Sunday, August 15, 2004

   YYH Funnies

Kuwabara: I am a sexy bitch. Hiei: Kuwabara, you're my hero! Kurama: Yuusuke, I failed another geometry test! Yuusuke: I told you not to cheat, Kurama. Let's go over the Pythagorean Theorem again... Keiko: You and me, Toguro, outside! Let's go, punk! Hiei: Stop calling me names, Kuwabara-sempai! I'm gonna tell Koenma-sama on you! Kuwabara: Yukina, I'm seeing Botan. Hiei: Yukina, I'm your long lost sister- I mean brother! Ah, dammit! Yukina: After I was thrown off the frozen continent, I became a heartless assassin... Sakkyou: Shizuru, what are you doing with that cigarette?! Don't you know smoking kills?! Koenma: Pacifiers are for weaklings. George: Ah, get your own damn breakfast, Koenma. Yuusuke: I claim Japan in the name of Raizen! Bow, mortals! Keiko: Yuusuke, gimme a light. Yuusuke: Keiko, I thought you to quit smoking! Keiko: Ne, Yuusuke. The teacher's not looking. Let's slip out of class and go to the arcade! Botan: I AM SHINIGAMI!! *blows up a space colony* Yuusuke: Now Gon, this is hair gel. Treat it with respect, and it will- What are you doing?! Don't spike your hair! It'll never go back down! No!! Hiei: I've got Saturday Night Fever! Kuwabara:>< Think I'll apply for Yale... nah. Harvard Law's more my style. Yukina: $*#&! Shiori: Shuuichi, how could you afford to go to Osaka and back three times last week? Kurama: Well, you remember that bank robbery that was on the news the other day? Yuusuke: Kame... Hame... HA! Puu-chan: Oro? Puu-chan: No da! Karasu: Kurama, do you mind? You're invading my personal space. Atsuko: Hello, I'm Urameshi Atsuko and... I am an alcoholic. Chuu: Hi, Atsuko Rinku: Piccolo-san daisuki! Touya: Br-r-r-r-r! I'm turning on a heater! Kuwabara: Does this make me look fat? Hiei: No! If I had your figure... Kurama: Kaasan, I'm really a youko thief. Shiori: You too?! Yuusuke: Raizen, what are you eating? Raizen: Uh... A chicken sandwich? Enma Daioh: I never wanted to be the lord of the dead. I wanted to be a lumberjack! Koenma: Why'd you do it? Suzaku: If YOU had a miko like Miaka, wouldn't you go insane and try to take over the world? Koenma: Good point. Hiei: Hello all you happy, peppy people! I'm your Vitametavegimin girl! Kurama: I've joined a motorcycle gang! Yuusuke:(reading Hunter x Hunter) Hey, this Killua kid looks kind of familiar.... (Kurama and Hiei blush) Kuwabara: Quantum physics! Quantum physics is the meaning of life! Botan: Another ticket?! Now I'll have to take defensive flying again! Raizen: Yuusuke....*puff* I am your father...*puff* Mukuro: (sings) We are living in a material world an I am a material girl! Hiei: Kurama, how can you be pregnant?! Shiori: Shuuichi, I have to tell you something. Before you were born, your father and I had an argument. While we were separated, I met a man named Gendo.... Kurama: ...? Shiori: I'd like you to meet your half-brother, Shinji. Yuusuke: *rips off his shirt to revel a blue spandex suit with a giant red "S" on it* Youko Kurama: Yip, yip! Yuusuke: What's that, Lassie? Little Timmy fell into the well again? Shishiwakamaru: I just want to be left alone. Yukina: I'm taking over Makai! Raizen: My, Yuusuke, you're looking very healthy today....*sharpens a knife* Yuusuke: Rei ken! Kuwabara: Rei Gun! Director: Cut!! Take five, everybody! Hiei: Everybody better just watch out, 'cause I'm gonna be pissy all day! Kuwabara: It's okay, Hiei-chan. I've got chocolate in my purse. Keiko: Men. Botan: I hear ya. Atsuko: Wow, that month in the dry-out clinic really changed my life! Botan: Koenma, I really don't need all those vacation days I've been saving up. Can't you just give me a special assignment or someting? Juri: I wasn't paying attention to that match. Let's just flip a coin. Juri: You seeing anyone? Koto: Actually, I'm dating the announcer of the Tenkaiichi Budokai. Shiori: Have you seen my lipstick, Shuuichi? Kurama: Uh oh... Toguro Otouto: Can you smell what the Rock is cookin'?! Yuusuke: Adrian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kurama: *in a tone like Momiji of Fruits