Sunday, April 29, 2007

Concret Angels.
Yesterday, me and Ella went to the mall. We'll we had a funnnnn and tiring time. Okay, first of all, we were SUPPOSE to meet at IHOP (this restaurant about half a mile away from the mall.) So I was there about like fifteen, twenty minutes, and she was like, no where to be seen. Then I had some...scary thoughts like "What if her dad decided not to take her?" or "What if she had something to do last minute and is trying to call my house?" Then this one thought made me get out of the restaurant. "What if I'M suppose to meet HER at barnes and nobels?" I figured that that was probably it because it's rude to wiat for her walking over here alone, about a mile away. So I left it and had to walk half a mile accross, go under a bridge-street (what are those called, anyway? Intersections?) then go back where I came from (now on the other side) and went into barnes and nobles. Frusterated that she wasn't there. So...I used the payphone there and called her cell (my cell broke) and she kinda said this in a smart-allek tone "*small scoff/laugh* you said at ihop. I'm looking for you here..." you know what that means, right? I had to walk ALLLL the way to Ihop again. I was soooo tired after that...

...me and Ella are going to look back at this in ten years and laughhhh.

Oh, speaking of ten years, me and Ella started talking about where we are going to be after college and everything. I said I was going to live in Ocean Drive, if possible. (This really really fancy mansion like street that's right (like litterly) next to the beach. Like it's in their backyard and everything.) Then she said that she was going to move to michigan! =(. Anyway, I told her that she'll NEED to come visit us sometime, and she siad "I'm not sure if my parents would want me to come." and I thought for a while, and then I said... "That's okay, you could live with me, if you want..."

...and she smiled and hugged me. But she probably didn't think that I ment it. Ella if you're reading this right now (Which I'ma force you to on myspace) please know that I'm probably going to be a loner when I grow up, so if you like need a room or something, move back to texasssss! =D)
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Friday, April 27, 2007

I'm playing Sonic Adventure 2 battle. And I'm raising three chaos. (There soooo cute! ^^)

And ever predictable, I had to come up with a name for each of them and ever cheesy, the only name I could come up with was Sean, Stephanie, and Jake (Jake is another best friend of Sean.)

and already, in just one day of training, I already got Sean's (who's already a hero chao, might I add) stats as follows:

Swim: lv. 46
Flying: lv. 48
Run: lv. 47
Power: lv. 30
Stamina: Lv. 09 (I never feed him, unfortuantly.)

What's my secret? You'll nevvverrrrrrrr knowww! >=D
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I was at the school library again. It was a good thing that I did. Because...well...

I was there for about fifteen minutes and my friend who sang under the sea came in about that time. She was dressed as her teacher this time and she wore a blonde wig. She had glasses on and I've noticed that she slanted a lot. This time, however, her question was "How's your class?"

And I am DEAD SERIOUS here. I couldn't believe my eyes...

...around that moment, Sean came in and saw me then looked immediatly at Erika. (His stare is soooo paralyzing. As if if he looks at me, an imaginary sword stabs me!) He laughed a little bit (chuckle?) with that cute laughter of his. Then he asked "How's your class". And with a totally different accent (Russian?) Erika responded by waving a ruler all over the place:

"FINE! SPLENDED! WONDERFUL! GREAT! but let me tell you something, you guys need coaching.
*points stick at me*
WHAT DO YOU NEED?"
"...Coaching?" (I said this)
"VERY GOOD!"

And Sean laughed his true laugh and walked away....

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I'm at the library again...and I passed by one of my friends during the way and she had a coustome on and she looked like...really weird. lmao. She had this sign on her chest that said "Ask where I live" and I asked her that and she sang Under the Sea from the little Mermaid. She said that she had to do that or else she'll get in trouble in her class. But it was still funny. lmao.

What's more is that when I followed her to her class, I found out that SEan goes to a class like next door to her class that period. Yet another reason to stalk! lmao.

