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myOtaku.com: Sw33tSamurai90
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Tuesday, May 18, 2004
hey pplz
Well as a few of you guys know, today was the last day of school. Let me just say that it was really fun, but really…really sad at the end. Today my buddies and I wore our pink and white outfit, but my pink jacket didn’t get washed yet so I ended up wearing my brown one. Also I got new shoes last night, and they’re the new K-Swiss Tongue Twister kinds and they’re pink and white.
Oh, and about yesterday…main thing: Dustin came back!!!! (That includes too many details and I might as well write a book about that…so I won’t torture you ^_^) Also….here was the not so good side about yesterday: I had to let Twix go. (I also don’t want to get too into that, long story) But….
SINGLE-NESS ROCKS BABY!
But today…all I need to do is be alone for a short while…at least a couple of hours. I had this whole scene painted in my head, a scene with me holding onto Dustin and telling him that I don’t want to let him go and spilling out everything in front of him, about how much I really care and that it’ll be really hard for me to last without him. But I should’ve known better. Number 1, I should’ve known better than to plan out such a perfect moment, since everything I ‘plan out’ ends up getting ruined one way or another (dreams are too perfect for this real word). Number 2, it was my entire fault for my actions and I shouldn’t have waited for 8th period to come by. At least I can be happy that I told him that I had a crush on him a long time ago (he actually knew since it was ‘so obvious’, so when I told him, he ended up saying ‘uh…I already knew that’)…but I guess that’s the only thing left on the ‘bright side’.
I just forgot to think about certain things last night, and mainly I forgot that the 8th graders were gonna be in the cafeteria from 7th to 8th period for this 8th grade…thing. And because of that…I didn’t get to see Dustin at all after I stepped into the cafeteria for B lunch. I saw him a bit before I walked into the cafeteria and all, but I hope I didn’t get him to think I was already mad at him….because when I looked ahead of where I was walking I saw him and a few of his friends and he was looking at me too. I don’t know why, because I usually don’t feel bad when he would catch me staring at him…but this time I just turned away slowly.
Now I want to pick up the phone and call him so bad, but when I was thinking about that I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if I’d cry and tell him what I wanted to say or just yell at him and turn things into a small joke. So I guess it’s best if I don’t call him and just not talk to him for a while. But during 8th period when Chieu was playing her CD and she put on ‘Take my Breath Away’ from Jessica Simpson…I actually started to tear up and I was so close to crying really badly. But nope, I had to hold it back. Now all I really need to do is cry.
I got to close with so many 8th graders, and I should’ve known that I would only have a year or even less with them. Last year it wasn’t so bad when the twins, Kyle and Kalup left. I had a huge crush on Kalup for longer than a semester, but it wasn’t so bad when they left. But now…I just got too close and I’m afraid that I’ll never see all of these pplz for a long time or even ever. And trust me, I stayed a while standing around looking for Dustin and I asked a few of his friends if they’ve seen him….but no luck. Dustin wrote in my year book, telling me that he’ll miss me and that he wants me to go to St. Pete High. Even though I’m happy that I’ll be able to see him soon, it’s gonna be like a whole year until I see him again, and a whole year until we’re able to rebuild a friendship as good as it was this year. *sighs…big time* but I guess I’ll live.
Well I hope that I didn’t worry anyone since I haven’t updated in a while. But just to let you know, I’m feeling much better and I’m not in as much pain as I use to be…but it’s just mostly emotional pain right now. School is finally over and so many pplz have left me. IgOtUrRiC3 left yesterday for Cambodia, my cousins and their parents left for Vietnam and Cambodia, my school buddies (and Dustin) have left me for summer vacation, and soon…An1m3 x An93L will be leaving me for Vietnam. I’m gonna be so alone over the summer T_T
I’m losing more than I thought I would…and my life is pretty much over now, that is…I’ve never felt so dead in my life. I guess things will be going down hill from now, but I might as well enjoy the ride, right?
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