Monday, July 28, 2008

how does that make you feeeel?

being bi is the ability to reach into someones' pants and be happy with whatever you get! anika and i got into a fight as i was talking to yukii. at first i was hesitant to come to him with my issues (which i think made him feel bad that i couldn't) cuz he loves her. but he said that, that wouldn't get in the way. he helped me try and open up to anika a little more, and explain how she is. i understand she can't change but how much should i change for her? (many of my friends say ani and i sound liek a couple, yukii mentioned couple counseling -.-) anyways we then got on the subject of me and men. yukii said there is never a connection cuz i don't open up to men! i tried saying i was close to adam, but he's gay...does that still count?! lmfao. he thinks something happened to me when i was younger, but that is none of his business. i admit i don't accept feelings. i never open up to anyone. anika claims that's why i have so many issues, especially with love. it's so much more easier to close up isn't it? -sigh- this is why i need a counselor. i hardly talk about anyone other than anika >.o i met adam through hannah. he's such a hyper sweetheart. did i mention i used to have a crush on yukii? -sweatdrop- HI MY 3 NEW FRIENDS I MADE IN ONE DAY YOU MADE ME FEEL SPESHUL X3 ~maru-chan~

Sunday, July 27, 2008

my tummy is growling!!

my mom agreed and set me up with an appointment for next week. I'M NERVOUS CUZ I'M ON MY PERIOD PILL... T.T it'll come heavy cuz i missed a few months. i'm irregular like my mom. i have to now go through my friends list and delete those i have not spoken to in awhile =\ -sigh- JA NE! How would your anime family look like? (pics) by Princess Sakura Name/ Usersname: B-Day: Favorite Color: You: Father: Mother: Brother: Sister: -maru-

Saturday, July 26, 2008

i want to ask my mom

2 things. and these things i have thought of very carefully. 1. i want to see a counselor, just someone to talk out my issues with. i was sent to someone a few years back, but i was badly paranoid and depressed, and lied pretending i was ok. 2. slowly go off my antidepressents. i realize i'm not ALL better, but i think i can get my brain to go back to a chemical balance of normal hormones going through to make me non-depressed state. i have researched this, and i'm sure if i slowly lower the dosage lil by lil, i can get off of it. yes there might be side-affects, but that is just the body's way of getting off of it. a thing to note, is depression has ran through our family....i want to talk to my doctor about if i can get better on my own seeing a couselor. i want to change. if you have any recomendations please tell me. i'd liek to know what you think. -maru-

Friday, July 25, 2008

   TODAY

i'm very...delicate? yes that seems good. i get the urges to cry. i have cried and punched raondom objects today. i will cry for a few minutes and then stop myself, and then get angry and slam something. at the oddest moments too...i'll get fustrated and cry. it comes and goes. ahh what is wrong with maru today?? miyavi will make me happy. -maru-

Thursday, July 24, 2008

soooo

i went to sleep at 7am, and woke up at 8pm with my mom banging on the door to see if i was alive. that's 13 hours of sleep! lol, my head is in a haze. it's too late to take my meds. speaking of meds, 5 EFFIN PILLS A DAY >=0 for the rest of my life. OMG i had a NICE davonee dream lol sooo i'm falling for logo.com it's a LGBT site, gays lesbians, trans, bis ect. WATCH GIMME SUGAR IT'S AWESOME! XD aniiii-chaaaan we rock >XD she woke up a lil later then me. kisses to my dearies -maru-

Monday, July 21, 2008

OH NO!!

i woke up and mom had a our old computer power thing hooked up! it's a lot better than out old one cuz the other was fucking up the internet (i can comment you now kyoko) BUT I LOST ALL MY STORIES AND PHOTOS AND MUSIC -cries- i'm so depressed!! i'm seriously going to ask mom to let me hook up the old one and mail all my stuff to me. MUST ANSWER ALL 1. who do you trust the most? 2. if you could have any mythological pet what would you choose? 3. if you were set into a story what type of genre would you want it to be? 4. would you rather be blind, deaf or mute? 5. would you rather eat a rat or 2 scorpians all raw? my answers 1. ehhh.......ani-chan! 2. dragon liek eregon (sp?) 3. horror movie and i'm one of the survivors 4. mute 5. scorpians -maru-

religion does three things,

divides people controls people and deludes people. i really hate when i start thinking about religion. death scares me...then again i'm young, why die now? it's fun reading your answers. 1. if you were stuck on an island with fresh water and food source, but could only bring 2 inanimate objects with you, what would they be? 2. if you could visit any past era where would you go? 3. if you had to move out of your country here what other country would you choose to live? 4. what is the ONE trait your lover MUST have? my answers 1. an everlasting, self-music adding, unbreakable ipod & movable light-weight bed 2. ancient egyptian 3. Japan<3 4. always surprising me -maru-

Sunday, July 20, 2008

i heart neko-chan!

my mom came home and bitched at me in less than 5 seconds. if something isn't clean when she comes home i get chewed out even though she knows i love cleaning at night. anywayz i'm gonna take a bath with ani-chan! ...via phone... but still bath! preferebly when my mom is asleep. bubbles<3 questions cuz i wanna know more about my MyO friends! ^.^ 1. what religion are you? 2. how do you liek your popcorn? 3. would you rather have your friend kill you, or you kill your friend? 4. when you hug someone are your arms up on their shoulders or around their waist? 5. what is your favorite thing about maru-chan? my answers 1. agnostic 2. caremel 3. have my friend kill me 4. my arms on their shoulders 5. i am awesome =D -maru-

Friday, July 18, 2008

yay me

i made an agreement with my mom. 2 chapters done every friday and i can have the computer and phone. I'M SORRY, if my comments to people are fucked up or not there. my computer is having internet problems and repair man is suppose to come see what's up.(i bet its cuz mom kept plugging and unplugging the internet cord so many fucking times when i was grounded) sucks cuz i can't go on myspace, google or yahoo T.T KYOKO, if you read this, PM me okke?? and everybody else maru loves mail =3 -maru-

Thursday, July 17, 2008

my mother

is being HIGHLY unreasonable >=0 because i am on chapter 5 of my mythology i am being grounded from the computer. THERE ARE ONLY 13 CHAPTERS!!1 so now i'm "lucky" to be on the computer until 8 and then i have to get off. no fucking computer until i finish. whoever put that fat stick up her ass is gonna get their fucking faces distorted for life >=[ -maru-