Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Where's the exit?
Okay. I finally had a talk with her. She's really understanding. I should have told her before...

I know that it starts out weird, but it's because she told me a certain secrete and I promised that I wont tell anyone about it. (yes, that includes you all-the-way-around-the-world people.) so...yeah. But I included my secret.

xRoseyRedLipsx (10:13:09 PM): i trust u,some reason
thetruthofyouth (10:14:05 PM): ...thanks...
thetruthofyouth (10:14:32 PM): the truth is though....I was going to tell you something about me...something that only two people in the whole WORLD know about...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:14:17 PM): tell me.thetruthofyouth (10:14:51 PM): im not sure how to say this...
thetruthofyouth (10:14:59 PM): i really dont. my ears are really red right now.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:14:38 PM): tell me
thetruthofyouth (10:15:42 PM): are you...sure that I can trust you? I cant even trust my best friend about it. And I knew her since kinder.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:15:22 PM): i promise
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:15:28 PM): i tolld u my seecrets so i wouldnt tell urs
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:15:32 PM): or u could tell minee
thetruthofyouth (10:16:33 PM): I see....i somehow trusted you from the moment I started talking to you....it's really strange....
thetruthofyouth (10:16:41 PM): okay...um...how should I start this...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:16:19 PM): ..
thetruthofyouth (10:17:39 PM): okay. we both know that I like/love sarra, right?xRoseyRedLipsx (10:17:21 PM): yeah
thetruthofyouth (10:18:08 PM): well this love...it's not a sex appeal at all. it's only an emotional appeal...
thetruthofyouth (10:18:31 PM): um...what would you say if I told you that I don't like girls?xRoseyRedLipsx (10:18:14 PM): ur gay?thetruthofyouth (10:19:22 PM): im not sraight...im not even bi....I hate myself for it. But I cant seem to change it.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:19:58 PM): so ur gay?thetruthofyouth (10:20:26 PM): why was I born this way? Why cant i just live a peaceful NORMAL life? All I'm asking is for me to be normal...but...i just cant...
thetruthofyouth (10:20:28 PM): yes.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:20:25 PM): thann sarra , is that a cover up
thetruthofyouth (10:21:19 PM): no. i told you. the love for sarra is an emotional appeal only.
thetruthofyouth (10:21:52 PM): so I'm thinking that if I like sarra large enough...it could make me straight...but...it appearently doesnt work that way.
thetruthofyouth (10:21:56 PM): I dont know what to do.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:15 PM): dale accept urself the way u were made
thetruthofyouth (10:22:47 PM): im starting to cry now...im pathetic....
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:35 PM): dont cryy.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:41 PM): ur not missing out.
thetruthofyouth (10:23:08 PM): How can I do that? I'm going to hell for something I cant control? As if I'm not going to get hell from other people.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:22:46 PM): want me to name how much ive gotten hurt.
thetruthofyouth (10:23:28 PM): People will give me awkward glances...they'll judge me before they even know me.
thetruthofyouth (10:23:40 PM): sure...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:23:46 PM): people judge everyone
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:23:53 PM): dosnet matter who u are,theyll find soemthing wrong with u
thetruthofyouth (10:25:36 PM): ive made that mistake in calallen. most people will never accept me.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:25:18 PM): what do u meann
thetruthofyouth (10:26:15 PM): my brother found out that i was...well. then he spread it to his school which spread over to the middle school...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:26:09 PM): why would he do that
thetruthofyouth (10:26:37 PM): ...I was shunned down by everyone...even the teachers. That only added more to my social phobia.
thetruthofyouth (10:26:46 PM): because he's the eviliest brother you'll ever met.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:26:20 PM): dale alot of people are gay
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:26:27 PM): i have gay freinds and they have friends
thetruthofyouth (10:26:56 PM): only one out of ten people....
thetruthofyouth (10:27:32 PM): not to mention christains will shun me and mocked me for saying that i choose to be this way...why would I choose such a life of lonelyness?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:28:31 PM): dalle u didnt choose to be that way
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:28:36 PM): its not a sin to be who u are
thetruthofyouth (10:30:16 PM): my father keeps on bringing up that "sorra and gamoura" or however it's spelled, story from the bible...he says that God hates people liek me...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:29:59 PM): theyy dont dallte
thetruthofyouth (10:30:43 PM): ...so was it god's invision for me to go to hell? did somewhere along the line, the bible got screwed up?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:31:10 PM): ur going to heaven
