Wednesday, October 8, 2008

   kdht
I've obviously been very busy. While I was busy, am busy (I'm supposed to hand in a paper in a couple hours that I haven't written yet), I did learn something.

I am a Scientist and should not be here.

This place gets me frustrated to the point I'm physically ill. I have often felt like crashing my car into a median or another car just so I could scream at someone and break stuff. I have often felt like breaking things, hitting someone, or shouting. I almost broke my internet stick, my printer, and both my hands all in the same sitting. Yes, this place gets me that frusterate. It's just unhealthy.

I enjoy being happy and the only time I'm laughing here is because of sheer stupidity, exhaustion, or some mixture of the two.

If I am thought of weak by these people for leaving to attend a school of science.... Do I really need to elaborate my point there?

So, yes, I am getting myself out. I don't want to be killed by frustration, anger, and boredom. I honestly feel stupid the longer I stay. Words I knew I no longer know. It's bad.

And I already am starting to feel better just with the thought that in a couple weeks I will leave this place.

Here is something I did to keep my sanity. If it wasn't for the weeks I spent turning The Echo Effect's drawing of my space-filler, Cald, into a digital work I probably would be in jail for homicide.


And since I've been off for so long I'd like to hear how all of you are doing.

Have at it.

"Unlucky" Regnavi
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Saturday, September 27, 2008

   dkyut
I had the worst night a couple nights back. This puts that awful party I went to to shame. It was loud, akward, and plain moronic.

I had done some shooting at someone's apartment with two other guys. I talk to one every-now-and-then. Met at orientation, but he parties and I don't. I actally raced him on the freeway because I wasn't kidding them when I said I race. Side note, I won.

At the end, the guy said he had to go meet some people. I knew there was a big toga party so I knew he was getting ready for the. The other two guys don't party so were out of the loop. Then I started feeling extremely dizzy. So I left to go back to my place. I heard people over but didn't say hello because of how awful I felt. So, I;m in my room, and I leave to door open to show that I'm home in case they need something, and some guy is following around one of my roommates and sees me. So he says hi and then, awkward part number one, the guy from the shoot comes around the corner and sees me. So he walks into my room and was like, no way I just saw you or something. My reaction was, "You're in my room". So he quickly got out and I apologized, because I didn't mean it that way. That was just all that processed because I felt so horrible.

So, I'm in my room working on a line art, and everyone else is out in the living room getting drunk before they hit the toga party. At this point I'm so dizzy that when I stood I stumbled all over the place.

They leave, inviting me out, and I go to sleep. They come back, wasted, and get loud. So I wake up but stay in my room. I somehow, probably because of the dizziness, get back to sleep. Then around 2:00 the bed in the room next door to mine starts going. It is squeaking really bad. ...In that way. That would be awkward number two.

Oh, and then last night my car got locked in the school. They changed the time the lot closes but didn't tell anyone or change the signs. Lucky for us, me and these two other guys, I was the one who talked to the janitor and security guard. If one of them did it I doubt they would've let our cars out. I seriously thought I'd be spending the night at this guy's house. That would've looked really bad. If his roommates, who were out drinking, happened to come home that would've been really awkward. So, I'm really really glad I got my car out of the lot.

Oh, but the news doesn't stop there. I found out this morning that I had gotten into one of the colleges I applied for that I actually wanted to go to. The acceptance letter was lost in the mail. I could seriously throttle someone. -sigh- Maybe I'll give "Trey" a call so I can have a good screaming fit. I probably won't though. I want it to die out and then be the letter.

And before I end this, that kid I raced thought I was married. If I was married why would I be living in student housing?

And that's the end. I can't comment today because I'm so tired, angry, and things relating to those that I'd just rip someone apart without meaning to. See you around some other time.
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Thursday, September 25, 2008

   dtjy
Good to hear from you, Linden! Yes, I heard of you issues right now. It may be the age. I had a huge falling out with my parents at that age. It gets better.

'Shrooms are mushrooms. Pretty strong halluigent stuff. She does acid and weed too. Yippy for me.

Pluracy is a dry spot on the lung. It's usually the symptom of something bigger but I just have the pluracy so I'm fine. I just need sleep.

