amenda was talking to him and asked me if I liked him….and Nikki asked me when we ran into each other on the way to out busses. And when I asked them who’s been spreading it around, they just kept repeating the question. I know Chieu wouldn’t do something like that to me, and I know Monica wouldn’t and Tara wouldn’t either…but when Linna hears a good conversation…she’s gonna get nosey. But the funny thing was that before I got to the bus area, right when I was about to talk to ‘Twix’ Amenda passes by me and she whispers, “Twix likes you” and I know what she’s doing. She’ll say stuff like that and the person would believe it…and it’s not always true. So I won’t bother listening to her. And thanks to her…for taking up my time…I didn’t get to talk to him over there. I had to wait till I was on my way to the busses when he snuck up on me and I asked him what the other girls said to him. I know he lied to me, but all he said was, “Nothing” and yea…it’s like I can’t trust anyone now…that feeling has come and gone so many times…and now…I hate everyone that was included in that who wasn’t my best friend. But hey…I’ve been hating Amenda.

So now…I’m left uncomfortable with this feeling and this always seems to happen. So far, I’ve only liked two guys at my school. And when I liked Dustin, Amenda was always trying to get into our little conversations...and when I had something important to tell him…she would just jump in and interrupt us. It was like she would do whatever she can to ruin my life and try to make it that she is better than me. It only happened once so far…and it’s like it’s happening over. Hah! Linna says that she ‘promises’ that she won’t tell anyone when she asked me if I liked him, and I told her I ‘no’ but yea I kind of lied there but it was for my own cause so then not too many pplz would know. And then…I don’t know what happened…it all started on this one Friday, and then the next Friday Linna was bugging me about that and now this…watch this Friday turn out crappy too.

Right now I want to call Tara, Wanda, and Chieu or IM them…and tell them that ‘Pink and White’ day is gonna be moved to Friday again (since we moved it to Thursday today) and not let Amenda know about it and let her be the only one dressed up. But…no…I’m not like that. It’s not my style of doing that stuff. Plus it would just bring me down to her level…and I know I’m not like her. She’s the kind who talks big and can’t back up her words, and I think you guys know what I mean. I finally became sick of her talking behind this one girl’s back, I’m not best buddies with that girl, but it’s like…she’s got a grudge against Jeni and she’s always talking $h!t about her saying that she’s gonna get in a fight with her after fourth period and she would never do it or she would just laugh at her in her face as she passes her. Small stuff like that. But today in language arts when she was talking about her, I came out with, “You say you’re gonna do something to her, but that was like since last year. When are you gonna do it? Or are you even gonna do anything?” and then Jimmy who sits across from me shouted out, “Finally! About time someone asked her that!” and I know she heard me since she was looking at me when I was talking, and she just turned around acting like I didn’t say anything. Also before money was collected to go to Sea World, Amenda agreed with my idea to meet some pplz, and if we can, hang out with the. She would always make jokes abut that and we even planned out most of that day. Then next thing you know it, when the day to collect money comes-she tells me that she can’t afford to go. I mean…what? She says all these things…and then says that she wasn’t able to go. She should have to pay a fine for talking lies.

It’s always her and Linna and when Linna knows something…she breaks what ever promise and tells Amenda…and Amenda and her big mouth tells everyone. She’s got this guy, Justin…a John Hopkins basketball player, but you don’t see me going up to him trying to flirt and all that stuff. At least I don’t do that to my friends! Plus there’s something I know about that relationship that she doesn’t, but I made a promise not to tell, so I’m not gonna. Let me just say when it all falls down…she’s gonna end up running got me since I’m the only one who ever listens…and this time…she won’t have my shoulder. If she can’t respect my feelings…I have no reason to respect her’s.

Right when me and ‘Twix’ starts talking more and running into each other more often *well he’s actually skipping a few of his classes* and getting along better…in comes Amenda! I don’t know what’s her problem…she’s already gotten someone…why can’t she leave me alone!? I don’t do anything like what she does to me…to her. And she’s doing all this crap…and just ruining every awaken moment of my life and turning my daydreaming time into time to regret everything that I’ve done. I mean…there is a saying ‘Treat others the way you want to be treated’ so…should I do this to her? Or should I continue being me and let her learn herself? Right now…I really want to rearrange the pink thing…but…I can’t…and I won’t. It’s just gonna take her a long time to finally get this through her head. It must be the cheerleader thing getting to her head. Who ever she is going out with has to be popular, and in this case he’s a basketball player…I already know what’s happening between the tow of them when she doesn’t have a clue…so my revenge is not to tell her. I would only break a promise anyway.