thetruthofyouth (10:32:12 PM): i would like to think that...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:02 PM): dale i jsut came from a church thing.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:10 PM): accept urself.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:21 PM): everyones enttitled to be who they are,or the world would be borinng.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:32:29 PM): a lot of religiious people support gays
thetruthofyouth (10:33:03 PM): Will god really send me to hell, even though I pray to him EVERY NIGHT? I really hope that he understands.....
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:33:07 PM): dalllel he wont
thetruthofyouth (10:34:07 PM): its...scary to think about my afterlife..my bodys shacking....
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:34:02 PM): dalle u wont.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:34:09 PM): so many people rape murder and things.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:34:15 PM): u cant control it.
thetruthofyouth (10:35:26 PM): steph...if only everyone thought the same way you did about this situation....
thetruthofyouth (10:35:56 PM): ...i would feel so much more comfortable in social opportunities...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:35:40 PM): alot of people do
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:35:44 PM): u dont give them a chance
thetruthofyouth (10:36:31 PM): I'm scared what their reaction might be.
thetruthofyouth (10:36:41 PM): If I find out that they really dont accept me, then its much too late.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:36:49 PM): dalle,u cant always be scared.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:37:06 PM): some people wont accept it some people wll look at you weird, but dalle it dosent matter what u are, people judge everyone
thetruthofyouth (10:37:44 PM): i mean this isn't something that people just...forget in a month or two. people will look at me and just say "hey, look at that faggot over there" xRoseyRedLipsx (10:37:48 PM): yeah but even if it wasnt that,itd be something else
thetruthofyouth (10:39:13 PM): but what I'm saying is that if people find out, they would view me as a gay person rather than an anti social person...
thetruthofyouth (10:39:35 PM): im not sure about you, but i would much rather be looked at as an extremelly shy person than a person who is...really different.xRoseyRedLipsx (10:39:16 PM): dale.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:39:20 PM): someday ur going to have to face itthetruthofyouth (10:40:47 PM): have you ever been to calallen?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:40:31 PM): noppe
thetruthofyouth (10:41:48 PM): ...you wouldnt understand the absolute torture I had in that school...
thetruthofyouth (10:42:16 PM): I hated everyone. Even my dad for taking me there. I almost killed myself because of that...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:42:13 PM): omgsh
thetruthofyouth (10:44:55 PM): ...I still hate myself because of this. I mean I feel like I need to blame someone for this, but who's there to blame?....and my enimies face just burns from my memory from this certain night.
thetruthofyouth (10:45:15 PM): given that and thikning about it almost every day...it's next to impossible to give people a chance.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:45:31 PM): theres something wrong with everyone
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:45:34 PM): everyone has problemsthetruthofyouth (10:46:36 PM): but the entire school?
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:46:34 PM): dalle the entire school wouldnt think of u like that
thetruthofyouth (10:47:35 PM): if someone really cared about me, or actually believed in me...they certainly didnt prove it.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:47:26 PM): i care about u
thetruthofyouth (10:48:19 PM): ...thank you.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:48:24 PM): welcomee=]thetruthofyouth (10:49:56 PM): your too understanding...ive never had this kind of...emotional understanding sense the time that I very first met sarra. (1st)...i dont think i really deserve it. but thanks all the same...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:50:17 PM): yeahh
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:50:23 PM): welll i mean dale dont blame urself
thetruthofyouth (10:51:11 PM): ill...try not to.
thetruthofyouth (10:51:18 PM): but if i get too comfortable, itll become obvious.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:51:02 PM): yeahh,
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:51:05 PM): when wil lu come out
thetruthofyouth (10:52:09 PM): it's hard to say really...it might be really soon and it might never come.
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:51:59 PM): just promise me u wont blame urself
thetruthofyouth (10:52:29 PM): ...but judging from that I told you it and I never even heard your voice yet....that's gotta mean something...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:52:23 PM): yeahh. well im a real understanding person
thetruthofyouth (10:52:54 PM): I'll...I promise...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:52:41 PM): thankks.
thetruthofyouth (10:53:57 PM): so...we know each other's secrets now...i feel really...calm...
xRoseyRedLipsx (10:53:48 PM): yeahh,.
thetruthofyouth (10:55:25 PM): When I told Ella about it...I was really nervous...I didnt think that she would keep it....she's surprised me so far...It was athe same when I told Mariah...so I thought that I would be extremelly nervous after I told you...


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