And I decided not to do my project. I need good grades to transfer, I just really wasn't in the mood to run around begging people to be in a project. I didn't have an idea either. Unfortunately, my test was also on that roll, so I don't have that either now. I'll figure something out.

Okay, so, you guys who just check here most likely don't know this but me and The Unsaid Works are working on a long distant story telling method. This is a way for me to get back at my roommates and such for being stupid.

Because they took me on a drug run I thought I'd add on to the project. I called Jess, who is heading most of this, and cleared it with her.

Now, what this prank is. My original idea came when the roommates were complaining about how I only got mail. I called Jess and told her to write a letter to my roommates warning them about how dangerous I could be if crossed.

Well, then I started thinking that I could get in a lot of trouble for this. Jess is a good writer, so she could end up really scaring them. Getting kicked out of a school would damage any chance of getting into the college I want. So, I changed it to warning about an ex-boyfriend.

*this is the prank, not real, none of it*
There really isn't anything wrong with "Trey". He's funny, cute, and devoted. But toss up between me and work, so I left to go to school. Four years and then it's over. What work could he have that means he'll never leave New York? Work that means more than functional relationships? "Trey" is an up-and-coming mobster. "Trey Luciano" the rightful head of the Genovese crime family.
*end prank description*

Well, after clearing it with Jess, I set my phone up so that I got a few "phone calls" from Trey while my roommates were around. After being broken up for a month, he suddenly is calling.

This is all set up for when the letter saying who "Trey" is comes in the mail.

Yeah, take me on a drug run and you'll start getting an angry me yelling at a "mobster".

And that is my collaborative prank. My last collaborative prank was also a boyfriend prank. Those are just easiest to pull off.

Have a good week everyone, and don't judge too harsh. I'm not really such a monster.
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

   fgjxd
Went to the movies yesterday. Went to see a chick flick with two roommates. I don't like chick flicks but I thought I'd go hang out.

...Stopped to buy drugs. Yeah, I wish they told me that before I got in the car. Lucky for me, the dealer was late so we left without them. Actually, my roommate just left to go pick it up.

I really don't understand it. What is with this self-destructive behavior? Is it getting worse as society grows? Or am I just suddenly in the heart of it?

My youngest roommate, just turned eighteen a few weeks back, is a little nervous and was all night. She lost her virginity on 'shrooms. Chick flicks usually end with a baby being born. The whole ride home, she just kept saying she didn't want kids. And of course this is all going on either in front of me or behind me since they don't think I know.

I'm tired and I'm getting ill. I'm getting the pain in my chest and more pain in my head. This move was bad healthwise. And people aren't sure what to do with me. I'm getting pluracy so I said I need to go to sleep. They asked what it was, so I told them, and they freaked. Yes, there are some cases where people die of this, but that's extremely extremely rare. I don't think it has even happened for a hundred years or something. Most likely the people who did die of it developed TB or something. We have shots against that now.

And I really can't stand the stupidity. I feel like I'm getting increasingly dumber as time moves on. Since I don't really find myself pretty, my brain is all I have. I can't lose it to this place.

And that's my complaint. I still have a project I have to shoot. Due tomorrow and I have to drop the film off this afternoon. -sigh- Everyone's asleep so I might not be getting this one done.
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Sunday, September 21, 2008

   sjtrs
I'm so tired. I'm going to bed right after I type tis out.

I was so extremely bored today that I drove to the post office and back three times. I had nothing with me to mail, I was just that bored. I almost drove an hour north and back for the heck of it. The reason I didn't was because I went to a set today with a couple roommates.

Well, not really a set. We were setting up for the premeire of a documentary some guy did. Not wearing proper clothing, we left after we set up.

The process was exhausting. New respect for all the behind the scenes people.

One thing I did learn from going and setting up; I am a Biologist at the very least. People getting excited about lights and tripods...great for them but I see them as tools and nothing more.

I was excited over the ground squirrels while they were excited over these two tripods. I think I know why I was off beat from them.

After I went wear one roommate works. I almost got sick in their bathroom. I've felt a little off since moving out here. I remember to eat everyday now, so I'm fine with that, but now I'm getting another problem. One I know all too well; pluracy.