Anyway, I had a gaterade last period and now I really need to piss...brb.

sorry about that. it was frusterating! I went to the upstairs one but it was out of order and that's the only one I knew! I didnt want to go to the freshmen one because someone I know might be in it and well, it's kinda awkward and embarressing. So I went downstaires and found out there was a working bathroom JUST ACROSS THE LIBRARY when I checked again. Luckily for me, no one was there so I...relifed myself. lmao.


anywayy....yeah, I'm just here bored. I'ma tell Stephanie IF and only if I am absent tommorrow. I MIGHT go to San Antonio (three hours from where I live) tommorrow, 'causing me to "skip" school. But that's a giant maybe.
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Monday, April 23, 2007

"Try Not To Cry"
Body: you have got to read this :
BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A
VERY BIG
HEART...

Mommy.. Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

But Mommy, when I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye,

I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now,

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best;

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this,

Mommy, warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know they really did try,

I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest.

Mommy I ran as fast as I could,

When I heard that crack, Mommy, listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new,

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true,

And Mommy all I say is, "Mommy, I love you."

****This Is for all those Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost****

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are...
-------------

In other news...

I STILL haven't told XRoseyRedLipsX yet...I tried talking to her but she seemed to be having a bad day. Normally she doesnt ignore me. So...I'll try again friday (It would be really really awkward for me to do it during the week. Seeing her the next day and all.)

New Song this week: True...(Full version) by DDR MAX.
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Friday, April 20, 2007

[Ella is on the phone. She says hi peoplz.]
Ella thinks that I should tell her the truth the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth. Because, as I agree with her 100%, it'll be a lot better than telling Sean the secret...considerding that he ignores me now...

I sort of have a "trap" set for getting into the conversnation. First, I'll ask what your doing right now, and whatever she'll say, she'll probably add a "u" or something. I'll say that I'm thinking of someone, but add that I'm pretty sure that he hates me by now...That info is just too tasty to ignore. She should fall through ti...

but if she doesnt...?
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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Mega Poly
mmm...well...

I chickened out. And it turned out that all we really did was small talk...I did apologize for something about a million times, and she finally forgave me...but...

The thing is...I'm afraid that if I talk to her, she's going to tell Sean...? No that's not it...really it's that I'm not sure how to get into that subject...like how do I begin it?

Any suggestion would be EXTREMELLY helpful.
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Ectasy
Okay. I'm really considerding telling STephanie that whole enchaladia right now. Usually I wait until at night, but knowing her, she's gonna sign off any moment. My ears are redddd....I'm so nervous just THINKING about telling her...

...well...here...goes...NOTHING....
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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Ridin' Dirty.
I had a test today...and a test yesterday...both of them I exceled at... This is like a benchmark test; a pre-test for the REAL TAKS test.

I made a 90 yesterday. Mostly because I wasn't paying attention to some questions.

I made a honest-to-god 100 today. I was soooo happy. But I bragged it to mimi and I think I crushed her day because she looked really upset...she always look like that when I get papers with grades higher than hers...even if it's five points higher...

We saw a documentary of Virgina Tech in social studies class. Our bell system is FUCKED UP (sorry for you omg profantiy people. But I am too cool to care about it. sorry) because of the test. So we only got to see like fifteen minutes of it and then the announcements came on and interupted it. It was interesting...but scary too. I mean it makes me scared what if something could happen to our very small but peaceful city or Corpus Christi? What if that happened and when we are finally realized out into the halls to "Run away", I see my beloved Sean lying on the cold ground motionally, hand on his chest, painted with blood? What's worse, what if HE'S the killer?

Then I went home...and got scared...

...I wonder if I should tell Stephanie the OTHER part of my secret...mmmm...

nawww.
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Where's the exit?
Okay. I finally had a talk with her. She's really understanding. I should have told her before...