Well sorry it’s so long *as usual* but there was a lot that happened today, and I needed to get it all out. I still have more that I held back, but I don’t know if cursing on a post would do any good ^^; but I do know that it’ll finally be over with once I have ANOTHER talk with her. But really, at the moment I want to just yell at her and do what I can to get to her pride…but I can’t really do much anyways. But if it things happen…they would only happened because they were meant to be. So I’ll just have to dust the results off my shoulders and move. I didn’t need any guy then and I don’t ‘need’ one now ^_~. Thanks for reading pplz! And I’m gonna get over this soon. I just need to look for the year book pic of her I cut out before and get a lighter. Bye guys, and I’d like to say happy birthday to my brother, gundam x…that meanie doesn’t deserve to be included in my posts…but oh well it’ll just be for today.

*also I’m sorry I didn’t get to anyone’s page yesterday. I was kicked off my computer since I had the music up too loud when my mom was busy. ^_^; how was I to know she was trying to sleep?-thanks for reading! Also I can’t say for sure if I’ll be able to make it to anyone’s page again since my mom is gonna be busy making phone calls to Cambodia and she’s gonna want me to talk with someone. So I’ll see what I can do and I’ll put my other page aside. Bye and ttyl*

**Ooh!!! CHICKEN!!!**

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

   and the grades are...
Class: grade: conduct:
Science Adv. A E
Language Arts Adv. B E
Social Studies Adv. A E
Math Adv. A E
Spanish A E
Computers A E
Office Assistant A E
Life’s Choices A E

*if it's messed up on the top, sorry i can't fix it, but it's all A's but one B in lang arts*

Ok...that’s what my grades were. Yea, I wasn’t even close to an A- in lang. arts, because it was something like a B-...well it’s better than what my brother got. Chieu, once again got straight A’s but she got a few S’s for her conduct. See...if only I turned in this one assignment…that’s all it was anyway!!! Oh well...one more grading period left...so it’s all good.

This morning was kind of awful I had this cute little outfit planned out today, and I was gonna wear a skirt...but no...I didn’t get enough time to get ready. I woke up at 7:30am...good...but then I fell back to sleep and my brother had to wake me up around 8:35. I can’t believe I did that though. I’m planning to wake up early tomorrow morning for my brother. It’s gonna be his birthday, and him being my only sibling...I’ve planned to make breakfast for him. Yea, how sw33t of me...well think of it, one more year till he can get his driver’s license...if he passes the test thing of course. But you know I have to stay on his good side. Plus I can’t do it for anyone else since I don’t have any other brothers or sisters, and if I don’t do it this year...I’ll have to wait another year. Hopefully I can do this...and hopefully I have enough time. Also...when you think about it...I can’t REALLY cook…so yea…someone’s gonna be dead ^^ <- just kidding...I can cook -_-

Today was kind of good at school, I was able to talk to Twix a bit more, and I guess things are back to normal because he’s going back to throwing baby carrots at me and my friends. I was able to catch him, after the dismissal bell rang, out at his locker and I asked him if I could see his report card...and...it wasn’t so good. I was about to ask him how he could get a D in gym, then he told me that he doesn’t dress out for it. Also...after witnessing the fact that my brother got an F in gym once...it’s not as hard to believe. Also...there were a couple C’s and a few B’s...but there weren’t any A’s, and he started laughing when I and Chieu were scolding at him. Yea...we became our parents. *hehe*^^ Other than that, the weather outside was pretty good. It didn’t rain though, but right at the moment the clouds are grey and the breeze is comforting since it’s nice and cold, but not too strong like it was yesterday.

For Friday, I and a few of my friends have an outfit planned. We’ve planned to wear pink and white. Hopefully nothing goes wrong, and on that day my brother gets to go one the renaissance festival for a field trip. Also I want to make a short shout out to my friend Wanda; she injured her knee...so I’m hoping that she gets better soon.