I'm starting to get horrible pains in my chest cavity. I'm just not sleeping enough. I stay up so late because they all do, but then I get up at 7:00 or earlier. So, I'm just not going to get up early. I'll see if I can make it to 8:00 or 9:00 tomorrow.

And I have mysterious bruises on my legs. I'm probably hitting myself against things at night. My bed is so much smaller than I'm used to.

So, yeah, it was just a long day full of bonding. How...yeah.
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Saturday, September 20, 2008

   xk
It's really hard to write with that song (the one on my site) playing. I have one window on this post and one on my site so I don't repeat myself.

I love this song.

Okay, now that it's over I can type. Sort of. My hand is extremely bad right now. I'm on my laptop most of the day every day. I'm not typing, but scrolling hurts as much as typing now.

Well, no horrible classes today. I was going to go up to the art meusem today, but I really didn't feel like it. I wanted to go at first, but then my mom was 'take someone with you, go ask around'. I just really didn't want to go up with anyone. I can really only take so much. So, I just didn't go at all. Maybe tomorrow, but I still don't want to go up with anyone. I want to see if I can drive up by myself. And I really don't want to try small talk if I'm driving.

I spent most of the day outlining Sam's version of Cald on the computer. It's taking forever. I thought that maybe I'd put more effort into coloring. Didn't really have much to do with the chibis, so I thought I'd start with Cald. I want to kill him. It took an insane amount of hours and I'm nowhere near the halfway point.

I am exhausted.
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Thursday, September 18, 2008

   tkyd
I want to rip everything to shreds. I'm so frusterated with this. Right now I'm tired and in a horrible mood.

You know, I'm getting really tired of being in a foul mood all the time. I'm getting annoyed with myself for being this way all the time. I really can't help it. I'm trying to be happy and friendly. It's just not working.

There are brief, extremely brief, times when I'm happy. It usually happens listening to rock music and driving really fast with no one around. It's starting to wane though. The euphoria isn't lasting as long as it did.

In those moments, I consider staying. I think of all the things I'll get to do here. But then reality sets.

I am scientific in my thinking. I function on common sense. Science, alchemy, was, is, my first love.

I love stories. I love making them up. But I believe that I never thought of them as a career for the reasons that I can't think like these people, and don't want to ever think like them.

I'm trying more and more to hang out and talk with people. All I'm learning is that I really don't want to hang out and talk with them.

They are tolerable in small incriments, about five to ten minutes, but that's it.

It really has nothing to do with the people. It has nothing to do with the traffic. It has nothing to do with pretty much everything. This is about...beat.

Yeah, I think that will work (I'm listening to Boston).

This entire place is bending it's knees to the left as I'm swinging my head to the right.

Places have a sound, and this is not my sound. This is just not a beat I can follow.

I was asked today if I was having any fun. I said 'yes' because that is the standard answer. But then I thought about it and I'm not.

Now, the real reason I posted. It is the second week of class. I've already recieved a warning. I got a warning for not returning equipment on time. ...They sent me the warning two hours after I returned the equipment.

You know what? _____ their warning system! _____ their equipment! ______ this whole place! I don't give a _____ about their ________ equipment or systems! Want to tell me it's late? Call me! They required my phone number. Just call me. Don't send a _______ e-mail two hours after I return it!

I'm going to have to get out of here. I just can't take this amount of stupidity.

That reminds me, I was called scary because I could do a Rubix Cube. I did one side in front of this guy who showed up at my apartment. Thought it was freaky. It's really not that hard to do one side.

I'm exhausted and I'm failing my ______ film class tomorrow.

Night.
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

   dlyt
I'm still really not liking this. I thought that maybe if I stayed busy I'd be okay. I was wrong.

I wrote the worst essay I've ever written. It followed nothing and had nothing to do with anything.

I didn't finish the entire project due today.

I still haven't shot my project due Thursday, and I need it finished tomorrow to get it in on time.

Everyone around me is a complete moron, but nice, so I have no idea what to do with that.

They all freak out about angles and exposure, when I feel there are more important things. Not that those aren't important, but please. There is much more to story telling and life, in that matter, then lenses and drinking.