I know that it starts out weird, but it's because she told me a certain secrete and I promised that I wont tell anyone about it. (yes, that includes you all-the-way-around-the-world people.) so...yeah. But I included my secret.

xRoseyRedLipsx (10:13:09 PM): i trust u,some reason
thetruthofyouth (10:14:05 PM): ...thanks...
thetruthofyouth (10:14:32 PM): the truth is though....I was going to tell you something about me...something that only two people in the whole WORLD know about...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:14:17 PM): tell me.thetruthofyouth (10:14:51 PM): im not sure how to say this...
thetruthofyouth (10:14:59 PM): i really dont. my ears are really red right now.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:14:38 PM): tell me
thetruthofyouth (10:15:42 PM): are you...sure that I can trust you? I cant even trust my best friend about it. And I knew her since kinder.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:15:22 PM): i promise
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:15:28 PM): i tolld u my seecrets so i wouldnt tell urs
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:15:32 PM): or u could tell minee
thetruthofyouth (10:16:33 PM): I see....i somehow trusted you from the moment I started talking to you....it's really strange....
thetruthofyouth (10:16:41 PM): okay...um...how should I start this...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:16:19 PM): ..
thetruthofyouth (10:17:39 PM): okay. we both know that I like/love sarra, right?xRoseyRedLipsx (10:17:21 PM): yeah
thetruthofyouth (10:18:08 PM): well this love...it's not a sex appeal at all. it's only an emotional appeal...
thetruthofyouth (10:18:31 PM): um...what would you say if I told you that I don't like girls?xRoseyRedLipsx (10:18:14 PM): ur gay?thetruthofyouth (10:19:22 PM): im not sraight...im not even bi....I hate myself for it. But I cant seem to change it.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:19:58 PM): so ur gay?thetruthofyouth (10:20:26 PM): why was I born this way? Why cant i just live a peaceful NORMAL life? All I'm asking is for me to be normal...but...i just cant...
thetruthofyouth (10:20:28 PM): yes.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:20:25 PM): thann sarra , is that a cover up
thetruthofyouth (10:21:19 PM): no. i told you. the love for sarra is an emotional appeal only.
thetruthofyouth (10:21:52 PM): so I'm thinking that if I like sarra large enough...it could make me straight...but...it appearently doesnt work that way.
thetruthofyouth (10:21:56 PM): I dont know what to do.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:15 PM): dale accept urself the way u were made
thetruthofyouth (10:22:47 PM): im starting to cry now...im pathetic....
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:35 PM): dont cryy.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:41 PM): ur not missing out.
thetruthofyouth (10:23:08 PM): How can I do that? I'm going to hell for something I cant control? As if I'm not going to get hell from other people.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:46 PM): want me to name how much ive gotten hurt.
thetruthofyouth (10:23:28 PM): People will give me awkward glances...they'll judge me before they even know me.
thetruthofyouth (10:23:40 PM): sure...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:23:46 PM): people judge everyone
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:23:53 PM): dosnet matter who u are,theyll find soemthing wrong with u
thetruthofyouth (10:25:36 PM): ive made that mistake in calallen. most people will never accept me.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:25:18 PM): what do u meann
thetruthofyouth (10:26:15 PM): my brother found out that i was...well. then he spread it to his school which spread over to the middle school...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:26:09 PM): why would he do that
thetruthofyouth (10:26:37 PM): ...I was shunned down by everyone...even the teachers. That only added more to my social phobia.
thetruthofyouth (10:26:46 PM): because he's the eviliest brother you'll ever met.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:26:20 PM): dale alot of people are gay
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:26:27 PM): i have gay freinds and they have friends
thetruthofyouth (10:26:56 PM): only one out of ten people....
thetruthofyouth (10:27:32 PM): not to mention christains will shun me and mocked me for saying that i choose to be this way...why would I choose such a life of lonelyness?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:28:31 PM): dalle u didnt choose to be that way
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:28:36 PM): its not a sin to be who u are
thetruthofyouth (10:30:16 PM): my father keeps on bringing up that "sorra and gamoura" or however it's spelled, story from the bible...he says that God hates people liek me...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:29:59 PM): theyy dont dallte
thetruthofyouth (10:30:43 PM): ...so was it god's invision for me to go to hell? did somewhere along the line, the bible got screwed up?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:31:10 PM): ur going to heaven
thetruthofyouth (10:32:12 PM): i would like to think that...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:02 PM): dale i jsut came from a church thing.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:10 PM): accept urself.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:21 PM): everyones enttitled to be who they are,or the world would be borinng.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:29 PM): a lot of religiious people support gays
