Monday, July 2, 2007

ugh. yesterday has become quiet annoying.

I went into Barnes and Nobels with my friends Ella and Ryan. Ryan kept on telling Ella and whispering quietly so that I could hear that if he should tell me or not. I really don't care what his secret is or not, but soon after, he dragged me out of the store to the side and told me that he wasn't a virgin anymore...

well...I think I'm the only person in the group of my friends that actually believe in Abstinenece...at least until legal age. -_-
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Thursday, June 28, 2007

mmm...well it's in the thursday of the summer. A perfect day to be bored for a non-summerschooler. My mom said that she had a friend (she calls them girlfriends, even though she's straight. I hate it when she calls them that. I guess it's a girl thing.) that is in town and she was going into town. She offered me to take me to the mall or whatever and see if my friends could meet me there. So....I did. but silly me, I forgot that both of my friends have summerschool. So they couldn't be there until 3:00, giving me only one hour and thirty minutes to be with them. Oh well, it's good considering I haven't seen let alone spoke to either of them in a while.

I walked back and forth around the mall about three tiems, mostly to kill time but also wondering what I would do if Sean was somewhere in the mall, so I was looking for him too, but knowing him, he was probably at the mall thinking about getting some random girl pregnate...

OH OH, THAT REMINDS ME. I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy about...three or four days ago. I was really happy! But there was nothing to talk about much on here at that time. SEAN IS TALKING TO ME AGAIN! I was so incredablly shocked. He usually ssends bullitines on myspace that are like long surveys or explaining what he's going to do in a brief sentence or two. I usually reply to them, hoping that he'll reply, but my doubt was much greater than my hope.

Anyway, it was pouring rain that day. And he send a bullitine saying "Can anyone take me to the beach? :)". Instead of an anwser, I got concerned. I replied with "You're going to the beach?? At this weather?". And I practically knew that he was going to see my message and delete it instantly, right?

wrong. He actually replied back with "Fuck yeah, I'm still going! Waves, bro, waves." So that means that he isn't giving me the cold soulder anymore! yesssss!!!!!!!...

But I have to keep it down, because last time, I went too excited, and according to Mariah, it's annoying him.

anyway, back to the story. I was wondering around our small mall about three times around, calling ella, not bothering to call woobin because I keep forgetting his cell. (It was lucky I forgot, too.) I went to waldens and stayed there for a while and about five minutes later, he appeared behind me...

We walked around the mall for a bit, played DDR (I did, anyway) went back to waldens, purchased a journal. and then I went home.
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Saturday, June 23, 2007

I'm over at my mother's house. A lot of stuff has happened, and very few of it were good news.

I wasn't hungry this morning, so I decided to get ready to go on a stroll and skip breathfeast. I got my mp3 player ready and about to walk, but my dad said that I had to eat breathfeast. I told him that I wasn't hungry and that I'll eat once I get back, but he started shouting at me that I was going to eat now.

He then immediatly said "you lied to me! your friend is gay" and I insisted that he wasn't gay (even though he is) to him because I promised to him that I wouldn't tell anyone. Then we went into a BIGGER argument about whether being Gay was controlable or not. I finally told him that the Bible could be wrong, because it's written by men, NOT God, but that only mad him even madder and he left. I called my mom and talked to her about it, and then my dad came back in and I put my mom on speaker phone and had them argue about it. After they were done, my dad told me that I couldn't hang out with my friend woobin anymore. With that, I couldn't tell him about it, it'll crush him. So I talked to Ella about it and she told me to tell him, but I just couldnt. Afterwards, Dad asked/told me if the reason I knew that gayness was inborn was because of the computer or not. Feeling that the truth would set me free, I said yes, it was the computer. He sadi that I'm not allowed on the computer anymore. So sooner or later, events happened and I wound up over here in my mom's house planning to live with her as we speak.
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Friday, June 22, 2007

*no music*
okay, a lot has happened over the past two days.

um...I think it was the day before yesterday. But I went to the hooks game (a real big stadium usually for Baseball) for my (or rather, Woobin's) church youth group. It was, I'm sorry to say, a disapointment because my crush wasn't there. But that was to be expected because he's depressed right now. (no it isn't Sean).

