Wednesday, September 26, 2007

....




What Final Fantasy VIII Character Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.


Yes. Quistis. Uh-huh. Motherly. D'ya think they made a teensy mistake with this here result, Rin?

... Yyyepp. Motherly. *twiddles thumbs*
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   Schnit. o.o
Okay. Maybe over-reading some slightly odd behavioral patterns, but:

I think a guy in my school may have a crush on me. o.o

But as I mentioned, I might be over-reading things here. But this guy is behaving weirdly, even for a hormonal 18-year-old male. But you tell me.

Anyways, this guy keeps staring at me. I've slowly started to notice, that he stares at me. Alot. In the cafeteria, he even goes so far as to sit sideways in his chair and stares at my direction everytime I've seen him. Also, once at the coat racks, when I was putting on my coat, he started walking towards me, stopped about 5 feet to my left, stood there like an idiot, fidgeting and smiling weirdly for a few seconds and then announced his friend (my ex-classmate) that "I can't do it, man!" and went to open the schooldoors for some people, then he returned to his friend.

My initial thought was "Hoookay... Weird candy-assed pansy..." because he had this two-tone hairdo-thing going on. And I find that incredibly girly (sorry for any guys with two-tone-hairdo!).

But let's see. If he wants to play a prank on me, I'll break his back and use his spine to hammer his head in. Which would be incredibly easy.

Now, if he really does have a crush on me, I'll end up breaking the poor bastard's balls with my bare hands. I ain't looking for a relationship, I ain't gonna date anyone, I just wanna finish my school and move out.

Damn, I really hope he's just trying to play an immature wordplay prank on me. Then it'd be open season for idiots.
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Attention: You're not obligated to read this rant, and if you're going to feel bad about language or otherwise P.O'd behaviour (and I'm ashamed to admit, a bit immature as well), I recommend you close this window/tab now and go do something else. For those curious (and maybe self-destructive) enough, go ahead, do what you want.

---

Well, it's been a while since this happened, but it still bothers me. And now I figured that I have zero obligation to to be understanding, I'm recording my side of the whole goddamn scuffle here since no one else seems to want to know it. (And the other side can see this, I'm not going behind anyone's back. Don't have a cow.)

Now, a little while back a friend of mine, A, decided that I absolutely needed to wear two costumes to the nearing convention somewhere here. I was reluctant, but she doesn't really take no for an answer so okay fine, if it makes you feel better then do the costumes. Let's keep in mind that she decided that I needed those two things, and that she told me she'd make them. Felt a bit guilty, but she assured me she could do them. Okay, if she was sure...

Now, she gave me a vague idea about when we should go shopping for the fabrics for the other costume (that weekend). Which was odd, since normally she'd told me the exact time and date on which to go (at this point I can say that MSN was acting up, so if she did send me the exact time, I sure as hell didn't get it and she sure as hell didn't bother to ask if I did). So all in all, I was a bit clueless as to when exactly I was supposed to show up and go with her. On a Friday, my parents tell me that they want me to come along and help clean some cottage so we could spend time in it on the next day. A 24-hour warning, wonderful. A bit like the one ma gave me when we moved. "How was your day honey? Great? Well that's good then! Oh yeah, and we're moving this Friday, start packing." It was Wednesday at the time.

So I tell (grumble to) A on the Saturday before I'm supposed to leave that I am practically forced to go. She then tells me that we absolutely MUST go and buy the fabrics that day (two, three weeks until the con) and I can see that she is distressed, so I bargain a half-an-hour to go and buy the things and am out of the door, heading for A's house. I get there, she's nowhere in sight. Her parent tells me she just left and tries to reach her. No luck. So then I try to reach her for five minutes, maybe more but no luck. After that, she just sends me a message that "don't bother, I already bought the fabrics". I can practically hear her hiss...

For two days, she ignores me. I'm thinking what the hell, this girl is everything but the ignoring type (or so she says). On the third day, she delivers me an ultimatum. She tells me that I need time to think, demands me to change my behavioral patterns and attitude, and if I wish to do so, I may contact her in two weeks. And bam, bans me from her MSN. At this point I'm blown away. This girl, as I said, is anything but the ignoring type, yet here she is, throwing a goddamn tantrum like a kid in a day-care.