I honestly have no idea how I ended up here. I seriously thought it wasn't happening but here I am, sitting on a small bed that hundreds have slept in before me, typing this.

I want to change things with the projects I have in mind. Going to a film school was the stupidest thing I could've done to do that.

I don't know. I know that one of the problems is that I am a scientist. I think and process things in that way most of the time. These people don't. It's a sick joke when they talk about mathematics.

And I think, honestly and this makes me sound terrible, I might be too aggressive for this school. This whole nice and friendly, oh let me help you with everything, call if you need me anytime, attitude is just annoying to me.

In a business, and this is a business, with such a high unemployment rate how can they do that? They talk about competition but never compete with each other.

I'm for friendly business, but this is not a very friendly business. It is all about who you know, but that's exactly what makes it unfriendly.

The first thing I said was 'I want this and I will rip apart everyone and anyone that stops me'. But then everyone is so lax. No one is competeing. Everyone is lazing about being stupid.

I'm not trying to be harsh with the stupid comment either. I'm being honest. I have to think twice about everything I say, not because it may be offensive, but because they don't understand. And i'm speaking standerd American English. They should count themselves lucky I'm not throwing in a few French or Latin words. I do say 'se la ve', just not in this state. I have thrown in random Latin words or phrases, just not in this state.

I use Latin more when I write than speak, but now I can't do this. I managed to get by with the Latin in Indiana, and they weren't very bright where I lived either. But here it will be impossible (said in French).

You know, I don't even think I'm better than people most of the time. I just am in some way. Now that I know sounded horrible (again in French).

Want to know the worst thing about this? No one believes me that I'm smart. People here don't believe about my life at all. They don't think I've played hockey. They don't think I was working on getting a BA in Biology before this. They don't believe I can understand spoken French, or that I was nearly fleuant years back. No, they think I'm lying...until I prove it. And after I prove it, then they don't want to be near me as much just because I'm smarter.

I mentioned how our brain wiring worked in film class today. I just touched on a slight little thing that everyone in the world knows. It's like seventh grade stuff. I mentioned it and no one wanted to talk to me after that. I make these people uneasy.

Making people uneasy because you played hockey, or because you like to watch football and boxing, that's understandable. That's even sort of fun because a little intimidation is a little fun. But to be uneasy because someone knows a few words, words not really all that complicated? Or because they function on common sense? That's moronic.

Here's hoping you have a better week than I will. Toast.
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Monday, September 15, 2008

   dkvgj
I've been doing badly. I don't like it here. Everything feels so wrong. I'm still on EST, making it almost 2:00 according to my body.

Now, I'm in a good mood. I've been down right miserble all day, for the passed couple days, but I'm in an awesome mood right now.

I'm in such a good mood that I was driving around fast to the Goo Goo Dolls. This song, my site song right now, is so awesome to speed to when you're feeling horrble.

That helped. I think what also helped was admitting to other people that, no, I don't like it here. Yes, without a doubt in my mind, I could easily suck it up and stay for three years. I don't have to prove that I could make it, I know and everyone who has spoken to me knows. I just stopped faking California was awesome and sped off screeching the tires like I would in any other state.

I felt so good that I just went out and was forceful about buying food to two of my roommates. So, I went out and bought food. I got lots of stuff for me, all chocolate. I even bought a Modern Bride magazine just because it was there. I'm not sure what to do with it now though. I guess try to get started on realism.

What are bridal magazines for anyway? Even if you are getting married, what the heck are they for?

Oh well, I have it so I might as well use it.

And tomorrow I'm getting up at 7:00. Let me be clearer, I'm going to actually leave the bed at 7:00. No lying around for an hour or so. I'm shooting a test an maybe even a project tomorrow. Well, definately the test. And I'm in someone else's project too.

Then, maybe, if I get time, I'll drive around fast to rock music again. But I don't think I'll have the time. Class.

Right now I just don't care, and that makes me feel better. the second I care I'll be in trouble again.

I'm going to sleep now. Yay, song! First time in a long time have I thought of writing or drawing. It won't last, but I think I know how to get that great euphoric feeling now.