basket* Wah! Hiei hit me! Yuusuke: Oh, Keiko my love! *hugs Keiko* Keiko: No, don't-*turns into a dog* Juri: Urameshi Yuusuke, this is... YOUR LIFE!! *cheesy music starts playing* Juri: Cage match! Toguro Ani: Kurama, Hiei! I was looking for you two. The Yoga session has been moved to three o'clock. Don't miss it okay? <3 Yuusuke: I have a feeling we're not in Japan anymore, Puu-chan. Yukina: Human scum! Kuwabara: *in the dentist's chair* I'd like the gas. Nurse: But it's only a tooth clean- Kuwabara: I'd like the gas. 0.0;; Kurama: Hello, Operater. I'd like the number for Karasu, please? Machine: Hello, the is Karasu. I'm not in, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BLEEEEEP. Kurama: Hello, Karasu? This is Kurama. You didn't return any of my calls. I must have called like thirty times... I've been thinking about you a lot. Please have the restraining order lifted. I just want to see you one more- BLEEEEEP Kuwabara: Talk to your doctor. See if Viagra is right for you. Shizuru: Damn this twelve step program! *takes a loooong drag* Atsuko: Yuusuke, I'm worried that you've been skipping too much school. Hiei: (a la green skin) TURTLE POWER! Shiori: Shuuichi, your school principal called. Something about your science project eating a classmate? Kurama: Again? Hiei: (in traditional Japanese clothes) Minamino-san, please give me Kurama's hand in marriage! *bows* Yuusuke: *points to the sky* GOJIRA!! Suzaku: Disco Duck! Toguro Otouto: The lemmings! The lemmings are gonna get me! Puu-chan: Piyo piyo! Puu-chan: Nyo! Yuusuke: *notices Toguro* I know you! We were in Boy Scouts together, remember? Yukina: Fuck you, Genkai! Kuwabara: Shizuru, what's that you're drinking? Shizuru:......orange juice? Kuwabara: Can I have a sip? Shizuru: NO!! Koenma: Hey, what's wrong with Botan? George: I dunno. I shared my lunch with her, and she's been in the bathroom ever since. Koenma: What did you give her? George: Just half of a chicken sandwich. Koenma: *turns green and runs to the bathroom* George: What? Did I miss something? Raizen: *comes up behind George* Are you gonna finish that? Hiei: REKKA SHINEN!! >Kurama: As long as there is a chance for Justice in Evil... As long as there is Light shining through Darkness.... I am the Warrior of Love! Keiko and Botan: Hail Ilpalazzo-sama! Puu-chan: Pika, pika! Kuwabara: Oh, hey, Yukina. Didn't see you there. *ogles Genkai* Keiko: I must summon Gamera! Puu: *grows about three thousand times its natural size and rampages Tokyo* Shishiwakamaru: Don't look at me! Suzuki: Send in the Clowns! Suzaku:BIRRRRRRRRRDMAAANNNNNNN!!! Suzaku: Hey, has anybody seen Murug- oh, what are you cooking? Genbu: Chicken. Byakko: He means pork! 0.0; Sensui: C'mon Itsuki, turn off the television. It's boring. George: Hi, my name is George, and I enjoy long walk on the beach, holding hands..... Machine: Hello, the is Karasu. I'm not in, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BLEEEEEP. Hiei: Karasu, I can't stop thinking about you and that night we spent together. I know what we promised, but I have to see you. Call me- you know my number... <3 BLEEEP! Karasu: Why do these people keep calling me?! Yuusuke: Hey Koenma. Let's talk about job security. Juri: Touguro? Who's scared a' him? I could take him any day! Shishiwakamaru: I've been waiting a long time to meet you, Kurama..... Can I have your autograph? Jin: I hate heights!!! Kurama: Why Yukina, you're looking lovely as ever today. I've brought you a rose as a symbol of my devotion-.... Kuwabara: Let's kill him. Hiei: Good idea. Kuwabara: Welcome to McOni's, home of the Hungry Oni Special, can I take your order? Genkai: You may be the toughest guy in three kai, Toguro, but I can still kick your ass at Frogger! Shiori: Shuuichi, what are those strange plants you're growing in the backyard? Kurama: I confess! They're evil plants that steal life forces from humans. I've been selling them to my classmates and telling them that it's- Shiori: Oh, well that's nice, dear. Could you put these dishes away for me? Kurama: . . .? Suzuki: My