So I start thinking a bit. Okay, I can see why she's upset, I didn't handle this situation the best I could, but here's a shocker: neither did she. Also at this point I'm getting pissed, because no one, no one, can demand me to change myself. I mean, if I was an addict or an alcoholic she might have a basis for her demands, but come on, over a personality quirk? Yah, I'm totally gonna do just that. Right after Superman starts wearing jewellery made of kryptonite.

After a few days, I try to contact her by email, trying to tell her my side of the story. I'm guessing she deleted it, no way of knowing for sure, but it sure as hell didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. Near the two-week notice, she unblocks me and I try to ask if we can talk. Nope, not until I change myself. So I try to reason with her, asking her if I'm the only one at fault here. Everything ignored. she tries to, pardon my friends, fuck me up by saying things that we're not only incredibly irrelevant, but not based on facts (that were the opposite of her allegations). When I finally tell her my side of the story and ask her why she's so quiet, she tells me she didn't read it, because she was "too busy ignoring me". Ah, wonderful. That just solves everything. To sum it all up, she kept telling me how much she was enjoying this, how bad of a person I am, how the poor, poor A gives and gives without getting anything in return, yadda yadda yadda and hack.

What really made me see red was when she attacked my family: if you do that, you're digging your own grave. You have a problem about my family, you tell it to my family. She then decides that we're not friends anymore and later asks a mutual acquintance to rely a message to me about a book of hers that I had. Whether she's just pissed or scared, I don't know, but she could at least have the balls to ask me herself.

And now to my favourite portion of this rant: why I think her allegations weren't thougt out too well.

First off, she accused me of not having a spine when it comes to my family, ie: asking permission when going on a short trainride to another town or the likes, and why I gripe about my family.

Well let's see... Why I ask my mother's permission... This woman has raised me and cared for me for the past 18 years. She has fed me, clothed me, kept me safe and offered a safe enviroment to grow in, provided unconditional love for me and she had a choice keeping me and my brother, and she chose to keep us. The least I can do is be corteous enough to ask her a permission to do things (even if I know that the answer is yes), because we are living together, and it's how we respect other people in my family, by paying them a polite and civilized question before acting to ensure no hard feelings. Mom asks me whether she can use something of mine or if she can look at my drawings, so why shouldn't I ask if she has something special planned for that day and if I can go? Call me what you want, a sissy, a momma's girl, I don't care, because I think that this is part of the reason why my mother and I rarely fight. And as to why I gripe about my family, doesn't everybody? It's normal to grumble about your own family, because let's face it, they're practically the only people in the world who know exactly what buttons to push, when to push and how many times to push to get us pissed. Am I right?

Now, about me going to the cottage. Well, call me crazy, but I like to help out my mother when she asks and when I know the task entails bending over to pick things, lifting things or the repeating of either or both of these things. And the reason to that is because my mother has several types of rheumathism, and the only way she can even get out of the goddamn bed in the morning is with a pillcoctail of painkillers and whatnots so severe that it'd knock a healthy 80 kg man out like a light and she'll still be in pain. So when she cleans, there are two choices and two outcomes: either I don't help and she does so much work that she can't get out of the bed even with the meds and she will be in severe pain for the next couple of days, or I help and maybe, just maybe she'll be well enough to walk the next day. Ah, but of course, this is absolutely nothing compared to the ardous and dangerous task of shopping for fabrics. Go figure.

And like I said, absolutely no one can demand me to change myself, just so it would suit that other person better. None of us are perfect, therefore, none of us have the right to tell others to change. Look into yourself before looking into others. I grudginlgy make an exception in my philosophy when it comes to alcoholics or other addicts, as they often go blind on their own addiction and hurt themselves just as much as they hurt the ones close to them.

As for A's self-imposed martyrdom, I can happily inform her that while I have rarely given her something corporeal to touch, she hasn't exactly been empty-handed herself. And despite the fact that this is going to sound incredibly self-centered, I can say that I've been helping with her English, helping her with translation, with her stories, with her photographs, I've listened to her whine and mope about not getting comments even though she knew she'd probably not get them (why the hell post then?!), I've listened to her angst about the quality of her photographs and I've tried to reassure her that they're fine, they're better than average, they're okay, she shouldn't worry, her stories are great, her costumes are great and giving her the damn attention she so much seems to crave. (Okay, that was a bad thing to say...)

So what if she hates dealing over the phone, she's gonna have to eventually when she's an adult. I hate it too and I still tried to contact her via the phone. Like my mother tells me when I don't answer, why the hell do you have a phone if you don't use it?