Anyway, I didn't fell asleep at all the night before, and we were at this grass like area. And I rememeber laying on the grass staring up into the sky. And then wondering what it'll be like to be a cloud? then all of a sudden, I feel asleep. I woke up because some child was rough playing with someone and tripped over my head. That...wasn't fun.

anyway, soon after that, we went back on the bus, and I was sooooo tired, that I placed my head on Woobin's arm and tried to feel asleep, but these obnoixious brats kept waking me up with these balloons. I grabbed one of them when they hit me on my nose (which had a mosquito bite on it and it hurts when you touch it with the slightest touch) and I got soooo angry that I almost popped the balloon, but I didn't hahaha.


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Friday, June 15, 2007

Touchdown Turnaround
Me and my brother went to kikos (my favortie mexican food restaurant. And my favorite restaurant of all time at that) to get some food. We didn't feel like eating there because it's always so croweded all the time.

And I saw this huge group of people filled with 5 girls and one tall guy. I forgot what this guy looked like, but I could tell instantly that he was Gay, so I had a crush on him instantly. It's just really weird how I can tell who's gay and why I instantly have a crush on them. I wonder if straight people instantly have a crush on other straight people if they assume that their crush is straight...=/

no, that can't be because I still have a crush on Sean and he's...well he's not Bi and he's defiantly not gay.
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Monday, June 11, 2007

He knows...
Those Flashing lights come from everywhere.
The way they hit him, I just stop and stare.
He's got me lovestoned...
I think that He knows...
I think that He knows.

And now I'm walking 'round without a care.
He's got me clipped...it's just ain't fair.
And Now I'm lovestoned everywhere.
And he knows. I think that he knows.
I swear the he knows. I think that he knows...

He knows...
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Sunday, June 10, 2007

China Roses
Okay, nothing happened yet, but something will happen tonight...

but what I want to say is, one of my friends just got a myotaku, and it would be nice if some of you added him because he has like a lot of neat stuff there...I would recommened adding him, if I were you. His ID is Krnkool.
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Saturday, June 9, 2007

Town of a wind and ruins
Well. I just now had a talk with Stephanie again (Former best friend of Sean, incase you forgot). and she said some stuff that just makes it sooo much easier for me to move. Oh yeah, which reminds me, I had dinner with my mom and it...didn't really go as planed. She said that she doesn't know where I'll be going if I move in with her, but she said that it leans on a totally different school. So...I figured if I'm going to a different school in Texas, might as well in Arazona...Damn it...

anyway, here it is.


