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myOtaku.com: Sw33tSamurai90
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Saturday, March 20, 2004
the good news...and the bad news
Today was exactly like how it was said…it started off with some really good news, but bad news came along with it.
Good news:
Barbizon called again, and it was this lady, Theresa, who called. She was the one who came to my class as a guest speaker this one time. I think. Well her voice sounded like that was her. Well anyways, she told me that she wanted me to come downtown for this presentation and an interview, and that they were looking for different kind of pplz for acting, modeling, and other similar things, and that kind of scared me. She talked to my dad, and then talked to me again. So tomorrow I have an interview at 4:30pm at the Hilton Hotel, and it’s gonna be me and my parents. We totally left out my brother, and I guess my parents finally got common sense that he would just mess everything up for me, and that he wouldn’t do anything but be stupid.
I remember putting up a post titled ‘one step closer to fame’ and now, I’m one step closer to Keanu Reeves…yea u heard me An1m3 x An93L!!! Well, as long as I don’t get nervous and or panic, I’ll do fine and I won’t stutter. So please wish me luck pplz, it wouldn’t be right if I happen to embarrass myself in front of her and my parents. That’s not right at all.
Bad news:
Ok…my mom took me with her to the mall today, and that was my idea. It was only suppose to be for me getting a new watch, but then when we got there she wanted to head over to ‘Express’ because there was sale going over there. And then she wanted to get a new pair of shoes or two, and she got two. Then she had to make another stop at another place, but I can’t remember the name. but…before she went to all those places, she told me that she wanted to go there to get a few things, and I said as long as she promises to get my watch when she finishes. And she made the promise…but she didn’t keep it. When she left the last place, she looked at the time and started saying that we should hurry home because her daddy were gonna go out to dinner with An1m3’s sister and my cousin and my uncle, and she said that they were gonna meet around 5 at our house and that was about 30 minutes away, then she promised to take bring me back later to get my watch.
So…one promise broken, and she told a lie when she said that they were gonna meet at five, because my uncle was over at someone’s house, and my cousin and An1m3’s sis were taking a nap. So now it’s 6:47pm….and they still aren’t here. If that’s what has happened so far, I’ll be expecting to be able to tell time by looking at my wrist…in…maybe next month.
I can usually stand my ground, and I’m not a cry baby. But things like these really get to me. By the time I got home I was so mad that she broke her promise and lied to me I wasn’t sure if I should cry or yell at someone or just go crazy. I was on the border of each I guess. But later on I started tearing up a bit, and I was jus so mad at her.
I am stupid enough to keep promises and secrets for pplz, but they break their promises to me, and let out my secrets. I give pplz respect, and treat them as nice as I can, and I give them my friendship along with all that I can do for them…but only get betrayal in return. I give them my all and my heart when they give me nothing and walk over my heart as it cries in between beats. I am not sensitive physically, but emotionally. My right arm is kind of weak because of the fact I broke it about 2 years ago, and it still hurts depending on what I do. But broken promises and lies go at the top of the chart of ‘what can hurt me the most’. My brother says that I’m a baby who jus can’t stop crying if I’ not happy. Well if pplz didn’t treat me so…I wouldn’t have any reason to cry anything but tears of joy. On the other hand…those are pretty rare for me. And I don’t care of what pplz say to me or about me, cuz no one knows me well even to speak the embarrassing truth of me, but only spread lies that I wouldn’t bother to think twice of. Those don’t get to me, I’ve grown mature enough to get to that point, but I still have a weakness I don’t think I’ll ever be able to defend.
I kind of jus want everything to end. There’s no reason to live if I jus keep getting hurt. And if I keep on living, there wouldn’t be any difference. If I stop breathing-I’ll die, and if I continue breathing-that means I’m forcing myself to die…either way, it all leads to the same stupid thing.
Majority rules, there seems to be more bad news, and that puts me in a bad, depressed mood. I want to be home alone for my whole spring break, or at least jus away from this family. Be online 24/7 and jus chat with the pplz I want to chat with, and do what I want to do. I need to be alone for a while…and that hasn’t happened for a long time-neither did it last very long. I want to be left in a quiet place all by myself…away from all the screaming and yelling, and the only sound I want to hear is my voice and the songs I want to listen to. But if I’m alone, I’ll be tempted to cry…and here, with both my parents and my brother…I have to hold everything in.
I’ll try to make the best of the rest of the night, and I’m gonna have to have a good night sleep for what will be happening tomorrow. I’ll have the youth group, and then the interview. Busy, busy, busy me. Oh well. If my parent’s dinner plans don’t’ get cancelled, and if they plan to leave me and my brother alone…they’re gonna come home…and one if us won’t be breathing. And it won’t be me.
I’ve found a way-
To seal the day.
Fill up this spot deep inside,
With these tears-down my cheeks they ride.
Catch every droplet in this memory,
Leave me alone to cry in serenity,
Don’t look at the life of a crier...
Don’t search in the eyes of a liar.
Hold these words close,
For I will love u the most.
But let the day turn into night.
Live in dreams without fright.
Am I anything dear to u?
Or am I jus like the others too?
Do I have any reason to stay?
Or should I take my leave and jus walk away?
Is there a reason for me to be?
Am I being someone else...or is this really me?
Truth cannot cloud my head and blind my eyes.
So these all must be lies.
So what have I heard from u?
What u tell me...are they lies or are they true?
Can u really hold me?
Are there any other reasons I should see?
Why not let go of this life line?
I have nothing else that I can claim mine.
I’ve lost everything and all of my hope...
There’s no more to hold onto...I’ve let go of the rope.
When tears meet their end
I will be back on ur side and love as a friend.
But till then I’ll be waiting here.
Plz save me b4 I drown in all my tears.
I was in a hurry to finish this poem so I can get it on today, so the ending might be a bit weird. I don’t think I’ll be on tomorrow cuz of the schedule…so that’s why I decided to put it up today. It also goes with how I feel, I must have been preparing for this cuz I wrote it last week. Well buh bye for now pplz. Thanx for reading, and I promise I’ll try to get over this. I’m gonna try to make as many…uh…I think they’re origami, but they’re little stars…I got them from the Korean booth at SPIFFS and I’m jus gonna attempt to make as many as I can tonight to cool me down from all this. Also I’m planning to change the theme by tomorrow hopefully. Well okie doke, buh bye guys.
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