Thursday, July 19, 2007

Swords is in a bad mood, you dont have to read if you dont want to because it is more than likely to be ranting
I have hit a state of depression, panic, and wierd feelings in the past couple of days. In psychology, we are learning about identity. I have descovered I have no real identity or even plans other than I want to marry. That just hasnt come along yet. I am starting to question myself as far as my wanting to do nursing goes. What if I cant pass the enterance test. What if I make it and end up inuring someone? What if I actually do something stupid like that time I almost (thank goodness almost) suck a termumerter in someones mouth that had been undersomeones armpit? What if they ask me to find an iv pole and i cant and the person dies? Just all these negative thought rushing in my head. What if I ended not liking it...which is the least of my worries because we did that working at the nursing home and I loved it. What if I do something stupid and fail a class, therfore getting kicked off the Va program. If that happens, no more money for college, no more pursuing nursing because you have to go to college. Therfore nomore dream of working in the nursing home. Along with all that, I have been having choir withdrawals. I used to sing about 3 hours a day while I was in choir. I am down to about 1 and its making me really sad. Then I go back to the I really havent learned much in life. What if I am not cut out to work, to have a family? All throughout my school , teachers taught to the TAKS test. Everything was geared towards passing it to graduate highschool. Know I know the information I will learn in college I will actually need to survive in the real work expecially with my nursing classes. I having an extremely difficulat time trying to actually LEARn the material instead of just studying for the test, maybe or maybe not actually understanding what i am studying and then forgetting it... well thats enough for now...I am beginnning to feel better after this ranting...I am deeply sorry for you guys to see this pesstimistic side of me if you actually read this. If you did, it means alot to me
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