-----------------------------------------------
thetruthofyouth (3:45:40 PM): ...an important person to me already has his own car, and I'm older than he is...I'm not sure if I'm happy for him or jealous. It seems a little of both.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:45:56 PM): sean?thetruthofyouth (3:46:45 PM): /// yeah...I can't think of him anymore though. It only brings me into distress.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:46:39 PM): i honestly dont know why u like him
thetruthofyouth (3:47:03 PM): I don't know either.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:46:54 PM): hhes mean
thetruthofyouth (3:47:22 PM): Probably the same reason why I like Sarra. He was sooooo nice when I first met him but then he just...changed.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:47:24 PM): yeahh tahts what happened in me and his friendship
thetruthofyouth (3:48:11 PM): That's why ella hurts me everytime I think of him. She wants me to forget about him. But I'm not sure if that's even possible. She even know of Sean's meanness.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:48:25 PM): u should
thetruthofyouth (3:49:01 PM): I always think that he's just thinking about other stuff. He told me that he's not the person I think he is. He told me that he puts up fronts and he's tired of doing that.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:49:11 PM): look waht he did to me
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:49:15 PM): hes a pathological liar
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:49:30 PM): he took me out of his lifee, and told me our 9 months of freindship was a waste
thetruthofyouth (3:50:17 PM): I figured something was up whenever he took you off your friends list.
thetruthofyouth (3:51:32 PM): ...I try to forget about him...I really do but it's impossible. if I don't think about him. He shows up in my dreams.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:51:27 PM): WOW.
thetruthofyouth (3:52:22 PM): I remember them all so well. One of them was a terrible one though. It was a nightmare.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:52:15 PM): soorrryyyl
thetruthofyouth (3:53:08 PM): It's not your fault. My friend said that the reason why I'm having these nightmares is because I secretely know of his true personality yet I accept him.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:53:11 PM): yeah thatd make sence
thetruthofyouth (3:55:11 PM): This might be sort of evil. But I feel like the only way for me to not have these nightmares is to hate him. But I've never hated anyone before so I don't know how to do that.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:55:44 PM): welll hes mean to you
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:55:55 PM): so you should try not caring about him
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:56:18 PM): ud ont need that
thetruthofyouth (3:57:23 PM): I keep thinking that he's mean to me for a reason though. Like I'm...hurting him or something. I cant help but think that it's my problem. I mean this is the exact same thing that Sarra's doing.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:57:31 PM): see look how he makes you thinkl
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:57:35 PM): dont take this out on urself
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:57:40 PM): this is his personality
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:57:48 PM): he has no reason to be mean to you
thetruthofyouth (3:58:42 PM): well it's just...I see how he treats others with the same respect that he used to treat me. So it makes me feel that he treats me the way he does because of...me.
thetruthofyouth (3:58:55 PM): Because if it's his true personality, it's likely he does that to everyone.
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:58:47 PM): he did it to me dale
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:58:58 PM): he dosent know what friendship he should value,and which ones he dosent
xRoseyRedLipsx (3:59:10 PM): and most of the people who are his friends dont really like him because hes always bragging and stuff.
-----------------------------------------------

Well atleast I know that I'm not alone in this situation...of course Steph never really...well had a crush on him, but she atleast loved him....

New Song this week: Town of Wind and Ruins by Tales of Symphonia
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Friday, June 8, 2007

Truly Madly Deeply
Wow.

On tuesday I was over in Arizona. And I was under the impression that I was over there to like go on vacation or something. Like I KNEW we were living here and stuff but I never once dreamed that that was the real deal and that I'm "never" going to see my friends again.

And I ran....I ran so far away. Five miles away. (I was under a lot of emotional stress at the time, and I wasn't thinking rationaly) and my dad kept calling on my cell telling me that he was going to take me on a plane to bring me back, but I said that he was bullshitting. Anyway, whatever happened, I finally got back here in corpus christi, Texas and here's the plan:

I'm so sick of my father lieing to me like that. So my plan is to live in with my mom and try to convince her to live in the school district. I'm talking to her now.

Pray for me...
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Thursday, May 31, 2007

I had such a bad nightmare this morning.

Sean's parents were taking me somewhere. I think to the mall (probably because I was thinking of the long car trip to arazonia I have today before dreaming) They were just droping me off. But he wasn't the Sean I knew. If anything, he was rudder, more hurtful, and crueler. He wasn't physically hurtful. But he wasn't just making fun of me, he was mocking and discriminating me. It was so hurtful. You know how you only remember 10% of your dreams (except dreams you remember to your heart, which you only remember 90%) well, I forogt the 10%, meaning, I forgot the insults (THank God!) But I DO remember him saying this smart alleky, but it doesn't make sense: "Because we're HIGHSCHOOLERS." He was probably talking about how my dad doesn't allow me to do a number of things, such as crossing intersections.

They droped me off at the mall and took off. I immediatly tried calling my friend Ella, but it was no use. She was giving me and Woobin the silent treatment today. I forgot Woobin's number (I usually just use the phone, go to his number, and push on and it calls automatically. Kinda like speed dial), and I couldn't find Mariah or Hippy anywhere. I did however find this one girl in my third period that talks to me whenever she can. I'm pretty sure that she has a crush on me, but I'm just waiting until she confesses it to me. (Me and Sean first met? Did Sean realize I had a crush on him when we started talking last year? I wonder...)

Anyway, I found her, and I didn't say anything. But she just said "Dale.....what's wrong?" But I couldn't say anything. I just "slipped" (she's a lot shorter than me), hugged her and cried...

...my pillow was wet when I woke up.

No entry for another week. Going to camp in Arizona.
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