I can’t think of anything else to put, but I guess that’s all. Thanks for reading and I’m gonna end this post with a couple of poems that I’ve finished yesterday and a poem I finished today. Also they had a ‘Poetry Alive’ thing at my school. It was this one man and a woman reciting a few poems...they kind of made them crappy because they did a bit too much acting. Oh well…It was ok, but I didn’t get to see the whole thing since I was only in the media center to run an errand. The poems were ok, but I think that the show would have been a bit better if they used my poems…you know what I mean? Psyche!

“I’ll Have to Forget You”

I’ll forget I ever cared for him...
I’ll forget that we ever met
All I want to do-
Is to only forget!
To have dreams-
That I wish came true-
And have them turn into nightmares,
All because of you...
It wasn't right-
Because I still had love...
But I was just lost and confused...
Not knowing what to think of.
To dream of a day-
As beautiful as your eyes...
To live in the clouds-
With no limit for the skies.
But I don't want this pain...
I don't want you any longer...
My heart can't take it...
And it won't get any stronger.

I’ll forget I ever loved him...
I’ll forget we ever met...
All that can do now...
Is beg to forget...

~*~

“Friend to Foe”

I want to dream a dream-
That won't awake.
I want a true love-
Nothing fake.
How hard is it to search-
How hard is it to find...
Every bit of sanity...
And my very own piece of mind.
A love that won't leave-
It’s only a thought...
Nothing will be learned from it...
Nothing will be taught.
I was hoping...
But it wasn't correct...
But all u could do...
Was treat my heart with reject.
Lead me on with words-
That deafened my ears.
Lead me on with lies...
That covered my true fears.
You passed me notes-
That said 'I love you'.
When they were only hallow letters...
And that was the cue.
I knew from then-
That it was over...
No hope for luck..
Not even a Russell Stover.
Chocolate gets me sick now-
Nothing’s the same.
After those few words-
'I’m over with your game.'
It took every bit of my love-
Just to let you go...
Are you my friend...
Or have you become my foe?

~*~

“Rainy Days”

I can’t control the tears-
As they fall from the sky,
Overlapping my own…
As I just sit there and cry.

You don’t notice my tears,
You don’t notice my pain…
You’ve mistaken my tears for-
All of that rain.

You’re leaving me-
And tearing up my mind.
All of the feelings I had for you-
They were one of a kind.

An illusion is all you see…
My fake smile hides it all.
I might as well continue hiding-
Holding my ground and standing tall.

I hope you think before you leave-
That if you leave it’ll be ‘good bye’…
I’ll tell you, “I’ll be ok”…
But I’ll just be telling you a lie.

Rainy days remind me of that night…
When the rain washed away my pride…
All of these memories…
I now have to set aside.

If u got the time, I’d like it if you guys told me what you think of about the poems. Thanks, and I’ll ttyl. Sorry it was so long...and if you haven’t noticed…I didn’t use ‘Pplz’ in that whole thing above…well till now...but anyways, I jus realized that. Bye!

*if there are any errors, plz try to make the best out of the word(s) since i can't modify the post...thanx...bye*


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Monday, April 12, 2004

hey Pplz...yea...i really hate mondays!!!
Hey guys, for some reason, mondays don't seem that special to me anymore...and i hate them...but anywayz...the weather here has been kind of gloomy. Its ok, it’s a bit too crazy at times too. Last night the power did go off for just a second which deleted my poem that I was typing up T_T but luckily it was only one stanza and I was able to memorize it. Well, the weather channel says that it’ll rainy tomorrow and it’ll be partly cloudy on Wednesday. But it says that it’ll be sunny on Thursday and Friday. But anyways…that’s only for Florida, and the weather here sucks at the moment. And the lights did go out for a second in the media center when my mentor and I were talking. It was scary too, and the winds were really strong it kept opening and closing the entrance door for the media center.

Not much happened today since my academic classes had to get the students who weren’t here on the 9th to catch up on their work. We’re gonna be having a test about World War I tomorrow, so that’s my only homework that I really need to do-study. But…I think there was homework for math…but I didn’t bother to look on the board for the agenda, so…if there is homework…then…uh-oh. Oh yea…that reminds me that report cards finally come out tomorrow!!! I’m scared because I don’t know the grade I’m gonna get in math and language arts. My last progress report I saw for language arts was a B- which was jus a couple weeks ago. But…yea…I’m just gonna end up getting a B or two. This isn’t that bad…but I don’t know what my parents would say, they get to their strict moments sometimes…and then my glory bubble would pop. But I guess it’s all good.