And as for me being lazy. Well she can't possibly say that as the truth, now can she? She's not watching me 24/7, ergo she cannot say for certain if I am or am not lazy. But for now, let's say I have way too much on my mind and buying fabrics ain't exactly a top priority to me.

And her claims about me being a bad person. Well sweetheart, if I truly am such a bad, bad, leeching, despicable, horrible, abusing and dark person, why didn't you bring it up earlier during these years we've known eachother? And if the answer has anything to do with saving my feelings, then don't bother, I'm practically mechanic: I feel very little on the emotional level. Damn girl, if you'd've brought it up earlier, I'd have happily talked about it with you!

I'm not sure what possessed her to think that I'd throw myself at her feet and beg for her forgiveness after her ultimatum, but that might've pissed her off that I didn't. Hm, funny, first she complains when I don't have a spine and then she complains when I do. I'm not about to jump when she tells me to, so she can forget about that one. And as I said before, when you go after my family, you can bet your sorry ass you'll get fire and brimstone from this end. See, after having my family broken apart twice in a relatively short span of time (9 years is too short if you ask me), I tend to get a bit protective of what I still have left. Shocker, huh?

But let's see, bottomline... I could've handled all this better, but so could've she. I made mistakes, so did she. There's two sides to every argument, and as the saying goes: "When the hunter tells his story, he always gets the lion. But what would the story be like if the lion would be telling it?". Alas, my side was not relevant in this argument.

Now, am I sad that we're not friends anymore? Hmm... Nope, not really. I know I should be, but I'm not. All this little ordeal has aroused in me is irritation and exasperation at most. Of all the people I know I expected her to be a bit more adult about this, but I see I didn't know her well enough. As I mentioned before, I barely feel emotions. Kinda scary, really, because I literally can't bring myself to care. A blessing and a curse, in my opinion (thank you childhood trauma/drama). I'm well aware that I'm slow and ponderous, but that's who I am! I want to be certain about things before doing anything, and I want to keep a certain objectivity in my life. This often prevents me from going postal on a daily basis. And for those who are gasping "how could [I] do this" and "why [am I] doing this" I can say that this is my side of the story, posted here because it was either this or continuous headaches. She has her version of the happenings, and neither of them is right nor are they wrong.

But here it is. Comment, don't comment, agree, disagree, do what you want. I'll be happy to talk with people if they so wish. But at the moment I'm tired of this dramatic BS, even though I'm pretty sure I'm just throwing oil into a gasoline-fire here. Just do me a favor, okay? If you do comment, please, be better than I am at the moment: be mature. And for the love of god, don't take sides in this matter.
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

   o_o
Oh. My god. Scary thunder-storms. And not just "thunder storms", I'm talking about "Thunder Plains"-sized thunder-storms!

It fried my internet, man!

It only lasted about 20 minutes, tops, and was directly above me 30 seconds, tops. But it totally screwed up the electronic locks and the elevator in the apartment-complex I live in, and screwed up the LAN in my house. And after that it fried a circuit in my computer.

So after I got a replacement (good thing we had two spares in the house!) I tried to access again, and I did. But another batch of thunder-storms rolled over me, and my step-dad ordered me to close every electrical appliance in my room.

I haven't talked to Rin in so long and when I finally do, Mother Nature decided to PMS all over my neighbourhood! ;_;

... ... ....

That sounded so wrong.

But I'm not sorry they happened, they lightened the air a bit and it rained, so it's all good. ^^
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Monday, May 1, 2006

   ^^
Well, it's been a while, ne?

Anyways, I went to Helsinki this weekend and bought two volumes of Yu-Gi-Oh! so I'm pretty much tripping on it right now. They were even cheaper than the usual 12-15 euros, they were actually less than 8. :D

I need mooore!

... I was pleasantly suprised when they had their original names, you know, Joey=Jounuchi etc. Then again, it wasn't a VIZ-manga. :D Yay!

Yu-Gi-Oh! actually started here in Finland too. But since it's the brutally mutilated version without the funny perverted stuff AND dubbed in Finnish, I am so not watching it. T_T

Besides, the artwork in the manga is way better. :D

---

*RANT START*

My mom told me recently that we are having a lot of money-troubles right now. She says she's contemplating if she should sell her car... No wonder we've been having salad and/or other cheap, fast and easy-to-do food these past few weeks.