thetruthofyouth (10:33:03 PM): Will god really send me to hell, even though I pray to him EVERY NIGHT? I really hope that he understands.....
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:33:07 PM): dalllel he wont
thetruthofyouth (10:34:07 PM): its...scary to think about my afterlife..my bodys shacking....
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:34:02 PM): dalle u wont.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:34:09 PM): so many people rape murder and things.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:34:15 PM): u cant control it.
thetruthofyouth (10:35:26 PM): steph...if only everyone thought the same way you did about this situation....
thetruthofyouth (10:35:56 PM): ...i would feel so much more comfortable in social opportunities...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:35:40 PM): alot of people do
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:35:44 PM): u dont give them a chance
thetruthofyouth (10:36:31 PM): I'm scared what their reaction might be.
thetruthofyouth (10:36:41 PM): If I find out that they really dont accept me, then its much too late.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:36:49 PM): dalle,u cant always be scared.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:37:06 PM): some people wont accept it some people wll look at you weird, but dalle it dosent matter what u are, people judge everyone
thetruthofyouth (10:37:44 PM): i mean this isn't something that people just...forget in a month or two. people will look at me and just say "hey, look at that faggot over there" xRoseyRedLipsx (10:37:48 PM): yeah but even if it wasnt that,itd be something else
thetruthofyouth (10:39:13 PM): but what I'm saying is that if people find out, they would view me as a gay person rather than an anti social person...
thetruthofyouth (10:39:35 PM): im not sure about you, but i would much rather be looked at as an extremelly shy person than a person who is...really different.xRoseyRedLipsx (10:39:16 PM): dale.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:39:20 PM): someday ur going to have to face itthetruthofyouth (10:40:47 PM): have you ever been to calallen?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:40:31 PM): noppe
thetruthofyouth (10:41:48 PM): ...you wouldnt understand the absolute torture I had in that school...
thetruthofyouth (10:42:16 PM): I hated everyone. Even my dad for taking me there. I almost killed myself because of that...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:42:13 PM): omgsh
thetruthofyouth (10:44:55 PM): ...I still hate myself because of this. I mean I feel like I need to blame someone for this, but who's there to blame?....and my enimies face just burns from my memory from this certain night.
thetruthofyouth (10:45:15 PM): given that and thikning about it almost every day...it's next to impossible to give people a chance.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:45:31 PM): theres something wrong with everyone
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:45:34 PM): everyone has problemsthetruthofyouth (10:46:36 PM): but the entire school?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:46:34 PM): dalle the entire school wouldnt think of u like that
thetruthofyouth (10:47:35 PM): if someone really cared about me, or actually believed in me...they certainly didnt prove it.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:47:26 PM): i care about u
thetruthofyouth (10:48:19 PM): ...thank you.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:48:24 PM): welcomee=]thetruthofyouth (10:49:56 PM): your too understanding...ive never had this kind of...emotional understanding sense the time that I very first met sarra. (1st)...i dont think i really deserve it. but thanks all the same...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:50:17 PM): yeahh
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:50:23 PM): welll i mean dale dont blame urself
thetruthofyouth (10:51:11 PM): ill...try not to.
thetruthofyouth (10:51:18 PM): but if i get too comfortable, itll become obvious.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:51:02 PM): yeahh,
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:51:05 PM): when wil lu come out
thetruthofyouth (10:52:09 PM): it's hard to say really...it might be really soon and it might never come.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:51:59 PM): just promise me u wont blame urself
thetruthofyouth (10:52:29 PM): ...but judging from that I told you it and I never even heard your voice yet....that's gotta mean something...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:52:23 PM): yeahh. well im a real understanding person
thetruthofyouth (10:52:54 PM): I'll...I promise...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:52:41 PM): thankks.
thetruthofyouth (10:53:57 PM): so...we know each other's secrets now...i feel really...calm...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:53:48 PM): yeahh,.
thetruthofyouth (10:55:25 PM): When I told Ella about it...I was really nervous...I didnt think that she would keep it....she's surprised me so far...It was athe same when I told Mariah...so I thought that I would be extremelly nervous after I told you...


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