Monday, January 19, 2004

   My, What a Week
Sorry for not posting for awhile, but I wasn't in very much of a mood to post anything last week because it was kind of hectic. I needed help. Since I'm a little lazy to type up everything again, I'll just copy and paste what I posted on the OtakuBoards:

Okay, well, I should start at the beginning, which was Tuesday.

Now I was recovering from a cold and I felt so weak. Nevertheless, I dressed out for my gym class, which was my third period that day. We ran for twelve minutes and afterwards I felt so tired. At the end of class, as I was dressing back into my uniform, something didn't feel right. Not with my body or cold, but my heart. After dressing back into my uniform I walked back into the gym to wait for lunch. One of my friends, Alicia, noticed I looked down. She asked me what was wrong, but I honestly didn't know. Though I never really got to tell her that because we kept getting interrupted by this one annoying guy. Anyway, then lunch came. I didn't sit next to Alicia because she's quiet around the people I sit next to, so I told I would write her a note (she likes it when I write her notes). During lunch, I felt, well, horrible. As soon as I stopped eating I laid my head on the table. The cafeteria was unusually hot and that made feel me very tired. Two of my friends, Brian and Jourdan, were very worried and kept asking what was wrong. I didn't know what to tell them. All I knew was that I was tired and for some reason, I felt depressed. After lunch, Alicia and Brian asked again what was wrong. They told me that when they see me down, they feel down as well. That made me feel worse because I don't like it when I'm the cause of making others down and that also made me want to tell them what was wrong even more, even though I had no idea why I was so depressed. My day didn't exactly get any better because I forgot my homework for my next period, which was Chemistry.

Anyway, that night I wrote both Alicia and Brian a note about how I was depressed for some reason. I gave them the notes the next day. I actually thought I was doing better, but that night proved otherwise. That night, something happened. Something inside broke. I was in my room, just finished watching the OC on TV. I suddenly felt nervous, scared, and depressed at the same time. Then I just broke down and cried. The only thing I wanted was to be at school and with my friends. I kept calling out for my friends in my head.

Then on Thursday morning came. I woke up with the same feelings I had the previous night. My heart kept beating as my dad drove me to school. Then when I arrived, once I entered the building. I felt...... safe and happy. I told Alicia how I broke down the previous night and she honestly didn't know why. She thought that maybe it was because of what was going on in the world with death and the war. We both didn't really know, but all I knew was that I was happy right there and then. Later that day everyone asked me if I was doing better and I told them I was.

Thanks to everyone on the OBoards for giving me advice on this. Apparently I had my first anxiety attack/nervous breakdown last week. Don't worry though, I'm doing better. I'm very thankful to have my friends and I love them very much. I don't know what I'd do without them. *smiles*
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