And since I turned 17, this thing that gives money to parents for every kid they have stopped coming so dang. :/

---

Yesterday my mom and step-dad confronted me with the fact that I ahd been looking really PO'd for the past couple of days and wanted to know why. The thing is, even I don't know why. I've just been feeling really depressed and down and angry at everything as of late, and I have no idea why.

So when I said that, they started saying "Oh you do know why, you just won't say it" and I argued back that I seriously don't know why, and the spiral went over and over and over like that until I felt so stupid, depressed and helpless I started to cry and gave them an excuse so they'd get off my back and let me mope in peace.

Seriously, can't I be cranky for no reason at all in this house?!? I mean, yea, I'm glad they care, but come on! T_T

---

Also, when I go to them with my problems and ask for a little sympathy, they play the blame-game and cling onto my mistakes and play them over and over and over again. Yes, I know I made a mistake and I know what that mistake was, but I don't need someone to put a spotlight on it and rub it in my face! A small "It's okay, we all make mistakes" or "Don't worry, it's not that bad" would be nice, but nooo, it's the "How could you do such a mistake!" or "You're almost an adult, you should know better!" which, in reality, causes me to wrap my protective shell around me tighter and stop talking to my parents about things and pretend to be the good little girl who has no problems. And my head is pretty much exploding because of it...

Okay, *RANT STOP*

---

Phew, that was a mouthful. Hey, I actually feel a bit better! ^^
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Sunday, February 19, 2006

   Rant.....
It has happened. TokyoPop has licensed +Anima. ;_;

I know it sounds incredibly stupid and childish and silly, but I'm extremely posessive and territorial.

And now that it has been licensed, more people will know about it, and it will become a part of the mainstream of "fandom". It will no longer be mine.

Of course, it never was "mine", per se, but I sort of discovered a year ago or so, and I've been a fan ever since. I feel sort of disappointed somehow. Dunno why or how, but I feel a little sad... I can't find it on the internet anymore, I'll have to buy it from TokyoPop. I hate buying stuff from TokyoPop or VIZ. :/ Capitalism and stuff like that.

....

*angst* -.-

I feel like a grade A idiot. -.-;

Marr. :F
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Friday, February 17, 2006

   Uh...
Hoo-kay. Valentine's is gone. Thank god. I can't stand all that lovey-dovey, kissy-huggy stuff. It just disgusts me to no end. I have no idea why. I have nothing against couples, really. But an all-out-snogfest in the hallway of a school where everyone can see you suck someone's lips off of their face? Ew!

It's great to tell all your friends how much you appreciate their friendship, though. It's really great to have caring friends around you.

...

But why leave it all to one day? Why can't we tell that to them more often, tell them how great it is to have them as friends and tell them how fun you have with them? Why do we need a designated day to act nice and civil when we can do it all the time? (By the way, nice to have you as a friend, Rin-Rin! :D)

... Then again, I am rarely nice and civil. :D Ho ho ho.

---

I actually made two Valentine-cards for people that have visited my DeviantArt-gallery. I made one for guys and one for girls. Check 'em out if ya want.
Card for girls
Card for guys
Eat your heart out, Cupid! :D

---

Well, I've gained a new addiction. Gundam Wing. o.o Totally awesome show. For something made somewhere in the 90s. :D But come on, mechas, explosions, guns... What's not to like?

Ho ho ho ho ho....

---

Aw man, it's freakin' freezing in Finland right now! Seriously! I've been freezing my butt off for couple of weeks already! Conan O'Brian visited Finland this week. Whopee? Yay? I don't know how to react. He'll most likely start making fun of Finns the minute he returns and makes his next show. :D

---

I'm actually at school right now. There's been this sort-of prom-thing for the second-year students at my upper secondary school. I don't know how to explain it, to be frank, but what do you call an event where numerous girls and guys dress up in eitherly really beatiful dresses or penquin-suits and get together to waltz and dance other dances like that? You tell me. :/

Anyways, the first event of their dance was yesterday, when they danced for their families. I was recruited by my friend Hoothoot to be a waitress at the party, you know, make sure the coffee-dispensers at the caféteria were full, collected the trash, took care of other stuff like that. I was actually complimented by my, quote-unquote, "independant, fast and precise" working and I was told, that if I was ever looking for an internship, the caféteria would be happy to give me one. o.o

Freaky.

Hey, I got three gym-hours free for my waitress-gig. Didn't wear a skirt, though. Just a button-up shirt and black pants. :D It went great. Didn't break anything, at least.