dream is to join Cirque du Soleil... Kurama: Hiei, wait a minute! You're legal, right? Hiei: Huh? Um..... S-sure I am! Hello, this is Karasu. I'm not in, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BLEEEEEP. Yuusuke: This is Yuusuke, from the Ankoku Bujuutsukai? Right, well, I got some photos you might be very interested in seeing. You know anything about a short guy with pointy black hair and one kickass backbend? Call me-we'll... talk. BLEEEEEP. Machine: Hello, this is Karasu. I'm not in, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BLEEEEEP. Hiei: Baby, I swear I didn't know there was a camera! Please pick up? I didn't know, honest! I'm not that kind of guy! BLEEEEP. Hiei: *falls out of a lemon tree* Kurama: It's raining men.... Halleluyah! Yuusuke: This is incredible! My stocks are way up! Suzuki: *waves his arms around frantically* Jin: Oh, trapped in a box, right? Hiei: Kurama, I had a nightmare. Hold me! Kurama: You're a bit too forward, Hiei..... You do know that Kuwabara and I are lovers, right? Yuusuke: Grant me the power to revolutionize the world! Koenma: Yo, Pop! I'ma go chill wi'mah homies, yo. Yuusuke:You spoony bard! Keiko: You know that I support your endeavors, Yuusuke, especially your dream of becoming a strong fighter in tournaments. You go and train all you want. I'll patiently wait. Keiko: So what do you think of my cooking? Yuusuke: *spits fire* Kurama: I like swords! Kuwabara: So in essence, Hiei, your experience was not unlike that of the enlightened prisoner in the Allegory of the Cave. Hiei: Duh.......? Kurama: I'll get back to the cooking in a minute, Kaoru-donno. Right now I have to save Japan from an evil opium lord. Kenshin: INFIDEL!! Kurama: Uh oh.... Shishiwakamaru: I'm too sexy for my love- too sexy for my love! Love's going to leave me! Chuu: Not to be a teetotaler guys, but we've already had one whole round of drinks, and... Who's the designated driver? Yukina: Man, I'm never inviting Chuu to go drinking again! Koenma: Damn straight! Hiei: *looks up at Kuwabara* Shall we shag now or shag later? Yuusuke: I wonder what type of nen I have? Hiei:*writes* Dear Leorio... I have a problem with my love life. You see, there is a guy named Karasu whom I really like. But there is also a guy named Yuusuke who took pictures of me and Karasu... Puu-chan: Zoinks! Puu-chan: Rooby Roo! Puu-chan: Jinkies! Botan: Well, I'll let you in on a litle secret. The hair? It's dyed. Shiori: You're grounded for a month, Shuuichi! And you can just forget about that otherworldly tournament of yours, too, young man! No son of mine brings home an A- on his biology exam! Kurama: Smack my BITCH up! Yukina: Oh, my Playgirl magazine has come in! I can't wait to see the pull-out poster on page-... Kurama-san?! Sensui: Honey, can I be on top tonight? Itsuki: Shu'up bitch! Cook my dinner! Sensui: Yes, dear. ;_; Machine: Hello, this is Karasu. I'm not in, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BLEEEEEP. Leorio: Hi, this is Leorio, of the advice column? I'm looking at doing a talk show and I think your story would be great for my pilot episode! Let me know if you're interested! BLEEEP! Koenma: White hunters in the night, hunt the tomorrow of these dark predators. Kurama: ...and then I fended him off with only a toothpick and a bottle of glue! Ahha, ha, ha.... Sensui: Please lady, you're not my type. Hiei: Omigod, I soooo hope we kick some ass today! Keiko: I want a divorce! Yuusuke: We haven't even gotten married, yet. Yuusuke: Prepare yourself for the ultimate defeat in battle! Let's DDR!!! Suzuki: For the last time- no, I do NOT do parties. Keiko: Hey, Yukina-chan, I got the new Ramstein cd today. Let's sacrifice a goat while we listen to it! Yukina: Goody! Can we also listen to Dix Infernal? Kazuno is sooo cute when he's covered in blood! Hiei: I think I feel sick... Keiko: Sorry, Yuusuke, but I've found somebody else. Botan: *wraps a collar around Keiko's neck* Juri: Let's D-d-d-d-d-d-duel! Yuusuke: Arright, arright, there is no frikkin spoon, okay?! Raizen: Are you sure about