Goo Goo Dolls - Big Machine lyrics



Ecstasy is all you need 

Living in the big machine now

Oh, you're so vain

Now your world is way too fast 

Nothing's real and nothing lasts

And I'm aware

I'm in love but you don't care

Turn your anger into lust

I'm still here but you don't trust at all 

And I'll be waiting

Love and sex and loneliness

Take what's yours and leave the rest

So I'll survive

God it's good to be alive



I'm torn in pieces

I'm blind and waiting for 

My heart is reeling

I'm blind and waiting for you



Still in love with all your sins

It's where you stop and I'll begin and I'll

I'll be waiting

Livin' like a house on fire

What you fear is your desire

It's hard to deal

I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl

Drowning in this petty world

And oh

Who you run to?

Swallow all your bitter pills 

That's what makes you beautiful

Your all or not

I don't need what you ain't got



I'm torn in pieces

I'm blind and waiting for 

My heart is reeling

I'm blind and waiting for you



I'm blind and waiting for you

I'm blind and waiting for you

No I can't believe it's coming true

God it's good to be alive and I'm still here waiting for you

No I can't believe it's coming true

I'm blind and waiting for you







Song lyrics | Big Machine lyrics

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Saturday, September 13, 2008

   jstr
I'm so dead tired right now it's not even funny. I'll get on in a few hours but I thought I'd type my day before I forgot.

Previously I told my roommate that I'd go to a party with her. Remember, I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or dance. So, I actually forgot about this because I was also meeting this boy from class to go up north a little ways. Most of my morning was him calling and me going 'oh no, I really hope I'm not leading him on'. Because, seriously, I just didn't want to drive up there. I do know the way, so I asked this guy to do it.

He has a girlfriend. I was so relieved. This probably sounds so arrogant to people who have not seen what happens when I try having guy friends. It just doesn't work. I don't understand why not since I never feel the same, but I don't know.

But I went up there and he's nice. So, that was more fun than I thought it would be. Very polite though. Polite fun.

Then I went to the bank to deposit a check. Couldn't find my cellphone. I freaked out. My first thought was 'I need to call my mom so she can call Verizon to cancle it'. Yeah...my cellphone is my only phone while I live in this state.

I want it in writing that my banker is awesome. I walked in and he was busy doing something, but remembered me. Told me to go sit at his desk even though it was just a deposit. Asked how I was doing, standard question, but since I had just lost my phone that's what I said. So he actually called directory and got the store number so I could call. That's awesome service. And the whole time he was doing this he was depositing my money.

I was so stupid on the phone. I was all 'hi, I was just there. I'm a student, do you remember me? I think you do. I left my phone on the counter'.

Turns out it was in my car. I put it on the passenger's side door because I wasn't driving. I called my mom. I called my friends. When i was talking to them I realised I said I would go to this party.

It was uncomfortable just because I was, am, so tired. I lost horribly at cutthroat and pool, which I'm actually not bad in. I was just tired and the table was curved. Not a real table. Wood, not stone. That wasn't bad. But then came the massive drinking. I told some guys from Oklahoma that I had a company called The Unsaid Works. I'm half hoping they forget about that.

I went on the liquor run since I was not going to stay in a house full of drunk strangers. I was going to go with the one person not drinking. The liquor run was actually really fun, most likely because I wasn't drinking and I'll remember it. We blasted Disney songs as all the bars were letting out. And we sang along. Heck, even I sang along because I'm quite so the one person who would remember couldn't hear me.

And I made a couple feel all warm and fuzzy, because I do that. People who know me call it being a jerk. People who don't think I'm being sweet.

Oh, oh, and I pet two dogs. Yep. Really well trained. I would've talked to the owner more, another one not drinking at the moment, but since I was sitting on his floor with my eyes half closed he probably assumed I was wasted.

There was a guy leaving complaining about no single girls at the party. He wanted to get "lucky" and he came out and said it. So, I kept my mouth shut, as did my roommate who wasn't drinking.

And then I drove one of the two cars back to the apartment. In the dark.

But, that was my day. I'm about to drop dead and they're still going at it out there. At least they're all nice.
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