Today I found out something that’s really good. Mr. B is back for teaching!!! He’s only gonna be teaching for the rest of this year. And by then he said that he would feel better and his lungs would be ok and that he’s gonna be heading back to Iraq. Yea…that ending isn’t the good part, but It’s a good thing that he’s gonna be here for a while. He’ll be able to see his students from last year graduate as 7th graders…since he missed the 6th grade graduation last time. But yea, I’m just happy. And the bad thing was that I didn’t find out until near the end of 7th period. I was running an errand and I went to this one class that was doing a writing assignment and on the board there was a topic about writing a letter to welcome back Mr. B. I thought that they were just gonna prepare for the actual day or that they’re gonna send the letters over to him at the hospital he was staying in. Then I told the teacher that he was my 6th grade teacher before he left and she said, “Really? Well, yea, he came back today.” And then I was in shock and I told her that I was sad he didn’t visit me. And she then told me that he’s teaching the social studies that he was teaching in last year. I was really excited, but then I realized I had to get to the office before the bell rang. I went downstairs and I waited at the double doors for Chieu and Wanda. Tara walks with them, but she doesn’t have 8th period with us. She said that she’ll come over a bit before class was out and that she would ask Mrs. Foley for permission for the three of us to leave the class to go visit Mr. B. We got to do that, but the bad thing was that we forgot Wanda ^^;
Let me just say that he is no longer bald, and he looks a bit different. We only had a few minutes to talk since the dismissal bell already rang and the busses leave 7 minutes after that. But yea, we were able to talk to him and I’ll just visit as much as I can when I’m over in the 6th grade office. After our little conversation, Tara had to rush real fast to her locker and then I went to her to warn her we had only a couple minutes before the busses were leaving. We no longer ride the same bus, but we just walked over to the bus circle with each other. But Ric3, if you’re reading this…which I kind of doubt…sorry I wasn’t over at my locker on time-I was busy^^.

Then on the bus…right after I had a good time, the girl who sits with me, Laurie, kept bugging me…here’s what the conversation kind of went like:

* I’m just sitting there staring out the window with no mood on my face…just a blank stare since I’m trying to think of something*
Laurie: Hey, what’s wrong? I know that look on your face…it’s a mad face. I know you too well *laughs as if I think it’s funny*
Me: Uh….no it’s not, and what do you mean? You don’t even know me that much. How can you all of a sudden judge that it’s a ‘mad’ face?
Laurie: don’t lie…I just know you, *laughs* it’s a ‘mad’ face…*laughs again*
Me: you know what…I’m trying to think of something here ok? And I’m not mad…but if you keep bugging me like this, or if you keep judging things for what you think it is…then you might as well stop talking to me.
Laurie: well *with attitude* sorry! Fine I’ll leave you alone.

*a bit later*

Laurie: *laughs* I’m predicting that you’re thinking really hard aren’t you?
Me: no…I’m just thinking about little things. What is there something wrong with that?
Laurie: gosh…you don’t have to be mad at me for asking, I was just wondering about if you were ok.
Me: Yea, I know that…and I’m not mad at you for that…but after hearing you ask me that every other minute, I’d think you would get it.
*we stop talking after that*

Like I said, I wasn’t mad at her for wondering how I was doing. But if you were me, you’d get annoyed by what she does. I’m a big time day dreamer, and every time I go blank and just stare out the window, she automatically accuses that something is wrong with me.
*EVERY single morning once she gets on the bus*
Laurie: Dany what’s wrong? Something’s wrong…I know it*laughs*
Me: I’m just bored…what do you mean what’s wrong?
Laurie: sure what ever….
Me; fine believe what you want, I’m not telling you to believe me. But you can at least leave me alone.

Yea…for some reason she doesn’t get it. I try to tell her nicely…but instead, she just pushes her luck. Oh well I’ll just find another way of telling her.

Whoa, sorry this post is so long, but a lot happened today. I’m gonna go, and please don’t yell at me for my long posts^^. I’m gonna get some studying done and a few other things. So buh bye guys and I’ll ttyl. *please excuse any typos…thanks for reading*

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Sunday, April 11, 2004

   jus one more quiz...

I'm Shinobu!

© Jenny

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