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Monday, August 18, 2008
200808181915
Replies to Comments:
Elves: Yeah.. I agree.
fullycrazy: Thank you.
Sesshawn: She did.
milleniumring: It turned out she was lying to me.
xxdirengreyxx666: She was making it all up.
Post: Sorry.. I've got a lot on my mind..
Well, my dear Chloe' turned out to be making the whole thing up. She refuses to admit it though, so in turn I refused to forgive her. Now she doesn't speak to me. Oh well.. Don't know what else I should do. At first she did but then a closer friend of mine started work with us. I started paing more attention to him than her and she got upset. I told her "Tough shit. If you want me to be around you, don't lie to me" and that was it. I hate being lied to. You might as well shoot me in the chest.
I've joined the air force and leave October 28th of this year. I'm really nervous. From then I'll be gone six weeks and then come home mid December. Then I leave again and don't return until sometime in May. I'll have the summer left and I'll be sent to my base assignment. I find out where that is in January or February. They don't know for sure. The up side is I get to be a doctor.
I'm scared really. I feel like I'm not going to have anything to come back to. I'm seventeen years old and a coward. This time next year, I'll be all by myself in God knows where... I can't make friends and tend to keep to myself anyway. From past experience I know I'll write and talk to my friends and family in the beginning and then they'll all be busy with college and work and new families. I'll stop hearing from them and fall off the edge. I'm less inclined to keep promises when those I promise to aren't around to help me.
My birth mother won't talk to me unless she wants money (which is every few months but i turn her away and feel horrible), three of my younger brothers don't speak to me now that I'm not around as much, my step father rarely calls to check in on me... My real dad and step mom have stopped talking unless I magically get in trouble.. My friends I guess are busy but I do get to text most of them each day so that's good. I wish I got to be physically around them more.. Again I'm more inclined to keep my promises when they're here.
Heh for those who don't know, the promise is not to hurt or try to kill myself.. Again.. I think that may be the reason my dad and step mom don't want to talk to me.. Like they're afraid they'll set me off or something.. Oh well..
When I'm so far away and have lost contact, who's going to be there to stop me?
~Tesshi
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