Anyways, today, the second-year students will be dancing for those in 7th to 9th graders and the rest of the school. I could actually go home, my health education classes were cancelled and I don't have any classses after 1 o'clock. But Hoothoot would strangle me if I slipped, and quite frankly, I want to live a few more years. So I'll stay.

---

A friend of mine is trying to give me "exposive treatment" or something like that. Ya see, the deal is this: I have my personal airspace of roughly a feet or two around me to all directions, and I absolutely hate it if someone I don't know very well tries to hug me or hugs me. I freak out and start trashing around. I dunno, but I can't breathe that much if someone I don't really want to hug me hugs me. It just feels somehow... I dunno, oppressive?

I keep telling her to stay away or I swear I'll kick her ass through our Garden and back again, but she won't listen. :/ Man, it is true; you can't argue with ignorance.

[EDIT]
Oh, HYNE! Now she's annoying my by tipping the computer-desk, blabbing about stuff and flinging her hair in front of the screen! GARH!

Urge... To kill... RISING...!!!! NYARGH!! >_<
[EDIT]
Okay she left. Whoo. She keeps coming back though. o.o Just like Marty.
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Monday, January 9, 2006

   Wheee~~!
We-hell. The ballet was nice. Couldn't see that good, I was really high up, but the ballet was nice. It never seizes to amaze me how they can twirl on the tips of their toes so long. Or twirl that long without hurling.

... I still abhor the idea of men in tights. >_>

---

Well, after the ballet (the next day) I went to a flea-market with my mother's cousin. I found this nifty book called "Palladium books presents.... Monsters & Animals". The whole book is full of strange creatures, most likely to a paper-based RPG. It rawks.: D I found a Snitch!

Well, actually, they are called Wing Tips. They are like big balls of fluff with wings. They don't have mouths, eyes or legs. They communicate by telepathy. Apparently, those critters are speedy fliers. Snitches, I say! Snitchesssss!!

I also bought this neat shirt. It's actually a Naruto-fanshirt (No, I'm not a Narutard, thank you very much!) with this cool picture of Kiyuubi on it. Because Kiyuubi rawks. :D Kiyuubi and the other tailed demons, all eight of them. :D

---

Marty is still bugging me. Infact, he's sitting on my screen. Now he's walking... Now he flew away. Anyways, I'm not sure if flies understand speech or even hear, but everytime I say "Marty", Marty always appears. o.o

Sad, ne?

---

School started. Oh, the horror. The horror...!!!
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Thursday, January 5, 2006

   Well...
Okay, so new years is over. The new year begun. Woop. Somehow, I know I should celebrate it... But I'm just feeling too depressed to.

My depressions comes from the issue of my brother. He got angry with mom because of a misunderstanding and moved to my dad's house (my parents are divorced). So dad and my brother are saying this and mom is saying that, both trying to explain themselves to me, more likely trying to justify their own actions. And then they say "Oh, we don't want you to get involved." Well gee. A bit too late for that, don't you think? T_T

My mom pretty much has a broken heart. Who can blame her, her own child is accusing her of thievery and embezzlement. I'm trying hard to stay neutral in this area, but I'm pretty much torn between.

So happy new year to me. -_-

Thank god my depression is just the "can't-find-energy-to-do-anything" type of depression, not the self-destructive-kind of depression. Amen.

On the lighter note, I'm going to a ballet with my mother's cousin tomorrow! We're going to see The Nutcracker. O_o

Never been to a ballet before... We'll see how much damage I can cause. :D
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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

   Happy solstice, people!
Well, the so-called "Christmas" has gone by. Yay. I got a new cellphone, an USB-stick and a numerous other things (read: boxes of candy).

Books would've been nice too...

Anyways. We discussed about "the joyous Christmas-time" with Rinoa a while back. We came to a conclusion that it is an unnecessary thing, it's all about material and commercials these days, it's biblically innaccurate and Christmas is in December because they wanted to make it easier on converted pagans. Yay. Therefore, I've decided to just celebrate solstice. (Rinoa tought me that word. Huzzah. You learn new things every day. I'm still not sure if it's correctly punched in...)

Oh, I've managed to train Marty the banana-fly. He won't leave my computer screen. He sits on the back of my hands every now and then. Like right now. I can't shake the little bugger off. It won't leeeaaaaavvveeeee.....


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