that... Mister Urameshi? Yuusuke: ...You're freakin' me out, man. Puu-chan: Pikachuu!! Kurama: *hops around in a puppy suit* Hieihieihieihiei!!! Hiei: *frowns dispassionately and lights a cigarette* Toguro Otouto: *hands Yuusuke a flower* Have you ever given any thought to the afterlife? Hiei: Kurama, I have something to tell you, but I'm not sure how you'll react- Kurama: SHIT! It's not mine! I don't love you! Kuwabara: Kurama, you are the only one for me. Kurama: EW! I'm not GAY! Yuusuke: I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna came out and say it. I'm from the future! Kurama: Oh my god! Kurama: Achoo! Damned pollen! Damned allergies! Kuwabara: Oh no, not another fan letter! Yuusuke: Hey, enjoy it, man. I wish I got as many as you do. Keiko: You'd bettter tell us where the guys went, Botan, or.... Shizuru: *pulls off Botan's shirt* Botan: Oh no!! You wouldn't torture me! ^,^ Yuusuke: *walks in* I forgot to pack my lucky- ..?! Machine: Hello, this is Karasu. I'm not in at the moment, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BEEEP. Kurama: I thought about you today while I was driving by your house. I do that a lot, but... you probably don't notice. I do a lot of things you don't notice. But I know all about you. We're so right for each other. Why don't you call me-BEEEP. Karasu: That's it! I'm moving to Guam! >.< Yuusuke: I need a fix- time to see Genkai and renew my, uh, prescription. Machine: Hello, this is Karasu. I'm not in at the moment, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. BEEEP. Kuwabara: Listen bitch- Kurama's MINE. If I find out that you spend time with him, if you even THINK about him, I'll come over there and kick your puny little demonic ASS through the three kai and into your next life, got it? Stay away from MY Kurama! Puu-chan: Chii? Kurama: Next time on Ayatsuri Sakon. People cannot live in sorrow.... Hiei: I will become a super sayain! Hinageshi: No, no! Stop! My body! Aaaah!! Yakumo: Oh, this is just wrong. Majari: Amusing idiot. Kuwabara: Holy crap! I'm fighting Zarbon?! Random Evil Dude: *stabs Hiei* Hiei: *disappears and reappears healed* Kuwabara: How'd he DO that?! Hiei: I've got kickass life insurance. Kuronue: Are you going to tell me you've forgotten your terrible past? Kurama: It's the nineties, man. EVERYBODY'S angsty. Kuronue: ..Youko Kurama. Kurama: Yeah, like everybody and their dog doesn't know THAT now. Kuronue: ...you have three moles on your butt that look like Orion's belt. Kurama: OH MY GOD! KURONUE!! Hiei: Where's Yuusuke? Kuwabara: Keiko went to get a change of clothes and he said he'd go with her to check on Botan. Hiei: Orgy at Genkai's! *flies out the window* Genkai: Botan probably knew what would happen to her when she took that sphere... Every fucking second was PAIN, but she did it because she thought Yuusuke would figure it out and save the planet. But did he? DID he?! Yuusuke: Oh, twist the knife, why doncha, huh? Yakumo: I shall take the sphere and this girl! Yuusuke: Good luck, man. I think she's gay. Yakumo: Wha- really? Yuusuke: I think with my girlfriend. =.= Yakumo: Damn. How sure? Yuusuke: I found their letter to Penthouse. Yakumo: ...damn. Kuronue: Traitor. Kurama: *stares* Kuronue: Traitor! Kurama: *stares lower* Kuronue: Traitor! Kurama: *drools* Kuronue: HEY! What are you looking at, you hentai? o.o Kurama: Ah HAH! The REAL Kuronue was a bigger pervert than me! You're a faker! Fake Kuronue: Ah, crap. Kurama: Show me your REAL package- I mean form. Fake Kuronue: *transforms* Kurama: Dodoria from Dragonball Z? 0.o Hiei: Kurama, there is no one in this world who does not have a heart in their scars. Wait. There is no scar.... There is no heart withough a shallow scar... Ah, fuck it. Let's have sex. Hinageshi: Hiei is going to become evil! Yuusuke: ..yeah. Kurama: Did he ever stop? Hinageshi: But- but he's one of the heroes of the show! Kurama: Yeah, 'cuz he's on parole... Hinageshi: I think I need to lay down... Raigo: I have a bigger jagan than Hiei! Hiei: Yeah, but you've only got one. Raigo: Hey, shut