Monday, January 22, 2007

FUNNY RANDOM QUOTES!
I don't have a.d.d. it's just… Hey look! A squirrel!

YES, I know I need a haircut!

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

Don't blame me, my evil twin did it.

Stand back! I have a brain and I'm not afraid to use it!

Don't wake me, I'm sleepwalking

Books is good

I'm currently being distracted by a shiny object

Wit is educated insolence- Aristotle

You'd look better in a toe tag

All bleeding stops eventually

Let me drop everything to work on YOUR problem

How would you know if I was getting smart with you?

Back the fuck away, my meds have worn off & I'm feeling a tad psychotic

Don't eat yellow snow

My mind is wondering and I cant find it

How can I be old, I haven't grown up yet?

Dyslexics untie!

Life is 100 % fatal

History repeats itself. repeats itself. repeats itself.

I have schizophrenia and a handgun. Now, did you have something to say?

My kid knocked up your honor student

Normal people scare the hell out of me

The right to offend is far more important than the right not to be offended

I like Goths. They taste like chicken

Legally, its questionable. Morally, Disgusting. Personally, I like it.

This calls for a subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence

Am I right or am I left?

I'll just wait till you're not looking

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic

I cant remember if I'm the good twin or the evil twin

Sometimes I find myself pondering… "what if the hokey pokey is what its all about?"

My life sucks- but the special effects kick ASS!

By reading this you have given me brief control over your mind

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to pronounce

Don't get mad, Get EVIL

Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time!

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was the suspect.

When I snap, you'll be the first to go

I'm not fluent in idiot, so speak slowly to me

I don't need your attitude, i've got one of my own

Under house arrest (you didn't see me)

Trust me, I do this all the time

Your IQ test came back negative

And your crybaby, whiny ass opinion would be…?

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted

Do not annoy the crazy person

You know what your problem is? YOU'RE STUPID!

Jesus is coming... look busy.

Comfort the Disturbed. Disturb the Comfortable

Crawl back under the rock and wait for further instructions

Look Jesus! Its SATAN!

currently not responding to treatment

Huked on fonix reely wurkz fur me!

I can go along with anything, so long as we do it my way

I wish you were a piñata

My amnesia is gone…now I remember why I don't like you

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off

I have imaginary friends in high places… like my head

Out of my mind… back in five minutes

Out of my mind... care to move in?

Multitasking: screwing several things up, at once!

I'm not ignoring you, you're just insignificant

I cant complain, but I still do

This is not the life I ordered

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I cant stick my head that far up my ASS!

I know I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it scares me

That's MR. Asshole to you!

Sh_t The F_ck _p! All that's missing is you!

How about a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up!

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas

Parental Advisory: may offend the easily offended

Parental Advisory: Lock up your daughter

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right

I get frisky when I drink whiskey

If I gave a shit, you'd be the first one id give it to

I limit myself to one drink a day. Right now, I'm 5 months ahead.

The worst day of my life again

Your brain has been cancelled due to a lack of intelligence

Girls love me, Parents fear me

Got any Indian in ya? Would ya like some?

I could be an asshole if I was nicer

Sex is like air: its not that important until you're not getting any

Hey you! Out of the gene pool!

If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you might be doing it wrong

I'm not drinking anymore. Then again, I'm not drinking any less

I'm not falling down drunk, I'm just accidentally horizontal

You've been a bad girl. Go to my room!

Screw me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex. Worst 15 minutes of my life

I may be a cruel, heartless, son of a bitch, but damnit, I'm good at it

I'm not drunk, I'm chemically off balance

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time

Millions of battered women and in still eating mine plain?!

Drink before you think

Kinky as a cheap garden hose
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