up, man!! Lots of guys only have one... Yuusuke: They're not really talking about eyes, are they, Kurama? Kurama: Why're you asking me?! I do NOT sleep with every bipedal youkai I meet!! And even if I did had sex with Raigo, it's none of your business! Yuusuke: Nobody said you did. o.o; Kurama: . . . . . . This is very embarassing. Raigo: You shall despise your friends! Hiei: I already do. Raigo: You are an evil creature! Hiei: Uh, yeah. Raigo: You will try to KILL your friends! Hiei: *ears perk* ...go on? Hiei: His jagan couldn't seduce my black dragon. Kurama: He's half naked, he's talking about seduction... Does anybody not see why we should initiate a PWP right here and now? Botan: I knew you'd find out eventually, Hinage-... gyah... Hinageshi: Botan! Yuusuke: She.. she was so young... She had so much to live for... She added me to her will just yesterday under mysterious and debatable circumstances... Botan: Yuusuke... Yuusuke: SHIT, SHE'S NOT DEAD!! Yakumo: Is this some sort of display of friendship or more? Kuwabara: Hey, we're not gay! Yakumo: No, I meant them, over there. *points to Kurama and Hiei* Yuusuke and Kuwabara: . . . . . . Kuwabara: EWWWW!!! Yuusuke: Don't do that here!!! Hinageshi: Yuusuke... What happened to the power sphere? Yuusuke: Th-this has never happened before, I swear! Hinageshi: Everybody shares the same feelings! Kuwa: I'm still not gay, though! Kurama: Oh, Kuwabara-kun... Of course you are. Hiei: Are you frustrated with your healthcare plan? When you're sliced up by youkai, are you afraid you're not getting the coverage you need? Call Jim Adler, the tough, smart, youkai lawyer! Hiei: Are you looking for a life insurance plan that goes the extra mile? At Makai Farm, I was not only promised that when I die every cent I paid will go to my beloved family, I was promised frikkin' immortality. It's good to know that my entire salary for the rest of eternity is going into something I can use. Makai Farm. When you really can't afford to die. Kurama: Are you an immortal? Is your soulmate? If the lifespan of your lover isn't definite, you may want to look into Makai Farm's immortality plans. It's safe, it's guaranteed, and most importantly it's cheap. If you can afford to have a firstborn child, you can afford Makai Farm. Makai Farm. When reincarnation just takes too damn long. Youko Kurama: Do you like it rough? Do you worry that your lover is inexperienced with the knife-juggling pose on page forty-seven? At Makai Farm, there is a special bedroom plan just for you. And the best part is, it's discreet. Your name will never be used to advertise within less than three feet of your house. Now that's comforting to know. Makai Farm. When you really can't afford to lose it, in a manner of speaking. Youko Kurama: Dammit, woman, give me the Shikon no Tama! Keiko: What are you doing in my house an why are you wearing my mother's red bathrobe? Jin: Yuusuke, I really don't feel up to our fight today. How about I just forfeit? Yuusuke: That wouldn't be right. Since you offered, I should be the one to forfeit. Machine: Hello, this is Karasu. I'm not in at the moment- oh, who am I fooling? I'm here; I locked myself in the closet days ago with nothing but a food supply and an LAN to communicate with my thereapist. Just a few more days for the official papers and I'm on my way to a safehouse in Reikai. They have good safehouses in Reikai... Toguro Ani: So the rumors ARE true. Wow, you're really messed up. Hey listen, my brother and I are going to a tournament thing and we thought it'd be healthy for you to come along, too. I mean, Kurama's gonna be there, but maybe if you see him again you might get over this fear of yours. Gimme a call, okay? <3 Karasu: *picks up the phone* He... hello? Kurama:> Cheese! I like cheese! Sensui: I will open the gates of Makai and all shall know me as PIMPMASTA SENSUCIOUS!! Genkai: Owww, my arthritis. This is for entertainment purposes only! Please do not be offended by any of these jokes!!! Check out my cosplay gallery!

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